Mumfie/Who's Killing The Muppets?

Cast, version 1 (by mimitchi33) (Do not remove, delete or edit any characters!)
You-Are The Reindeer as Gonzo

Scarecrow as Fozzie Bear

Mumfie as Kermit The Frog

Napoleon Jones as Scooter

Secretary of Night as Hooded Killer

Bristle as Statler

Davy Jones as Waldorf

Mr. Admiral as Steve Martin

Snowbird and bird in tree as Penguins

Pinkey as Mrs. Piggy

The Black Cat as Skeeter

The Queen Of Night as Camilla

Script, version 1 (by mimitchi33) (Do not remove, delete or edit!)
You-Are The Reindeer: For my next feat, I will walk across hot coals while explaining what the hell I am.

Secretary of Night: No! For your next feat, you die! (The Secretary of Night fires a cannon, decapitating You-Are The Reindeer, and You-Are's corpse falls on the hot coals. Then the Secretary places a water sack on the scene)



You-Are The Reindeer's Funeral and Burial Ceremony
Mumfie: You-Are died as he lived, and our family will never be whole again. And now, ladies and gentlemen, MISTER ADMIRAL, YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!

Mr. Admiral: (With a prank arrow hat on his head) "The Lord is my Shepard, I shall not want. He makes me like.."

Pinkey: Oh, are we burying him in the city? (Pinkey's mother and jumps on You-Are's casket as it gets lowered into the ground)

Scarecrow: You know, the last time one of our friends died was...

'''Mr. Admiral :''' Excuse me?

Scarecrow: Don’t you mean, "Excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me"?

Mr. Admiral: No, this is a funeral. I’m working. Do I come to where you work and knock the (censor beep) outta your mouth?!

Mumfie: Wow, Mr. Admiral’s working blue, but he’s right. We vowed never to talk about...that night. (Muppets turn to look at Napoleon Jones) (Napoleon Jones waves at them)



Later that night...
Scarecrow: What if the show tonight is a failure?

Secretary of Night: (Right up at the door) Hey, Scarecrow! Why did the scarecrow have a sore back?

Scarecrow: I don’t know, stranger.

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">Secretary of Night: Because it was stuffed from the beginning!

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">Scarecrow: (with a shocked look on his face) WHAT?

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">Secretary of Night: Then how about this? Because I (censor beep) STAB YOU! (Secretary of Night stabs Scarecrow in the neck and then the back with a knife)

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">Scarecrow: I knew this would happen! Ooohh....I don't feel well... (Falls on stage)

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">Bristle: See? I told you that stupid what-iffer was gonna die on stage tonight. (Bristle and Davy Jones laugh)

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">Scarecrow: Hey, guys, can you stop laughing and call me an ambulance?

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">Davy Jones: You're an ambulance. (Bristle and Davy Jones laugh again, and Scarecrow is dragged offscreen by the Secretary of Night and murdered. Then a red wagon is rolled out on stage)

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">Kermit: (Snowbird and the bird in the tree roll Scarecrow's dead body away) First You-Are The Reindeer, now Scarecrow. Could we be paying the price for what we did to...?

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">Pinkey: Don’t say that name, Mumfie.

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">Mumfie: OOOH, Pinkey’s telling me what to do. Wow, hey, everybody! Come here! You gotta come see this. Pinkey’s telling me what to do! Wow, must be a day that ends in Y! (Napoleon Jones walks by carrying a boxful of props) Hey, uh, Napoleon?

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">Napoleon Jones: Oh! Hey there, friend.

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">Mumfie: We need to talk about The Black Cat’s death.

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">Napoleon Jones: Why, sure. I love talking about that feline, if not for that tragic accident...

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">Mumfie: You know, I’m gonna stop you right there. I got something I gotta tell you.

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">

A year ago...
<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">Mumfie: Let’s play The Little Mermaid!

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">Scarecrow: What if this is actually a dangerous game?

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">Napoleon Jones: Hold on! Let me grab my floaties. (Leaves)

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">Queen Of Night: What a nerd.

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">Pinkey: Ahem. I will play Ariel!

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">The Black Cat: Mermaids aren't fat! (Pushes Pinkey)

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">Mumfie: Yikes! Queen of Night, If you only take my advice once in your natural life, take it now. Walk away. (The Queen of Night smacks Mumfie)

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">Scarecrow: MRS ADMIRAL! THE QUEEN OF NIGHT IS HITTING US AGAIN!

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">Mumfie: Yeah, who's the homo now? (The Black Cat beats up Scarecrow, and The Black Cat gets hit in the back by Mumfie with a red wagon and knocked headfirst into the pool) If we do this thing, it’s our secret forever. (Everyone agrees and they drown The Black Cat in the pool)

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">Everyone except The Black Cat: MRS ADMIRAL!

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:0.4em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0.5em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;color:rgb(58,58,58);font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:21px;">

Present Day
<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">Napoleon Jones: You killed the cat?!?

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">Mumfie: Yeah, well, It was 60% self-defense. But we're kind of burying the lead here. We think The Black Cat has  come back from the grave for revenge!

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">Napoleon Jones: Oh, The Black Cat will have her revenge… (Napoleon Jones reveals himself to be The Black Cat)

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">Mumfie and Pinkey: AAAAHHH!!!

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">The Black Cat: (Takes out knife, and attacks Mumfie) Fifteen seconds 'til your death!

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">Pinkey: HIIII-YAH! (Jumps to kick The Black Cat, but misses) Wuh!

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">The Black Cat: Here it comes! Showtime!

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">The Queen Of Night: I can handle this myself! (points a magic wand at the black cat)

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">The Black Cat: You can’t use magic on me! I'm a lot tougher than you are! (The Queen Of Night projects a magic beam from her wand, which makes Napoleon collaspe.) OOHH!! (Falls to the floor with Mr. Admiral behind her)

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:3px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:3px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:20px;">Mr. Admiral (chuckling): That bit never gets old. (Dances as funny music starts)