Lala Loud House: No Guts, No Glori/Transcript

Transcript
Ace's room; the boy is enjoying a nice glass of lemonade with a crazy straw, turns to the audience.]

Ace: "Ah, Friday night. You survived another week of school. Now it's time to kick back, forget your troubles, and crack open a brand new video game."

[gets out a copy of Super Mega Brawlers Turbo Fighter and smells it.] "Love that new game smell." [Suddenly picks up another scent; one that worries him.] "Wait a minute." [sniffs again] "Is that...Oh no!"

[Soon, his sisters start picking up the scent as well.]

Scraps: "Sniff. Sniff."

Ace: "Mom's expensive perfume. Which can only mean one thing." [checks the calendar and finds out what tonight is...] "Date night! Which can only mean one other thing!"

Cinder: "Jewel's in charge! Do as she says! Bye!" [leaves]

Ace: "NOOOOOOOOO! She gets a sick thrill from bossing us around! In this house, we call her the Queen of-"

Jewel: [from upstairs] "NO!" [unplugs Storm E.'s amplifiers] "NO MUSIC!" [tosses Scribbles' mud pie in the trash] "NO MUD PIES!" [approaches Alice who's talking on the phone] "NO-"

Alice: "Way! That's totes cray cray!"

Jewel: [hangs up Alice's call] "No phone calls." [takes away Ace's game] "AND NO VIDEO GAMES!"

[Jewel dresses up in a military uniform and blows a whistle that summons her siblings and the pets to the front room.]

Jewel: "At ease!" [Everyone feels calmer now] "JUST KIDDING! NOBODY IS TO BE AT EASE IN MY PRESENCE!" [the others regain their forms] "As you know, Mom and Dad left me in charge. That means, you have to do as I say, whether you're tall, short, or covered in fur and can only understand the word "sit"."

[Jewel's Cat, Ember's Dalmatian, and Choco's Hamster sit down on command, but Dot's Bird tips over in his attempt and knocks Choco's Hamster's hamster ball to the side.]

Jewel: [busts out a chart of tonight's schedule] "Now, here is our schedule for this evening. 6:00 to 7:00: Sitting on bed with arms folded. 7:00 to 7:30: Chow. 7:30 to 8:00: Thorough cleaning of mess hall. 8:00: Staring at wall until falling asleep. Everyone got that?"

Ace, Alice, Storm E., Peanut, Whistle, Scraps, Trinket, Specs, and Blanket: "MA'AM, YES, MA'AM!"

Scribbles: "SIR, YES, SIR!"

[Jewel glares at Lana for calling her "sir". Scribbles covers her mouth, aghast.]

Jewel: "DISMISSED!"

[Everyone rushes back upstairs while Choco's Hamster hops in his ball up each step.]

[Back in Jewel and Alice's room, Jewel is trying to paint her toenails like in Sixteen 1/2 Magazine, but she doesn't seem to have gotten it down; suddenly, Storm E.'s jam is back on, which Jewel does not take well as it's going against her orders.]

Jewel: [sees Lily playing] "Blanket? What are you-"

[Just then, there are some creaks and Jewel notices that the others are right behind her; they tackle her and she screams for help; just then, it's revealed that they tied her up to a chair.]

Jewel: [furious] "Hey! What is going on?"

Ace: "Your power trip is over! We're taking back our Friday nights!"

Jewel: "Power trip?"

Ace: "Just admit it. You get a sick thrill out of bossing us around."

[The other sisters concur.]

Jewel: "You think I enjoy this? Unfortunately, I'm the only one who can keep this house from ending up in a pile of rubble! It's not like any of you could do it."

Scribbles: "Yuh-huh. Ace could."

Ace: [surprised] "I could?"

Alice, Storm E., Peanut, Whistle, Scraps, Trinket, Scribbles, Specs, and Blanket: "WE'RE THINKIN' ACE! WE'RE THINKIN' ACE!"

[Ace and Jewel are flabbergasted at this.]

Jewel: [condescendingly] "Ace in charge? Ha! He couldn't lead Cat to the litter box."

[Jewel's Cat is right next to his little box and suddenly goes right on the carpet.]

Ace: "Oh yeah? Challenge accepted!" [takes the whistle] "Take her away!"

[the other sisters carry her to her room.]

Jewel: "You won't last five minutes!" [laughs maniacally] HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Ace: [shuts the door] "Trinket, guard this door. No one goes in, no one comes out."

[Trinket nods in agreement and gets a Golf club to guard the door while dressing up as a security guard.]

Ace: "Say goodbye to the Queen of No..." [tosses whistle on the floor] "...and hello to the King of Yes!"

[The sisters cheer in victory; Storm E. is finally jamming out.]

Ace: "Yes to music!" [cranks the tunes and puts a happy face on Scribbles' mud pie.] "Yes to mud!"

Alice: [on the phone] "Seriously?"

Ace: "Yes to phone calls! And yes to video games!" [turns his game on] SUPER MEGA BRAWLERS TURBO FIGHTER XXIV

Game announcer: "Round 1: Fight!"

[But just before Ace can finally start playing, Alice screams and Ace pauses the game to see what's wrong; it turns out that Peanut is chasing Alice around with a rubber spider.]

Ace: "Uh...okay. Have fun. Just don't get too crazy."

[Just then, Storm E.'s amps are at a really high volume.]

Ace: "RAD SOUNDS! MAYBE NOT SO LOUD!" [turns it down a little which Storm E. doesn't understand.]

[Ace tries to get back to his game, but there's a suddenly explosion and the smoke alarm goes off; Specs comes out of her room.]

Ace: [concerned] "What was that?!"

Specs: "It's science. You wouldn't understand." [just then, a tentacle grabs Specs and drags her back in.] "AAH!" [the door closes.]

Ace: "Just keep it on a leash!"

[Just before he can resume his game, he finds Blanket on top of a bookshelf throwing books on the floor and walking over to the edge of the shelf and starts climbing to save her.]

Ace: "BLANKET! STOP!"

[Blanket walks over the edge and Ace catches her; at that moment, Scribbles casts a fishing rod right into the fish tank.]

Ace: "Scribbles! You can't fish in there! Those are pets." [notices Blanket escaped and uses Scribbles' fishing rod to reel her back in.]

[Whistle comes in with a bucket of dirt and pours the dirt on the floor.]

Ace: "Whistle! What are you doing?"

Whistle: "Can't ride a dirt bike without dirt."

Ace: "Give me that bucket!"

[Suddenly, Ace is in a crossfire of pizza slices and waffles tossed by Scribbles and Scraps who are having a food fight; he shields himself with a cookie sheet and the pizza and waffles plaster all over it and make a rather gorgeous painting which impresses him; Whistle is pouring water from the hose all over the carpet and then gets pegged by an incoming gourd; the hose then starts going wild; Alice is on the phone while Peanut is still chasing her with her rubber spider.]

Alice: "Hi, exterminator guy! Do you do spiders?" [sees the hose] "Ew! What about water snakes?"

[The hose squirts Peanut but she resumes chasing Alice; Ace trips over the telephone wire and lands in the mud and notices Scraps built a fort of diapers.]

Ace: "Scraps! What are you doing with all those diapers?"

[Scribbles screams like a madman and fires a barrage of meatballs.]

Scraps: "Incoming." [gets down]

Ace: [takes cover with her only for their fort wall to be damaged.] "Diaper wall breach!"

[Scribbles fires a cupcake at them, but Scraps stops it by plugging up the hole with Blanket's butt; Blanket giggles.]

Storm E.: "FOR THOSE ABOUT TO ROCK!!!" [sets her amps to "Super Max" and has fireworks all set up for a big finale.]

Ace: "STORM E.!" [slow motion] "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"

[Too late; Storm E. plays a chord and the noise blasts Ace right into the wall which leaves a dent of unsightly residue; just then, Jewel's taunting words echo in his mind.]

Echo Jewel: "Ace in charge? Ha! He couldn't lead Cat to the litter box."

[Jewel's Cat is right next to his litter box, but goes on the fireplace instead.]

Ace: [irked] "Oh, really, Jewel's Cat?" [gets steamed up; unplugs Storm E.'s amps] "No guitar playing..." [takes Scribbles' food] "...no food fights..." [stops Whistle from riding her bike in the house] "...no dirt bikes, and no science experiments!" [takes Specs' beakers and tosses them, causing an explosion.]

[The others aren't too happy with Ace suddenly changing his mind.]

Whistle: "Who do you think you are? Jewel?

[They all start laughing at him and go back to enjoying their Friday night.]

Ace: "No. I'm not." [realizing] "Jewel!" [heads to Jewel's room only to be stopped by Trinket.]

Trinket: "Hey! No one goes in, no one comes out! Boss's orders!"

Ace: "Those were my orders! Let me in!"

Trinket: "I'm gonna need you to step back, sir."

Ace: "Sorry about this, Trinket." [charges at Trinket with a war cry; Trinket whacks him with the golf club and knocks him out.]

[Meanwhile, Jewel has somehow already broken free of her rope bindings and is filing her nails.]

Ace: "Jewel! Jewel!" [climbs in through window.]

Jewel: "Ha! I knew you wouldn't last five minutes."

Ace: [despondently] "It's only been five minutes?" [gets it together] "It's a mad house down there! You've got to help me!"

Jewel: "Nah. I'm thinkin' Ace. You handle it."

Ace: "I can't! You're the only one who can keep this house from ending up in a pile of rubble." [Storm E.'s fireworks go off] "Or ashes."

Jewel: "And?"

Ace: "I couldn't lead Cat to the litter box."

Jewel: "And?"

Ace: "I'm sorry."

Jewel: "That's all I needed to hear." [puts on military shades] "Let's roll!"

[They open the door with Trinket still standing guard.]

Ace: "I don't know how to get past her. She's an animal."

[Jewel covers his mouth, holds up a pile of glitter, and blows it in Trinkwt's direction.]

Trinket: [giddily chases after the sparkly cloud] "GLITTER!!!"

Ace: [impressed] "Glitter. Nice."

[They go downstairs where Ace shows Jewel the chaos caused by their sisters' antics.]

Ace: [scared] "See what I mean?!"

Jewel: "Observe." [busts out her whistle and blows it and gets their attention.] "MOM AND DAD ARE GONNA BE HOME IN 10 MINUTES!"

[The other sisters hurry and get to cleaning up the mess they made.]

Ace: "Brilliant."

Jewel: "Yeah, you learn a few tricks as you get older." [hears her phone ringing and answers it] "Hello? Uh-huh. Sure. Okay. Bye." [hangs up]

Ace: "Who was that?"

Jewel: "Mom and Dad. They're gonna be home in 10 minutes."

Ace: [panicking] "WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?!"

Jewel: "I got this. Storm E. A little clean up music?"

Storm E.: "You got it, sis!"

[Three colorful boxes, one red, one yellow, and one purple are shown with Storm E. preparing to start the montage; she is also colored in to match the boxes like in the show's opening.]

Storm E.: "1, 2, 3!"

[Jewel blows her whistle and everyone does what they can to clean the house; Scribbles puts the fish back in the tank, Specs scrubs up the living room with a soap cannon and the help of her tentacle friend; Alice and Peanut untangle the phone wire; Whistle uses the hose to clean the kitchen and then puts it outside; Jewel's Cat is about to go on the carpet, but Jewel glares at him and he obeys to go in his litter box; Trinket ties up some trash and Whistle yanks it up on her dirt bike; Ace fishes out Blanket's diaper and puts it on her; they do the finish touches and carry everything else away as if the house was the same as it was when their parents left.]

Storm E.: "GOODNIGHT, LALA LOUD HOUSE!"

[The other sisters go back to their rooms after a crazy Friday night; their parents are approaching and just as it seems all is well, there's still a dent in the wall from Ace's impact caused by Storm E.'s power chord.]

Ace: [gasps] "The wall!" [sees the painting from the food fight] "Jewel! Catch!" [tosses it to Jewel.]

[Jewel catches it and puts it right over the dent; their parents enter.]

Prince: "Wow! I can't believe the house is still standing!"

Ace: "What'd you expect? Lori's in charge."

Cinder: "So, what are you guys up to?"

Jewel: "Oh, we were just about to play a video game. You can't say "no" all the time."

Cinder: "Oh, and look at this lovely piece of food art the kids made."

[All seems well and Jewel and Ace begin to play some Super Mega Brawlers Turbo Fighter XXIV. But...]

Prince: [screams] "WHAT HAPPENED TO MY GOLF CLUB?!"

[Jewel and Ace realize they forgot something and are gonna get it.]

Credits

 * Ace Fender Bender as Lincoln Loud
 * Jewel Sparkles as Lori Loud
 * Alice in Lalaloopsyland as Leni Loud
 * Storm E. Sky as Luna Loud
 * Scribbles Splash as Lana Loud
 * Prince Handsome as Lynn Loud Sr.
 * Cinder Slippers as Rita Loud
 * Peanut Big Top as Luan Loud
 * Whistle Kick 'N' Score as Lynn Loud
 * Scraps Stitched 'N 'Sewn as Lucy Loud
 * Trinket Sparkles as Lola Loud
 * Specs Reads-a-Lot as Lisa Loud
 * Blanket Featherbed as Lily Loud