Sesame Street Super Jumbo Crayons/If You Were Gay (from Avenue Q)

Cast

 * Oscar the Grouch Green as Nicky
 * Cookie Monster Blue as Rod

Lyrics
Cookie Monster Blue: Aah, an afternoon alone with My favorite book, "Broadway Musicals of the 1940s." No roommate to bother me. How could it get any better than this?

Oscar the Grouch Green: Oh, hi Cookie Monster Blue!

Cookie Monster Blue: Hi Oscar the Grouch Green.

Oscar the Grouch Green: Hey Cookie Monster Blue, you'll never Guess what happened to Me on the subway this morning. This guy was smiling at me and talking to me

Cookie Monster Blue: That's very interesting.

Oscar the Grouch Green: He was being real friendly, And I think he was coming on to me. I think he might've thought I was gay!

Cookie Monster Blue: Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this? Why should I care? I don't care. What did you have for lunch today?

Oscar the Grouch Green: Oh, you don't have to get All defensive about it, Cookie Monster Blue...

Cookie Monster Blue: I'm NOT getting defensive! What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay? I'm trying to read.

Oscar the Grouch Green: Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Cookie Monster Blue. I just think it's something we should be able to talk about.

Cookie Monster Blue: I don't want to talk about it, Oscar the Grouch Green! This conversation is over!!!

Oscar the Grouch Green: Yeah, but...

Cookie Monster Blue: OVER!!!

Oscar the Grouch Green: Well, okay, but just so you know — If you were gay That'd be okay I mean 'cause, hey I'd like you anyway Because you see If it were me I would feel free To say that I was gay (But I'm not gay.)

Cookie Monster Blue: Oscar the Grouch Green, please! I am trying to read.... What?!

Oscar the Grouch Green: If you were queer

Cookie Monster Blue: Ah, Oscar the Grouch Green!

Oscar the Grouch Green: I'd still be here

Cookie Monster Blue: Oscar the Grouch Green, I'm trying to read this book.

Oscar the Grouch Green: Year after year

Cookie Monster Blue: Oscar the Grouch Green!

Oscar the Grouch Green: Because you're dear to me

Cookie Monster Blue: Argh!

Oscar the Grouch Green: And I know that you

Cookie Monster Blue: What?

Oscar the Grouch Green: Would accept me too

Cookie Monster Blue: I would?

Oscar the Grouch Green: If I told you today "Hey! Guess what I'm gay!" (But I'm not gay.) I'm happy Just being with you

Cookie Monster Blue: High Button Shoes, Pal Joey...

Oscar the Grouch Green: So what should it Matter to me What you do in bed With guys?

Cookie Monster Blue: Oscar the Grouch Green, that's GROSS!

Oscar the Grouch Green: No it's not! If you were gay I'd shout hooray!

Cookie Monster Blue: I am not listening!

Oscar the Grouch Green: And here I'd stay

Cookie Monster Blue: La la la la la!

Oscar the Grouch Green: But I wouldn't get In your way.

Cookie Monster Blue: Aaaah!

Oscar the Grouch Green: You can count on me To always be Beside you every day To tell you it's okay You were just born That way And, as they say It's in your DNA You're gay!

Cookie Monster Blue: BUT I'M NOT GAY!

Oscar the Grouch Green: If you were gay.

Cookie Monster Blue: Argh!