Dethwater

Transcript
{Thunderhorse music video}

Skwisgaar:  Here we go again.

Pickles:  Okay wait. Before we do anything drastic let's put this all into perspective Nathan. Okay? Look.

{Cut to TV screen}

Anchorman #1:  Dethklok has spent a reported 500 million in the recording studio so far.

Male Voice:  Fan suicide rate is up due to the album's late release.

Reporter:  Sources have corroborated that the band has recorded 16 individual albums, all deleted.

Anchorman #2:  Sources say that the Dow Jones decline is directly related to DethKlok frontman Nathan Explosion's constant deleting of potential new albums.

{Nathan reaches for delete key while band members yell "No"}

Computer:  Session deleted.

Pickles:  Mother douchebags! Did it again.

Toki:  Dudes. What's wrong with that one?

Pickles:  Let me guess. Not heavy enough, not tuned low enough, not brutal enough.

Skwisgaar:  Dudes we cannot tune down any lower.

Murderface:  Well maybe it'll be better if I just kill myself. Huh? Why don't you record that? Huh? Would that be brutal enough for you? Me being dead.

Skwisgaar:  Somebody should tell murderface that it's not allways about him

Pickles:  So now we're back to square F-in' one?

Nathan:  Yeah, that's right. But here's what we're going to do. We're going to re-re-re-record it right there. Right there.

{Theme Song Plays}

Label person:  Okay, so you want to re-re-re-re-record it, in the ocean. In. I see, no problem.

Nathan:  No not in the ocean, inside the ocean.

Label person:  Okay.

Nathan:  In the heaviest deepest most brutal part.

Label person:  Alright.

Nathan:  The Mariana Trench.

Label person:  Well, let me make some calls.

{Later}

Label person:  Well the good news is they're going to give you some more money to record this album. The bad news is they're going to send a producer down to work with you so I hope that's not a...

Nathan:  Whaaaaaaaaaa?

{Cut to war room}

Speaker: Dethklok is recording an album underwater, and they're using a submarine.

General: A nuclear submarine.

Speaker: Yeesss... This could prove to be a most dangerous combination.

General: I may have a solution. We're now in touch with the underwater record label producer that Dethklok will use underwater. His name is name is Dick "Magic ears" Knubbler, and he's a real piece of work. tax evasion, disfigured a co-worker at an office party, (Melted her face in acid), Soliciting prostitution, drugs, he's looking at a 25 year sentence, he'll do anything we want.

Speaker: Excellent, then he'll be our man on the inside. We'll contact him once the underwater record is complete, and get a full report.

General: A report? Now's the time to take out Dethklok once and for all! They're just sitting there underwater. We'll make it look like an underwater accident.

Old guy: No, it is too soon. We must watch them.

{DethKlok jam for 5 months}

Nathan:  It's getting nice and heavy.

{It becomes apparent that Toki's guitar is picking up whales}

Nathan:  Your guitar's picking up strange sounds.

Toki:  Well, dude, I didn't know that these pickups were that strong. It picks up the whales saying hello.

Skwisgaar:  It looks like we's going to have to re-record it.

Toki: That's brutal.

Pickles:  Maybe we can isolate Toki.

Nathan:  What about that?

Toki:  What is this lights mean?

Engineer:  He will die without safety brief.

Skwisgaar:  Hey I'll take it from here. Okay, buddy?

Toki:  Skwisgaar, i think i need that safety briefings.

Skwisgaar:  Oh, really quickly. The reason I came in here is we're all going to order some food do you want something.

Toki:  I can't think about it now. What are all these buttons flashing?

Skwisgaar:  Start thinking about what you want because honestly i'm starting to get hungry.

Toki:  Anything it's like milk here or something(???). It keeps filling up.

Skwisgaar:  Oh, and by the way, don't screw this one up.

Toki:  What is this button I think I need it.

Skwisgaar:  Well I've got to get going see you later.

{Cut to rest of band jamming}

Murderface:  Hey guys, nuclear submarine power's out.

Skwisgaar:  Hey Pickle, have you fixed the problem down there?

Pickles:  Dude... stupid nuclear... I don't know what the heck's going on.. Who gives a F*** Ain't my sub.

Sub personnel:  Unidentified vessel outside requesting permission to board.

Skwisgaar:  Oh, great. Probably some dicknose record producer comes to try and tell us how to make metal. Don't knows snakes from dildos about that. Ppht. Get in line.

Pickles:  Okay calm down. Remember, we've got to be professional. Okay? Unless he pushes us. In which case I swear to god I will F-in' knife him in the...

Murderface:  Yeah! Slice his face off!

Nathan:  Maybe take it easy on those beans, Murderface.

Pickles:  Yeah, I know mean, I mean, have a little decency. We're stuck together in a friggin submarine for crying out loud.

Murderface:  Fine. How about I starve to death? How's that?

{Murderface farts}

Murderface:  Well excuse me.

Ugh. These boots are covering my feet.

{The stench of murderfaces boots flow up as he cuts another fart}

Murderface:  These feet stink...

{Murderface throws up on himself}

{Cut to Producer entering the Sub}

Producer:  Hey guys. So let's... let's hear this album.

Murderface:  I got those same shoes.

Producer:  Heh, bear with me dudes. I think i made the trip a little too fast me body's having a little trouble adjusting to the oceanic pressure down here. I'm sure i'll feel a little better once i have some pop-rocks and coke.

Nathan:  Now shut up and listen to this, dick. This is metal, for fish.

Skwisgaar:  Fish don't gots no good metal to listen to

Murderface:  Yeah, it's true.

Producer:  Fish, huh?

Nathan:  This one's called Mermaid-er.

Murderface:  It's about Mermaid murder.

{Mermaid-er plays and fades out} {Toki plays Underwater Friends}

Producer:  Stop the track! This is amazing! I mean there must be billions of fish out there. It's a totally untapped market. And so many hits too.

Nathan:  Electric Eel Chair.

Producer:  Yeah!

Skwisgaar:  ?? and gutted and undercooked?

Producer:  Yeah!

Murderface:  Scuba tank filled with farts.

Producer:  Yeah! You boys knocked it completely out of the park. I am back on top. I'm going straight to the label.

Pickles:  You know something knubbler. Y'ain't that much of a dildo after all.

Toki Not safe! Not safe! There's monsters.

Producer:  Like I said boys, when the label hears this they're literally going to s**t fish. Literally. {Maniacal laughter}

General:  Okay, let's. Dear god, knubbler, your face. What have they done to you?

Producer:  It's called metal. general.

General:  Well we need to know exactly what they've been up to.

Producer:  What they've been up to? They've been up to kicking ass and taking names!

General:  knubbler

Producer:  Put down your report general ????

General:  What the hell is going on down there?

Producer: DethKlok is amazing! The album is gonna rock so hard. The Drums rock! The bass rocks! and the guitar rocks! Check it out! CHECK IT OUT! wha- whoa! Whoooa! Now what's happening? Dear god no! No! Dear god no!

(Very long scream)