Never-Ending Reign

Date: Monday, August 27, 2007

Jim Ross: "Hello everybody and welcome to a special SciFi edition of Monday Night RAW! And King, I just don't have the words to describe the event that we all witnessed last night. Well, actually... formulaic and monotonous certainly fit the bill."

King: "Oh, absolutely, JR. John Cena proved once again that he is the most controversial champion in the WWE! I'll tell ya, I really thought Orton was gonna take the championship away from Cena, but the Champ's toughness and durability once again allowed him to overcome the odds."

John Cena's music hits; the majority of the crowd boos

King: "The Champ is here, JR!"

Cena emerges from backstage, flailing his arms around like an inebriated simian. He enters the ring and procures a microphone. Standing idly like a disgustedly over-trodden thorn in the side of all true wrestling fans, he attempts to build 'suspense' by not saying a word for several moments. Just then...

Cena: "The Champ... is... here."

The female fans and prepubescent boys cheer, while everybody else vomits in repulsion.

Cena: "Last night, I was given the beating of a lifetime. Some might say that my opponent truly is the Legend Killer, and that since my title reign has reached legendary status, it was his destiny to dethrone me as the WWE Champion. Well, Mr. Legend Killer, Mr. RKO, Mr. Wedgy-Pants, I am not just any WWE Champion. I am JOHN CENA. And I'll say it again. The CHAMP... IS... HERE!"

Orton's music hits to the delight of many fans

Orton: "You know what, Cena? You make me sick! I know what you're thinkin'. You overcame the odds yet again and defeated the Legend Killer. Well ya know something? That doesn't change the fact that my destiny will be realized. I WILL beat you for that title, and I WILL become the NEW WWE Champion! And there's not a damn thing you can do about it! Your win last night was a fluke! A mistake! A travesty!"

Cena: "Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah! Somebody better call the WAMbulance, because Mr. Whitey is having a fit. So you say you can beat me for this title?"

Orton: "Anytime, anywhere."

Cena: "Well that's convenient, because I kinda feel like fighting right about now. So if you got the balls, let's stop talkin' and start fightin'!"

What will happen when we return to Monday Night RAW? Will Cena and Orton engage in yet another classic battle? Will Cena stop making puerile jokes? Will any RAW ever start with someone else's music?!