Muppets Most Wanted nail polish/Cookie Monster in the Library (from Sesame Street)

Cast

 * Miss Piggy's Big Number as Cookie Monster
 * Kermit Me to Speak as Large Lavender Live Hand Anything Muppet librarian

Transcript
(The scene starts off in a library, with several tall shelves crammed with books. Behind the desk, in the foreground, sits Kermit Me to Speak with graying hair, and glasses. Miss Piggy's Big Number enters.)

Miss Piggy's Big Number: (shouting) Wow, look at all these books! Me no seen so many books before!

Kermit Me to Speak: Shhhh!

Miss Piggy's Big Number: (whispering) Oh, yeah, yeah, right.

( Miss Piggy's Big Number walks toward the desk, and stumbles over something. You hear a metal container falling over.)

Miss Piggy's Big Number: (surprised) Whoop!

Kermit Me to Speak: (quietly) Quiet, please.

Miss Piggy's Big Number: (whispering) I did not see de wastebasket.

( Kermit Me to Speak sort of nods, and goes back to work.)

Miss Piggy's Big Number: Uh, Sir ... Sir ... ( Kermit Me to Speak looks up) Could you tell me what you doing with all these books?

Kermit Me to Speak: Well, this is a library. We have all kinds of books for people to read.

Miss Piggy's Big Number: Really? Well, me want book about Little Red Riding Hood.

Kermit Me to Speak: All right. (gets up to go get it.)

Miss Piggy's Big Number: And one box of cookies. (starts looking around.)

Kermit Me to Speak: (stops in his tracks, and looks at Miss Piggy's Big Number .) (pleasantly) Maybe you didn't understand. You see, this is a library. We only have books; we have no cookies.

Miss Piggy's Big Number: Oh, yeah, yeah, right. Well, me want book about nursery rhymes.

Kermit Me to Speak: All right. (starts off to get it.)

Miss Piggy's Big Number: And one box of cookies.

Kermit Me to Speak: (sharper than before, yet still pleasant.) We don't have cookies! We only have books. Just books, no cookies.

Miss Piggy's Big Number: Oh, right. Uh, me want picture book.

Kermit Me to Speak: Picture book. (starts off.)

Miss Piggy's Big Number: And one box of cookies.

Kermit Me to Speak: (He's infuriated now, and starts breathing heavily, and yelling.) How many times do I have to tell you WE DON'T HAVE COOKIES?! WE ONLY HAVE BOOKS! YOU UNDERSTAND?! JUST BOOKS!! BOOKS!!!

Miss Piggy's Big Number: (calmly) It OK, no need to get excited, me not fussy, just give me box of cookies.

Kermit Me to Speak: NO!!! WE DON'T HAVE COOKIES!

Miss Piggy's Big Number: (After a pause.) You know what? Me get the feeling you only have books.

Kermit Me to Speak: THAT'S RIGHT, JUST BOOKS!

Miss Piggy's Big Number: Me got it now. OK, OK. (clears throat)

Kermit Me to Speak: (calms down for a second.) Fine. Now tell me, (stresses) what do you want?

Miss Piggy's Big Number: Me ... want ... BOOK ... about cookies.

Kermit Me to Speak: Fine, that we have, a book about cookies, good! (starts to get up.)

Miss Piggy's Big Number: And a glass of milk.

(Ending music of two notes plays, Kermit Me to Speak sighs a couple times, and tips over in his chair. You hear the wastebasket falling.)

Miss Piggy's Big Number: (looking over edge of desk) Book about cookies and a glass of juice?