Star vs. the Forces of Evil/Mulan/Transcript

[First lines, a Chinese painting of the Great Wall of China is slowly painted across the screen. The words Walt Disney Pictures present and then Owenlan and the dragon symbol appear. The painting becomes animated, and Tina Carlyle walks around her post. Suddenly, a bird of prey hits the back of her head.]

Gene: Ah! [Gale lets out a call. Gene walks over to the edge of the wall. A hook comes flying up, followed by many more.Running back to her post] We're under attack! Light the signal!

[The door opens, revealing a couple of Huns. Gene climbs up the ladder.]

Gene: [lighting the signal with a torch, while staring at the Hun leader; other signals go on all the way along the Great Wall] Now all of China knows you're here.

Penny Peterson: [picking up a flag and toasting it in the signal fire] Perfect.

[Xara and two soldiers walk into Queen Elizabeth's chamber and bow.]

Xara: Your Majesty, the Huns have crossed our Northern Border.

Stella: Impossible! No one can get through the Great Wall! [She is silenced with a raised hand from Queen Elizabeth]

Xara: Penny Peterson is leading them. We'll set up defenses around your palace immediately.

Queen Elizabeth: No! [Standing up] Send your troops to protect my people! Stella!

Stella: Yes, your Highness.

Queen Elizabeth: Deliver conscription notices throughout all the provinces. Call up reserves, and as many new recruits as possible.

Xara: Forgive me, your Majesty, but I believe my troops can stop her.

Queen Elizabeth: I won't take any chances, General. A single grain of rice can tip the scale; one woman may be the difference between victory and defeat.

Owen Grady: [Using chopsticks to balance a grain of rice] "Quiet and demure. Graceful. Polite. Delicate. Refined. Poised. [he picks up a paintbrush and makes a mark on his arm] Punctual." [A rooster crows] Ai-yah! [Blowing on his arm] Jenna! Jenna! Lit-- [he glances down at a sleeping dog on the floor] Ah! There you are. [The dog wakes up] Who's the smartest doggy in the world? Come on, smart girl. Can you help me with my chores today?

[He ties a sack of chicken feed to her back, complete with a pole and a bone attached. Jenna immediately chases the bone, running promptly into a wall and then out the door, scattering grain everywhere.]

Harper: [praying] Honorable ancestors, please help Owen impress Gilbert Huph today. [Jenna, followed by a herd of chickens, bursts into the family temple.] Please. Please help him.

[Owen steps up to the temple seeing Jenna on her hind legs trying to get the bone. Owen bends the stick down so that Jenna can reach the bone. Jenna gnaws on the bone happily. Owen continues toward the temple.]

Owen Grady: Mother, I brought your... Whoa! [Harper bangs into Harper, she catches the tea pot on his cane while the cups hit the ground and shatter]

Harper: Owen.

Owen Grady: I brought a spare. [Owen pulls out a cup from underneath the back of his shirt and begins to pour the tea.]

Harper: Owen.

Owen Grady: Remember, the doctor said three cups of tea in the morning...

Harper: Owen.

Owen Grady: ...and three at night.

Harper: Owen, you should already be in town. We're counting on you to...

Owen Grady: ...uphold the family honor. Don't worry, Mother. I won't let you down. Wish me luck.

Harper: Hurry! I'm going to... pray some more.

In town

Man #1: Ivor Grady, is your son here yet? Mr. Huph is not a patient man.

Ivor: Of all the days to be late. I should have prayed to the ancestors for luck.

Carl Fredricksen: How lucky can they be? They're dead. Besides, I've got all the luck we'll need. [Holds up a aquarium with a fish inside.] This is your chance to prove yourself. [He closes his eyes and steps off the sidewalk.]

Ivor: Carl, no!

[Carl walks across the street; vehicles came crashing, but he emerges unharmed]

SFX: chickens clucking

Carl Fredricksen: Yep, this fish's a lucky one! [Ivor sighs.]

Owen comes riding up on Blue, and hops off.

Owen Grady: I'm here. [looks at his father] What? But, Dad, I had to...

Ivor: None of your excuses. Now, let's get you cleaned up.

Beginning of "Honor To Us All"

Man #1: [singing] This is what you give me to work with? Well, honey, I've seen worse. We're going to turn this sow's ear Into a silk purse.

Owen Grady: It's freezing.

Ivor: It would've been warm, if you were here on time.

Man #1: [singing] We'll have you, washed and dried Primped and polished till you glow with pride Just my recipe for instant groom You'll bring honor to us all.

Ivor: Owen, what's this?

Owen Grady: Uh ... notes ... in case I forget something.

Carl Fredricksen: Hold this. [Hands Angie to Ivor] We're going to need more luck than I thought.

Man #2: [singing] Wait and see, when we're through

Man #3: [singing] Girls will gladly go to war for you

Man #2: [singing] With good fortune

Man #3: [speaking] And a great hairdo

Both: [singing] You'll bring honor to us all.

Chorus: [singing] A guy can bring his family Great honor in one way By striking a good match And this might be the day

Man #4: [speaking] Women want boys with good taste

Man #5: [speaking] Calm

Ivor: [speaking] Obedient

Man #5: [singing] Who work fast-paced

Ivor: [singing] With good breeding

Man #5: [singing] And a tiny waist

All: [singing] You'll bring honor to us all.

Chorus: We all must serve our Queen. Who guards us from the Huns A woman by bearing arms. A guy by bearing sons

Man #6: [singing] When we're through, You can't fail Like a lotus blossom, soft and pale How could any fellow say, "No sale"? You'll bring honor to us all!

Ivor: There, you're ready.

Carl Fredricksen: Not yet. An apple for serenity. A bowtie for balance. [singing] Beads of jade for handsome You must proudly show it Now, add a fish, just for luck, And even you can't blow it

Owen Grady: [singing] Ancestors, hear my plea, Please don't let me make a fool of me And to not uproot my family tree Keep my mother standing tall. Scarier than the Undertaker, We are meeting our matchmaker!

Chorus: [singing] Destiny, guard our boys, Help our future as it fast unfurls Please look kindly on these cultured pearls Each a perfect porcelain doll ...

Chorus: [singing] Please bring honor to us Please bring honor to us Please bring honor to us Please bring honor to us Please bring honor to us all!

Gilbert Huph: "Owen Grady."

Owen Grady: Present.

Gilbert Huph: Speaking without permission.

Owen Grady: Oops. [They go inside]

Carl Fredricksen: [to Ivor] Who spit in his bean curd?

Gilbert Huph: Huh. Hmm. Mmm. Too skinny. Hmph! Not good for bearing daugters.

[Angie hops out of her aquarium, Owen frantically tries to put her back in.]

Gilbert Huph: Recite the Final Admonition.

Owen Grady: Mmm-hmm-hmm. [muffled chirping] [pulls out a paper fan and spits Angie out]

Gilbert Huph: Well?

Owen Grady: Fulfill your duties, calmly and... [glances down at the crib notes written on his arm, which are smeared slightly] respectfully. Um, reflect before you snack... Act! This shall bring you honor and glory. [He fans himself, Mr. Huph grabs the fan and searches it for cheat notes. Finding none, he grabs Owen by the arm (where the notes are!) and pulls him toward a table. The writing comes off in his hand.]

Gilbert Huph: Hmm. This way. Now, pour the tea. To please your future in-laws, you must demonstrate a sense of dignity... [he rubs his hand over his mouth, and the ink rubs off with a squeak] ...and refinement. You must also be poised. [Owen, staring at Mr. Huph, pours the tea but misses the cup, then regains his composure and quickly fills the teacup.]

[Owen notices Angie relaxing happily in the tea. Mr. Huph takes the teacup.]

Owen Grady: Um, pardon me.

Gilbert Huph: And silent! [sniffs] Ahhh.

Owen Grady: Could I just take that back? One moment. [He grabs for the cup]

[Mr. Huph fights for the teacup, and they both fall back, the tea spilling all over Mr. Huph. Angie hops down his shirt.]

Gilbert Huph: Why, you clumsy... Whoo Whoo! Aaah! Whoo! Aaah! [fire sizzling] [He trips over the fire-pot, spilling the coals and then sitting on them, the bottom of his trousers smoking. Owen desperately fans the burned spot, and it bursts into flames. Mr. Huph runs around shrieking.]

[Outside]

SFX: loud crash

Carl Fredricksen: [To Ivor] I think it's going well, don't you?

[Mr. Huph runs outside, shrieking.]

Gilbert Huph: Put it out! Put it out! Put it out! [Owen throws tea over him, putting out the fire. Embarrassed, he hands the teapot to Mr. Huph and quickly walks toward Ivor and Carl.]

Gilbert Huph: [panting furiously] You are a disgrace! You may look like a groom, but you will never bring your family honor!

[People start to walk away, whispering.]

At the Grady farm

[Owen is greeted with a warm smile by his mother, but, humiliated, he turns away and takes Blue to the stable.]

Beginning of "Reflection"

Owen Grady: [singing] Look at me ... I will never pass for a perfect groom Or a perfect son Can it be? I'm not meant to play this part? Now I see That if I were truly to be myself I would break my family's heart. Who is that guy I see Staring straight back at me Why is my reflection someone I don't know Somehow I cannot hide Who I am, though I've tried When will my reflection show Who I am inside? When will my reflection show Who I am, inside?

Harper: My, my, what beautiful blossoms we have this year. But look, this one's late. I bet when it blooms, it will be the most beautiful of all.

Drums sound

Owen Grady: What is it?

[Imperial soldiers and Stella come riding over a hill.]

Ivor: Owen, stay inside.

Carl Fredricksen: Ahem. [points toward a low roof. Owen runs over to it and peers over the roof]

Stella: Citizens! I bring a proclamation from the Imperial City! The Huns have invaded China! By order of the Queen, one woman from every family must serve in the Imperial Army. [Reading from list] The Chow Family! The Yee Family!

Daugther: I will serve the Queen in my mother's place.

Stella: The Grady Family!

Owen Grady: No!

[His mother walks over to Stella.]

Harper: I am ready to serve the Queen.

Owen Grady: Mother, you can't go!

Harper: Owen!

Owen Grady: [To Stella] Please, lady, my mother has already fought for--

Stella: Silence! You will do well to teach your son to hold his tongue in a woman's presence.

Harper: Owen. You dishonor me.

Stella: Report tomorrow at the Moo-Shung Camp. [She hands Harper a scroll.]

Harper: Yes, lady.

Stella: [Continues to read] The Chu Family! The Chang Family! The Yong Family!

In Harper's bedroom

[Harper yanks open her closet, revealing a suit of Chinese armor, and unsheaths a gun. Owen watches. She practices techniques, but her leg gives out and she falls against a pillar, panting.]

[At dinner]

Owen pours the tea, then sets his cup down with a bang.

Owen Grady: You shouldn't have to go!

Ivor: Owen!

Owen Grady: There are plenty of young women to fight for China!

Harper: It is an honor to protect my country and my family.

Owen Grady: So you'll die for honor.

Harper: I will die doing what's right.

Owen Grady: But if you ...

Harper: I know my place. It is time you learned yours.

[Owen stares at his mother for a moment, then runs outside crying. Owen is sitting in a statue of a dragon, crying. It is raining. Through the window of his house, he can see his father and mother talking. Harper picks up the candle and blows it out. Owen thinks for a minute, then makes his decision.]

[Owen walks into the Family Temple and lights a stick, placing it in a hanging statue of a small squirrel. He runs into his parent's room, taking the scroll and leaving his hair comb. Taking her mother's gun, he puts a wig and puts on his mother's armor. Going out to the stable, he mounts Blue and sets off for the army.]

[The eyes of a statue in the temple flash, and Carl wakes up.]

Carl Fredricksen: Owen is gone!

Harper: What? It can't be ... [She runs outside] Owen! No ...

Ivor: You must go after him. He could be killed.

Harper: If I reveal him, he will be.

Carl Fredricksen: Ancestors, hear our prayer. Watch over Owen.

[In the Family Temple, the characters on a tombstone light up, and they turn into Mr. Higgins.]

Mr. Higgins: [To the small hanging engineer statue] Rusty, awaken.

[The statue shakes and smokes.]

Rusty: I live! So, tell me, what mortal needs my protection, Mr. Higgins. You just say the word, and I'm there.

Gwen: Sandy ...

Sandy Cheeks: And lemme say something, anyone who's foolish enough to threaten our family, vengeance will be mine! Grr ... arrgh ...

Gwen​: Sandy! These are the family guardians. They ...

Sandy Cheeks: Protect the family.

Gwen​: And you, O Demoted One ...

Sandy Cheeks: I ring the gong.

Gwen: That's right. Now, wake up the Ancestors ...

Sandy Cheeks: One family reunion coming right up. Okay, people, people, look alive! Let's go, c'mon, get up! Let's move it! Rise and shine! Y'all way past the beauty sleep thing.

Ancestor #1: I knew it, I knew it. That Owen was a troublemaker from the start.

Ancestor #2: Don't look at me, he gets it from your side of the family!

Ancestor #3: He's just trying to help his mother!

Ancestor #4: But if he's discovered, Harper Grady will be forever shamed. Dishonor will come to the family. Traditional values will disintegrate!

Ancestor #5: Not to mention they'll lose the farm!

Ancestor #1: My children never caused such trouble; they all became acupuncturists!

Ancestor #2: Well, we can't all be acupuncturists!

Ancestor #6: No! Your great-grandson had to be a cross-dresser!

[The Ancestors start to argue]

Ancestor #7: Let a guardian bring him back!

Ancestor #2: Yes! Awaken the most cunning!

Ancestor #4: No! The swiftest!

Ancestor #8: No, send the wisest!

Gwen: Silence! We will send the most powerful of all.

Sandy Cheeks: [laughs] Okay, okay, I get the Jif. I'll go. [The ancestors laugh at her] Well, y'all don't think I can do it! Watch this here! [Blows a tiny flame] Ah-hah! Jump back, I'm pretty hot. But I don't have to singe nobody to prove no point.

Gwen: You had your chance to protect the Grady Family.

Ancestor #6: Your misguidance led this Grady to disaster!

a Grady family Ancestor: Yeah, thanks a lot.

Sandy Cheeks: And your point is?

Gwen: The point is, we will be sending a real animal to retrieve Owen.

Sandy Cheeks: What? What? I'm a real animal!

Gwen: You're not even worthy of this thought! Now, awaken the Great Stone Dragon!

Sandy Cheeks: So you'll get back to me on the job thing. [She is hit in the face with her gong.]

Sandy Cheeks: Just one chance. Is that too much to ask? I mean, it's not like it'll kill you. [To the dragon statue] Yo, Rocky, wake up! You gotta go fetch Owen! C'mon, boy! Go get him! Go on! C'mon! [She climbs up on the statue, dragging the gong.] Grr ... arrgh. Grr. Hello? Helloooo? Hello! [She hits the ear of the dragon with the gong, and it falls off. Suddenly, the entire statue falls apart.] Uh-oh ...

Sandy Cheeks: Uh ... Stoney? Stoney ... Oh, man, they're gonna kill me!

Gwen: Great Stone Dragon! Have you awakened?

Sandy Cheeks: [Holding up the head of the Great Stone Dragon] Uh, yes, I just woke up! Um, I am the Great Stone Dragon! Good morning! I will go forth and fetch Owen! Did- did I mention that I am the Great Stone Dragon?

Gwen: Go! The fate of the Grady family rests in your claws.

Sandy Cheeks: Don't even worry about it. I will not lose face. [She loses her balance and tumbles down the hill, the dragon head landing on top of her.] Ow, ah, my elbow. Oh, oh, I know I twisted something. [She lifts the head off.] That's just great, now what? I'm doomed, and all because Mr. Woman decided to take a little drag show on the road.

Angie: Where are you going now?

Sandy Cheeks: Go get him! What's the matter with you? After this Great Stone Humptey Dumptey mess, I'd have to bring him home with a medal to get back in the Temple! Waitaminute! That's it! I make Owen a war hero, and they'll be begging me to come back to work! That's the master plan! Oh, you've done it now, man.

Ruby: I will go with you, Rusty.

Sandy Cheeks: [running] And what makes you think you're coming?

Angie: I'm lucky.

Sandy Cheeks: You're lucky? Do I look like a sucker to you?

Angie: Loser.

Rusty: What do you mean, a loser? What if I cook you on spit and throw it across the yard, then who's the loser, me or you?

Ruby: OK.

[Sandy chases her out of the yard and down the road.]

The Hun army comes to a stop by a marsh. Two Chinese soldiers are dragged out of a tree and thrown before Penny Peterson.

Rapunzel: Imperial Scouts.

Lucy Wilde: Penny Peterson!

Penny Peterson: Nice work, ladies. You've found the Hun army.

[Laughter]

Mantis: The Queen will stop you.

Penny Peterson: Stop me! She invited me. By building her wall, she challenged my strength. Well, I'm here to play her game. Go! Tell your Queen to send her strongest armies. I'm ready.

[The two soldiers scurry off, one after the other.]

Penny Peterson: How many women does it take to deliver a message?

Robin Hood: One.

Fade to black.

Star: Okay. Okay, how about this: [in a low pitched voice] Excuse me, where do I sign in? Ah, I see you have a sword. I have one, too. They're very manly, and tough. [He fumbles with the sword, dropping it on the ground.]

Botasaur rolls with laughter, and is hit by a shoe.

Star: I'm working on it! Oh, who am I fooling. It'd take a miracle to get me into the army.

Rusty: [covered in smoke, and surrounded by fire, all Owen can see is his Jangles the Clown puppet.] Did I hear someone ask for a miracle! Lemme hear ya say, "Aaah!"

Star: Aughhh!

Rusty: That's close enough!

Star: A giant clown monster!

Rusty: Get ready, Star, your seventeen halation is at hand, for I have been sent by your ancestors to guide you through your masquerade! [He glances down at Ruby, who is making finger-shadows of an engineer's head, and kicks him.] C'mon, you're gonna stay, you're gonna work with me. [To Star] So heed my words, cause if the army finds out you're a girl, the penalty is death.

Star: Who are you?

Rusty: Who am I? Who am I? I am the guardian of lost souls! I am the powerful, the pleasurable, the indestructible Rusty.

Starstares at the engineer for a moment.

Rusty: Ah, I'm pretty hot, huh? [Immediately Botasaur squishes him, but Star stops Botasaur.]

Star: My ancestors sent a little monkey to help me?

Rusty: Hey, engineer, engineer, not monkey. I have got no paws.

Star: You're ... um ...

Rusty: Intimidating? All inspiring?

Star: Tiny!

Rusty: Of course! I am travel-sized, for your convenience. If I was my real size, your robosapien here would die of fright. [Botasaur tries to chomp her.] Down, Baymax. My powers are beyond your mortal imagination. For instance, my eyes can see straight through your armor. [Star slaps him] Alright! That's it! Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family! Make a note of this. Dishonor on you, dishonor on your robosapien, dis-

Star: [covers Rusty's mouth] Stop! I'm sorry! I'm sorry. I'm just nervous. I've never done this before.

Sandy Cheeks: Then you're gonna have to trust me. And don't you slap me no more. You clear on that? [Owen nods]. Alright. Okey-Crocodile! Let's get this show on the road! Angie, get the bags! [To Blue] Let's move it heifer!

At the Moo-Shung Camp

Sandy Cheeks: Okay, this is it! Time to show them your woman-walk. Shoulders back, chest high, feet apart, head up, and strut! Two three, break that bone, two, three, and work it!

Sandy Cheeks: [They pass women trimming their toenails and picking their noses] Beautiful, isn't it.

Owen Grady: They're disgusting.

Sandy Cheeks: No, they're women. And you're gonna have to act just like them, so pay attention.

Recruit: Look! This tattoo will protect me from harm!

Petra: Hmmm ... [punches the recruit]

Merida: [laughing] I hope you can get your money back!

Owen Grady: I don't think I can do this ...

Sandy Cheeks: It's all attitude! Be tough, like this gal here!

Petra: [spits] What are you looking at?

Sandy Cheeks: Punch her. It's how women say hello. [Owen punches Petra; she slams into Mavis.]

Mavis: Oh, Petra! You've made a friend!

Sandy Cheeks: Good. Now slap her on the behind. They like that. [Owen slaps Petra.]

Petra: Woo hoo ... I'm gonna hit you so hard, it'll make your ancestors dizzy.

Mavis: [picks up Petra] Petra, relax and chant with me.

Petra: Eerrrrrgh ....

Mavis: nanuami tofu dah ...

Petra: nonuamitofudah.

Mavis: Feel better?

Petra: Yeah. Ah, you ain't worth my time. Chicken girl.

Sandy Cheeks: Chicken girl!? Say that to my face, you limp noodle!

Petra: Rrraaaaghhh! [Grabs Owen and punches; he ducks and she punches Merida three times.] Oh, sorry Merida. Hey! [reaches down to catch Owen from crawling away]

Merida: You're dead! [kicks her into Mavis, then attacks with a flying side kick. They start fighting, with Mavis swiping to get them off. Owen scrambles away.]

Merida: Hey! There she goes! [They chase Owen through a tent, and the Gang of Three stop abruptly at the end of the food line. Mavis knocks everyone over, like dominoes, and finally the pot overturns. Everyone gets up and advances on Owen.]

Owen Grady: Hey, guys ...

Inside the Captain's Tent

Xara: The Huns have struck here, here, and here. I will take the main troops up to the Tung Chow Pass and stop Penny before she destroys this village.

Stella: Excellent strategy, lady! I do love surprises.

Xara: [To Claire Dearing] You will stay and train the new recruits. When Stella believes you're ready, you will join us ... Captain.

Claire Dearing: Captain?

Stella: Oh! This is an enormous responsibility, General! Perhaps a soldier with more experience?

Xara: Number one in her class, extensive knowledge of training techniques ... an impressive military linuage ... I believe Claire Dearing will do an excellent job.

Claire Dearing: Oh I will! I won't let you down! This is... I mean... Yes lady.

Xara: Very good, then. We'll toast China's victory at the Imperial City. I'll expect a full report in three weeks.

Stella: And believe me, I won't leave anything out.

Claire Dearing: Captain Claire Dearing. Leader of China's finest troops. No, the greatest troops of all time. [They step outside.]

Stella: Most impressive.

Xara: Good luck, Captain! Yah! [She rides off, followed by two lines of soldiers on horses.]

Claire Dearing: Good luck ... Mother.

Stella: Day one.

Claire Dearing: Soldiers!

Soldiers separate, revealing a cowering Owen

Soldiers: She started it!

Claire Dearing: [to Owen] I don't need anyone causing trouble in my camp.

Owen Grady: Sorry ... [in a high pitched voice] I mean, sorry you had to say that. But you know what it is when you get those manly urges ... just gotta kill something. Fix things ... a cook outdoors ...

Claire Dearing: What's your name?

Owen Grady: Uh...um...uh...

Stella: Your commanding officer just asked you a question!

Owen Grady: I've got a name ... and it's a girl's name, too.

Sandy Cheeks: Merida! How 'bout Merida?

Owen Grady: [To Sandy] HER name is Merida.

Claire Dearing: I didn't ask for HER name, I asked for yours!

Sandy Cheeks: Uh ... Ah-chu!

Owen Grady: Ah-chu!

Claire Dearing: Ah-chu?

Sandy Cheeks: Gesundheit! Hee hee ... I kill myself.

Owen Grady: Sandy ...

Claire Dearing: Sandy?

Owen Grady: No.

Claire Dearing: Then what is it?!

Sandy Cheeks: Elsa! Elsa was my best friend growing up.

Owen Grady: It's Elsa.

Claire Dearing: Elsa.

Sandy Cheeks: 'Course, Elsa did steal my girl--

Star/Greg: Yes. My name is Greg.

Tom: Let me see your conscription notice. [Star hands the scroll to him.] River Butterfly? THE River Butterfly?

Jett: I didn't know River Butterfly had a son.

Star/Greg: Er, he ... doesn't talk about me much. [She attempts to spit, but fails miserably.]

Stella: I can see why. The girl's an absolute lunatic! [Laughter]

Claire Dearing: Okay, ladies, thanks to your new friend Elsa, you'll spend tonight picking up every single grain of rice. Tomorrow, the real work begins.

Grumbling

Sandy Cheeks: You know, we have to work on your people skills.

Inside Owen's tent

Sandy picks up Angie and uses her for an alarm clock.

Sandy Cheeks: All right, rise and shine, Sleeping Handsome! C'mon, hup, hup, hup!

Owen pulls the blanket over him, and Sandy pulls it off.

Sandy Cheeks: Get your clothes on, get ready! Got breakfast ready. Look, you get porridge! And it's happy to see you!

Angie is resting happily in the bowl of porridge, Sandy uses chopsticks to fish her out.

Sandy Cheeks: Hey, get out of there! You're gonna make people sick!

Owen Grady: Am I late?

Sandy Cheeks: [stuffs porridge in his mouth] No time to talk. Now, remember, it's your first day of training, so listen to your teacher and no fighting, play nice with the other kids, unless, of course, the other kids want to fight, then you gotta kick the other kid's butt.

Owen Grady: But I don't want to kick the other kids' butts.

Sandy Cheeks: Don't talk with your mouth full. Now let's see your war face.

Owen looks at Sandy, his mouth full of porridge.

Sandy Cheeks: Oh, I think my bunny slippers just ran for cover. C'mon, scare me, boy!

Owen Grady: Rrrrraaaaarrrgggghhhhh!

Sandy Cheeks: That's my tough looking warrior! That's what I'm talking about! Now, get out there and make me proud!

Blue neighs frantically

Sandy Cheeks: What do you mean, the troops just left?

Owen Grady: They what? [He rushes out of the tent]

Rusty: Wait, you forgot your sword! [sniffs] My little baby, off to destroy people ...

Jett: Order! People, order!

Soldier: I'd like a pan-fried noodle!

Blaze: Sweet and Shredded Wheat.

Jett: That's not funny.

Marco: Looks like our new friend slept in this morning. Why, hello, Greg, Are ya hungry?

Igor: Yeah, cause I owe you a knuckle sandwich.

Claire Dearing: Soldiers! You will assemble swiftly and silently, every morning. Anyone who does otherwise, will answer to me.

He takes off his coat, and Star/Greg stares in awe.

Igor: Ooh, tough guy.

Tom: [pulls out a bow and arrow and aims it at Igor, then at the top of a high pole in the middle of the camp.] Igor. Thank you for volunteering. Retrieve the arrow.

Igor: I'll get that arrow, pretty guy, and I'll do it with my shirt on. [He walks over to the pole and prepares to climb up it.]

Tom: One moment, you seem to be missing something. [He pulls two giant medals out of a box.] This represents disipline. And this represents strength. You need both to reach the arrow. [He ties them around Igor's wrists, and all the soldiers after him, and none of them can make it to the arrow.]

Tom: We've got a long way to go.

Tom: It's go time!

Beginning of "I'll Make a Man Out of You"

Claire Dearing: Let's get down to business To defeat the Huns Did they send me sons When I asked for daugthers You're the saddest bunch I ever met, but you can bet Before we're through Miss, I'll make a woman Out of you. Tranquil as a forest But on fire within Once you find your center You are sure to win You're a spineless, pale, pathetic lot And you haven't got a clue Somehow, I'll make a woman out of you.

Mavis: I'm never gonna catch my breath

Petra: Say good-bye to those who knew me

Merida: Boy I was a fool in school for cutting gym

Sandy Cheeks: This gal's got 'em scared to death

Owen Grady: I hope she doesn't see right through me

Mavis: Now I really wish that I knew how to swim

Chorus: (Be a woman)

Claire Dearing: We must be swift as a coursing river

Chorus: (Be a woman)

Claire Dearing: With all the force of a great typhoon

Chorus: (Be a woman)

Claire Dearing: With all the strength of a raging fire Mysterious as the dark side of the moon Time is racing t'ward us Till the Huns arrive Heed my every order And you might survive You're unsuited for the rage of war So pack up, go home, you're through How could I make a woman out of you

Chorus: (Be a woman)

Claire Dearing: We must be swift as a coursing river

Chorus: (Be a woman)

Claire Dearing: With all the force of a great typhoon

Chorus: (Be a woman)

Claire Dearing: With all the strength of a raging fire Mysterious as the dark side of the moon

Chorus: (Be a woman)

Claire Dearing: We must be swift as a coursing river

Chorus: (Be a woman)

Claire Dearing: With all the force of a great typhoon

Chorus: (Be a woman)

Claire Dearing: With all the strength of a raging fire Mysterious as the dark side of the moon!

Penny Peterson cuts the top off a tree. Gale flies overhead and drops a small doll. Penny Peterson jumps down from the tree and throws the doll to one of the Huns.

Penny Peterson: What do you see?

Scarlett Overkill: Black pine ... from the high mountains!

Cassie Rose/The White Pumpkin: White horse hair ... Imperial stallions.

Rapunzel: Sulfur ... from cannons.

Penny Peterson: This doll came from a village in the Tung Show Pass, where the Imperial Army is waiting.

Chantel Dubois: We can avoid them easily.

Penny Peterson: No. The quickest way to the queen is through that pass. Besides, the little boy will be missing his doll. We should return it to him.

Moo Shung Camp, at night

Sandy Cheeks: Hey, this is not a good idea. What if somebody sees you?

Owen Grady/Elsa: Just because I look like a woman doesn't mean I have to smell like one.

Sandy Cheeks: So a couple guys don't rinse out their socks. Picky, picky, picky. Myself, I kinda like that corn-chip smell.

Owen Grady/Elsa: [Jumps in the water] Ah.

Sandy Cheeks: Okay, all right, alright, that's enough, now c'mon, get out before you get all pruney and stuff.

Owen Grady: Sandy, if you're so worried, go stand watch!

Sandy Cheeks: Yeah, yeah. [As Owen] Stand watch, Sandy, while I blow our secret with my stupid boyish habits. [In normal voice] Hygiene.

Three women flash by, laughing.

Sandy Cheeks: We're doomed! There're a couple of things I know they're bound to notice!

Star ducks into the water as Marco, Igor and Blaze jump into the water. She tries to hide herself with a lillypad.

Igor: Hey, Greg!

Star/Greg: Oh, hi, guys, I didn't know you were here. I was just washing so now I'm clean and I'm gonna go. Bye-bye.

Marco: Come back here! I know we were jerks to you before, so let's start over. Hi, I'm Marco.

Blaze: And I'm Blaze.

Star/Greg: Hello, Blaze.

Igor: And I am Igor, King of the Rock! And there's nothing you boys can do about it.

Merida: Oh yeah? Well, I think Jane and I can take you!

Owen Grady/Elsa: I really don't want to take him anywhere.

Marco: But, Greg! We have to fight!

Owen Grady/Elsa: No, we don't. We could just close our eyes, and ... swim around!

Marco: C'mon! Don't' be such a gi... ouch! Something bit me!

Rusty: What a nasty flavor.

Marco: [sees Rusty] Sasquatch!

While Igor, Blaze and Marco are shrieking, Star whistles for Botasaur and sneaks away.

Marco: [huddled on the rock with Blaze and Igor] Some King of the Rock.

Star: Boy, that was close.

Rusty: No, that was vile. You owe me big!

Star: I never want to see a naked man again.

A herd of naked men flash by.

Rusty: Don't look at me, I ain't biting no more butts.

In Jett's tent

Jett: You think your troops are ready to fight? Hah! They wouldn't last a minute against the Huns!

Claire Dearing: They completed their training.

Stella: Those girls are no more fit to be soldiers than you are to be captain. Once the general reads my report, your troops will never see battle.

Sandy Cheeks: Oh, no, you don't! I've worked too hard to get Owen into this war! This gal's messing with my plans!

Claire Dearing: We're not finished!

Claire Dearing: Be careful, Captain. The general may be your mother, but I am the Queen's Council. And, oh, by the way, I got that job on my own. You're dismissed.

Owen Grady/Elsa: [to Claire] Hey, I'll hold her, and you punch! ... Or not. For what it's worth, I think you're a great captain!

Sandy Cheeks: I saw that.

Owen Grady/Elsa: What?

Sandy Cheeks: You like her, don't you?

Owen Grady/Elsa: No! I ...

Sandy Cheeks: Yeah, right, sure. Go to your tent!

Smiling, Owen/Elsa walks away.

Sandy Cheeks: [to Angie] I think it's time we took this war into our own hands.

They rush into the tent as Stella strolls out, dressed in a towel, a hat, and slippers.

Angie types out a letter, like a typewriter.

Sandy Cheeks: Okay, lemme see what you've got. [reads] From General Xara Dearing. 'Dear Daughter, we're waiting for the Huns at the pass. It would mean a lot of you'd come and back us up.' Hmm. That's great, except that you forgot, 'and since we're out of popourri, perhaps you wouldn't mind bringing up some!' Hello! This is the army! Make it sound a little urgent, please. You know what I'm talking about?

Angie hops around typing out another letter.

Sandy Cheeks: That's better, much better! Let's go!

Sandy Cheeks: Botty, dude. We need a ride. [Botasaur squirts him off, and Ruby slowly backs off.]

At the lake.

Laughter

Jett: [Jett is storming from the lake with a towel wrapped around him and one slipper missing] Insubordinate ruffians. You men owe me a new pair of slippers! [More laughter] And I do not squeal like a girl! [He turns to see a straw soldier (Rusty and Ruby) riding a zebra.] Aaaaaahhhh!!!

Rusty: [In a deep voice] Urgent news from the general! [He holds out a scroll] What's the matter, you've never seen a black and white before?

Jett: Who are you?

Sandy Cheeks: Excuse me? I think the question should be, who are you! We're in a war, woman! There's no time for stupid questions! I should have your hat for that! Snatch it right off your head! I'm feeling gracious today, so ... carry on. [Stella turns, and the panda climbs up a nearby tree.]

In the captain's tent

Stella: Captain! Urgent news from the general! We're needed at the front!

Sandy Cheeks: Pack your bags, Angie, we're moving out!

Beginning of "A Boy Worth Fighting For"

For a long time we've been marching off to battle. In our thundering herd, we feel a lot like cattle. Like the pounding beat, our aching feet aren't easy to ignore. Hey! Think of instead, a boy worth fighting for! Huh? That's what I said! A boy worth fighting for! I want him paler than the moon, with eyes that shine like stars. My boy will marvel at my strength, adore my battle scars! I couldn't care less what he'll wear, or what he looks like! It all depends on what he cooks like! Beef, pork, chicken, mmm ... Bet the local boys thought you were quite the charmer! And I bet the mans love a woman in armor! You can guess what we have missed the most Since we went off to war! What do we want? A boy worth fighting for! My boy will think I have no flaws That I'm a major find How 'bout a boy who's got a brain, who always speaks his mind? Nah! My manly ways and turn of phrase and sure to thrill him! She thinks she's such a man-killer!

A clip from THX Optimizer.

I've a boy back home who's unlike any other! Yeah, the only boy who'd love her is her father! But when we come home, in victory They'll line up at the door! What do we want? A boy worth fighting for! Wish that I had A boy worth fighting for! A boy worth fighting...

The clip ends from THX Optimizer, then the Chinese army stares in horror at the charred and burning remnants of a small village. They walk through it.

Claire Dearing: Search for survivors!

Owen/Elsa picks up a small doll

Claire Dearing: I don't understand. My mother should've been here.

Stella: Captain! [They turn to see a bloody battlefield full of dead Chinese soldiers. Mavis hands the general's helmet to Claire.]

Mavis: The ... general.

Claire takes her sword and sticks it in the snow, then places the helmet on the hilt and says a prayer.

Owen Grady/Elsa: I'm sorry.

Claire Dearing: [mounts her horse] The Huns are moving quickly. We'll make better time to the Imperial City through the Tung Show pass. We're the only hope for the Queen now. Move out!

The army slowly walks away. Owen/Elsa places the doll by Claire's sword and joins the others.

As the Chinese Soldiers slowly walk through the mountain pass, a rocket in the wagon attached to Blue suddenly goes off, shooting into the sky. Owen/Elsa looks at Sandy accusingly.

Claire Dearing: What happened?

Owen Grady/Elsa: Um...

Claire Dearing: You just gave away out position! Now we're-- [an arrow hits her shoulder, throwing her off the horse. Huns appear on a cliff, and arrows shower down on the soldiers.] Get out of range!

The pitiful Chinese army struggles to get away from the Huns, but are intercepted by another group of Huns up on another cliff.

Claire Dearing: Save the cannons! [The soldiers pass the cannons from the wagon to each other. The wagon gets hit by a flaming arrow, and Owen/Elsa cuts Blue's reins and mounts her. The wagon explodes, sending Sandy and Angie flying. Owen/Elsa falls off the raptor.]

Sandy Cheeks: Oh, sure, save the raptor. [Owen/Elsa grabs Sandy and his gun and runs over to the other soldiers.]

Claire Dearing: Fire! [The soldier lights the cannon, and it explodes on the mountain. More follow.] Fire! [There is no sound from the Huns, who are no longer on the cliffs.] Hold the last cannon.

Suddenly, a horse appears on the hill. Penny is soon joined by hundreds of Hun soldiers.

Claire Dearing: Prepare to fight. If we die, we die with honor.

The Huns charge the Chinese Army.

Claire Dearing: Petra. Aim the cannon at Penny. [Petra aims the cannon.]

While glancing at his gun, Owen/Elsa notices a glacial overhang. He grabs the cannon and runs toward the Huns, aiming at the overhang.

Claire Dearing: Elsa! Elsa, come back!

Frantically, as Penny draws nearer, her sword raised, Owen/Elsa fumbles with the match.

Sandy Cheeks: Okay, you might want to light that right about now, Quickly, quickly! [Owen/Elsa is attacked by Gale, and loses the match.]

Petra: C'mon, we gotta help! [The Gang of Three run toward Owen/Elsa, swinging their swords.]

Owen/Elsa uses Sandy to light the cannon fuse, and it shoots off toward the overhang.

Sandy Cheeks: You missed! How could you miss?! She was three feet in front of you! [The cannon hits the overhang with a bang, and causes an avalanche that rains down on the Hun Army, burying in them. In fury, Penny roars and hits Owen/Elsa in the side with her sword blade. He quickly runs away from the avalanche, pulling Claire with him. Blue runs toward them, and Owen/Elsa gets on and tries to give Claire a hand, but she loses her grip and is dragged into the snow.]

Sandy Cheeks: [riding down the snow in a shield] Owen!! Owen! Owen? [She pulls a Hun's head out of the snow.] Nope. Owen! [She reaches down and pulls out Angie.] Man, you are one lucky fish.

Owen/Elsa and Blue break out of the snow and race toward Claire, who, unconscious, is sliding on the snow toward a cliff.

Owen Grady/Elsa: Claire! [He pulls her up onto the saddle.]

Mavis: [holding up Petra] Do you see them?

Petra: Yes! [She fits an arrow, which is tied to a length of rope, and shoots it toward Owen/Elsa.] Perfect! Now I'll pull them to safe...ty! [The rope slips through her hands.]

Sandy Cheeks: [sliding near Owen and Claire] Owen! I found a lucky fish!

Owen Grady/Elsa: We need help! [The arrow flies near them, Owen/Elsa grabs it and ties it around Blue.]

Sandy Cheeks: [to Angie] Ooh, nice. Very nice! You can sit by me! [They climb up onto Blue, and notice the cliff.] Aaaugh!!! We're gonna die! We're gonna die! We're definitely gonna die! No way we survive this! Death is coming! [Owen/Elsa shoots the arrow up as they fall off the cliff.]

Petra: [crying] I let them slip through my fingers ... [looks surprised as the arrow, complete with rope, lands in her hands. She is dragged toward the cliff edge, soldiers jumping on top of her. Finally Mavis walks over, picks all the soldiers up, and walks backward, pulling Owen/Elsa, Blue, and Claire up onto the ground.]

Sandy Cheeks: I knew we could do it! You the woman! Well, sort of.

Merida: Step back, girls. Give her some air!

Claire Dearing: [breathing heavily] Elsa, you are the craziest woman I ever met. And for that, I owe you my life. From now on, you have my trust.

Merida: Let's hear it for Elsa, the bravest of us all!

Petra: You're Queen of the Mountain!

Cheering

Owen/Elsa tries to stand up, but collapses to the ground, gasping.

Claire Dearing: Elsa! What's wrong? [Owen/Elsa moves his hands to reveal blood.] She's wounded! Get help! [Owen/Elsa sinks into unconsciousness.] Elsa, hold on. Hold on.

The doctor emerges from her tent and says something to Claie, who looks disturbed and rushes inside. She looks at Owen, who sits up in bed, hiy side bandaged. Claire stares at him, recognizing him as a guy. Owen realizes his mistake and pulls the blanket back on.

Owen Grady: I can explain!

Stella: So it's true!

Owen Grady: Claire!

Stella: [yanking Owen out of the tent and pulling his wig off] I knew there was something wrong with you! A man! Treacherous snake!

Owen Grady: My name is Owen. I did it to save my mother!

Stella: High treason!

Owen Grady: I didn't mean for it to go this far!

Stella: Ultimate dishonor!

Owen Grady: It was the only way! Please, believe me!

Stella: [scoffs] Captain?

Claire walks over to Blue and takes out Owen's gun. The Gang of Three start to rush over to him, but Stella stops them.

Stella: [to the soldiers holding Blue] Restrain her. [to the Gang of Three] You know the law.

Claire walks over to Owen and throws the gun in the snow in front of him.

Claire Dearing: A life for a life. My debt is repaid. [to the soldiers] Move out!

Stella: But you can't just ...

Claire Dearing: [to Stella] I said, Move out.

The Chinese Army sadly walks away, leaving Owen, Sandy, and Blue in the snow.

Sandy Cheeks: I was this close. This close! To impressing the ancestors, getting the top shelf, in entourage ... man. All my fine work. [She uses the tip of an arrow to roast a piece of food over a tiny fire.]

Owen Grady: I should never have left home.

Sandy Cheeks: Hey C'mon. You wanted to save your mother's life. Who knew you'd end up shaming her, disgracing your ancestors and losing all your friends. Y'know, you just gotta ... just gotta learn to let these things go.

Owen Grady: Maybe I didn't go for my mother. Maybe what I really wanted was to prove that I could do things right. So that when I looked in the mirror, [he picks up his helmet] I'd see someone worthwhile. But I was wrong. I see nothing. [he throws the helmet aside]

Sandy Cheeks: Hey, that's just cause this needs a little spit, that's all. [She spits on the helmet.] Let me shine this up for you. I can see you, look at you, you look so pretty! [She turns sad] The truth is, we're both frauds. Your ancestors didn't send me; they don't even like me. I mean, you risked your life to help people you love. I risked your life to help myself. At least you had good intentions.

Owen smiles

Angie starts to cry

Sandy Cheeks: What? What do you mean, you're not lucky?! You ... lied to me? [Angie nods. Sandy turns to Blue.] And what are you, a giant lizard? [Blue snorts. Sandy graons and throws Angie on the back.]

Owen Grady: I'll have to face my mother sooner or later. Let's go home

Sandy Cheeks: Yeah. This ain't gonna be pretty. But don't you worry, okay? Things will work out. We started this thing together and that's how we'll finish it. I promise.

The shadow of Gale flies overheard, and around a bend. Penny climb out of the snow and looks around. She lets out a roar. Soon she is joined by five of her soldiers. They start down the path toward the Imperial City. Owen watches them, grabs his gun, mounts Blue and turns after the Huns.

Sandy Cheeks: Uh, home is that way.

Owen Grady: I have to do something.

Sandy Cheeks: Did you see those Huns? They popped out of the snow! Like daisies!

Owen Grady: Are we in this together, or not?

Sandy Cheeks: [looks guilty] Let's go kick some Hunny Buns! [She and Angie jump on Blue, and they ride down the mountain, whooping.]

In the Imperial City

The Chinese citizens watch happily as the Imperial City celebrates the Chinese victory with a parade.

Parade Leader: Make way for the heroes of China!

Claire, the Gang of Three and the other soldiers follow glumly behind, and behind them is a large Chinese dragon with the Huns inside.

Owen comes riding up beside Claire

Owen Grady: Claire!

Claire Dearing: Owen?

Owen Grady: The Huns are alive! They're in the city!

Claire Dearing: You don't belong here, Owen. Go home.

Owen Grady: Claire, I saw them in the mountains! You have to believe me!

Claire Dearing: Why should I?

Owen Grady: Why else would I come back? You said you'd trust Elsa. Why is Owen any different? [Claire rides around him.] [To the Gang of Three] Keep your eyes open. I know they're here. Yah!

Sandy Cheeks: [as Owen dismounts Blue] Now where are you going?

Owen Grady: To find someone who will believe me! [he hurries off into the crowd.]

The Chinese Army climbs the steps to the Great Palace, followed by the Chinese Dragon with the Huns inside. The Queen meets them.

Queen Elizabeth: My children, heaven smiles down upon the Middle Kingdom. China will sleep safely tonight. Thanks to our brave warriors.

Owen Grady: [to a citizen] Lady, the Queen's in danger!

Woman #1: Huh!

Owen Grady: But the Huns are here! [to another woman] Please, you have to help!

Woman #2: Eh!

Owen Grady: [to Mushu] No one will listen!

Sandy Cheeks: Huh? Oh, I'm sorry, did you say something?

Owen Grady: Sandy ...

Sandy Cheeks: Hey, you're a guy again, remember?

Claire Dearing: Your Majesty, I present to you the sword of Penny Peterson.

Queen Elizabeth: I know what this means to you, Captain Dearing. Your mother would have been very proud.

Gale swoops down and grabs the sword. It flaps up to the roof, where a line of stone gargoyles are resting. One of the gargoyles moves and takes the sword. Huns jump out of the Chinese Dragon. Two of them grab the Queen and take her into the palace.

Claire Dearing: No!

Petra: Come on! [They run up to the palace, but the Huns continue closing the great doors. On the roof, Penny laughs.]

The Chinese Army tries to break into the palace using a statue.

Owen Grady: They'll never reach the Queen in time. [He looks around, then at the tall pillars by the side of the palace. He whistles to them.] Hey girls! I've got an idea! [The Gang of Three looks at each other and then follows Owen, dropping the statue.]

They all take off their equipment, and dressing as men, and they use the belts around their waists to climb up the pillars. Next to them, Claire takes off her coat and climbs up.

Inside the palace, on a balcony, the Huns hold the Queen. Penny sticks her head in their faces.

Penny Peterson: [to the Queen] Boo. [to her soldiers] Guard the door! [to the Emperor] Your walls and armies have fallen. And now it's your turn. Bow to me.

Outside, Owen and the Gang of Three prepare to get past the guards.

Owen Grady: Okay. Any questions?

Petra: Does this shirt make me look fat? [she is slapped] Ow!

The four "guys" walk near the guards, giggling.

Cassie Rose/The White Pumpkin: Who's there?

Maya: Concubines.

Cassie Rose/The White Pumpkin: Ugly concubines.

An apple rolls out of Merida's trousers. One of the guards picks it up. Gale notices Claire hiding, and tries to call out, but Sandy with flame thrower torches her.

Sandy Cheeks: Now that's what I call Mongolian barbeque.

Maya hands the apple to Merida, but the Gang of Three all pull fruit out of their shirts and attack the guards.

Owen Grady: Claire! Go!

Claire runs up the stairs and into the room where Penny and the Queen are.

Penny Peterson: I tire of your arrogance, lady. Bow to me!

Queen Elizabeth: No matter how the wind howls, the mountain cannot bow to it.

Penny Peterson: [raising her sword] Then you will kneel ... in pieces! [She swings the sword; Claire rushes in and blocks it. She is swung around a pillar, and then kicks Penny in the face.]

Owen Grady: Mavis, get the Queen!

Mavis: Sorry, your Majesty. [She picks up the Queen, and, using her belt, slides down the cord paper lanterns are strung on.]

Penny Peterson: No! [She picks up Claire and smashes her head against Claire's. Owen winces, then looks down at the ground, where Petra and Merida are waiting.]

Petra: Come on!

Owen looks back at the unconscious Claire, and at Penny who is approaching her. He pulls Penny's sword out of the pillar and cuts the cord. People below cheer.

Penny Peterson: No! [She turns to Claire, who is now conscious.] You! You took away my victory! [She is hit by a shoe.]

Owen Grady: No! I did. [He puts back his wig.]

Penny Peterson: The soldier from the mountains! [Abandoning Claire, she chases after Owen, who is putting on his shoe. He slams the door shut, and she rams her fist through the wood. Owen is joined by Sandy and Angie, riding the feather-less Gale.]

Sandy Cheeks: So what's the plan?

Owen Grady: Ummmmm ...

Sandy Cheeks: You don't have a plan?

Owen Grady: Hey, I'm making this up as I ... go ... [as they pass a window he notices a pile of fireworks and two women.] Sandy--

Sandy Cheeks: Way ahead of you, brother! C'mon, Angie! [They jump onto a paper kite decoration and float across to the tower. Penny attacks Owen, and he shinnies up a pole. Penny cuts down the pole, and Owen and the pole go through the wall. Owen jumps up and grabs onto the roof and pulls himself up. He looks across to where Sandy and Angie are gathering ammunition.]

Sandy Cheeks: Citizens. I need firepower!

Citizen: Who are you?

Sandy Cheeks: [looking fierce] Your worst nightmare. [The two women jump off the tower.]

woman: Look! On the roof!

Owen backs along the roof, mesuring the distance with his hands. Penny crashes through the roof and raises her sword. Owen pulls out a gun.

Penny Peterson: Guess you're out of ideas. [She stabs the sword through the gun; Owen turns it around and readies the sword.]

Owen Grady: Not quite. Ready, Sandy?

Sandy Cheeks: [with a rocket strapped to her back] I am ready, baby! [She use her flame thrower on a stick and hands it to Angie.] Light me!

Owen kicks Penny in the face, then trips her and pins her dress to the ground with the sword. Angie lights the fuse, and the rocket slams Penny straight into the firework tower.

Owen Grady: [picking up Sandy] Get off the roof, get off the roof get off the roof! [As the fireworks explode, he jumps, catches a lantern and swings down the cord, then drops onto Claire, who is running down the stairs. Penny's sword and Sandy land nearby.]

Sandy Cheeks: Ahahahahahaha! [She catches Angie] You are a lucky fish!

Stella: That was a deliberate attempt on my life! Where is he? Now he's done it! What a mess! Stand aside, that creature's not worth protecting.

Claire Dearing: He's a hero!

Stella: 'Tis a man. He'll never be worth anything!

Claire Dearing: Listen, you pompous ...

Queen Elizabeth: That is enough!

Claire Dearing: Your Majesty, I can explain! [The Queen raises a hand and the Gang of Three move to the side, revealing Owen.]

Queen Elizabeth: I've heard a great deal about you, Owen Grady. You stole your mother's armor, ran away from home, impersonated a soldier, deceived your commanding officer, dishonored the Chinese Army, destroyed my palace! And you have saved us all. [She bows to him, and row by row, every person in the Imperial City bows to him.]

Sandy Cheeks: Our little baby is all grown up and saving China! [To Angie] Do you have a tissue?

Queen Elizabeth: Stella!

Stella: Your Excellency?

Queen Elizabeth: See that this man is made a member of my council.

Stella: What? There are no council positions open, your Majesty!

Queen Elizabeth: Very well. You can have her job.

Stella: Wha? ... My? ... [She faints.]

Owen Grady: With all due respect, your Excellency, I think I've been away from home long enough.

Queen Elizabeth: Then take this [she hands her a pendant], so your family will know what you have done for me. And this [she hands him the sword of Penny Peterson] so the world will know what you have done for China.

Owen takes the gifts, then hugs the Queen

Petra: Is he allowed to do that? [Merida, Mavis and Claire shrug.] Owen steps away and hugs the Gang of Three, then walks over to Claire.

Claire Dearing: Um ... you ... You fight good.

Owen Grady: [disappointed] Oh. Thank you. [He mounts Blue.] Blue, let's go home. [As he rides away, everyone cheers.]

Queen Elizabeth: [To Claire] The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all.

Claire Dearing: ... Lady? ...

Queen Elizabeth: You don't meet a guy like that every dynasty! [She puts on her crown and walks away.]

At Owen's house

Owen approaches her mother, who is sitting under the cherry trees. He kneels in front of her.

Harper: Owen!

Owen Grady: Mother! I've brought you the sword of Penny Peterson. And the Crest of the Queen! They're gifts to honor the Grady Family. [His mother drops the gifts and hugs him.]

Harper: The greatest gift in honor is having you for a son. I've missed you so.

Owen Grady: I've missed you too, Baba.

Carl Fredricksen: [watching them] Huh. He brings home a sword. If you ask me, he should've brought home a woman!

Claire Dearing: Excuse me, does Owen Grady live here? [Carl and Ivor point, dumbstruck.]

Claire Dearing: Thank you.

Carl Fredricksen: Woo! Sign me up for the next four!

Claire Dearing: Honorable Harper Grady, I-- Owen! Uhhhh ... you forgot your helmet. Well, actually it's your helmet, isn't it, I mean ...

Owen Grady: Would you like to stay for dinner?

Carl Fredricksen: Would you like to stay forever?

Claire Dearing: Dinner would be great.

Sandy Cheeks: [to Gwen] Come on! Who did a good job? C'mon, tell me who did a good job.

Gwen: Oh, all right. You can be a guardian again.

Sandy Cheeks: Aaaaahhh-haaaaaaa! Whoohoohoohoohoooo!

Angie rings the gong; all the ancestors come out.

Sandy Cheeks: Take it, Angie! [Angie plays a set of drums, and all the ancestors dance.]

Ancestor #2: You know, he gets it from my side of the family! [Sandy Cheeks swings on a chain, yelling. She falls off and goes sliding out the Temple door.]

Gwen: Guardians.

Owen Grady: Thanks, Sandy. [He kisses her on the forehead. Suddenly, Jenna, followed by a herd of chickens, bursts into the Temple.]

Gwen: [last line] Sandy!

THE END