Out of Puff (JD THOMAS FAN's version)

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Transcript
Narrator: The express is a long heavy train. Gordon usually pulls it, but only as far as the Other Railway. Another engine takes the coaches from there to London. It is an important train too, and must always run, whatever happens. If Gordon is ill, or busy somewhere else, Spencer or Murdoch have the chance to pull it. They try their best and do it well. To well perhaps, because sometimes the importance of the occassions goes to their smokeboxes, and makes them boastful. One day Spencer was feeling pleased with himself. He was visiting from the Mainland, then he had run his coaches, Julius and Celia, to time, and Sir Topham Hatt had congrulated him.

Spencer: I don't know what Sir Topham Hatt woud do without any of us.

Stanley Have a care. Too much puff about yourself, and you'll maybe run out of puff one day.

Charlie: I'd mind it well. I took the goods train on your recall, but Stanley is right. Puff goes before a fail.

Narrator: Stanley and Charlie were wasting their own puff of course, because Spencer took no notice whatsoever. A little later the Railway had to begin using a new sort of coal. It was dusty and burnt with clouds of thick black smoke. Sir Topham Hatt was cross, and the engines didn't like it either.

Arthur, Murdoch, Neville, Hank, Charlie and Stanley (altogether): Filthy rubbish.

Narrator: The new coal made more ashes too. Before long all the engines began to have pains in their smokeboxes. Hot ashes collected there, and gave them the most awful indesgestion. One evening Spencer felt dreadful when he got back to the sheds. His fireman had to clean an enormous pile of ash from his firebox before he felt better. But the next day Spencer could not make steam properly. He struggled to Vicarstown station, but could go no further. Neville was there.

Spencer: I can't breathe.

Neville: Out of puff are you. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Narrator: Spencer couldn't answer. Neville took his train for him. His driver cleared away more ashes, but when he tried to close the smokebox door, it did not make the air tight fit it should have done.

Spencer's Fireman: Those hot ashes have burnt your smokebox door. Air is coming in so you can't breathe properly through your fire. But I know how we could cure that.

Narrator: He fetched a bucket and filled it with water. Then he fetched all the old newspapers he could find from the station bookstore. The driver helped him tear them into strips which they soaked in the water.

Spencer: What are you doing?

Spencer's Driver: Making something called papier mache. When this paper is soggy enough, we will paste it in your air leak, so that you can breath better. It won't last for ever, but it will got us home.

Spencer (unhappily): Oh.

Narrator: His driver was right. When the job was done, Spencer felt much better. And even the driver and fireman were surprised at how well he steamed.

Spencer's driver and fireman: We'll have to get Sir Topham Hatt to make it pernament. (laughs)

Narrator: Spencer went very carefully, and reached the shed without mishap. His story was there before him of course. Charlie and Stanley didn't say anything, but now then made breathless puffing noises. Spencer thought they muse have a very old sense of humour.

Spencer: Oh the indignity!