Quagmire Strikes Back

Glenn Quagmire does not like his favourite porn sites being blocked by parental control so decides to start a protest with his fellow Spooner Street neighbours.

Script

 * (Quagmire is at his computer ready for some porn hardcore)
 * Quagmire: Internet porn, check. Tissues, check. Lotion, check. ALRIGHT!
 * ''(But, much to Quagmire's horror, the site he is trying to access is blocked by Kasperky Parental Control v51.5)
 * Quagmire: No, no, NOT ALRIGHT!!!
 * ''(Shortly, Joe, Cleveland and Peter are outside Quagmire's house and Peter is knocking on the door. All that is heard is Quagmire bawling indoors)
 * Peter: I wonder what's with Quagmire today?
 * Cleveland: Yeah, you don't see him every day in this kind of mood.
 * Joe: Let's go in and find out what's bothering the poor pervert.
 * ''(The trio enter Quagmire's house, and find the sex-crazed man huddled in a corner, sobbing his eyes out with snot coming out of his nose)
 * Peter: Quagmire! What's got you all so messed up like this?! It better not be another encounter with that ignorant hospital clerk.
 * ''(Cutaway to Peter inside Quahog Hospital with Little Britain's Carol Beer as the clerk)
 * Carol: Computer says no.
 * Peter: But...
 * Carol: Computer says no.
 * Peter: I just...
 * Carol: Computer says no.
 * Peter: Oh, come on, can't you at least let me in, you lazy, sluggish bitch?! My appointment with Dr. Hartman is due right now!!!
 * (Carol pauses for a moment)
 * Peter: I'm waiting...
 * Carol: Computer says no.
 * Peter: FINE!!! Have it your way!
 * ''(As Peter storms out of the hospital in tears, Carol picks up a Burger King cheeseburger (due to Peter having referenced its slogan) and eats it)
 * Carol: Mmm! Cheeseburger says yes!
 * (Back to the story)
 * Quagmire: Don't you see, Peter?! The bastards at Kaspersky blocked my porn! How am I supposed to get a boner without my half-naked ladies sliding down the fireman's pole and sexy chicks showing their vaginas on webcam???
 * Joe: Well, I'm sorry to hear that, Quagmire.
 * Cleveland and Peter: Same here.
 * Quagmire: Oh...thanks a lot for caring about me, guys. I feel so much better now! Listen, I have a plan to get back at those sons-of-bitches - let's protest outside the Kaspersky HQ for our rights to porn! WHO'S WITH ME?!?!
 * (The friends cheer in agreement. Shortly, a protest is being held, led by Quagmire, Joe, Cleveland and Peter, who hold up signs such as 'No Parental Controls' and 'More Porn, Less Scorn')
 * Angry mob: What do we want? MORE PORN!!! When do we want it? NOW!!!
 * Man: Or at least before Scrubs starts, anyway!
 * Lois: Peter, what's going on?! How the hell...???
 * Peter: I'll tell you what, Lois! We're staging an anti-Kaspersky protest just because they won't leave off our porn sites!
 * Lois: But Peter, these sites are inappropriate and women across the world are acting all sexual and...
 * Peter: The word is SEXY, Lois, and don't get me started about inappropriate. This protest is the key to our freedom. If we don't win 'em over, the internet will be filled with nothing but filters and think of the pervs who spend about $50 on condoms for imaginary sex every day but alas miss their chance. It'll be a nightmare!
 * Lois: **** OFF, YOU ****SUCKIN' ****HEAD!!! You just carry on with your stupid march!
 * (Lois runs back into the house and slams the door)
 * Peter: Ha ha ha, we just won't quit, will we, guys?
 * (Joe, Quagmire and Cleveland roar even louder)