Cast (Version 1 by SunsetShimmerFan, do not add, edit, or delete characters)[]
- Gonzo as Mami Tomoe
- Fozzie Bear as Sayaka Miki
- Kermit the Frog as Madoka Kaname
- Miss Piggy as Homura Akemi
- Scooter as Nagisa Momoe
- Hooded Killer/Skeeter as Caterpillar Charlotte/Doll Charlotte
- Steve Martin as Kyoko Sakura
- Camilla the Chicken as Kyubey
- Statler as Pytor
- Waldorf as Anthony
Transcript (Version 1 by SunsetShimmerFan, do not add, edit, or delete characters)[]
Mami Tomoe: For my next feat, I will walk across hot coals while explaining what the hell I am.
Charlotte (worm form): No! For your next feat, you die!
(Charlotte eats Mami's head, decapitating Mami, and Mami's corpse falls on the hot coals.)
(At Mami Tomoe's funeral and burial ceremony)
Madoka Kaname: Mami died as she lived, and our family will never be whole again. And now, ladies and gentlemen, Kyoko Sakura! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!
Kyoko Sakura (wearing prank arrow hat): The Lord is my Shepard, I shall not want. He makes me like..
Homura Akemi (interrupting): Oh, are we burying her in the city?
(Kyubey jumps on the casket.)
Sayaka Miki: You know, the last time a Puella Magi died was--
Kyoko (interrupting): Excuse me?
Sayaka: Don’t you mean, "Excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me"?
Kyoko: No, this is a funeral. I’m working. Do I come to where you work and knock the (BEEP!) outta your mouth?!
Madoka: Wow, Kyoko’s working blue, but she’s right. We vowed never to talk about... that night.
(The friends turn to look at Nagisa Momoe)
Sayaka: And then the dad says, "The Aristocrats!" Wocka-wocka!
Caterpillar Charlotte: Hey, Sayaka. Why was the lettuce embarrased?
Sayaka: I don’t know, stranger.
Caterpillar Charlotte: It saw the salad dressing!
Sayaka: (Sarcasticly claps) Wocka-wocka.
Caterpillar Charlotte: Then how about this?! You'll be embarrased because I'll (BEEP)ing slash your stomach!
(Caterpillar Charlotte slashes Sayaka's stomach with her teeth)
Sayaka: What a show stopper.
(Falls on stage)
Pytor (subtitled): See? I told you the blue haired girl was gonna die on stage tonight.
(Pytor and Anthony laugh)
Sayaka: Hey guys, can you stop laughing and call me an ambulance?
Anthony (subtitled): You're an ambulance!
(Pytor and Anthony laugh again)
(Sayaka is dragged offscreen and murdered.)
(Red wagon is rolled out on stage.)
Madoka: First Mami, now Sayaka. Could we be paying the price for what we did to...
Homura: Don’t say that name, Madoka.
Madoka: Oh, Homura's telling me what to do. Wow, hey, everybody! Come here! You gotta come see this. Homura’s telling me what to do! Wow, must be a day that ends in an A!
(Nagisa Momoe carries a box of props.)
Madoka: Oh hey, uh, Nagisa?
Nagisa Momoe: Oh! Hey there, boss.
Madoka: We need to talk about your sister’s death.
Nagisa: Why, sure. I love talking about my sister, if not for that tragic accident.
Madoka: You know, I’m gonna stop you right there. I got something I gotta tell you.
(Flashback to Madoka, Homura, Mami, Sayaka, and Doll Charlotte near a swimming pool.)
Madoka: Let’s play The Little Mermaid!
Sayaka: Let’s question Madoka’s sexuality. Wocka wocka!
Mami: Hold on! Let me grab my floaties.
Doll Charlotte: What a nerd.
Homura: Ahem. Moi will play "La Petite Mermaid".
Doll Charlotte: Mermaids don't wear glasses! (Smack!)
Madoka: Yikes! Charlotte, if you only take my advice once in your natural life, take it now. Walk away.
(Smacks Madoka)
Sayaka: Mommy! Charlotte’s hitting us again!
Madoka: Yeah, who's the lesbian now?
(Doll Charlotte beats up Sayaka; Doll Charlotte gets hit by Madoka using a wagon and gets knocked into the pool.)
Madoka: If we do this thing, it’s our secret forever.
(All the friends agree and drown Doll Charlotte in the pool.)
All of the friends: MOMMY!
Nagisa: You killed my sister?!
Madoka: It was 60% self-defense. But we're kind of burying the lead here. We think Charlotte’s come back from the grave for revenge!
Nagisa: Oh, sister will have her revenge…
(Nagisa transforms into Caterpillar Charlotte and Madoka and Homura scream in fear.)
Madoka and Homura: AAAAHH!!!
Caterpillar Charlotte: (is about to eat Madoka and Homura) 15 seconds till your death!
(Homura tries to shoot Caterpillar Charlotte, but misses)
Caterpillar Charlotte: Here it comes! Showtime!
(Kyubey appears, holding Madoka's bow and arrow.)
Kyubey: Get away from her, you (BEEP)!
Caterpillar Charlotte: You can’t shoot me! Incubators don’t even have fingers!
(Kyubey fires an arrow, stabbing Caterpillar Charlotte in the head.)
Caterpillar Charlotte: Yeow!
Kyoko (chuckling): That bit never gets old. [dances]
THE END