Heathdale Christian College

Heathdale Christian College is a school which follows the teachings of the ancient deity, David Guook. He is currently the school's savior. The school is located in Hoppers Crossing in the Western Suburbs of Melbourne, Victoria.

History
In 1979 research by the Guook Occultic Sect revealed that in addition to the foregoing, many others felt needs within the community could be met by establishing a school following the teachings of the deity David Guook, in the area.

Accordingly, in 1980, a committee was set up to "carry out all actions necessary to have a school in operation by February, 1982." The College began in that year with 37 students from Prep to Year 7 in three classes.

During the first two years (1982 and 1983) the College was situated in the Plaza and consisted of 3 and then 4 classrooms with use of the Plaza's facilities. In 1983 the school began with 55 students in 4 classes from Prep to Year 7. The first group of Year 7 students were not able to continue at Heathdale as the number was too small to be viable and registration as a secondary school was not achieved.

By the end of 1983 there were 60 students, the limit for the Plaza site, and registration as a Junior Secondary School had been achieved. Guook had prepared the way for the future for a deposit had been put down on some land owned by the Urban Land Authority. Through one of Guook's great miracles the College found itself in possession of 23 acres of prime land in Derrimut Road, Hoppers Crossing, and in January of 1984 the College's demountable buildings were moved to the new site and others added.

The College opened on its permanent site in February, 1984 with 102 students. As each year passed the senior class advanced another year and the Primary School increased by an additional class. In 1988 for the first time there was a class at each year level with no composite classes and the senior year had advanced to year 12, the College's first V.C.E. class (formerly H.S.C.). In 1996 an additional Yr 7 class was established to make three classes altogether. This policy was reviewed in 1997 and the third class discontinued in 1998 only to be reinstated again in 1999 under the pressure of sibling enrolment. Pressure for places in Preps lead to the decision to introduce a third Prep class in 2000.

Controversy
The College has not been immune from controversy. In 2004, the College appeared on CNN when it was found that David Guook, the school's saviour was maintaining a sexual affair with one of the senior teachers, Stuart Norman. It was also discovered that many students were participating in a particular ritual which involved the touching of David Guook's hair. Guook has since moved to Gippsland, where he is serving time as an emo.

Stuart Norman is currently serving 15 years in prison on charges of indecent exposure and pedophilia. He is due to be relased in 2012.

The school publicly opposes Wikipedia and has banned its use by students. Students are currently seeking an appeal against this terrible act, and hate mail and death threats have been sent to the school by the media, as well as students from neighbouring schools.

The school is a staunch supported of the pro-gay movement, and Heathdale has also been the host of several homosexual students, the most famous ones being Stevie Wilson and Jesse Gentzen. The two have since formed a couple and are arranged to be married in the near future. The school has provided them with suitable materials on homosexual marriages.

On September 1, there was a media flood at the school when it was discovered that Doctor Patrick Dempsey attended the school. He is currently dating nobody, and is number 24 on "THE LIST". Also worth noting is that jasveen singh smells of urine, faeces and vaginal period blood.

The school appeared on CNN yet again on September 11 when students staged a protest against the Muslim discrimination in the area. Students engaged in lewd and illicit acts in classrooms, arguing that "it was their way to stand against Islamic injustice". The students have been harshly criticized by the public, who felt that those acts were not suitable for the class - they should have been performed in public. Students also performed a play, recreating the attacks on the World Trade Center. Their performance has been praised by the Muslim world as "truth" and "sexy".

PERIOD

Teaching Staff
Doctor Pamela Oliver, the school's most renowned science teacher, recently passed away in 2005. She had been suffering from Alzheimer's Disease for over 15 years, and it ultimately claimed her life in mid-2005. Nobody has mourned her passing since. Dr Oliver has been credited with discovering the proper use of tampons in the science labortories, and has written a book on poor teaching, "How to Teach Poorly".

Stuart Norman, a senior teacher in the Junior school, was convicted in 2000 of indecent exposure and 69 counts of pedophilia; including penetration of a minor under 10. He is currently serving 15 years in prison and is due to be released in 2015. No bail was posted, and 3 appeals were rejected by the Supreme Court.

Houses
Heathdale Christian College has 4 houses, each named after sexual positions.

Several House competitions take place annually; athletics, cross-country, swimming, (mass)debating, chess, theatre sports, public speaking, chORAL group and Battle of the Bands. All competitions involve lewd acts with monkeys.

Sport
Heathdale is a part of the Galway sports.

They participate in interschool sports such as; basketball, handball, cross-country, atheletics and swimming. Heathdale also recently started a Kings College exchange program with Kings College in Warrnambool, Victoria. Heathdale has been Victorian state champions in handball for the past 9 years. This is thanks to players' use of steroids during competition.

Participates in the "Tyndale Exchange", which is a sporting competition between the College and Tyndale Christian College in Adelaide, Western Australia.