Animal (email)

Strong Bad has a new computer! Introducing... Lappy 486! Meanwhile, Spud Jr. asks Strong Bad what he would like as if he were his own made up animal.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Monstrosity, Homestar Runner, Deep Sea Fangly Fish, Baby Styles, Da Huuuuuudge, Marzipan, The Red Steckled Elbermung, El Pardack, Sterrance, The Cheat

Places: Computer Room, The Show, The Field, Da Huuuuuudge's Enclosure, Strong Badia

Computer: Lappy 486

Date: Monday, November 29, 2004

Running Time: 4:02

Page Title: Compy 386?? Not No More.

DVD: strongbad_email.exe Disc Four, Sbemails' 50 Greatest Hits DVD

Transcript
''{Both Strong Bad and the Compy 386 are absent from their usual place at the desk. Clean spots left by the Compy monitor and the keyboard are evident against the slightly faded wall and table. Wind can be heard, and a tumbleweed rolls past.}''

STRONG BAD: {offscreen} It is a time of desolation, chaos, and uncertainty. Brother pitted against brother; babies havin' babies. Then one day, from the right side of the screen,—

{Strong Bad walks on from the right, carrying the folded-up Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: —came a man.

{He sits down at the desk and places the Lappy on it.}

STRONG BAD: A man with a plastic rectangle... I MEAN LAPTOP COMPUTER!

{He unfolds the Lappy; the words "Lappy 486" appear on the screen with an accompanying note, then the Lappy's logo appears above; the screen becomes a black screen with a square bracket in the top left.}

STRONG BAD: Now that is a classy start-up noise! {imitating the start-up noise} Dong...ding! And check out all these speculations!

''{Some music starts playing. Cut to the set of The Show, with a silhouetted Lappy on the pedestal. As Strong Bad speaks, the camera zooms in and the Lappy becomes visible.}''

STRONG BAD: The Lappy 486 weighs in at an extremely portable forty-two pounds—

{The words "42 POUNDS!!! (LBS.)" appear in the top right.}

STRONG BAD: —and features an impressive battery life—

{The words "Several" color monitor" and "2 MB Hard Drive!" appear at the top of the screen.}

STRONG BAD: —of one half of ten minutes.

{The words "WARNING: +/- FIVE MINUTE BATTERY LIFE" appear under the first slogan.}

STRONG BAD: The Lappy 486—

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">{"512k RAM" appears next to the battery life warning}

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">STRONG BAD: —by Compy.

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">''{The slogan "Finally, a computer for your lap!" appears at the bottom of the screen next to a Compy logo. An applause accompanies the scene. Cut back to the computer room.}''

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">STRONG BAD: All right! Let's see if this bad boy can check some emails.

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">{He types in "strongbad_email.exe" as with the Compy.}

subject: made up animal <p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">Dear Strong Bad, What would you like as if you were your own made up animal Sincerely,

Spud Jr. <p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">STRONG BAD: {typing} Come now, Spud Jr. What would Spud Sr. think of such nightmarish grammar and punctuation? And poor Spudmom. "What would you like as if..." I at least hope you're good at sports, for their sake. {He stops typing.} All right, I'm done. {He clears the screen and resumes typing.} Well Stu-Pud Jr., If I was my own made up animal I would probably like as the coolest made up animal ever made up. I would have all the cool animal options and accessories:
 * Claws
 * Horns
 * Tusks
 * Tentacles
 * Power Doors
 * 15 Year Drivetrain Warranty
 * Proboscis
 * Segmented Eyes

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">''{Cut to the field, where Strong Bad stands with three compound eyes (see Goofs), two antlers, two tusks, a proboscis, four claws on each hand, and four tentacles. Homestar Runner is also present.}''

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">HOMESTAR RUNNER: I say there, Monstrosity! Do you know the times?

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">''{Strong Bad attempts to respond and makes gargling sound while foaming at the mouth. Homestar steps back, looking shocked. Cut back to the Lappy.}''

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">STRONG BAD: {typing} Oh. I guess I couldn't really talk with that proboscis. Not that I'd have much of an answer for "Do you know the times," anyway. Hmmm. Maybe I could be one of those deep-sea fangly fishes.

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">{Cut to the sea, rendered in Powered by The Cheat style.}

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">STRONG BAD: {voiceover} You know, the kind that have Christmas lights all over them, and those custom lures hanging over their heads.

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">{An anglerfish with flashing lights adorning its body and Homestar's head for a lure appears.}

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">HOMESTAR LURE: Right this way, everyone! Free puppies, ginger snaps {a fish version of The Cheat swims past}, Pocket PCs...

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">STRONG BAD: {voiceover} 'Cept I'd also have an awesome back deck on me for dinner and dancing!

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">''{A deck appears on the fish's back. Zoom in to see a woman dancing on it with Strong Bad, with some typical Powered-by-the-Cheat techno-ish music playing.}''

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">POWERED BY THE CHEAT STRONG BAD: Hey there, Baby Styles, do you want to watch me bench-press a lot...of weights?

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">HOMESTAR LURE: {lowers onto the deck} Turn it out, Strong Bad, turn it out!

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Oh, wait. {The Strong Bad on the deck disappears.} How could I enjoy the dinner and dancing if I'm already the fanglyfish? {The Homestar lure starts "dancing" and the "Cheatfish" swims by again}

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">''{Zoom out to see the full view of the "fanglyfish". Cut back to the Lappy.}''

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">STRONG BAD: {typing} Maybe I'm overthinking this. I should just come up with a cool name and the rest will like as itself. I would be called {considers} da huuuuuudge. {He pronounces each letter of huuuuuudge, as if to say "huh-duh-juh."}

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">''{Cut to Da Huuuuuudge's Enclosure. A sign on the front of the enclosure reads:}'' Please, for the love of Pete,

DO NOT feed Da Huuuuuudge <p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">STRONG BAD: Da Huuuuuudge! {Pronounced as "hudge."}

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">{A large, pus-colored, gelatinous, bubbling creature with Strong Bad's face lands in the enclosure.}

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">STRONG BAD: Eew! No. No Huuuuuudge. {Pronounced as "hudge" again.}

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">{Marzipan enters from the right, silhouetted, outside the enclosure.}

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">MARZIPAN: Oh, wow! Look at the Huuuuuudge! {Pronounced as "hudge" again.}

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Um... How about...the red steckled elbermung?

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">''{An open book descends into the frame with a picture of a red gastropod with a pattern like Strong Bad's mask around its eyes and huge lips. The text in the book reads:}''

R is for Red steckled elbermung <p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">STRONG BAD: No no no.

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">{The lips, the eyes and the tail become annotated with the word "No" each time Strong Bad says the word.}

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">STRONG BAD: Um...the pardack?

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">''{Some yellow lined paper descends into the frame. On it is a picture of a large blobby creature with Strong Bad's eyes, horns, duck feet, one of Strong Bad's arms and a soolnd with three toes for the other arm. Text under it reads: "el pardack."}''

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">STRONG BAD: What the? {The pardack gains a speech bubble with the text "what the?"} Why do these keep coming out as nasty blob things?

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">{Cut back to the Lappy.}

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">STRONG BAD: {typing} Okay, okay, okay. Gotta look good for the Lappy. My made up animal {slight pause} would be called...

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">{Cut to Strong Badia.}

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Sterrance.

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">''{A blue creature with stick arms and legs, red hands, orange feet, angel wings, an orange tongue, buck teeth, and a pattern like Strong Bad's mask around its eyes appears. Some music starts playing.}''

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">STRONG BAD: Hey, I did it! {Sterrance starts dancing} Look at Sterrance. Aw, Sterrance! I want one! Sterrance is way cuter than that stupid ugly old washed-up The Cheat I used to have.

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">''{Cut back to the computer room. The Cheat is standing by Strong Bad, looking angry.}''

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">THE CHEAT: {angry Cheat noises}

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">STRONG BAD: Oh, Captain Past-His-Prime himself.

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">THE CHEAT: {angry Cheat noises}

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">STRONG BAD: Yeah, I know you heard me. And I stand by it.

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">THE CHEAT: {angry Cheat noises; walks away}

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">{Strong Bad turns back to the Lappy, affectionately stroking it.}

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">STRONG BAD: Don't worry about him, Lappy. That's just The Cheat. He uses {dismissively} new computers. Psssh! The Paper, come on down and meet your new brother!

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">{The Paper begins to edge down.}

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">STRONG BAD: Come on!

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">{It edges down a bit more.}

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">STRONG BAD: It's okay!

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">{It edges back a bit.}

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">STRONG BAD: No, ah! Come on!

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">{It edges down a bit.}

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">STRONG BAD: Lappy's not going to bite you or tear at your perforated edges!

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">{It comes down a bit more.}

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">STRONG BAD: That's it!

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">{It comes all the way down.}

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">STRONG BAD: Lappy, this is The Paper. He lets me know when I've stopped being funny!

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">{The Paper comes down even more so that it now reads:} <p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">STRONG BAD: Oops! Sorry. Bye, everybody.

<p style="margin-top: 0.9em; margin-right: 0em; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0em; line-height: 1.5em;">"animal"