Mr. Conductor Meets Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy

Based on the Mr. Conductor’s Adventure Movies and all those Mr. Conductor’s Adventure Series, Mr. Conductor Meets Ed, Edd n Eddy is a series featuring George Carlin as Mr. Conductor. Each episode will have 2 Thomas stories. Only Thomas stories from Seasons 1-7 can be used. No stories from Season 8-present allowed.

Minor Guest Stars

 * Schemer
 * Mr. Conductor (Ringo Starr) (High Heeled Ed)

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Thomas Gets Tricked (The Ed-Touchables)
 * 2) Edward Helps Out (Nagged To An Ed)

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Percy Takes The Plunge (Pop Goes The Ed)
 * 2) The Trouble With Mud (Over Your Ed)

Quote 1

 * Ed: Drink, Mister?
 * Eddy: *groan* What are we going to do with you?
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, first he'll want a bath to rid his bad smell and then learn to be a little less careless. Gordon learned all about being clean and careful on the Island of Sodor after the experience he had.
 * Eddy: I'll bet he wasn't messing things up like Ed did to my scam!
 * Ed: Do you think Gordon would like an En-O-Gee drink?
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, Gordon wouldn't want an En-O-Gee drink, but his dirty paint did cause problems. Let me tell you what happened. (Blows whistle and "The Trouble With Mud" begins)

Trivia

 * "Percy Takes The Plunge" is restored

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Thomas Meets The Queen (Sir Ed-A-Lot)
 * 2) A Big Day For Thomas (A Pinch To Grow An Ed)

Quotes

 * Sarah: Bye Bye!
 * Eddy: Ed! Get me out!
 * (Mr. Conductor appears)
 * Mr. Conductor: You really like being a queen, don't you, Sarah?
 * Jimmy: AAAHHHH!!!!!! A little man!!!!!
 * Mr. Conductor: Relax, Jimmy. I am not going to hurt you. Let me properly introduce myself. Mr. Conductor at your service.
 * Jimmy: H-hi, Mr. Conductor. How did you know my name?
 * Mr. Conductor: My friends, the Eds told me about you.
 * Sarah: And me?
 * Mr. Conductor: Absolutely, I remember you when I first arrived at Peach Creek and I have a friend named Thomas The Tank Engine along with many others on the Island Of Sodor.
 * Jimmy: Ooh... I want to hear about him!
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, I heard the other day, Thomas had met the queen.
 * Jimmy: Thomas met the queen?!
 * Eddy: I bet that queen wasn't a spoiled brat like Sarah!
 * Sarah: I HEARD THAT, STUPID!
 * Eddy: (groans)
 * Sarah: Tell me and Prince Jimmy about the queen, Mr. Conductor.
 * Edd: Yes, please tell us about it, Mr. Conductor.
 * Mr. Conductor: Oh yes.... (Blows whistle and "Thomas Meets The Queen" begins)

Quote 2

 * (Mr. Conductor appears)
 * Mr. Conductor: Sounds like they're working hard in there.
 * Eddy: What's taking them so long?!
 * Mr. Conductor: Eddy, I know you want to be big like the others, but waiting at times like this can usually be very long and you must be patient.
 * Eddy: Patient Schmatient! This waiting stuff is for the birds, I HATE birds!
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, Eddy, being impatient is the last you'll want if you want to be big. Back on the Island of Sodor, Thomas learned all about having patience after his big day pulling Henry's train.
 * Eddy: *groan* I can't wait any longer for them, but at this point, I might as well hear what happened to kill time.
 * Mr. Conductor: Ok, Eddy and don't worry, time will pass. (blows whistle and "A Big Day for Thomas" begins)

Trivia

 * In "Sir Ed-A-Lot" some of the scenes come from the Shining Time Station episode, "Queen For A Day"

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Mind That Bike (George Carlin, Read All About Ed)
 * 2) Something in the Air (Alec Baldwin, Quick Shot Ed)

Quote 1

 * (Mr. Conductor appears)
 * Edd: Why hello, Mr. Conductor.
 * Mr. Conductor: Hello, Edd! What's with all of these newspapers?
 * Eddy: We're trying to deliver all of these papers.... for jawbreakers!!!!!!
 * Mr. Conductor: Sounds like a fine idea. Do you know who you'd be good friends with, Thomas and Percy's friend, Tom Tipper.
 * Edd: Is Tom Tipper an engine, too?
 * Mr. Conductor: My, no! Tom Tipper is a postman. He loved helping the 2 engines deliver the mail, but the other day, Tom thought he wouldn't deliver the mail as soon as it used to be.
 * Edd: My! Did Tom Tipper develop any sort of dilemmas?
 * Eddy: Much like my luck.
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, he had a little problem with Percy's train. Let me show you what I mean by that. (Blows whistle and "Mind That Bike" begins)

Quote 2

 * Mr. Conductor: Taking pictures of others seems rather underhanded, Eddy.
 * Eddy: Ah, what could happen, Mr. C?
 * Mr. Conductor: Well for one, the trouble you'd cause for them might come back at you. For instance, you could end up as bad as Henry The Big Green Engine. Just the other night on the Island Of Sodor, Henry ignored Thomas' warning about danger on the rails, and he ended up in a rather nasty accident.
 * Edd: What happened to poor Henry?
 * Eddy: Did Henry get his picture taken?
 * Ed: Ooh! Ooh! Was Henry added to a calendar?!
 * Edd: Please!
 * Mr. Conductor: No, but he was all fogged up you might say. Come along and you'll find out. (Blows whistle and "Something In The Air" begins)
 * (After Story)
 * Edd: At least Thomas forgave Henry after he rudely ignored him about danger. I don't think the kids will ever forgive Eddy after what kind of melee that he'll cause for them.
 * Eddy: (scoff) Yeah, more like Kevin.
 * Ed: I want to be a green whale!!!!

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Mavis (An Ed Too Many)
 * 2) One Good Turn (Ed N Seek)

Quotes

 * Mr. Conductor: Sarah's very fond of you all of a sudden, Edd.
 * Edd: I only wish to be given my space, Mr. Conductor.
 * Eddy: Yeah! And I want to focus on my scam without her messing it up!
 * Mr. Conductor: Well you know who she'd be good friends with? Mavis.
 * Ed: Who is she, Mr. C?
 * Eddy: I'll bet she wasn't as big of a pain as Sarah.
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, Mavis wasn't always the way she used to be. Let me tell you guys about her. (blows whistle and "Mavis" begins)

Quote 2

 * Mr. Conductor: Games are great fun. You know who would like Hide and Seek? My friends, Bill and Ben.
 * Edd: Who exactly are they, Mr. Conductor?
 * Mr. Conductor: Have I ever told you about Ben and Bill? Or is it Bill and Ben? I can never remember. Maybe you can tell them apart. (blows whistle and "One Good Turn" begins)

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Pop Goes The Diesel (Look into my Eds)
 * 2) Toad Stands By (Tag Yer Ed)

Quote 1

 * Mr. Conductor: You get quite a laugh out of hypnotizing people, Eddy. Reminds me of Diesel's mishap on his 1st workday on the Island of Sodor.
 * Edd: Diesel? You mean the one from when you told us about Mavis?
 * Mr. Conductor: Indeed
 * Edd: Well, I fail to see what's so comical about one's mishap.
 * Mr. Conductor: Well...Let me tell you about it. (Blows whistle and "Pop Goes The Diesel" begins)
 * (After Story)
 * Edd: Ah, I quite see now why Diesel was laughed at.
 * Eddy: *laughing* What a loser!

Quote 2

 * Mr. Conductor: Wrestling can be quite brutal, but I believe if you have faith in yourself, you can pull through. I remember Toad helped get rid of a nasty freight car S.C Ruffey and what a dreadful time he gave to poor Oliver.
 * Edd: Who are those 3, Mr. Conductor? I've never known anybody named Toad.
 * Eddy: Yeah, Mr. C. Ain't toads that kind of frog?
 * Mr. Conductor: Well Toad isn't "a" toad, but a breakvan named Toad. I'll tell you the story now, this will be much needed inspiration for you. (Blows whistle and "Toad Stands By" begins)

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Saved From Scrap (George Carlin, Dawn of the Eds)
 * 2) Thomas, Percy and Old Slow Coach (Alec Baldwin, Virt-Ed-Go)

Quotes

 * Eddy: Did you save our fellow space outlaw?
 * Ed: Yes, he was most grateful.
 * Mr. Conductor: Well done, Ed! You were quite brave and thought like a hero would. Edward would be proud. After all, he did rescue Trevor from scrap.
 * Edd: Who is Trevor? I'm quite unfamiliar.
 * Mr. Conductor: He's a traction engine only he goes on roads instead of rails. Here's what happened. (blows whistle and "Saved From Scrap" begins)
 * (After Story)
 * Eddy: If Edward was with us now, he'd be an honorary space outlaw too.
 * Mr. Conductor: I'll be sure to give him that complment when I next go to the Island of Sodor.

Quote 2

 * Mr. Conductor: Bulding a treehouse isn't as easy as you think is it, guys?
 * Eddy: Tell me about it. It's a pain!
 * Mr. Conductor: Well you know where you guys could have a clubhouse? In Old Slow Coach.
 * Ed: Huh?
 * Eddy: Say what?
 * Edd: Would Old Slow Coach be the name of a carriage from the Island of Sodor?
 * Mr. Conductor: Right you are, Edd. (blows whistle and "Thomas, Percy and Old Slow Coach" begins)
 * (After Story)
 * Eddy: If those darn firemen weren't living in that coach, I'd make quite the clubhouse out of it!

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Percy, James and the Fruitful Day (Who, What, Where, Ed!)
 * 2) Henry's Forest (Keeping up with the Eds)

Quote 1

 * Mr. Conductor: All this trouble for an egg is setting us far behind and this task is one that could end up badly. Doesn't it sorta remind you of James and Percy?
 * Edd: I'm afraid I don't follow you on that one Mr. Conductor. As illogical as it is, I can't see James and Percy trying to trade for an egg.
 * Eddy: Were they ever given a bigger job as this?
 * Mr. Conductor: Why yes, Eddy. Come along and I'll tell you Eds all about it. (Blows whistle and "Percy, James And The Fruitful Day" begins")

Quote 2

 * Edd: That'll take weeks.


 * Eddy: Not with what I got. C'mon, Frankenstein.


 * Edd: Oh, Mr. Conductor. I could only say that whatever Eddy does, he makes things worse!


 * Mr. Conductor: Well, maybe Eddy will surprise you and everything will pan out. In fact, didn't it work out for Henry and his forest?


 * Edd: Henry's Forest? I've no memory of that.


 * Mr. Conductor: You mean I've never told you about Henry and his forest? How sad (Blows Whistle and "Henry's Forest" begins)

Quote 3

 * Thomas: But What? We can't mend broken trees.


 * (then the steam filled up the screen returning us to Edd's backyard)


 * Edd: What's to become of the forest, Mr. Conductor?


 * Mr. Conductor: I'm afraid it will have to wait. I think the backyard could use some mending too.


 * Edd: Right-O!


 * Mr. Conductor: Well, shall we get to work?

Quote 4

 * Ed: Sarah's fine.


 * Mr. Conductor: You know Ed, you were just as concerned about Sarah the same way as Henry when a storm damaged his forest.


 * Ed: What happened?


 * Mr. Conductor: I'll tell you about it.


 * Eddy: Yeah yeah yeah, just hurry up and tell, I've got jawbreakers to buy.


 * Mr. Conductor: Patience Eddy, please. Now where was I... oh yes! Henry's Forest. (Blows whistle and continues telling "Henry's Forest")

Trivia

 * 2nd time a Thomas story is put in 2 parts. The 1st being was in "Mr. Conductor & Elmo saves Christmas"

Thomas Stories

 * 1) No Joke for James (Fool on the Ed)
 * 2) Tender Engines (A Boy and his Ed)

Quote 1

 * Eddy: You're messing with the king here!
 * Mr. Conductor: Now who would've guessed the kids were tricking themselves to trick you guys? Very underhanded I must say.
 * Eddy: Yeah, well it ain't funny, Mr. C! I'm going to prank them back if it kills me.
 * Ed: My underwear tickles
 * Mr. Conductor: Oh, I wouldn't if I were you, Eddy. You see, jokes can be fun, but sometimes jokes go too far and lead to trouble.
 * Edd: Are there any prank masters on the Island of Sodor?
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, I don't know about masters, but James had quite an experience with playing jokes. I'll never forget it. Neither will he. I'll tell you all about it. (blows whistle and "No Joke for James" begins)

Quote 2

 * Mr. Conductor: You know, Eddy. Being nice to Kevin might not work out to sneak yourselves some jawbreakers.
 * Eddy: Aw, come on, Mr. C! Haven't the engines on that railway ever tricked each other to get something they always wanted before?
 * Mr. Conductor: Indeed they have. Duck tricked Henry about getting extra tenders but somehow, Duck didn't impress Henry at all.
 * Eddy: I bet I could've seen through his trick!
 * Ed: Does Duck quack?
 * Edd: Ed, Please! Pay attention!
 * Mr. Conductor: Montague is his real name but he likes to be called Duck. Let me tell you guys what happened. (Blows whistle and "Tender Engines" begins)

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Thomas & The Conductor (It's Way Ed)
 * 2) The Runaway (Laugh Ed Laugh)

Quote 1

 * Mr. Conductor: You know, Eddy the way the kids change from fad to fad is setting you guys far behind. In fact, at times such as this, being ahead or caught up with others isn't easy. Like the other day on the Island of Sodor when Thomas was in a rush and forgot the conductor at the station.
 * Edd: Why, how careless of him!
 * Mr. Conductor: Yes, indeed, my friend. Come along with me and I'll tell you all about it. (blows whistle and "Thomas and the Conductor" begins)
 * (After Story)
 * Edd: I'm actually glad that the conductor forgave Thomas after he apologized to him for leaving him at the station.
 * Mr. Conductor: And of course, Thomas learned from his mistake. He now knows that being impatient does not always keep things on time.
 * Eddy: Yeah, but I don't think the stupid kids will learn after leaving us behind!!!!

Quote 2

 * Mr. Conductor: Eddy's gone as out of control as Thomas did when he returned from the works!
 * Edd: Was Thomas out of control from the lack of working on his branch line? I know I'd go crazy without my usual routine.
 * Mr. Conductor: No, something else was wrong. Harold and the railway inspector had to think of a way to stop the little engine.
 * Ed: Harold?
 * Edd: Is Harold another steam locomotive, Mr. Conductor?
 * Mr. Conductor: My, no! Harold is a helicopter. He hovers around to make sure everyone is safe. I'll tell you how he saved Thomas. This will help us think of a way to catch Eddy. (Blows whistle and "The Runaway" begins)
 * (After Story)
 * Edd: So Harold did save Thomas! What can we use to catch Eddy?
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, we can't use a helicopter! Something different. Hmmm....

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Diesel's Devious Deed (Eds-Aggerate)
 * 2) Foolish Freight Cars (Oath to an Ed)

Quote 1

 * Eddy: Kev's such a sap! Muckey boys.
 * Mr. Conductor: I don't think that was a very good idea, Eddy.
 * Eddy: It's just a fib, Mr. C. Kevin would kill me if he knew what really happened.
 * Edd: No, Mr. Conductor's right, Eddy. The truth should've been revealed.
 * Mr. Conductor: Indeed. In fact, some lies had been going around on the Island Of Sodor.
 * Edd: You mean even the engines have lied?
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, let me tell you. It's a story about.... telling stories! (Blows whistle and "Diesel's Devious Deed" begins)

Quote 2

 * Mr. Conductor: You know Eddy, being one of Rolf's Urban Rangers is not as easy as you think.
 * Eddy: Aw c'mon, Mr. C! I could win those badges blindfolded if I want to.
 * Mr. Conductor: Oh, I wouldn't think THAT would be easy. You see, trying to earn badges is like.... pulling a poorly behaved freight train up Gordon's Hill. James thought he could pull those arrogant freight cars up the hill but did he? I'll tell you. (Blows whistle and "Foolish Freight Cars" begins)

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Fish (A Glass of Warm Ed)
 * 2) Whistles and Sneezes (Flea Bitten Ed)

Quote 1

 * Eddy: You were great! You ate everything, including Jimmy!
 * Ed: OH, NO! Jimmy, don't tell Sarah! Guys help me!
 * Mr. Conductor: Eddy's just joking, Ed. But with an appetite like that, you could've very well eaten a huge train of fish Duck crashed into on Sodor!
 * Edd: Duck? You mean the engine who tricked Henry about tenders, right?
 * Mr. Conductor: Exactly. I'll tell you all about it.
 * Ed: It's storytime, Jimmy.
 * Eddy: Shut up, Ed.
 * Mr. Conductor: (Blows whistle and "Fish" begins)
 * (After Story)
 * Edd: That's was pretty interesting, Mr. Conductor.
 * Eddy: Yeah! I bet Lumpy could eat the whole train in one bite!

Quote 2

 * Eddy: HE'S GONNA BLOW!!!!! RUN FOR IT!!!!!!
 * Ed: ACHOO!!!!
 * (Mr. Conductor appears right after Ed sneezes)
 * Mr. Conductor: Wow! That was quite a sneeze, Ed.
 * Ed: Double Doctor-D?
 * Edd: You appear to be allergic to rabbits, Ed.
 * Mr. Conductor: Well at least somebody doesn't have "Antarctic Fever" like I do.
 * Edd: And what exactly is that Mr. Conductor?
 * Mr. Conductor: I came down with this illness after playing with my penguin friends at the South Pole.
 * Eddy: The South Pole?! I would rather have Kevin beat me to a pulp than go there!
 * Mr. Conductor: Well at least that is not worse than what happened to Henry The Big Green Engine the other day.
 * Eddy: Whatever happened to that green whale anyway?
 * Mr. Conductor: Well... Henry had quite some trouble with Gordon and some boys.
 * Edd: Please tell us about it, Mr. C.
 * Mr. Conductor: Okay, but I gotta warn you, like Ed, it has some sneezing in it so stand back! (Blows whistle and "Whistles & Sneezes" begins)
 * (After Story)
 * Mr. Conductor: Sometimes a sneeze can come in handy.
 * Eddy: (scoff) Yeah, like turn yourself into a blimp!

Trivia

 * After Ed sneezed, Mr. Conductor appears in his box from the "Shining Time Station" episode, "Achoo!".
 * When Eddy mentioned "green whale", he refers to when Mr. C told the Eds "Something In The Air".

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Special Funnel (Button Yer Ed)
 * 2) All at Sea (Avast Ye Eds)

Quote 1

 * Mr. Conductor: At least Eddy won't need a new voice. I remember my friend, Peter Sam had an accident and needed a new funnel.
 * Ed: Who?
 * Edd: Who exactly is Peter Sam, Mr. Conductor?
 * Mr. Conductor: Peter Sam is a small green tank engine, sort of like Percy, but he lives on another part of the Island Of Sodor known as the narrow-gauge railway. I'll tell you about it. (Blows whistle and "Special Funnel" begins)
 * (After Story)
 * Edd: Well, that was a splendid ending for Peter Sam. However, Eddy couldn't just get a new voice if his old one never returned.
 * Mr. Conductor: True, but right now Eddy must cope the best he can with his bell.
 * Rolf: Rolf enjoys good food and a memorable story! Thank you, Mr. Conductor!
 * Mr. Conductor: My pleasure, Rolf.

Quote 2

 * Mr. Conductor: Ahhh... Floating down the water is quite relaxing. This is just like the cruises on the Island of Sodor.
 * Jimmy: The Island of Sodor has cruises?
 * Mr. Conductor: Yes, indeed. The boats from the harbour also bring people if there should be any emergency.
 * Johnny: Have the trains ever gone on cruises?
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, Duck wanted to go to sea.
 * Johnny: Plank wants to know if he did, Mr. Conductor.
 * Mr. Conductor: Well...why don't I tell you what happened, and then you will find out.(Blows whistle and "All at Sea" begins)
 * (After Story)
 * Edd: I'm really glad that Duck received that flag from the regatta. He deserved it.
 * Johnny: Plank says "Why don't we sail to the regatta?!".
 * Eddy: Yeah, yeah, yeah. The regatta.

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Thomas Breaks the Rules (Know it all Ed)
 * 2) A New Friend for Thomas (Dear Ed)

Quote 1

 * Mr. Conductor: You know, Eddy, the way you try to keep the kids in order reminds me of the time Thomas got in trouble with the police.
 * Edd: Gracious! Thomas in trouble with the police?
 * Eddy: Did Thomas have to pay a fine too?
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, Let me tell you about it (blows whistle and "Thomas Breaks the Rules" begins)

Quote 2

 * Mr. Conductor: You know, Johnny making new friends isn't all bad even...unless that person looks or acts unique.
 * Johnny: What do you mean, Mr. C?
 * Mr. Conductor: You see, making a friend helps you to get to know somebody, especially to show what you can do. My friend, Thomas was impressed when his new friend, Trevor showed him a thing or two.
 * Johnny (sadly): Who's Trevor?
 * Mr. Conductor: Cheer up, Johnny. Trevor is a traction engine who was saved from scrap by Edward the Blue Engine. I'll tell you all about it. (blows whistle and "A New Friend for Thomas" begins)

Quote 3

 * Eddy: Don't judge a book by its cover, Johnny. It's salty and it's a boot. Knock yourself out.
 * Mr. Conductor: Hmmm...now where have I heard that expression?

Trivia

 * Mr. Conductor's mention of hearing the expression Eddy says in "Dear Ed" before is a reference to the Thomas song, Don't Judge a Book By Its Cover".

Thomas Stories

 * 1) No Sleep for Cranky (Knock, Knock Who's Ed?)
 * 2) Gordon and the Gremlin (One + One = Ed)

Trivia

 * Gordon & the Gremlin will have a crazy effect style to go with One + One = Ed

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Percy and the Signal (Eeny,Meeny, Miney, Ed)
 * 2) Gordon and the Famous Visitor (Ready, Set...Ed!)

Quote 1

 * Ed: Oh no! Not Eddy! Take me Lizard Man!
 * Mr. Conductor: Ed, Eddy's playing a trick. Nobody's being turned into bugs.
 * Ed: You can't fool me! How do I know Double-D hasn't turned you into a bug?!
 * Mr. Conductor: I think I've just the way to prove it so you'll believe me and realize none of what Eddy's said is real...A Thomas Story.
 * Mr. Conductor: Did the choo choos get turned into bugs too?!
 * Mr. Conductor: Of course they didn't. This is a story about when Percy was being cheeky the same way as Eddy and playing tricks (blows whistle and "Percy and the Signal" begins)
 * (After Story)
 * Mr. Conductor: So after Gordon and James showed Percy what it's like to be tricked, Percy thought twice about playing jokes.
 * Ed: I hope the Lizard Man doesn't get Percy the green choo choo!
 * Edd: Why are Eddy's clothes on my floor? Is he running around naked again?!

Quote 2

 * Eddy: NOT KNITTING!!!! We move to Plan B...knitting please.
 * Mr. Conductor: Good luck with that, Eddy. Let's just hope you have a better endgame than Gordon did. He was acting the same way towards a famous engine and had a bad outcome.
 * Eddy: Fill me in on it, Mr. C. I'm game to hear.
 * Mr. Conductor: As you wish, Eddy. (blows whistle and "Gordon and the Famous Visitor" begins)
 * (After Story)
 * Edd: Well, Gordon certainly learned his lesson after that mishap. Hopefully Eddy will learn a lesson too.
 * Mr. Conductor: You're absoultely right, Edd. Jealousy is one thing you don't want to practice.
 * Eddy: Well I'm going to practice my scam.
 * Mr. Conductor: Good luck, Eddy! And don't end up blowing your dome off!!!!! (disappears)

Thomas Stories

 * 1) James & The Queen Of Sodor (Michael Brandon, Hands Across Ed)
 * 2) Dunkin' Duncan (Alec Baldwin, Floss Your Ed)

Quote 1

 * Mr. Conductor: Wow! I didn't know that you are doing a telethon, Eddy. I would be proud to be a part of it.
 * Eddy: Yeah! We just need perfect auditions, a good show and BINGO, we'll be in jawbreaker heaven!
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, I wouldn't count my chickens yet if I were you, Eddy.
 * Eddy: What do you mean, Mr. I-Know-Everything-About-Showtime?!
 * Mr. Conductor: You see, making perfect auditions isn't all easy. In fact, if somebody succeeds as well as the others, they could show off, and showing off can really lead you into confusion. Take the story of James the red engine. James had showed off in front of Gordon once, and the blue engine somehow got back at him.
 * Edd: James? Showing off? How could he?
 * Eddy: Was James trying to earn money by staging a telethon?
 * Edd: Please, Eddy, what would engines want with currency?
 * Mr. Conductor: Well James wasn't performing a telethon, but he did get a new coat of paint. Let me tell you Eds about it. (Blows whistle and "James & The Queen Of Sodor" begins)
 * (After Story)
 * Edd: I certainly blame James for this. If he hadn't boasted about to Gordon, he wouldn't have gotten that job.
 * Mr. Conductor: True, and after when Percy covered James of soot, the red engine now thought twice about showing off.

Quote 2

 * Mr. Conductor: Losing a tooth requires a lot of patience, Eddy.
 * Eddy: PATIENCE?! If I don't yank that tooth out by tonight, I'm jawbreakerless!!!!
 * Mr. Conductor: Being impatient does not always fix the problem. Doesn't it sort of remind you of Duncan?
 * Eddy: Who the heck's Duncan?!
 * Mr. Conductor: Duncan is a narrow gauge engine. He works hard, but has a nasty attitude.
 * Edd: Sounds just like our Eddy
 * Eddy: (angrily) Really, Mr. C! What did Duncan ever do that was as profitable as Ed's tooth?!
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, Duncan was trying to get his work done faster. Let me tell you about it. (Blows whistle and "Dunkin Duncan" begins)

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Lady Hatt's Birthday Party (Alec Baldwin, In Like Ed)
 * 2) Thomas and Stepney (George Carlin, Who Let the Ed In?)

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Bulls Eyes (Homecooked Eds)
 * 2) Oliver Owns Up (Rambling Ed)

Quote 1

 * Kevin: C'mon, Rolf! I'm gettin' a stitch!
 * Rolf: Bye Bye!
 * (Mr. Conductor appears in a cloud of gold dust)
 * Mr. Conductor: Those Kankers sure are causing a lot of chaos in your house, Eddy.
 * Eddy: Tell me about itI
 * Edd: When will this chaos end?!
 * Mr. Conductor: It's one thing to make a mess, but it's another to behave like bulls in a china shop. Or in Daisy's case, a bull on the line from the time she encountered Champion.
 * Eddy: Who the heck is Champion for crying out loud?!
 * Mr. Conductor: Champion is a bull with quite a nasty attitude and Daisy soon learned that for herself.
 * Edd: Pardon me Mr. Conductor. But who is Daisy?
 * Mr. Conductor: Daisy is a diesel railcar who came to help after Thomas had an accident.
 * Ed: *cries* Poor little Thomas!!!! *cries*
 * Edd: I'm sure Thomas was all right, Ed. Now, Mr. Conductor, would you be kind enough to explain how Champion became a nuisance?
 * Mr. Conductor: Of course I will. Come along, Eds! (Blows whistle and "Bulls Eyes" begins)
 * (After Story)
 * Eddy: If that Champion bull was here, he would totally frighten and chase the stupid Kankers outta my house!!!!
 * Edd: I don't know about Champion chasing the Kankers, Eddy. This weather endures them a LOOOONG vacation!
 * Eddy: Weather, huh? Summer's about to call it a day boys!
 * Mr. Conductor: And I know just the plan.

Quote 2

 * Ed: I'm a cowboy! Bang Bang!
 * (Mr. Conductor appears in a cloud of gold dust)
 * Mr. Conductor: Hi Rolf. Everything going fine with the Eds?
 * Rolf: A Burden has been placed on Rolf.
 * Mr. Conductor: Sometimes it takes time to get used to having new company around. Take the story of Oliver-
 * Rolf: A store of olives? No thank you. I am not hungry.
 * Mr. Conductor: No, I mean the story of Oliver The Great Western Engine, when he was still new to The Island Of Sodor. Well, You can't take it unless I give it to you. Right? (Blows whistle and "Oliver Owns Up" begins)

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Happy Ever After (Alec Baldwin, To Sir With Ed)
 * 2) Wrong Road (George Carlin, Key to my Ed)

Quote 1

 * Mr. Conductor: Wow, Eddy! I didn't know that you're going on a date.
 * Edd: Perhaps you can aid Eddy into figuring out what to do to prepare for his date with Nazz, Mr. Conductor.
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, I definitely know that every date needs a good-luck package.
 * Eddy: A good-luck what?
 * Mr. Conductor: A good-luck package, Eddy. Percy The Small Engine once collected a good-luck package for the bride and groom on the Island Of Sodor. And Mrs. Kindley was very pleased with the green engine.
 * Eddy: Wow! I didn't know trains could get married!!!! (laughs)
 * Edd: Please, Eddy. It is highly illogical for engines to get married. And by the way Mr. Conductor, who exactly is Mrs. Kindley?
 * Mr. Conductor: She is the bride's mother, and Percy really loved the special assignment given from her. Let me tell you Eds all about the good-luck package. (Blows whistle and "Happily Ever After" begins)

Quote 2

 * Jimmy: Too tight! Too tight! Sarah!
 * Mr. Conductor: That key doesn't seem to fit inside anything.
 * Eddy: Tell me about it, Mr. C! This key's useless!
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, I think somebody probably misplaced this key.
 * Edd: Mr. Conductor's right, Eddy. That key should be returned to it's rightful owner because that person who misplaced it made a big mistake.
 * Mr. Conductor: Edd has a point. A lot of people make mistakes, even railroad people. Remember that mix-up with Gordon and Edward?
 * Edd: I'm afraid we don't remember hearing that, Mr. Conductor.
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, you will when I tell you about it. (Blows whistle and "Wrong Road" begins)
 * (After Story)
 * Edd: I don't blame Gordon for such a mistake. It was his driver who made him start too soon.
 * Mr. Conductor: Right, and when the 2 twin engines tricked him, Gordon made things worse because Gordon has what you might call a bad attitude.

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Percy and the Haunted Mine (Alec Baldwin, Honor Thy Ed)
 * 2) Thomas Goes Fishing (George Carlin, Scrambled Ed)

Quote 1

 * Mr. Conductor: This house couldn't be haunted. You shouldn't judge something scary for how it looks.
 * Ed: Like Sarah?
 * Eddy: *laughing* Good one, Ed! *Laughs repeatedly*
 * Edd: I think what Mr. Conductor means is sometimes something from afar isn't so scary when you get up close to it.
 * Mr. Conductor: You're right, Edd. After all, Percy had quite an adventure about fear when he had to travel to Maithwate
 * Edd: Maithwate?
 * Eddy: That doesn't sound scary!
 * Mr. Conductor: Oh, but the mine is. Especially at night. I'll tell you guys about it. (blows whistle and "Percy and the Haunted Mine" begins)

Quote 2

 * Mr. Conductor: Edd's too tired to work on the scam. He's looking the same way Thomas did when he got a boilerache.
 * Ed: Boy that must've hurt, Mr. C.
 * Eddy: This is no time for a story, Mr. C! Eds' Sea Ranch must happen today!
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, what Thomas went through was a little like your scam, Eddy.
 * Eddy: How?
 * Mr. Conductor: He was a fish out of water you might say. (blows whistle and "Thomas Goes Fishing" begins)

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Percy Runs Away (Urban Ed)
 * 2) Duck Takes Charge (Stop, Look and Ed)

Quote 1

 * Ed: Let's drive to the city, fellas!
 * Edd: We're too young to drive, Ed.
 * Ed: My dad has a shovel.
 * Schemer (voice only): Hello!
 * Mr. Conductor: Uh-oh! I know that voice. He comes, I go. Bye! (disappears)
 * Schemer: Boys, I just overheard you all want to go to the city.
 * Edd: And who may I ask are you, sir?
 * Schemer: Why, my name is Horace A. Schemer, but please, just call me Schemer.
 * Edd: Well, my name is Eddward, Mr. Schemer.
 * Eddy: Eddy's the name, scamming's my game.
 * Ed: And I'm Ed!
 * Schemer: Well, Eddy, judging by your "game", I can already see you and I are gonna be great partners in the big city.
 * Eddy: You're gonna bring us to the city?!
 * Edd: Eddy, we mustn't go off with a stranger.
 * Ed: But we know his name, Double-D!
 * Eddy: Well I say if we can't go to the city, Let's bring the city to the cul-de-sac.
 * Edd: I suppose I should find some tape.
 * Ed: Not to mention a duck.
 * Schemer: And I've just the attraction for the city. Be right back, guys. (wheezing laughter)

Quote 2

 * Johnny: Plank! Oh, Plank!
 * (Mr. Conductor appears)
 * Johnny: Mr. Conductor! Have you seen Plank?
 * Mr. Conductor: Your piece of wood? Did you lose him?
 * Johnny: He ran off, Mr. C. He's by himself in this scary city.
 * Mr. Conductor: Oh, a plank of wood ran away, eh? Well, now I've heard everything.
 * Johnny: What's to become of my pal?!
 * Mr. Conductor: I'm sure you'll come across him, Johnny. Running away is never a good idea no matter what the cause. Percy learned that from the time he ran away himself.
 * Johnny: Will you tell me it, Mr. Conductor? Maybe I'll calm down a bit.
 * Mr. Conductor: Certainly, Johnny. Here goes. (Blows whistle and "Percy Runs Away" begins)

Quote 3

 * Mr. Conductor: Well, Eddy, you've certainly spread the No Rules Rule word to the other kids.
 * Edd: At least you and I know best to follow rules and regulations, Mr. Conductor.
 * Eddy: Oh well, Looks like you guys will miss out on skating in the wet cement rink.
 * Mr. Conductor: You know, Eddy, rules and regulations have to be followed in order to keep us safe and in order. On the Island Of Sodor, there are many rules and regulations that must be obeyed, and when the engines forget that, things can go very wrong. Take the story of Duck's first workday on the Island Of Sodor.
 * Edd: I don't think we ever heard that one, Mr. Conductor.
 * Mr. Conductor: You mean I didn't tell you about when Duck first arrived in the yard? How sad. (Blows whistle and "Duck Takes Charge" begins)

Trivia

 * Schemer guest stars in "Urban Ed". He also hosts his radio show again from the Shining Time Station episode, "Is Anybody There?" as a city attraction.

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Thomas Comes To Breakfast [told by George Carlin] (Rent-A-Ed)
 * 2) Bye George! [told by Alec Baldwin] (Shoo Ed)

Quotes
Quote 2
 * Mr. Conductor: Now think about this first, Eddy. After all, You and Ed have caused alot of damage today.
 * Eddy: Ah, What could happen?
 * Mr. Conductor: Well for one, You could end up as bad as Thomas. He didn't think and he had quite an accident.
 * Eddy: Don't tell me it was that accident when Daisy the stupid railcar thingy came and couldn't get that stupid bull off the track?!
 * Mr. Conductor: Eddy, Please mind your manners. Now where was I? Oh, yes! Thomas' accident! (Blows whistle and "Thomas Come To Breakfast" begins)
 * Mr. Conductor: This plan of getting rid of Johnny from others sounds rather underhanded, Eddy. In fact, Johnny's just as big of a bother as George.
 * Edd: George? Would that be the one who failed to deliver the controller to his wife's party?
 * Mr. Conductor: Yes indeed. But I'm afraid he's caused the engines a lot of trouble. (blows whistle and "Bye George!" begins)

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Thomas and the Jet Engine (Ed in a Half Shell)
 * 2) A Better View for Gordon (Mirror, Mirror on the Ed)

Quotes

 * Mr Conductor: You'd be surprised by how others can learn. Jimmy could be as twice as good at the skill as you.
 * Eddy: Say What?
 * Edd: Have the engines on Sodor ever learned or done something as well as the other?
 * Mr. Conductor: Indeed they have. Thomas once outran Gordon with help from his special and it's quite a story. I'll never forget it. Neither will he. I'll tell you about it. (blows whistle and "Thomas and the Jet Engine" begins)

Quote 2

 * Mr. Conductor: Oh, this new change is very confusing. If you guys keep going like this, you'll end up like the time Gordon crashed through the new station wall.
 * Eddy (as Edd): Oh dear, Mr. Conductor!
 * Ed(as Eddy): What a sap! *laughs*
 * Edd (as Ed): What happened to the blue choo-choo, Mr. C?
 * Mr. Conductor: Well...Let me tell you about it. (blows whistle and "A Better View for Gordon" begins)

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Special Attraction (George Carlin, Hot Buttered Ed)
 * 2) Emily's New Coaches (Michael Angelis, High Heeled Ed)

Quote 1

 * Mr. Conductor: You know Eddy, being angry that Kevin took your spot doesn't always fix the problem. Bulstrode was acting the same way with the freight cars until he was taught a lesson.


 * Eddy: Who the heck is Bulstrode?!


 * Edd: And what kind of name is Bulstrode, Mr. Conductor? I've never known somebody named Bulstrode.


 * Mr. Conductor: He's a very impatient and ill-tempered barge. Percy soon found that out for himself. I'll tell you about it.


 * Edd: And PLEASE Mr. Conductor, make it quick! I must find more sunscreen!


 * Mr. Conductor: Patience, Edd. Just try to calm down. Now where was I? (Blows Whistle and "Special Attraction" Begins)

Quote 2

 * (Mr. Conductor's Cousin Appears)


 * Mr. Conductor: Hello, Jimmy.


 * (Jimmy screams)


 * Jimmy: Who are you?!


 * Mr. Conductor: Relax, Jimmy. I'm not going to hurt you. Allow me to properly introduce myself. My name is Ringo but you may call me Mr. Conductor.


 * Jimmy: I have a friend named Mr. Conductor, too!


 * Mr. Conductor: Well, he is my cousin. He went go-karting with your other lads. Unfortunately, he has to watch the lads race together because he is much too short to drive.


 * Jimmy: Mr. Conductor, why do you have a butterfly net?


 * Mr. Conductor: I'm going to catch some butterflies. And by the way, you get along with Sarah and Nazz very well. My friend Thomas most recently got along with his new friend Emily.


 * Jimmy: Gee wilikers, Mr. C! Who is Emily?


 * Mr. C: She is a very beautiful engine. I'll tell you about her. And by the way, Jimmy, never beat a golden monarch butterfly in a game of cards. They get angry! (Blows whistle and "Emily's New Coaches" begins)

Quote 3

 * (Mr. Conductor's cousin appears)
 * Eddy: Mr. C?
 * Mr. Conductor: Hello lads.
 * Ed: (laughs) You talk funny, Mr. C!
 * Eddy: You ain't the Mr. C I know!
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, I'm his cousin. He asked me to check up on you lads while he went to watch the other lads go-karting. I just met your lad Jimmy and he's quite the fellow.
 * Edd: Mr. Conductor, we're on a safari observing girls in their habitat. Anything you might know?
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, ladies enjoy being treated with respect.
 * Eddy: How useless, We're right back where we started...

Trivia

 * Mr. Conductor (Ringo Starr) guest stars in "High Heeled Ed".

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Thomas' Christmas Party (Fa-La-La-La-Ed)
 * 2) Rusty helps Peter Sam (Cry Ed)

Quote 2

 * Edd: This isn't how you crave for attention, Eddy.
 * Mr. Conductor: Edd's right, Eddy. Faking being hurt won't get you attention. Sir Handel pretended that he was ill and Peter Sam was the one who ended up being hurt.
 * Edd: (loud gasp) What happened to Peter Sam?! I-is he okay.
 * Eddy: (to himself) Here we go....
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, I thought you'd never ask! (Blows whistle and "Rusty Heps Peter Sam" begins)
 * (After story)
 * Edd: How awful....
 * Eddy: Wow! I wish I had evil freight cars pounding on me! That'll definitely bring the kids running back!!!!
 * Edd: He's so stubborn!!!!

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Salty's Secret (Alec Baldwin, Wish You Were Ed)
 * 2) Trouble for Thomas (George Carlin, Momma's Little Ed)

Quotes

 * (Mr. Conductor appears in a cloud of gold dust)
 * Mr, Conductor: Hi, Rolf!
 * Rolf: (sad sigh)
 * Mr. Conductor: Gee! I must have the wrong location. Is this the cul-de-sac or world headquarters for the I.M.S?
 * Rolf: For what is this I.M.S you are talking about, Mr. Conductor?
 * Mr. Conductor: The International Mopey Society. What's the matter with you Rolf?
 * Rolf: Rolf is heartbroken.
 * Mr. Conductor: Awww.... I understand Rolf. I just figured out that you are homesick. Salty was feeling the same way when he wanted to work by the seas.
 * Rolf: (sadly) Who is this Salty are you talking about, Mr. Conductor?
 * Mr. Conductor: Aw cheer up, Rolf. Salty is a dockside diesel who loves working by the sea. Come along, Rolf and I'll tell you about him. (Blows whistle and "Salty's Secret" begins)
 * (After Story)
 * Rolf: This Salty tale could not cheer Rolf.

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Granpuff (George Carlin, Once Upon An Ed)
 * 2) Gordon Takes A Tumble (Alec Baldwin, For Your Ed Only)

Quote 1

 * Johnny: Boy, this story stinks!
 * (Mr. Conductor appears)
 * Johnny: Hey, Mr. Conductor, you know any good stories that Plank and I would like?
 * Mr. Conductor: What story would you like?
 * Johnny: Plank and I want a real story like Octopus' Gardens, Silver Hammers, and Mr. Kite! Ooh! Even a story on the Island Of Sodor!
 * Eddy: Really?! What does the Island Of Sodor have to do with a jawbreaker bank?!
 * Edd: Hush, Eddy. Mr. Conductor's going to tell us a story.
 * Eddy: (groans)
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, we got a big audience tonight.
 * Johnny: Oh, I'm so excited, Plank!
 * Mr. Conductor: This is a story about a story. (Blows whistle and "Granpuff" begins)

Quote 2

 * Mr. Conductor: Edd's right, Eddy. Ignoring the warnings on Sarah's diary could stir up trouble.
 * Eddy: At last! My revenge!!!! (laughs)
 * Ed: If Sarah finds out the diary's missing, she'll tell mom and mom will tell dad and-
 * Eddy: We heard you the first time, Ed!
 * Mr. Conductor: No, Ed's right, Eddy. Reading Sarah's diary is bad, but it can't be any worse than what happened to Gordon The Big Blue Engine.
 * Edd: What exactly happened to Gordon anyway?
 * Mr. Conductor: Well... Gordon was acting disobedient towards Salty.
 * Edd: Much like our Eddy.
 * Mr. Conductor: Indeed, in fact, Gordon ended up in a huge accident.
 * Eddy: Was Gordon planning revenge on Salty?!
 * Mr. Conductor: Not exactly, but he was going too fast for the freight cars. Let me show you what I mean by that. (Blows whistle and "Gordon Takes A Tumble" begins)
 * (After Story)
 * Edd: I guess Gordon really did learn his lesson.
 * Mr. Conductor: Indeed, and pretty soon, Eddy will learn his lesson as well.
 * Ed: Will Eddy fall off the tracks, Mr. C?

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Rusty and the Boulder (Alec Baldwin, It Came From Outer Ed)
 * 2) Home At Last (George Carlin, 3 Squares And An Ed)

Quotes

 * Edd: Mr. Conductor, perhaps you can aid me in figuring out what Ed expects to accomplish with this scam and what it's all about?
 * Mr. Conductor: I wish I knew, Edd. But Ed's scam with rocks, Q's, and the way Eddy's dressed has got me stumped. This reminds me a lot of the time Rusty thought he was being watched.
 * Edd: Rusty? Being watched? By who? Or what if I may ask?
 * Mr. Conductor: You won't believe it when I tell you. (blows whistle and "Rusty and the Boulder" begins)
 * (After the Story)
 * Edd: Gracious. I would never have imagined a diesel like Rusty believe he was being watched by an inanimate object. Although I'd rather move heavy rocks than a boulder.

Quote 2

 * Eddy: I know a way to get Ed outta here so that even he won't know he's missing.
 * Mr. Conductor: Oh, I don't think that's a very good idea, Eddy. Ed will get into even more trouble, you and even Edd will, too.
 * Eddy: Aw, C'mon, Mr. C! Haven't the trains on that railway ever busted each other out in situations like this?
 * Mr. Conductor: Indeed, they have. Duncan was very naughty for getting stuck in a tunnel, and Skarloey had to help him out.
 * Edd: Excuse me, Mr. Conductor, but how could being trapped inside a tunnel be considered a misdemeanor? Unless It was due to irresponsibility.
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, it's about time you found out. (Blows whistle and "Home At Last" begins)
 * (After Story)
 * Edd: My.... I didn't know that engines could misbehave by getting stuck in a tunnel, and I thought Duncan was very careless to do such a thing like that.
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, Sir Topham Hatt gave Duncan severe consequences. And If Eddy tries to break Ed out, he'll get severe consequences as well.
 * Eddy: *scoff* yeah, right.

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Twin Trouble (Alec Baldwin, Dim Lit Ed)
 * 2) James Learns A Lesson (George Carlin, Dim Lit Ed)

Quote 1

 * Mr. Conductor: Eddy, what you did made Rolf very unhappy.
 * Eddy: So I chucked his stinky fishball. Big whoop.
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, apologizing is one thing you'll want to do. The twin engines, Donald and Douglas found that hard to do when they blamed each other for an accident.
 * Edd: My, how awful.
 * Eddy: I bet they didn't have the others on their backs like Double-D on mine.
 * Mr. Conductor: No, but like Rolf they were certainly mad with each other. I'll tell you, but I'm in no mood to use a scottish accent. (blows whistle and "Twin Trouble" begins)

Quote 2

 * Kevin: That's no alligator!
 * Eddy: What do you know? Didn't you see it move?
 * Mr. Conductor: Seems Kevin was to smart for you, Eddy. With a little more effort, you could've made it look realistic!

Quote 3

 * Mr. Conductor: Edd's right, Eddy. You and Ed must learn. Lessons can be very useful and help you learn from past mistakes. Just like a lesson James learned on the Island of Sodor.
 * Eddy: Did he crash into tar again? I'd learn better than to let that happen to me twice.
 * Ed: I forget what that stuff is.
 * Edd: I'll remind you in a while, Ed. Now, Mr. Conductor, would you be so kind as to tell us what happened?
 * Mr. Conductor: I will! (blows whistle and "James Learns A Lesson" begins)

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Cranky Bugs (Will Work For Ed)
 * 2) James and the Red Balloon (Ed, Ed And Away)

Quotes

 * (Mr. Conductor appears)
 * Mr. Conductor: Hi, guys. How's Ed doing on his first day?
 * Eddy: That jerk, Rolf is deducting his pay. Now Ed won't get any money and that means no jawbreakers!
 * Edd: Eddy, let Ed learn from his mistakes. First days don't always go well.
 * Mr. Conductor: You're right, Edd. After all, Cranky the Crane's first day on the Island of Sodor didn't go well either.
 * Eddy: At least cranes can't give deductions.
 * Mr. Conductor: No, but Cranky did give Thomas and Percy trouble. Let me tell you what happened. (blows whistle and "Cranky Bugs" begins)

Thomas Stories

 * 1) James Goes Buzz Buzz (X Marks The Ed)
 * 2) Steamroller (From Here To Ed)

Quotes

 * Mr. Conductor: You really hate Kevin, don't you Eddy.
 * Eddy: Yeah, I do, Mr. C! That square-headed jerk owes me a lot of money! I'm gonna get rid of him once and for all!!!!
 * Mr. Conductor: Well getting rid of somebody isn't as easy as you think, Eddy. After all, Sir Handel found it hard to vanquish George The Steamroller. Somehow, George ended up getting back at the little engine.
 * Eddy: I bet I could show that squirt of a steamroller what for!
 * Mr. Conductor: Sir Handel thought the same, but it ended quite bad for him. (Blows whistle and "Steamroller" begins)

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Daisy (Boys Will Be Eds)
 * 2) Thomas and Bertie's Great Race (Ed or Tails)

Quotes

 * Eddy: Does that answer your question? You won't impress Nazz with chickens!
 * Ed: I won't?
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, impressing people isn't always easy. At least Nazz isn't stubborn like Daisy.
 * Edd: Daisy? Would this be the same Daisy who encountered the bull known as Champion?
 * Mr. Conductor: Right you are, Edd. Come along with me and I'll tell you all about it. (blows whistle and "Daisy" begins)
 * (After Story)
 * Edd: My, Daisy IS stubborn. I'm glad to know Nazz rather than that lazy diesel.
 * Eddy: Yeah, but I bet Nazz would love to see a strong man like me pull something as heavy as a milk truck.
 * Ed: I'll carry a gravy truck!!!!
 * Edd: Please.

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Busy Going Backwards (Alec Baldwin, Gimme Gimme Never Ed)
 * 2) Heroes (George Carlin, My Fair Ed)

Quote 1

 * Johnny: Plank says "Let's talk cash!".
 * Eddy: I'm listening!
 * Johnny: Plank says "You need a breathmint, Eddy."
 * Mr. Conductor: You know Johnny, this next ride could take long for Edd to build. How would you like to hear about a wild ride Toad went for on the Island Of Sodor?!
 * Johnny: A toad went on a ride?! Far out!
 * Mr. Conductor: Well it isn't "a" toad... but a breakvan named Toad. (Blows whistle and "Busy Going Backwards" begins)

Quote 2

 * Mr. Conductor: You 2 are in need of an adjustment on good behavior.
 * Edd: Mr. Conductor's right, Eddy. You and Ed are out of control.
 * Eddy: Don't be such a sockhead, sockhead, so what if we can't help it. We're natural that way. Right, Ed?
 * Ed (still running around the tree): You won't get far from me, Eddy! (laughs)
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, Eddy, I think if you and Ed change how you act, the other kids will think better of you. Just like Sir Topham Hatt thought better of Bill and Ben.
 * Eddy: Those troublemakers? I'll laugh when they earn medals.
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, the twins didn't earn medals for their heroic efforts the day they saved the people at the quarry.
 * Edd: Why, this should start you fellows with a good example. Won't you please tell us, Mr. Conductor?
 * Mr. Conductor: I will! (blows whistle and "Heroes" begins)

Thomas Stories

 * 1) The Old Bridge (Michael Brandon, Rock-A-Bye Ed)
 * 2) Oliver's Find (Alec Baldwin, O-Ed Eleven)

Quotes

 * Mr. Conductor: Fear is usually hard to handle. Reminds me of when Skarloey was afraid to cross an Old Bridge, and Rheneas had to do most of his work.
 * Edd: Perhaps Ed would like to hear it.
 * Eddy: Was Skarloey afraid the bridge was going to eat him?!
 * Mr. Conductor: I wouldn't say that, but Skarloey almost ended up in serious danger. (Blows whistle and "The Old Bridge" begins)

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Passengers and Polish (George Carlin)
 * 2) Thomas and the Rumors (Alec Baldwin)

Quote 1

 * Mr. Conductor: Hi, Eds. What's the matter?
 * Eddy: Monobrow forgot where he put my fancy magazines!!!!
 * Edd: Please Eddy, it was just a mistake.
 * Mr. Conductor: Edd is indeed right, Eddy. You can't grumble all the time just because you didn't get what you wanted. Duncan acted the same way when he didn't get polished by Nancy, and boy Duncan behaved very badly.
 * Eddy: I'll bet Duncan wasn't looking for magazines that someone hid for him!
 * Edd: EDDY!
 * Eddy: (groans)
 * Edd: Pardon me, Mr. Conductor. I know about Duncan for sure, but who is Nancy?
 * Mr. Conductor: Nancy is a conductor's daughter, and she definitely made Duncan upset for sure. Let me explain. (Blows whistle and "Passengers & Polish" begins)
 * (After Story)
 * Edd: I certainly blame Duncan for deliberately stopping on the viaduct. He was ridiculous enough to do that.
 * Mr. Conductor: Indeed. And when Skarloey dragged Duncan back to the station, the passengers were very upset with Duncan.
 * Edd: I don't know if Duncan will ever learn the fact of importance....neither will Eddy.
 * Eddy: Well those magazines ARE important to me! They are one of a kind anniversary issue!!!!!

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Percy's Predicament (Brother, Can You Spare An Ed?)
 * 2) Thomas, Percy and the Dragon (The Day the Ed Stood Still)

Quote 1

 * Ed:: SARAH!!!! Dog meat!!!!
 * Mr. Conductor: Oh, dear! Oh, dear! Eddy's gotten you into hot water this time!
 * Edd: What are we to do when Sarah finds out?!
 * Eddy: You mean IF she finds out. I got it covered.
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, I wouldn't count on it, Eddy. After all, Percy thought he could keep the cars under control, and he ended up in a predicament as bad as this.
 * Ed: Did Percy get turned into dog meat, Mr. C?!
 * Mr. Conductor: Well.... I'll tell you! (Blows whistle and "Percy's Predicament" begins)

Quote 2

 * Mr. Conductor: You really like monsters, don't you Ed?
 * Ed: Are they any monsters on the Island Of Sodor?!
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, Percy saw more than a monster.
 * Ed: What monster did Percy see?!
 * Mr. Conductor: A dragon!
 * Ed: Oh, gravy! Thomas turned into a dragon with a blood-curdling roar, grabbed Percy and turned him into a marshmallow with his firebreath!
 * Mr. Conductor: Well.... that's a little too dramatic, Ed. Let me tell what REALLY happened. (Blows whistle and "Thomas, Percy, & The Dragon" begins)

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Percy's Ghostly Trick (George Carlin, An Ed in the Bush)
 * 2) Stepney Gets Lost (Alec Baldwin, See No Ed)

Quote 1

 * Johnny: Right on!
 * Jimmy: Jeepers Creepers.
 * (Mr. Conductor appears)
 * Rolf: Ah, Mr. Conductor, what brings you to our campsite?
 * Mr. Conductor: I was with the Eds and I thought I'd see what you guys were up to when I heard mentioning of ghost stories. But I gotta say, ghost stories could be pretty scary.
 * Johnny: Hey, Mr. C! Do they have any ghosts on the Island Of Sodor?!
 * Jimmy: HOLY MACKEREL!!!! Do they really have g-g-ghosts?!
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, Thomas thought he saw a real ghost, let me tell you 3 about it. (Blows whistle and "Percy's Ghostly Trick" begins)
 * (After Story)
 * Johnny: Holy Moley!!!!!! Percy really did scare the boiler outta Thomas!!!!! Far out!!!!
 * Rolf: Ho ho! That was some scary tale you told Mr. Conductor! Rolf would give you a badge if you were part of the Urban Rangers.
 * Mr. Conductor: Thanks Rolf, my pleasure.
 * Johnny: My turn!

Quote 2

 * Kevin: Give me a break. This is all part of some stupid scam!
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, I don't know, Kevin. Going missing for so long doesn't sound like a scam. After all, it wasn't a joke when Stepney got lost and found himself in the scrapyards.
 * Jimmy: Holy smokes!!!! Did Stepney escape?!
 * Rolf: Rolf has heard many tales of little boys and girls who have gone missing, but their whereabouts were uncertain.
 * Johnny: Plank's itching to hear what had happened to Stepney, Mr. C!
 * Kevin: Tell the story so they'll shut up.
 * Mr. Conductor: Very well then. (Blows whistle and "Stepney Gets Lost" begins)
 * (After Story)
 * Johnny: Whoo! What a relief!
 * Nazz: We thought Stepney was a goner!
 * Rolf: Rolf had seen things happen like this back in his old country.
 * Kevin: (scoff) I'm sure those Eds would get caught by those 2 diesels.
 * Mr. Conductor: Oh, I don't know about that, Kevin but I am pretty sure that they're gonna be all right. I'm gonna look for the Eds, now. Goodbye! (Disappears)
 * Kids: Bye, Mr. Conductor.

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Trust Thomas (Is There An Ed in the House?)
 * 2) A Proud Day for James (An Ed Is Born)

Quote 1

 * (Mr. Conductor appears in a cloud of gold dust)
 * Mr. Conductor: Hello, guys. What's up?
 * Eddy: Sarah, the useless little twerp is stuck in bed sick, and Lumpy has to abandon us to take care of that little spoiled brat.
 * Mr. Conductor: Well being sick is not all fun and games, but pretending to be ill is worse.... just like the other day on the Island Of Sodor!
 * Eddy: Awww!!!!! Not another train tale!!!!!
 * Edd: Eddy, please behave!
 * Eddy: (groans)
 * Edd: Pardon me Mr. Conductor, but what happened on the Island Of Sodor?
 * Mr. Conductor: You see, Gordon suggested James to pretend to be ill so that Thomas could do his work as well as his own.
 * Edd: Why? How thoughtless of those engines! I must know what happened to Thomas with all of the extra work.
 * Mr. Conductor: All right then, come along. (Blows whistle and "Trust Thomas" begins)
 * (After Story)
 * Mr. Conductor: So you see Eds, James and Gordon felt guilty for what they had done and the 2 engines will now think twice about faking illnesses.

Trivia

 * This is the Season 3 Finale

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Train Stops Play
 * 2) Bowled Out

Quotes

 * Eddy: Hard to believe he can dress himself ain't it?
 * Mr. Conductor: What we have here is a mystery to solve. Say, did I ever tell you guys about a mystery Stepney had with a ball?
 * Edd: Stepney? You mean the engine who was saved from scrap?
 * Mr. Conductor: Exactly.
 * Eddy: So what happened?
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, it's more of a chase than a mystery. I'll tell you guys the story now. It might help us think of an idea. (blows whistle and "Train Stops Play" begins)
 * (After Story)
 * Edd: Well, that was quite a thrilling story, Mr. Conductor.
 * Eddy: Yeah, yeah, cute. But I'm not sure it'll help with Ed's clue.

Quote 2

 * (Mr. Conductor appears outside the shed with Edd and Eddy)
 * Mr. Conductor: What's going on?
 * Edd: We've reason to believe the perpetraitor is in that shed.
 * Eddy: You go in first Double D.
 * Mr. Conductor: You know, this perpetraitor reminds me of that diesel Stepney met. Only he wasn't so clever.
 * Edd: What diesel?
 * Eddy: Better tell it fast, Mr.C, the kids are probably still after us.
 * Mr. Conductor: I will! (blows whistle and "Bowled Out" begins)
 * (After Story)
 * Eddy: That diesel didn't know what hit him.

Trivia

 * This is the 1st episode of Season 4

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Edward's Exploit ( Don't Rain on my Ed)
 * 2) Peter Sam and the Refreshment Lady (Once Bitten, Twice Ed)

Quote 1

 * Ed: Coochie coochie coo!!!!
 * Eddy: Edd, help me outta here will ya?!
 * Mr. Conductor: We are certainly running into a lot of obstacles around here.
 * Eddy: C'mon, Mr. C! If we don't get to the candy store in time, we're jawbreakerless!!!!!!
 * Ed: Jawbreaker, Mr. C!
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, this race to the candy store reminds me of when Edward struggled with visitors in a rainstorm on the Island Of Sodor.
 * Eddy: C'mon, Mr. C! There's no time for a story!
 * Mr. Conductor: Relax, Eddy. There will be plenty of time. Now where was I? Oh, yes! Edward The Blue Engine! (Blows whistle and "Edward's Exploit" begins)

Quote 2

 * Mr. Conductor: You know, Eddy. The way you trick the kids by coming back to the same scam isn't a good way to attract customers.
 * Eddy: What do you know, Mr. Confronter?
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, surely you remember my telling you about when Peter Sam became confused from the time he carried the refreshment lady?
 * Ed: Silly, Mr. C. Trains don't have hands.
 * Edd: I think Mr. Conductor means pull passengers within coaches, Ed.
 * Eddy: How did Peter Sam get confused anyway?!
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, it's time you found out. (blows whistle and "Peter Sam and the Refreshment Lady" begins)

Thomas Stories

 * 1) The Flying Kipper (George Carlin, One Size Fits Ed)
 * 2) Faulty Whistles (Alec Baldwin, Pain in the Ed)

Quote 1

 * Mr. Conductor: Cheer up, Jimmy. Sometimes changes can be good. Although The shape Eddy's gotten you into might be quite much for sumo wrestling. And as size develops in life, You won't be able to do much of what you want.
 * Jimmy: What do you mean, Mr. Conductor?
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, take Henry, the big Green Engine. He needed special coal until an accident sent him to the works where he was given a new shape. At least he was capable to continue working.
 * Eddy: Here we go...
 * Ed: Was Henry's shape suited for sumo wrestling, Mr. C?! I, ED WOULD WRESTLE HIM!
 * Edd: Ed, it's quite illogical for engines to wrestle. Now, Mr. Conductor, perhaps you could tell us the story?
 * Mr. Conductor: I will. (blows whistle and "The Flying Kipper" begins)

Quote 2

 * Mr. Conductor: Ed's violin is making quite a lot of noise. And noise quite disrupts what others are trying to concentrate on. Doesn't it sort of remind you of Duncan?
 * Eddy: I wish Duncan were here to run over the stupid instrument! Anyway, what did Duncan ever do that was noisy?
 * Mr. Conductor: Well... Let me tell you about it. (blows whistle and "Faulty Whistles" begins)
 * (After Story)
 * Eddy: If I were that Duncan, I would try and drown out Ed's stupid violin!!!!

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Escape! (Ed Overboard)
 * 2) Come Out, Henry! (One of Those Eds)

Quote 1

 * Mr. Conductor: Eddy, you should have more faith in the Urban Rangers.
 * Eddy: Give me a break, Mr. C! I could rescue Ed better and quicker with a broken arm and a missing leg, but I ain't that kind of guy!
 * Edd: Eddy, follow Mr. Conductor's advice.
 * Mr. Conductor: Right. After all, imagine if Douglas hadn't rescued Oliver.
 * Rolf: Please, won't you tell us before our rescue?
 * Mr. Conductor: Certainly, Rolf. Here it goes (blows whistle and "Escape!" begins)

Quote 2

 * Eddy: Mr. C, use your magic to loosen it and BINGO! Quarter for Eddy
 * Mr. Conductor: I'd be glad to.
 * Eddy: Sweet!
 * Mr. Conductor: If I wasn't low on my magic. I wouldn't have enough to get home to Shining Time Station if I used even a little to loosen the quarter.
 * Eddy: *Groan*
 * Edd: Eddy, I'm sure if enough attempts are made, the quarter will come off.
 * Mr. Conductor: That's right, Edd. After all, it can't be harder than getting a stubborn Henry out of the tunnel.
 * Eddy: That green whale in a tunnel? *laughs* I'm too good!
 * Edd: Eddy, please. Exactly, why didn't Henry want to come out of the tunnel?
 * Mr. Conductor: I was just about to tell you. (blows whistle and "Come Out, Henry!" begins)
 * (After Story)
 * Ed: *sobbing* Poor Henry!!!!!
 * Edd: That was indeed a tragic ending for a Thomas Story, Mr. Conductor even if Henry was stubborn enough to remain within the tunnel.
 * Eddy: Yeah, too bad. Now about the quarter-
 * Edd: Eddy!
 * Mr. Conductor: Henry wasn't stuck in the tunnel for always. But that's a story that will have to wait another day.

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Tenders and Turntables (They Call Him Mr. Ed)
 * 2) Old Iron (For the Ed, by the Ed)

Quote 1

 * Mr. Conductor: Eddy, you've got quite a staff working here.
 * Eddy: Just you wait, Mr. C. I'll be beyond up from here.
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, I wouldn't get too confident.
 * Eddy: Why?
 * Mr. Conductor: You see running a company is hard work and if the other kids aren't shown appreciation for it, a lot can go wrong. As for what can go wrong, I have to say, the big engines on the Island of Sodor have really had their share. Let me show you what I mean. (Blows whistle and "Tenders and Turntables" begins)

Quote 2

 * Mr. Conductor: Wow! I didn't know Election Day came so early. What is this election for? I'll be pleased to vote.
 * Edd: King of the Cul-De-Sac, Mr. Conductor.
 * Eddy: Yeah! And I'm gonna win this Election and rub it in Baldy and that useless hunk of wood's faces
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, Eddy, you shouldn't expect what you believe is gonna happen.
 * Eddy: What makes you think that I'm not gonna win, "Mr. Confronter"?
 * Mr. Conductor: Well for one, Boasting is never good and being doubtful about another sometimes leads them to despair whereas the other benefits. James was doubtful about Edward until he pulled through and saved him.
 * Edd: My. How brave and heroic.
 * Eddy: Yeah right. I'll believe it when I see it.
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, then let me start on the start and begin at the beginning. (Blows whistle and "Old Iron" begins)

Trivia

 * Schemer guest stars in "For the Ed, by the Ed"

Thomas Stories

 * 1) A Bad Day for Sir Handel (Little Ed Blue)
 * 2) Four Little Engines (A Twist of Ed)

Quote 1

 * Ed: SHUT UP!!!!
 * Eddy: You shut up!!!!
 * Edd: Eddy, please! Ed's having a bad day!
 * Mr. Conductor: Edd's right, Eddy. Ed must've been tired or cranky.... or maybe he doesn't want to work.
 * Edd: After all, Mr. C, Ed did kick everyone out of the house and bellowed at Sarah. I didn't think that Ed 'would' do such a thing like that to his little sister.
 * Eddy: Probably cause she whines at him too much!
 * Mr. Conductor: Oh, I don't think that's the case. Sometimes people have bad days. Even the engines on the Island Of Sodor have bad days. Do you know who Ed's reminding me of now, that silly snob of an engine, Sir Handel! He had a bad day not too long ago.
 * Eddy: I'll bet Sir Handel didn't kick the other trains out and scream at them!!!!
 * Edd: Eddy, PLEASE!!!!!
 * Eddy: (growls)
 * Edd: Pardon me Mr. Conductor, but how did Sir Handel have a bad day?
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, Sir Handel didn't want to get his work done. Let me show you what I mean. (Blows whistle and "A Bad Day for Sir Handel" begins)
 * (After Story)
 * Eddy: Hmph! Now I know know Sir. Handel feels!
 * Edd: Please, Eddy! The sarcasm... Oh dear!

Quote 2

 * Mr. Conductor: Let go! I mean it, Robin! Give it back right now! Thank you! Honestly, you're starting to become a real pest!
 * Edd: At least the Kankers haven't caused you any grief or displeasure, Mr. Conductor.
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, I have a pest, myself. Mr. Robin wants to take every snack out my hand like this cookie I was going to give to the squirrels.
 * Edd: I think that Mr. Robin is just of a pest as the Kanker Sisters.
 * Mr. Conductor: You're right, Edd. I think Mr. Robin and the Kankers are so badly behaved that I think they are no better than coaches! If you know what I mean. (Whistle sounds and "Four Little Engines" begins)

Trivia

 * In "A Twist Of Ed" Mr. Conductor does not use his whistle.
 * One of the scenes come from "Wildlife". (Mr. C's Thomas Tales)

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Middle Engine (Alec Baldwin, Your Ed Here)
 * 2) Sleeping Beauty (George Carlin, The Good Ol' Ed)

Quote 1

 * Mr. Conductor: Eddy's acting really strange and he keeps going outside to Kevin.
 * Edd: I concur, Mr. Conductor. Kevin's making Eddy look very foolish.
 * Mr. Conductor: Yes, but at least they aren't engines or Kevin would make Eddy a middle engine.
 * Edd: What exactly is a middle engine, Mr. Conductor?
 * Ed: Are they good at x's and o's?
 * Edd: Oh, boy...
 * Mr. Conductor: Well...I'll tell you. (blow whistle and "Middle Engine" begins)

Quote 2

 * Mr. Conductor: Hi, guys, what's up?
 * Edd: Why, we're building our time capsules, Mr. Conductor.
 * Mr. Conductor: Sounds interesting. Time Capsules hold some great surprises in future. Who knows who will discover it and what use they'll make of it? Speaking of surprises and discovery, You guys remember the story about Duke?
 * Eddy: You mean that old coot of a train you told from when we were stuck in Johnny's wall? BLECH! I can still taste Kanker lip!
 * Mr. Conductor: Yes. He was trapped in his shed where the trees and bushes grew around.
 * Edd: I believe I remember that somber story before, Mr. Conductor.
 * Mr. Conductor: Yes, but I'm afraid you didn't hear what happened the other day on the Island Of Sodor.
 * Ed: Ooh! Did Thomas run into a car of gravy?!
 * Eddy: Did Gordon lose his dome again?
 * Edd: Oh, dear....
 * Mr. Conductor: Don't mind them. Let me-- no, I'll let Thomas remind you of that story so far.  (Blows whistle and "Sleeping Beauty" begins)

Thomas Stories

 * 1) A Scarf for Percy (George Carlin, Thick as an Ed)
 * 2) The Fogman (Alec Baldwin, Sorry, Wrong Ed)

Quote 1

 * Mr. Conductor: Ed's jacket dilemma is getting in the way of the scam, but it can't be as bad as what happened to Percy on the Island Of Sodor.
 * Eddy: I'll bet he wasn't dealing with stinky cheese and jackets!
 * Mr. Conductor: No, but he got into quite of a jam you might say. Come along and I'll tell you about it. (Blows whistle and "A Scarf For Percy" begins)

Quote 2

 * (Mr. Conductor appears)
 * Mr. Conductor: Oh, I've never seen so much done from such an object.
 * Eddy: Mr. C, you know about this phone?
 * Mr. Conductor: Phone? What about it?
 * Edd: Eddy has reason to believe it's cursed. Curses are nothing but mere superstition.
 * Mr. Conductor: Oh, well I was talking about the foghorn on the Island of Sodor.
 * Ed: What's a foghorn? IS IT A WEAPON USED TO BLIND MONSTERS SO THE HEROES CAN-
 * Eddy: Shut up, Ed!
 * Edd: Eddy. Pardon me, Mr. Conductor,but would you be so kind as to tell us what happened?
 * Mr. Conductor: I will. (Blows whistle and "The Fogman" begins)

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Thomas Saves the Day (George Carlin, Robbin' Ed)
 * 2) What's the Matter with Henry? (Michael Brandon, A Case of Ed)

Quotes

 * Ed: I'm turning into a werewolf Eddy!
 * Mr. Conductor: I feel very sorry for you, Edd.
 * Edd: Oh, Mr. Conductor. Ed and Eddy don't seem to care about me feeling this way. They just make fun of Kevin instead of taking me to a doctor. (cries)
 * Mr. Conductor: Aw, I understand Edd. Thomas and Percy were acting the same way towards Henry The Big Green Engine when he was feeling under the weather.
 * Edd: Did Henry have the same disease like me?
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, let me tell you about it. (Blows whistle and "What's The Matter With Henry" begins)

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Bulldog (George Carlin, Run for your Ed)
 * 2) Double Teething Troubles (Alec Baldwin, Hand me Down Ed)

Quote 1

 * Mr. Conductor: That bottle is quite stuck on Ed's finger.
 * Edd: Indeed. It's a stubborn little thing.
 * Eddy: I'll get it off if it kills me!
 * Mr. Conductor: Oh, I don't think you wanna go that far, Eddy. You'll at least want the strength of a bulldog. After all, Duke needed all the strength he could get when he had to rescue Falcon.
 * Edd: Falcon? Would this be another engine with an animal name?
 * Mr. Conductor: Right you are, Edd. Falcon used to be Sir Handel's name and when he ignored Duke's advice they wound up in trouble.
 * Eddy: Just like Lumpy wouldn't let Sockhead soap his stuck finger.
 * Ed: The Soap is Evil, Eddy!
 * Edd: Eddy, you mind your manners, and Ed, soap wouldn't hurt your finger. However, Mr. Conductor, what danger did Falcon get into?
 * Mr. Conductor: I was just about to tell you. (blows whistle and "Bulldog" begins)

Quote 2

 * (Mr. Conductor appears)
 * Mr. Conductor: Oh, this is truly terrible!
 * Edd: What appears to be the trouble, Mr. Conductor?
 * Mr. Conductor: I was playing music on my whistle when a boomerang flew by and knocked it out of my hand.
 * Edd: That wouldn't be the same one here on the ground would it?
 * Mr. Conductor: Yes! I recognize it!
 * Edd: Well, it appears to look fine to me.
 * Mr. Conductor: Oh? Well, hear this. (blows whistle sounding off tune) Sounds funny to me. Doesn't it sound funny to you?

Quote 3

 * Mr. Conductor: That boomerang is certainly causing a lot of trouble around here.
 * Eddy: Tell me about it, Mr. C. It turned Rolf into a loudmouth singer, made Sarah act nice, messed up your whistle, who else could be next?!!!!
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, I bet it could help out the diesel who was brought to help Bill and Ben. He had teething troubles you know.
 * Edd: What diesel was this, Mr. Conductor?
 * Eddy: And what the heck are teething troubles?
 * Ed: Is it when your teeth act up?
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, Let me tell you guys about it. (blows whistle still sounding off tune and "Double Teething Troubles" begins)

Trivia

 * In "Hand Me Down Ed" instead of the boomerang changing Mr. Conductor's personality, it knocks his whistle out of his hand and makes it sound off tune.

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Trouble in the Shed (Stiff Upper Ed)
 * 2) Donald's Duck (Here's Mud in your Ed)

Quote 1

 * (Mr. Conductor appears)
 * Mr. Conductor: The meeting of the clean club is in session. Thank goodness we got rid of that guy in the messy club.
 * Eddy: Clean club? I want IN THE RICH CLUB!
 * Edd: Eddy, surely we'll find a way into the club. It certainly makes one feel good to be in a club.
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, sometimes people feel too good about themselves. The big engines on the Island of Sodor were feeling too good to do smaller engines' work when they were on strike. I'll start on the start and begin at the beginning (blows whistle and "Trouble in the Shed" begins)

Quote 2

 * (Mr. Conductor Appears)
 * Mr. Conductor: What's the matter, Jimmy? You're crying a river of tears.
 * Jimmy: Oh, Mr. Conductor! You're not going to believe it! The Eds tricked me out of my money! (cries loudly)
 * Mr. Conductor: Calm down, Jimmy, Everything's going to be okay. I think the time has come for Eddy to be given a taste of trickery himself!
 * Jimmy: But how, Mr. C? What would Thomas and his friends say to something like this?
 * Mr. Conductor: Now there's a thought. Did I ever tell you about Donald's Duck?
 * Jimmy: Donald's Duck?
 * Mr. Conductor: Now there's a story about trickery if there ever was one. I'll tell you the story now. It might help us think of a tricky idea. (Blows whistle and "Donald's Duck" begins)
 * (Story ends)
 * Jimmy: So they did trick Donald with a duck! But what can I use?
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, you can't use a duck.

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Time for Trouble (Stuck in Ed)
 * 2) Bulgy (Postcards from the Ed)

Quote 1

 * Mr. Conductor: Eddy, whatever Jimmy can help you with, I'm sure he can help you pull through and get back into scamming shape. After all, would you believe James was the one to help Toby when he ran out of water?
 * Eddy: That red engine? Helping that old coot of a train? I'd have better things to do than that.
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, James thought the same but it wasn't up to him. Come on, I'll tell you. (blows whistle and "Time for Trouble" begins)

Quote 2

 * Edd: Ed, his room is the last place Eddy would've brought them.
 * Mr. Conductor: Indeed, Edd. Eddy's gotten quite carried away this time. Stealing Plank's parents was quite awful. On the Island of Sodor, a bus did the same stealing passengers and was taught a great lesson.
 * Edd: It wouldn't be Bertie would it, Mr. Conductor?
 * Mr. Conductor: No, this was a different bus. I think it's time I told you about Bulgy. (Blows whistle and "Bulgy" begins)
 * (After Story)
 * Edd: My. Bulgy is quite nasty. I'm glad he was taught a lesson.
 * Mr. Conductor: Pretty soon, Eddy will learn HIS lesson as well

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Henry's Special Coal (George Carlin)
 * 2) Edward the Really Useful Engine (Alec Baldwin)

Quotes

 * (Mr. Conductor appears)
 * Mr. Conductor: Hi, Eddy.
 * Eddy: Mr. Conductor? Is it really you?
 * Mr. Conductor: Of course it's me. What would make you think otherwise?
 * Eddy: You haven't aged at all, but look at me; I'm an old prune.
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, it's been a long time since I've met you. I've known you since you were a kid. I've known my friend, Stacy Jones when she was her nephew, Dan's age. I've known her parents since they were Dan's age.

Trivia

 * This is the Season 4 Finale

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Snow
 * 2) Jack Frost

Trivia

 * Even though Alec Baldwin tells both stories, George Carlin blows his whistle to start the stories

Goofs

 * In the credits when it shows what episodes the Shining Time Station clips were from, Achoo wasn't listed.

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Thomas, Percy and the Mail Train
 * 2) Rock 'n' Roll

Trivia

 * Throughout the episode Mr. Conductor doesn't get affected by Cupid Sarah & Cupid Jimmy's love arrows & helped Rolf out to stop them

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Toby's Discovery
 * 2) Haunted Henry

Trivia

 * Even though Alec Baldwin tells both stories, George Carlin blows his whistle to start the stories

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Henry to the Rescue (George Carlin, Mission Ed-Possible)
 * 2) Toby & The Windmill (Michael Brandon, Every Which Way but Ed)

Trivia

 * This is the 1st episode of Season 5
 * Mr. Conductor suddenly disappears at the end of "Every Which Way but Ed" since in the final flashback it was around the time before Mr. Conductor meets the Eds

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Duncan Gets Spooked (Boom Boom Out Goes the Ed)
 * 2) Percy's Chocolate Crunch (Cleanliness is Next to Ed)

Quote 1

 * Edd: At least you and I know there are no such things as mole mutants, Mr. Conductor.
 * Mr. Conductor: Right and although Eddy's aware, he's using this scare to gain money while the others continue to panic. Reminds me of just the other day when Duncan was teasing Peter Sam and he ended up seeing a ghost.
 * Edd: But ghosts are pure fictitous Mr. Conductor.
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, Duncan didn't believe in ghosts either until he crossed the bridge. I'll tell you all about it.(blows whistle and "Duncan Gets Spooked" begins)

Quote 2

 * Mr. Conductor: Hi, Edd, What's the matter?
 * Edd: Oh, Mr. Conductor, all I ask for is a shower. But instead I get a shelf of products dumped on me and a swim in the mud!
 * Mr. Conductor: Sounds like a dirty job. And one that can end up badly for everyone. Doesn't it sort of remind you of Percy?
 * Edd: I'm afraid I don't follow, Mr. Conductor. As illogical as it is, I can't see Percy scheduling a shower appointment at Le Jimmy's.
 * Mr. Conductor: No, but he's still got himself in an awful mess. (blows whistle and "Percy's Chocolate Crunch" begins)

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Percy's Promise
 * 2) Better Late Than Never

Quotes
Trivia
 * Mr. Conductor: You guys should be getting to class. You'll be late.
 * Eddy: What's the point of going to class when we won't be in the same homeroom?!
 * Edd: Mr. Conductor's right, Eddy. as much as I am displeased with being in a separate homeroom from you and Ed, I don't want a blemish on my first day.
 * Mr. Conductor: Indeed. But we've a little time for a story.
 * Ed: Oh, goody! goody!
 * Eddy: Here we go again.
 * Edd: Oh, very well, Mr. Conductor.
 * Mr. Conductor: And now that I have your attention. (blows whistle and "Better Late Than Never" begins)

Thomas Stories

 * 1) The Diseasel (George Carlin, I Am Curious Ed)
 * 2) Baa! (Alec Baldwin, No Speak Da Ed)

Quotes

 * (Mr. Conductor appears)
 * Sarah: Say, Mr. C, You know where babies come from?
 * Mr. Conductor: I wish I could tell you, but I'm afraid I don't know.
 * Jimmy: But Sarah and I must know, Mr. Conductor!
 * Mr. Conductor: The two of you must really be determined to know. From time to time, Whatever you seek is bound to come around. The twin engines, Bill and Ben were seeking where their cars went off to when they met Boco.
 * Sarah: Boco? What the heck kind of name is that?
 * Jimmy: Tell us it, Mr. Conductor! Please!
 * Mr. Conductor: I will. (blows whistle and "The Diseasel" begins)

Quote 2

 * Eddy: What'd you do this time, Ed?! Put on his Grandma's pantaloons again?!
 * Mr. Conductor: Rolf's behavior towards you must have something to do with wolves.
 * Edd: I concur, Mr. Conductor. Ed's gifts have in fact caused Rolf to act this way.
 * Eddy: I get lousy stuff from my parents, but I'm more calm than that.
 * Mr. Conductor: Seems to me that Rolf must have had a bad experience with a wolf. It's like the time with Percy, Toby and the ram. But I suppose no one wants to hear about that.
 * Edd: I for one would be interested, Mr. Conductor.
 * Ed: Tell me the story, Mr. C!
 * Eddy: Yawn...
 * Edd: Eddy, manners.
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, then. What are we waiting for? (blows whistle and "Baa" begins)

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Rusty to the Rescue (George Carlin, Cool Hand Ed)
 * 2) Buffer Bother (Alec Baldwin, Too Smart for His Own Ed)

Quotes

 * Mr. Conductor: Escaping would be be quite difficult. I remember on the Island Of Sodor, when Rusty helped Stepney The Bluebell Engine escape from scrap, and boy that wasn't easy as Rusty thought it would be.
 * Eddy: Aw, c'mon! I could escape quite easier than Rusty and that Bell-train!
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, Rusty thought the same. Let me tell you about it. (Blows whistle and "Rusty to the Rescue" begins)

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Toby Had a Little Lamb (Who's Minding the Ed?)
 * 2) Horrid Lorry (Pick an Ed)

Quote 1

 * (Mr. Conductor appears)
 * Ed: Mr. C! Rolf went to a family reunion and I, Ed, am looking after his furry little friends.
 * Mr. Conductor: They're quite the rascals, aren't they? They're making this place a mess.
 * Edd: Indeed, Mr. Conductor, but Ed's certainly being a good friend accepting the responsibility.
 * Mr. Conductor: You're right, Edd. In fact, on the Island of Sodor, Toby had quite an adventure when the Farmer's lambs were caught in a snowstorm.
 * Edd: Goodness! How awful for those sheep.
 * Ed: Baby sheeps are so cute!
 * Eddy: Yawn.
 * Edd: Eddy. Did Toby manage to retrieve the lambs?
 * Mr. Conductor: Well...I'll tell you. (blows whistle and "Toby Had A Little Lamb" begins)

Quote 2

 * Mr. Conductor: Don't worry, guys. The other kids are sure to find Eddy out. And everything will be back to normal.
 * Edd: I certainly hope so, Mr. Conductor. Eddy's new identity gained him popularity at a false cost and Ed and I were completely rejected as his friends.
 * Ed: I miss my Eddy, Mr. C!
 * Mr. Conductor: Cheer up, Ed. And Edd, you're right. Having a new look doesn't gain real friends. It's as bad as being rotten as...as rotten as those lorries (blows whistle and "Horrid Lorry" begins)
 * (After Story)
 * Edd: What horrid trucks those lorries were. Although, that story does give me an idea.
 * Ed: I miss my Eddy, Double D!
 * Edd: Worry not, dear Ed. I have a suspicion Eddy will be back sooner than he thinks.

Thomas Stories

 * 1) You Can't Win! (Truth or Ed)
 * 2) Toby's Tightrope (This Won't Hurt an Ed)

Quote 1

 * Mr. Conductor: Have fun in the newspaper business while it lasts, Eddy. After all, these lies you've made about others might bounce back at you. Stuart learned a lesson quite like that after teasing Duke, the engine they called "Old Granpuff".
 * Eddy: You mean Peter Sam?
 * Mr. Conductor: Yes. Stuart learned quite a lesson from Duke when he needed help and... well, let me tell you about it. (Blows whistle and "You Can't Win!" begins)

Quote 2

 * Eddy: THIS IS TOO RICH AIN'T IT, MR. C?!!!! (laughs loudly)
 * Mr. Conductor: I think it's quite wrong to fool Kevin with this false booster shot day. Mavis made a plan like this once and she made Toby end up in danger.
 * Eddy: Tell me, Mr. C. I'm in a good mood.
 * Mr. Conductor: As you wish, "Doctor Eddy". (Blows whistle and "Toby's Tightrope" begins)

Trivia

 * Schemer guest stars in Truth or Ed

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Harold and the Flying Horse (Tinker Ed)
 * 2) Hooray for Thomas (The Good, the Bad and The Ed)

Quotes

 * Mr. Conductor: Jimmy, if you think fairy tales aren't true, you haven't heard about the flying horse on the Island of Sodor.
 * Jimmy: A FLYING HORSE?! WHAT WAS ITS NAME?! DID YOU GET TO RIDE IT?!
 * Mr. Conductor: Well, the horse's name was Pegasus and Harold the Helicopter was the one who gave him a ride. Let me tell you what happened. (blows whistle and "Harold and the Flying Horse" begins)

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Percy Proves a Point (George Carlin, Tight End Ed)
 * 2) Rusty Saves The Day (Alec Baldwin, Tween a Rock and an Ed Place)

Trivia

 * Schemer guest stars in Tight End Ed

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Thomas, Percy and the Squeak (Alec Baldwin, All Eds are Off)
 * 2) James in a Mess (George Carlin, Smile for the Ed)

Quotes

 * (Mr. Conductor appears)
 * Mr. Conductor: Did I hear mention of a bet?
 * Eddy: You know it, Mr. C. I'm gonna win this bet!
 * Kevin: Aw, Dorky thinks he can beat all of us.
 * Rolf: Poppycock. Rolf has the most confidence within him to win.
 * Edd: I, for one, am determind to win plus this could be a good way for Ed to reduce his gravy intake.
 * Eddy: I'll laugh when Ed wins the bet.
 * Mr. Conductor: Oh, but you'd be surprised by the one you'd least expect. After all, on the Island of Sodor, the engines all wanted to collect Alicia Botti, but only one came out on top.
 * Johnny: Alicia who?
 * Rolf: Rolf's never heard of any Alicia person.
 * Edd: Who is she exactly, Mr. Conductor?
 * Mr. Conductor: She's a famous opera singer and who was the one to collect her? I'll tell you guys all about it. (blows whistle and "Thomas, Percy and the Squeak" begins)

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Bertie's Chase (Run Ed Run)
 * 2) Toby the Tram Engine (A Town Called Ed)

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Diesel Does It Again
 * 2) Thomas Gets Bumped

Thomas Stories

 * 1) James and the Trouble with Trees
 * 2) The World's Strongest Engine

Thomas Stories

 * 1) Edward, Trevor and the Really Useful Party (May I Have this Ed?)
 * 2) Terence the Tractor (Look Before you Ed)

Trivia

 * This is the 1st episode of Season 6 as well as the season finale, but the finale to the series is "Mr. Conductor's Adventures in Ed Edd n Eddy's Big Picture Show"

Unused Thomas Stories

 * 1) Double Trouble
 * 2) Down the Mine
 * 3) Thomas' Christmas Party
 * 4) A Close Shave for Duck
 * 5) A Cow on the Line
 * 6) Donald and Douglas
 * 7) The Deputation
 * 8) Woolly Bear
 * 9) Thomas and the Missing Christmas Tree
 * 10) Thomas and Percy's Mountain Adventure
 * 11) Gallant Old Engine
 * 12) Thomas and the Special Letter
 * 13) Put Upon Percy
 * 14) Sir Topham Hatt's Holiday
 * 15) Make Someone Happy
 * 16) Harvey to the Rescue
 * 17) A Bad Day for Harold
 * 18) Elizabeth The Vintage Quarry Truck
 * 19) Jack Jumps In
 * 20) A Friend in Need
 * 21) Scaredy Engines
 * 22) Percy Gets It Right
 * 23) Bill, Ben and Fergus
 * 24) Edward's Brass Band
 * 25) The Refreshment Lady's Stand
 * 26) The Spotless Record
 * 27) Bad Day at Castle Loch
 * 28) Rheneas and the Roller Coaster
 * 29) Salty's Stormy Tale
 * 30) Oliver the Snow Engine
 * 31) Something Fishy
 * 32) The Runaway Elephant
 * 33) Peace and Quiet
 * 34) Thomas and the Search for Fergus
 * 35) Bulgy Rides Again
 * 36) The Grand Opening
 * 37) Best Dressed Engine
 * 38) Gordon and Spencer
 * 39) Not So Hasty Cakes
 * 40) Trusty Rusty