Caillou Culturally Appropriates and Gets Grounded


 * [Caillou is in his room, sitting on his bed. His stomach rumbles from extreme hunger and he doubles over in pain.]
 * Caillou: Man, I'm starving. I haven't gotten anything to eat since I was grounded three days ago.
 * Boris: [from offscreen] Caillou, get in the living room!
 * [Caillou runs into the living room with a big smile on his face. His parents, as well as Rosie, await him.]
 * Caillou: What is it, Mom and Dad? Are you finally going to feed me, or at least give me a sip of water?
 * Doris: [sternly, wagging a finger] I'm sorry, Caillou, but you lost those privileges when you sneezed at the dinner table three days ago.
 * Boris: Anyway, we want to inform you that we are leaving to go to Walmart. Since we can't leave you here alone and risk you destroying our furniture while we're gone, we have decided to take you with us.
 * Doris: And we expect you to be on your best behavior. Understand?
 * Caillou: Yes, Mom. If I do behave, may I have a drink of water when we get back?
 * Doris: No.
 * Caillou: Bu—
 * Doris, Boris, and Rosie: NO. [screen shakes]
 * [They all walk out of the room. Cut to the car pulling out of the driveway, then to the car parking in a parking space at Walmart. Inside the store...]
 * Caillou: Can I go look around, Dad?
 * Boris: Caillou, you're four years old. Do you really expect me to let you wander around the store unsupervised at your age?
 * Caillou: Yes, I do. After all, each day, I grow some more.
 * Boris: [looking disgusted] Ugh. Fine. Just don't get lost or anything. And please don't eat anything.
 * Caillou: Thanks, Dad. [walks away]
 * Rosie: [waving at Caillou as he leaves] Bye-bye!
 * [In the shoe department, Caillou finds a nice pair of moccasins that he likes.]
 * Caillou: Those shoes look cool. And they're a size seven, which is my size. I'd better go see if Mom and Dad can buy them for me.
 * [Caillou slips on the shoes, which turns out to be a grave sin on his part, and returns to his family, still in the same spot.]
 * Boris: There you are, Caillou. We're about to go pick up some Frosted Flakes... not for you, of course.
 * Caillou: Dad, can you buy me these shoes?
 * Boris: [suddenly hostile] Absolutely not!! Those moccasins are a sacred piece of Native American culture, and, as a decent person, I forbid you to wear them under any circumstance!
 * Caillou: [baffled] But, Dad, I think they look fly on me.
 * Boris: [screen turns red with fire and falling rocks and all that crap] OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH!!! Caillou, how dare you appropriate African-American Vernacular English?! That's it! We're going home right now!!
 * [Screen returns to normal; Caillou is in tears by this point.]
 * Doris: Let's go to the car. You are in deep trouble.
 * [The car leaves the Walmart parking lot, the engine making the same noise it always does in these videos. Cut to the Anderson family inside the car; Caillou and Rosie sit in the back seat, the former crying.]
 * Doris: Caillou, I can't believe you wore moccasins and used AAVE at Walmart today. You know that, as a white person, you have no business doing either of those things. That is racist cultural appropriation.
 * Caillou: But don't we live in a post-racial society now?
 * Boris: No, Caillou. That is a lie fabricated and perpetuated by racists like you in a feeble attempt to defend their ignorance.
 * Doris: And, besides, even if we were in a post-racial world, it wouldn't make a difference. White people have historically committed so many atrocities against people of color that you using something from a marginalized culture will automatically always be institutionally harmful to the racial groups those cultures belong to. It will always be cultural appropriation, no matter the context.
 * Boris: We're disappointed in you, Caillou. Very disappointed.
 * [The car pulls into the driveway. In the living room, Caillou's family flails around angrily as he cries and an organ version of "Pomp and Circumstance" plays.]
 * Doris: Caillou, your display at the store today was completely unacceptable.
 * Boris: That's it! You're grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded for an amount of millennia equal to Graham's number. That is longer than you will live, longer than the universe has existed, and longer than the time the universe has left. It is a number so large you can neither fathom or count it.
 * Doris: This means no TV, no computer, no Internet, no movies, no DVDs, no Blu-Rays, no VHS tapes, no home media of any kind, no video games, no board games, no games of any kind, no fun of any kind, no friends over, no talking, no food or water, of course, and no life.
 * Rosie: Rosie is mad! Caillou is a bad brother!
 * Boris: That's right, Rosie. He is the worst brother of all time and deserves to be slowly, yet brutally mutilated with a chainsaw for his crimes. Caillou, go upstairs to your room now and start counting to Graham's number. If you do not reach it by the time you die, you will be grounded for an additional googolplex of years.
 * Caillou: [running slowly out of frame] Wa-eeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhh-ahnum.
 * [GoAnimate end tag plays]