53 Top Facts About Mario

1. They say 'worse things happen at sea.' This is beacause Mario is often not consulted on aquatic health and safety.

2. The internet is Mario's MySpace.

3. Mario's breath fuels all the rockets on all space craft.

4. Mario thinks rehab is for quitters.

5. Mario eats his greens (and the odd fairway).

6. The London Eye is made from one of Mario's old cock-rings.

7. Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Mario fight.

8. Mario is the only person EVER to tell Mr T to 'quit his jibba jabba.'

9. Mario can strike a match on a bar of soap.

10. Mario lost both his legs in a car accident....and still managed to walk it off.

11. Mario IS allowed to talk about Fight Club.

12. Mario once played Russian roulette with a fully load gun and won.

13. Mario beat the sun in a staring contest.

14. Mario loves children. Provided they have been made into a smoothie and form part of his fitness diet.

15. Mario's semen is so fertile that all his old dogging sites are now tropical rainforests.

16. Mario instigated the first ever Mexican wave.

17. Mario was the midwife at his own birth.

18. 'I Am What I Am' is a song originally featured on the Tony Award-winning Broadway musical La Cage aux Folles, and was penned by Mario. He doesn't bang on about it though as he doesn't want to come across as the big 'I am what I am'.

19. Mario purposely messed up his IQ score. He didn't want to be the big I-Q exam.

20. Mario can take the knickers off a bare arse.

21. Mario can play guitar with his toes.

22. Mario can have his cake and eat it.

23. They say, 'You can't take it with you.' They don't say it to Mario.

24. Mario told Confucius to wise up.

25. Mario eats shoots and leaves.

26. Mario invented the low fat, high protein healthy dried dog and cat food, he doesn't like to talk about it as he doesn't want to be the big IAMs.

27. Mario didn't start the fire. He did point his 800 staff to the fire exit and checked the register afterwards.

28. Mario facebooked your mum.

29. Mario's tan is the only human thing that can be seen from space.

30. Mario is the silver lining to every cloud.

31. Saturday Swap Shop had to be taken off air cos all the kids wanted to swap their etch a sketch for Mario.

32. Maybe its Maybelline....no, its actually Mario.

33. There is in fact an “I” in Mario, but there is no “team”… not even close.

34. Photographs of Mario are internationally recognised legal tender.

35. Mario let the dogs out.

36. There is no 'ctrl' button on Mario's computer. Mario is always in control.

37. Mario can get blood from a stone.

38. Mario is so good that during sex he yells his own name.

39. Mario's DNA could save the cheerleader.

40. Mario would take himself as his luxury item on Desert Island Discs.

41. February 29th only occurs once every four years because Mario says so.

42. Mario makes his internal organs pay rent.

43. Mario can see dead people.

44. Mario fitted Fern Britton's gastric band.

45. When Mario gets athlete's foot, his feet produce athletes.

46. Mario's work with the blind and deaf knows no bounds. He even encourages Lisa to wear tight trousers so he can read her lips.

47. When Mario really concentrates he can bend Uri Geller.

48. 'Mario Studies' is going to be added to the National Curriculum with an optional module of 'Billy Bullshine'.

49. Easter Islanders foretold of Mario's birth by erecting the chisel-chinned god statues.

50. Mario was offered the lead role in a stage production of The King & I, but declined because he didn't want to be the big Siam.

51. Mario was asked to be lead singer of Oasis but didn't want to be the big Liam.

52. Tim Berners Lee invented the world wide web just so that we could post facts about Mario.

53. Mario's balls are so big they have their own satellites, one of them is the earth.