Who's Killing the Muppets?/Mix of Preschool Shows

Cast

 * Oswald (from Oswald) as Gonzo
 * Barney (from Barney and Friends) as Fozzie Bear
 * Elmo (from Sesame Street) as Kermit the Frog
 * Zoe (from Sesame Street) as Miss Piggy
 * Jake (from Jake and the Never Land Pirates) as Scooter
 * Nelson (from Mongrels) as Hooded Killer
 * Winnie the Pooh (from The Book of Pooh) as Dr. Bunsen Honeydew
 * Piglet (from The Book of Pooh) as Beaker
 * Pluto (from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse) as Rowlf the Dog
 * Chunk Squarey (from Rolie Polie Olie) as Dr. Teeth
 * Ernie (from Sesame Street) as Lew Zealand
 * Tunip (from The Octonauts) as The Swedish Chef
 * Big Mouth (from Peg + Cat) as Animal
 * Cuddles (from Happy Tree Friends) as Steve Martin
 * Daisy (from Oswald) as Camilla the Chicken
 * Thing One and Thing Two (from The Cat in the Hat Knows a Lot About That!) as Statler and Waldorf
 * Izzy (from Jake and the Neverland Pirates) as Skeeter

Transcript

 * Oswald: For my next feat, I will walk across hot coals while explaining what the hell I am.
 * Nelson: No! For your next feat, you die! (Nelson fires a cannon, decapitating Oswald, and Oswald's corpse falls on the hot coals. Then Nelson places a water sack on the scene)

Oswald's Funeral and Burial Ceremony


 * Elmo: Oswald died as he lived, and our family will never be whole again. And now, ladies and gentlemen, CUDDLES THE BUNNY, YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!


 * Cuddles: "The Lord is my Shepard, I shall not want. He makes me like.."
 * Zoe (interrupting): Oh, are we burying him in a sybian? (Daisy jumps on Oswald's casket as it gets lowered into the ground)
 * Barney: You know, the last time a preschool show character died was...
 * Cuddles (interrupting): Excuse me?
 * Barney: Don’t you mean, "Excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me"?
 * Cuddles: No, this is a funeral. I’m working. Do I come to where you work and knock everything outta your mouth?!
 * Elmo: Wow, Cuddles' working blue, but he’s right. We vowed never to talk about...that night. (The gang turn to look at Jake) (Jake waves at them)

Later


 * Barney: And then the dad says, "The Aristocrats"! Wocka-wocka!
 * Nelson: (Right up at the door) Hey, Barney? Why did the dinosaur turn red?
 * Barney: I don’t know, stranger.
 * Nelson: Because he was em-bar-rassed!
 * Barney: (Sarcastically claps) Wocka-wocka...
 * Nelson: Then how about this? Because I totally STABBED YOU! (Nelson stabs Barney in the neck and then the back with a knife)
 * Barney: What a showstopper. Ooohh! (Falls on stage)
 * Thing One: See? I told you the bear was gonna die on stage tonight. (Thing One and Thing Two laugh)
 * Barney: Hey, guys, can you stop laughing and call me an ambulance?
 * Thing Two: You're an ambulance. (Thing One and Thing Two laugh again, and Barney is dragged offscreen by Nelson and murdered. Then a red wagon is rolled out on stage)
 * Elmo: (Penguins roll Barney's dead body away) First Oswald, now Barney. Could we be paying the price for what we did to...?
 * Zoe: Don’t say that name, Elmo.
 * Elmo: OOOH, Zoe's telling Elmo what to do. Wow, hey, everybody! Come here! You gotta come see this. Zoe's telling Elmo what to do! Wow, must be a day that ends in E! (Jake walks by carrying a boxful of props) Hey, uh, Jake?
 * Jake: Oh! Hey there, boss.
 * Elmo: We need to talk about Izzy's death.
 * Jake: Why, sure. I love talking about my twin sister, if not for that tragic accident...
 * Elmo: You know, Elmo's gonna stop you right there. Elmo's got something Elmo's gotta tell you.

Preschool Show Babies Flashback


 * Baby Elmo: Let’s play The Little Mermaid!
 * Baby Barney: Let’s question Elmo's sensability. Wocka-wocka!
 * Baby Jake: Hold on! Let me grab my floaties. (Leaves)
 * Baby Izzy: What a nerd.
 * Baby Zoe: Ahem. Moi will play "La Petite Mermaid".
 * Baby Izzy: Mermaids aren't fat! (Pushes Baby Zoe)
 * Baby Elmo: Yikes! Izzy, if you only take Elmo's advice once in your natural life, take it now. Walk away. (Izzy smacks Elmo)
 * Baby Barney: NANNY! IZZY'S HITTING US AGAIN!
 * Baby Elmo: Yeah, who's the homo now? (Izzy beats up Barney, and Izzy gets hit in the back by Elmo with a red wagon and knocked headfirst into the pool) If we do this thing, it’s our secret forever. (All Preschool Show Babies agree and drown Izzy in the pool)
 * All Preschool Show Babies: NANNY!

(Present)

kind of burying the lead here. We think Izzy’s come back from the grave for revenge!
 * Jake: You killed my sister?!?
 * Elmo: Yeah, well, It was 60% self-defense. But we're
 * Jake: Oh, Izzy will have her revenge… (Jake reveals himself to be Izzy, the Killer, in disguise)
 * Elmo and Zoe: AAAAHHH!!!
 * Izzy: (Takes out knife, and attacks Elmo) Fifteen seconds till your death!
 * Zoe: HIIII-YAH! (Jumps to kick her, but misses) Wuh!
 * Izzy: Here it comes! Showtime!
 * Daisy: (Holding a bow and arrow) Get away from her, you bitch!
 * Izzy: You can’t shoot me! Flowers don’t even have fingers! (Daisy fires an arrow, which runs through Izzy's head) OOHH!! (Falls to the floor with Cuddles behind her)
 * Cuddles (chuckling): That bit never gets old. (Dances as funny music starts)

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