Random Characters/Fair is Fair (from Fair is Fair)

Cast

 * Digit (from The Muppets) as Ernie
 * King Derwin (from The Wubbulous World of Dr. Seuss) as Bert

Lyrics
King Derwin: Okay, Digit, it's time to do the dishes.

Digit: Uh, King Derwin, I can't do the dishes now, because I have a ball game.

King Derwin: Digit, hold it. Wait. We always do the dishes together. I wash and you dry, you know that.

Digit: Yes, but, King Derwin, you see, the ball game is just about to start and I gotta get my pitching all warmed up...

King Derwin: Hold it. No, Digit. If I do the dishes and you play ball, that's not fair. That is unfair. Come on.

Digit: Gee, well, maybe you're right, King Derwin.

King Derwin: Yeah.

Digit: Let's talk a minute about what's fair and what's unfair.

King Derwin: Okay.

Digit: Now, King Derwin, if you listen to me when I talk to you, that’s fair King Derwin: Yeah, but, Digit, if you don’t listen to me when I talk to you, that’s not fair. ( Digit: That's true, King Derwin. ) Digit and King Derwin : If we listen to each other, just because we care That’s fair, that’s fair, that’s fair

Digit: Now, listen, King Derwin.

King Derwin: What is it, Digit?

Digit: Well, you see, if you hide my Rubber Duckie, that’s not fair King Derwin: (laughing) Well, but if you take my paperclips without asking, that’s not fair ( Digit: Mmm hmmm. ) Digit and King Derwin : If we lend things to each other because we want to share That’s fair, that’s fair, that’s fair

Digit and King Derwin : Fair is fair, it makes me glad Unfair is unfair, it makes me mad

King Derwin: Hey, Digit, this is exciting. Us thinking about fair and unfair things.

Digit: (spoken) Okay, well, here's another one, King Derwin. (singing) If it’s your turn to wash the clothes, and you do, that’s fair King Derwin: Yeah, that's true. But Digit, if it’s your turn to wash the clothes, and you go play ball, that’s not fair ( Digit: Mmm hmmm. ) Digit and King Derwin : If we do the wash and hang it up to dry out in the air That’s fair, that’s fair, that’s fair

King Derwin: If you play the radio so loud that I can’t sleep Digit and King Derwin : And someone makes a promise that they don’t keep Not fair, not fair, not fair

King Derwin: Not fair, Digit. Not fair. Not fair. Digit: Not fair at all, King Derwin. Not fair. King Derwin: You know why, huh?

Digit and King Derwin : Fair is fair, it makes me glad Unfair is unfair, it makes me mad

Fair is… Fair is…. Fa ir

King Derwin: Okay, Digit, I'll wash the dishes and you'll dry them.

Digit: Okay, King Derwin. Bye, bye.

King Derwin: Wait, hold it! Where are you going?

Digit: Well, I've gonna play my ball game.

King Derwin: Digit, we've just had a long talk about what is fair. Now fair is that I'll wash the dishes and you'll dry the dishes.

Digit: King Derwin, I'll dry the dishes as soon as I come back from my ball game.

King Derwin: Oh, Digit. By that time, they'll be already dried.

Digit: Oh, really? (laughing) See you later, King Derwin.

King Derwin: (groans)