Letter Writing



Origin of Letters:

Letter writing was an activity practiced by learned individuals from around the world up until the end of the twentieth century, wence it was replaced by the more conventional electronic mail or "e-mail". The art of letter writing first orginated on the Eurasian Continentent around 2540 BC. The first letter were written on sheets of papaya leaves. As early hominids descended from the trees, they began eating all of the Papayas. They turned to the papaya leaves as a source of nutrition, but soon found that they were better suited for correspondence.

Around the same time in south east asia, rice paper was invented when crowds trampled over rice patties on the way to the hamburger patty. These now obsolete "sheets" of rice, were soon put to good use by early confusions who took to writing down their ideas about law and the celestial order of things. The first letter is often attributed to early confusion author Wel Hung, who wrote to his bride to be:

Dear Mai Thai,

As songs of old sound earily tuned, So too has dischordance come to life. Know your place, by my feet. And happiness shall be attainable to all.

- Wel Hung

Political Letters:

Letter writing soon came to be a tool used by the educated ruling class minority to insure allegance to societal norms that would keep them in power and subjugate the working class and the fairer sex.

As letter writing evolved it soon became a vehicle used to replace actuall conversation. As the early Incan Empire spread along the South American West Coast they used letter to inform the Aymaran People of their impending doom giving them the opportunity to escape into the less hositable hinterlands and avoiding actual armed combat. Unfortunatley, the written quechuan language had not yet been written so the gesture proved futile.

Love Letters:

Saint Valentine is often attributed with writing the first love letter. As a saint, he could do no wrong, and thus was not tempted by the evils of the paper and pen; however, he did write shopping lists which later evolved into the first love letter.

One such list read:

two pounds of scrumptious butter

three Geese a laying

four fresh men

four carrots

five sand melons

Six cornesh hens ....

This letter was smeered on the way to the market and was misread as saying:

Scrum butt,

As I lay with other men, I remember your carrot and melons. Sex porn hens...

Soon others took the cue and began writing shopping lists for their lovers. Thus valentines day was born. Later Halmark misapropriated the day in an attempt to corner the market on holiday cards. Card were a form of letter writing that the masses could appreciate, sicne less thought and time were required.

End of the Letter:

At the end of the twentieth century letter writing fell out of favor with the advent of the internet. Soon even old people had adopted the much easier and cost saving form of correspondence. It should be noted that a small percentage of neoclassicalists keep up with the age old practice in the luditic tradition.