RS Mr. Conductor and the Guard/RS Mr. Conductor and the Conductor

RS Mr. Conductor and the Guard, retitled RS Mr. Conductor and the Conductor for American audiences, is the eleventh episode of RS Mr. Conductor the Conductor and Friends. It is a parody of the Thomas and Friends episode, Thomas & The Guard/Thomas & The Conductor.

Cast

 * RS Mr. Conductor (from Shining Time Station) as Thomas
 * Homer (from The Simpsons) as Henry
 * Patty (from The Simpsons) as Annie
 * Selma (from The Simpsons) as Clarabel
 * Ten Cents (from TUGS) as Bertie (cameo)
 * Mayor Adam West (from Family Guy) as Sir Topham Hatt (mentioned)
 * Everyone else as Themselves

Transcript
Narrator: "RS Mr. Conductor is very proud of his route. He thinks it's the most important part of TV Land. His two sisters-in-law, Patty and Selma agree with him.

Patty can only take passengers, but Selma can take passengers, luggage and the guard. They are both old need new clothes, but RS Mr. Conductor loves them very much.

As they run backwards and forwards along the path, they sing songs to each other. When RS Mr. Conductor starts from a station, he sings,"

RS Mr. Conductor: "Oh, come along, we're rather late, oh, come along, we're rather late."

Narrator: "And the sisters-in-law sing,"

Patty and Selma: "We're coming along, we're coming along."

Narrator: "They don't mind what RS Mr. Conductor sings to them because they know he is trying to please Mayor Adam West. And they know too that if RS Mr. Conductor is cross, he's not cross with them.

One day, they had to wait for Homer's passengers, which made RS Mr. Conductor very cross."

RS Mr. Conductor: "How can I run my route properly if Homer's always late? He doesn't realize that Mayor West depends on me."

Narrator: "RS Mr. Conductor whistled impatiently. He wanted to leave, but he had to wait for Homer's passengers.

At last, Homer came."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Where have been lazybones?"

Narrator: "Asked RS Mr. Conductor."

Homer: "Oh dear, my body is out of order. No one understands my case. You don't know what I suffer."

Narrator: "Moaned Homer."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Rubbish!"

Narrator: "Said RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "You're too fat! You need exercise!"

Narrator: "The guard blew his whistle, and RS Mr. Conductor started so quickly that he left him behind. The guard waved his red flag to stop RS Mr. Conductor, but he was well on his way hurrying out of the station."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Come along, come along."

Narrator: "Puffed RS Mr. Conductor. But Selma didn't want to come."

Selma: "I've lost my nice guard, I've lost my nice guard."

Narrator: "She sobbed.

Patty tried to tell RS Mr. Conductor what had happened."

Patty: "We haven't a guard, we haven't a guard!"

Narrator: "But he was hurrying and wouldn't listen. Patty and Selma tried to stop, but they couldn't without the guard."

Patty and Selma: "Where is our guard? Where is our guard?"

Narrator: "They cried. But RS Mr. Conductor didn't stop till they came to a signal."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Bother that signal!"

Narrator: "Said RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "What's the matter?"

RS Mr. Conductor's Driver: "I don't know."

Narrator: "Said his driver."

RS Mr. Conductor's Driver: "The guard will tell us in a minute."

Narrator: "They waited and waited, but the guard didn't come."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Peep, peep, peep! Where is the guard?"

Narrator: "Whistled RS Mr. Conductor."

Patty and Selma: "We've left him behind."

Narrator: "Sobbed Patty and Selma together.

Everyone looked, and there was the guard running as fast as he could along the path with his flags in one hand and his whistle in the other. He was very hot. So he had a drink, and told them all about it."

RS Mr. Conductor: "I'm very sorry, Mr. Guard."

Narrator: "Said RS Mr. Conductor."

Guard: "It wasn't your fault, RS Mr. Conductor."

Narrator: "He replied."

Guard: "Look, the signal is down. We can go. Let's make up for lost time."

Narrator: "Patty and Selma were so pleased to have their guard again that they sang,"

Patty and Selma: "As fast as you like, as fast as you like."

Narrator: "To RS Mr. Conductor all the way.

They reached the end of the route quicker than ever before."