Bert and the Raccoons

Characters

 * Oliver
 * Marion
 * Rex
 * Bert (small railway)
 * Mike
 * Jock
 * Toad
 * Cyril the Fogman
 * Frank (cameo; seen sleeping at the Arlesdale Sheds)
 * Blister I and Blister II (cameo; seen sleeping at the Arlesdale Sheds)
 * Sigrid of Arlesdale (cameo; seen sleeping at the Arlesdale Sheds)

New Characters

 * Hilda Brown (Cyril the Fogman's wife)
 * Lawrence Brown (Cyril and Hilda's nephew)

Voice Cast

 * Joe Mills as Oliver, Toad and Cyril the Fogman
 * Olivia Colman as Marion
 * Tom Stourton as Rex
 * Keith Wickham as Bert (small railway)
 * Tim Whitnall as Mike
 * Colin MacFarlane as Jock
 * Sophie Colquhoun as Hilda Brown
 * Steven Kynman as Lawrence Brown
 * Matt Wilkinson as Bert's Driver

Transcript
Narrator: The Arlesdale Railway is a very busy place in summer. Bert is often the busiest engine in the season of summer, and even likes making discoveries during the summer. One day, Bert was in the woods when suddenly his driver applied the brakes. A flash of brown raced across the tracks and some queer-looking animals stopped on the other side and looked at Bert.

Bert: Hello little ones. Are you lost?

Bert's Driver: Those are a family of raccoons, Bert. They belong to Cyril Brown. He must be looking for his pets.

Bert: Can't I look after them until he finds them.

Bert's Driver: Well I guess that will cause no harm.

Bert: Well then that settles it.

Narrator: Later when the family of raccoons were sleeping in the Arlesdale Shed, Bert found Rex, Mike and Jock and told them about his new friends.

Mike: I've never heard of such a creature. They can't even be real.

Bert: Oh, but they are.

Mike: I'm far too busy to listen anyway, good morning.

Rex: Actually, I seem to recall that raccoons are a brown or grey colour with black rings on their tails.

Jock: That must make them rather attractive.

Bert: Well technically the baby ones certainly were cute.

Narrator: That night when the engines were asleep in the shed, Mike felt his nose twitch.

(Mike sneezes)

Rex: What was that? Was it you Bert?

Bert: No of course not.

Mike: That was me sneezing.

Jock: Do you have hay fever Mike?

Mike: Of course I don't. Maybe it's an allergy.

Rex: An allergy?

Bert: Well I think I know what's causing it.

Rex: It must be your raccoons, Bert.

Mike: For the last time there's no such... (sneezes again) thing. (gasps) Little monsters!

Jock: They're only a raccoon family Mike. Is that what's causing your allergy?

Mike: Must be.

Bert: Well then why don't you sleep in the spare shed until Mr. Brown reunites with his pets.

Mike: Fine! I will!

(Mike puffs into a different shed)

Jock: I think Mike meant he'll do it, but he won't like it.

(Bert, Rex and Jock laugh and then go back to sleep)

Narrator: The following day was lovely. Mike was glad to be given the first job of the day. He had to collect some ballast for the hopper.

Mike: I'm glad I don't have to go near those furry rascals this morning.

Narrator: Rex meanwhile had to deliver wool, while Jock took the first passenger train. Bert didn't have a job that morning, but he didn't mind. He asked his driver if the raccoon family could ride in his cab.

Bert's Driver: Well okay. But only until Mr. Brown comes back for them.

Narrator: Bert had a wonderful time taking the raccoon family for a drive in the country. When he got back to the ballast chute, Oliver and Toad were.

Bert: Hello you two.

Oliver: Hi uh, Bert is it?

Bert: That's me.

Toad: You seem rather cheerful today Mr. Bert.

Bert: That's because I've made some new friends yesterday. Oliver, Toad, meet these adorable baby raccoons and their mother.

Oliver: How cute.

Toad: Such funny little devils.

Bert: What's with the devils bit?

Toad: Because raccoons are thieves. They were born to go around stealing things.

Oliver: Really? I didn't know that.

Bert: Hey watch out, here's Marion.

Marion: What's all this fuss about? (screams) Little monsters!

Toad: Those aren't monsters Marion. They're baby raccoons. Aren't they pretty?

Oliver: Well yes, but what else would you expect from baby animals.

Toad: That's true Mr. Oliver.

Marion: I'm fed up with all these surprises. First skunks, now raccoons.

Toad: Oh and Bert.

Bert: Yes Toad?

Toad: I've got a passenger on board who wants to see you.

Cyril: Hello Bert, oh good you found my pets.

Bert: Hi Mr. Brown. I'm just glad they found you.

Cyril: Me, my wife, Hilda, and our nephew Lawrence lost our lunchboxes and drink flasks last week. But it looks like someone found them again. Who do I have the pleasure of thanking.

Bert's Driver: I retrieved your belongings when Bert took your pets out for drive. Here they are.

Hilda Brown: Thank you very much young man. Those lunchboxes and drink flasks are brand new.

Lawrence Brown: Yeah we only got them last week.

Bert: Well it's a good them they're undamaged.

Cyril, Hilda and Lawrence: Thank you very much Bert.

Bert: Goodbye little raccoons, have a nice journey back. And home sweet home.

Narrator: That evening, when Bert got back to the shed for a rest, Mike apologised for his disbelief.

Mike: I'm sorry I teased you for making the animals you found.

Bert: And I'm sorry I made them sleep in your favourite shed last night.

Jock: Well they were cute to say the least.

Rex: And got reunited with their owner.

Bert: I just hope I get to see them again.

Mike: If you do, next time make sure I'm not there.

Bert: Well yes, it's a shame you're allergic to raccoons. (laughs)

(Then Rex and Jock laugh too. And even Mike can see the funny side of it)

Mike: Yeah, what a funny day it's been.