Who's Killing the Muppets?/The Brave Little Toaster (Version 2)

Version 2 of Who's Killing the Muppets?/The Brave Little Toaster

Cast

 * Gonzo - Lampy
 * Fozzie Bear - Quadruped
 * Kermit the Frog - Toaster
 * Miss Piggy - Maisie
 * Scooter - Squirt
 * Hooded Killer - Evil Clown
 * Dr. Bunsen Honeydew - Calculator
 * Beaker - Alberto
 * Rowlf the Dog - Microwave
 * Dr. Teeth - Kirby
 * Lew Zealand - Blanky
 * Swedish Chef - Ratso
 * Animal - Wittgenstein
 * Steve Martin - Radio
 * Camilla the Chicken - Tinselina
 * Statler - Murgatroid
 * Waldorf - Plugsy
 * Penguins - Computer and Mouse
 * Skeeter - Fanny

Transcript

 * Lampy: For my next feat, I will walk across hot coals while explaining what the hell I am.
 * Evil Clown: No! For your next feat, you die! (Evil Clown fires a cannon, decapitating Lampy, and Lampy's corpse falls on the hot coals. Then Evil Clown places a water sack on the scene)

Lampy's Funeral and Burial Ceremony


 * Toaster: Lampy died as he lived, and our family will never be whole again. And now, ladies and gentlemen, RADIO, YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!
 * Radio: (With a prank arrow hat on his head) "The Lord is my Shepard, I shall not want. He makes me like.."
 * Maisie (interrupting): Oh, are we burying him in the city? (Tinselina jumps on Lampy's casket as it gets lowered into the ground)
 * Quadruped: You know, the last time an appliance died was...
 * Radio (interrupting): Excuse me?
 * Quadruped: Don’t you mean, "Excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me"?
 * Radio: No, this is a funeral. I’m working. Do I come to where you work and knock the thing outta your mouth?!
 * Toaster: Wow, Radio’s working blue, but he’s right. We vowed never to talk about...that night. (The gang turns to look at Squirt) (Squirt waves at them)

Later


 * Quadruped: And then the dad says, "The Aristocrats"! Wocka-wocka!
 * Evil Clown: (Right up at the door) Hey, Quadruped? Why did the dog turn red?
 * Quadruped: I don’t know, stranger.
 * Evil Clown: Because he was em-BARK-rassed!
 * Quadruped: (Sarcastically claps) Wocka-wocka...
 * Evil Clown: Then how about this? Because I total STAB YOU! (Evil Clown stabs Quadruped in the neck and then the back with a knife)
 * Quadruped: What a showstopper. Ooohh! (Falls on stage)
 * Murgatroid: See? I told you the dog was gonna die on stage tonight. (Murgatroid and Plugsy laugh)
 * Quadruped: Hey, guys, can you stop laughing and call me an ambulance?
 * Plugsy: You're an ambulance. (Murgatroid and Plugsy laugh again, and Quadruped is dragged offscreen by Evil Clown and murdered. Then a red wagon is rolled out on stage)
 * Toaster: (Computer and Mouse roll Quadruped's dead body away) First Lampy, now Quadruped. Could we be paying the price for what we did to...?
 * Maisie: Don’t say that name, Toaster.
 * Bob: OOOH, Maisie’s telling me what to do. Wow, hey, everybody! Come here! You gotta come see this. Maisie’s telling me what to do! Wow, must be a day that ends in E! (Squirt walks by carrying a boxful of props) Hey, uh, Squirt?
 * Squirt: Oh! Hey there, boss.
 * Toaster: We need to talk about Fanny’s death.
 * Squirt: Why, sure. I love talking about my twin sister, if not for that tragic accident...
 * Toaster: You know, I’m gonna stop you right there. I got something I gotta tell you.

Appliance Babies Flashback


 * Baby Toaster: Let’s play The Little Mermaid!
 * Baby Quadruped: Let’s question Toaster’s sensability. Wocka-wocka!
 * Baby Squirt: Hold on! Let me grab my floaties. (Leaves)
 * Baby Fanny: What a nerd.
 * Baby Maisie: Ahem. Moi will play "La Petite Mermaid".
 * Baby Fanny: Mermaids aren't fat! (Pushes Baby Maisie)
 * Baby Toaster: Yikes! Fanny, if you only take my advice once in your natural life, take it now. Walk away. (Fanny smacks Toaster)
 * Baby Quadruped: ROB! FANNY'S HITTING US AGAIN!
 * Baby Toaster: Yeah, who's the homo now? (Fanny beats up Quadruped, and Fanny gets hit in the back by Toaster with a red wagon and knocked headfirst into the pool) If we do this thing, it’s our secret forever. (All Appliance Babies agree and drown Fanny in the pool)
 * All Appliance Babies: ROB!

(Present)


 * Squirt: You killed my sister?!?
 * Toaster: Yeah, well, It was 60% self-defense. But we're kind of burying the lead here. We think Fanny’s come back from the grave for revenge!
 * Squirt: Oh, Fanny will have her revenge… (Squirt reveals himself to be Fanny, the Killer, in disguise)
 * Toaster and Maisie: AAAAHHH!!!
 * Fanny: (Takes out knife, and attacks Toaster) Fifteen seconds till your death!
 * Maisie: HIIII-YAH! (Jumps to kick her, but misses) Wuh!
 * Fanny: Here it comes! Showtime!
 * Tinselina: (Holding a bow and arrow) Get away from them, you bitch!
 * Fanny: You can’t shoot me! Angels don’t even have fingers! (Tinselina fires an arrow, which runs through Fanny's head) OOHH!! (Falls to the floor with Radio behind her)
 * Radio (chuckling): That bit never gets old. (Dances as funny music starts)