You Can't Win (Spike and Friends episode)

You Can't Win is the fourth episode of the fourth season of Spike the Dragon and Friends, and the eighty-second episode overall. It is a parody of the Thomas and Friends episode of the same name.

Cast

 * Big Mac (from TUGS) as Duke
 * Ten Cents (from TUGS) as Sir Handel/Falcon
 * Sunshine (from TUGS) as Peter Sam/Stuart
 * Spike as Thomas (cameo)
 * Angel as Bertie (cameo)
 * Everyone else as Themselves

Transcript
Narrator: "Big Mac is the hero of all the tugs. This is a story about him.

It happened long ago when Sunshine and Ten Cents used to work with Big Mac at his own harbor. Many people came year after year to see the mountains and the lakes and most of all, Big Mac.

He always pulled his ferries, even on days when he didn't feel well."

Big Mac: "I mustn't disappoint my friends."

Narrator: "He would say.

Every morning he took his passengers up the river and stopped anywhere they wanted."

Big Mac: "Peep, peep!"

Narrator: "He whistled."

Big Mac: "Please be ready when I come back to you. Otherwise we might miss your liner to the mainland and that would never do."

Narrator: "One day, Big Mac didn't feel well. He was short of steam and needed to rest. His driver and fireman had just finished clearing his tubes when Sunshine bustled up."

Sunshine: "Hello, Grantug."

Narrator: "He teased."

Sunshine: "Are you short of puff."

Big Mac: "Nothing of the sort. This is routine maintenance."

Sunshine: "Tell you what."

Narrator: "Went on Sunshine."

Sunshine: "You getting old. We must take care of you in case you break down."

Big Mac: "Hmmph!"

Narrator: "Hooshed Big Mac."

Big Mac: "That'll be the day!"

Narrator: "Big Mac couldn't stay cross for long. It was a lovely evening."

Big Mac: "Couldn't be better. Couldn't be better."

Narrator: "He trunbled happily.

They began to climb, but Big Mac didn't mind."

Big Mac: "I've plenty of steam."

Narrator: "He puffed."

Big Mac: "We'll be up in a couple of puffs."

Narrator: "But soon, Big Mac's puffs changed to wheezes. His values were leaking steam."

Big Mac: "It's not so easy. It's not so easy."

Narrator: "He croaked."

Big Mac: "But I'll manage."

Narrator: "At last, they reached the station.

Big Mac's driver exmained him carefully. Anxious passengers waited for new."

Conductor: "Big Mac is going to take you to the harbor, but he might be late."

Narrator: "Said the conductor."

Conductor: "So two tugs are coming to help. You'll still catch your liner."

Narrator: "Ten Cents went up in front."

Ten Cents: "Poor old Grantug. What a shame you've broken down."

Sunshine: "Peep, peep, peep!"

Narrator: "Teased Sunshine."

Sunshine: "This is the day."

Narrator: "He was coupled up behind."

Ten Cents: "Are you ready?"

Narrator: "Whistled Ten Cents."

Sunshine: "Yes, I am."

Narrator: "Replied Sunshine and away they went.

When they reached the next station, the cavalcade split up.

Ten Cents took Big Mac's passengers to the liner.

Sunshine headed Ten Cents' line, with Big Mac coupled behind."

Sunshine: "Fancy me rescuing Grantug! This is the day! This is the day!"

Narrator: "He boasted."

Sunshine: "Poor old tug! Poor old tug!"

Narrator: "But Big Mac still have plenty of steam left at him. His values sounded worse when they were. He and his driver had their own little joke ready.

They waited until they reached the hill."

Big Mac's Driver: "Now!"

Narrator: "Said his driver. Big Mac puffed and roared as though he was pushing the whole line's weight before him. The noise echoed everywhere.

When they reached the last station, everyone cheered."

Boy: "What happened?"

Narrator: "Asked a boy."

Boy: "They don't usually need two tugs."

Father: "Well,"

Narrator: "Replied his father."

Father: "Sunshine broke down. Big Mac had to help him. It sounds as if he had a hard job too."

Narrator: "Big Mac and his driver's joke had worked."

Sunshine: "Fiddlesticks!"

Narrator: "Exclamed Sunshine, and he vanished in a cloud of steam. Big Mac wheezed alongside."

Big Mac: "Poor old tug!"

Narrator: "He teased."

Big Mac: "It's no good, Sunshine. You can't win!"