The Secret Life of Pets (2016)/Mulan/Transcript

Cast
Gidget as Mulan

Max as Shang

Mel as Yao

Chloe as Ling

Duke as Chien Po

Ozone as Shan Yu

Snowball as Mushu

Norman as Cri-Kee

Buddy as Emperor

Pops as Chi Fu

[''First lines, a Chinese painting of the Great Wall of China is slowly painted across the screen. The words Walt Disney Pictures present and then Mulan and the dragon symbol appear. The painting becomes animated, and a Chinese soldier walks around his post. Suddenly, a bird of prey hits the back of his head.'']

Soldier: Ah! [''The hawk lets out a call. The soldier walks over to the edge of the wall. A hook comes flying up, followed by many more.Running back to his post''] We're under attack! Light the signal!

[''The door opens, revealing a couple of Huns. The soldier climbs up the ladder.'']

Soldier: [lighting the signal with a torch, while staring at the Hun leader; other signals go on all the way along the Great Wall] Now all of China knows you're here.

Shan Yu: [picking up a flag and toasting it in the signal fire] Perfect.

[The Chinese General and two soldiers walk into the Emperor's chamber and bow.]

General: Your Majesty, the Huns have crossed our Northern Border.

Chi Fu: Impossible! No one can get through the Great Wall! [He is silenced with a raised hand from the Emperor]

General: Shan Yu is leading them. We'll set up defenses around your palace immediately.

Emperor: No! [Standing up] Send your troops to protect my people! Chi Fu!

Chi Fu: Yes, your Highness.

Emperor: Deliver conscription notices throughout all the provinces. Call up reserves, and as many new recruits as possible.

General: Forgive me, your Majesty, but I believe my troops can stop him.

Emperor: I won't take any chances, General. A single grain of rice can tip the scale; one man may be the difference between victory and defeat.

Mulan: [Using chopsticks to balance a grain of rice] "Quiet and demure. Graceful. Polite. Delicate. Refined. Poised. [she picks up a paintbrush and makes a mark on her arm] Punctual." [A rooster crows] Ai-yah! [Blowing on her arm] Little brother! Little brother! Lit-- [she glances down at a sleeping dog on the floor] Ah! There you are. [The dog wakes up] Who's the smartest doggy in the world? Come on, smart boy. Can you help me with my chores today?

[''She ties a sack of chicken feed to his back, complete with a pole and a bone attached. Little Brother immediately chases the bone, running promptly into a wall and then out the door, scattering grain everywhere.'']

Fa Zhou: [praying] Honorable ancestors, please help Mulan impress the matchmaker today. [Little Brother, followed by a herd of chickens, bursts into the family temple.] Please. Please help her.

[''Mulan steps up to the temple seeing Little Brother on his hind legs trying to get the bone. Mulan bends the stick down so that Little Brother can reach the bone. Little Brother gnaws on the bone happily. Mulan continues toward the temple.]''

Mulan: Father, I brought your... Whoa! [Fa Zhou bangs into Fa Zhou, he catches the tea pot on his cane while the cups hit the ground and shatter]

Fa Zhou: Mulan.

Mulan: I brought a spare. [Mulan pulls out a cup from underneath the back of her dress and begins to pour the tea.]

Fa Zhou: Mulan.

Mulan: Remember, the doctor said three cups of tea in the morning...

Fa Zhou: Mulan.

Mulan: ...and three at night.

Fa Zhou: Mulan, you should already be in town. We're counting on you to...

Mulan: ...uphold the family honor. Don't worry, Father. I won't let you down. Wish me luck.

Fa Zhou: Hurry! I'm going to... pray some more.

In town

Woman #1: Fa Li, is your daughter here yet? The Matchmaker is not a patient woman.

Fa Li: Of all the days to be late. I should have prayed to the ancestors for luck.

Granny Fa: How lucky can they be? They're dead. Besides, I've got all the luck we'll need. [Holds up a wicker cage with a cricket inside.] This is your chance to prove yourself. [She closes her eyes and steps off the sidewalk.]

Fa Li: Grandma, no!
 * [Granny Fa walks across the street; vehicles came crashing, but she emerges unharmed]

SFX: chickens clucking

Granny Fa: Yep, this cricket's a lucky one! [Fa Li sighs.]

Mulan comes riding up on Khan, and hops off.

Mulan: I'm here. [looks at her mother] What? But, Mama, I had to...

Fa Li: None of your excuses. Now, let's get you cleaned up.

Beginning of "Honor To Us All"

Woman #1: [singing] This is what you give me to work with? Well, honey, I've seen worse. We're going to turn this sow's ear Into a silk purse.

Mulan: It's freezing.

Fa Li: It would've been warm, if you were here on time.

Woman #1: [singing] We'll have you, washed and dried Primped and polished till you glow with pride Just my recipe for instant bride You'll bring honor to us all.

Fa Li: Mulan, what's this?

Mulan: Uh ... notes ... in case I forget something.

Granny Fa: Hold this. [Hands Crickee to Fa Li] We're going to need more luck than I thought.

Woman #2: [singing] Wait and see, when we're through

Woman #3: [singing] Boys will gladly go to war for you

Woman #2: [singing] With good fortune

Woman #3: [speaking] And a great hairdo

Both: [singing] You'll bring honor to us all.

Chorus: [singing] A girl can bring her family Great honor in one way By striking a good match And this might be the day

Woman #4: [speaking] Men want girls with good taste

Woman #5: [speaking] Calm

Fa Li: [speaking] Obedient

Woman #5: [singing] Who work fast-paced

Fa Li: [singing] With good breeding

Woman #5: [singing] And a tiny waist

All: [singing] You'll bring honor to us all.

Chorus: We all must serve our Emperor Who guards us from the Huns A man by bearing arms A girl by bearing sons

Woman #6: [singing] When we're through, You can't fail Like a lotus blossom, soft and pale How could any fellow say, "No sale"? You'll bring honor to us all!

Fa Li: There, you're ready.

Granny Fa: Not yet. An apple for serenity. A pendant for balance. [singing] Beads of jade for beauty You must proudly show it Now, add a cricket, just for luck, [Granny Fa places the cage with the cricket under the upper layer of Mulan's skirt] And even you can't blow it

Mulan: [singing] Ancestors, hear my plea, Please don't let me make a fool of me And to not uproot my family tree Keep my father standing tall. Scarier than the Undertaker, We are meeting our matchmaker!

Chorus: [singing] Destiny, guard our girls, Help our future as it fast unfurls Please look kindly on these cultured pearls Each a perfect porcelain doll ...

Chorus: [singing] Please bring honor to us Please bring honor to us Please bring honor to us Please bring honor to us Please bring honor to us all!

Matchmaker: "Fa Mulan."

Mulan: Present.

Matchmaker: Speaking without permission.

Mulan: Oops. [They go inside]

Granny Fa: [to Fa Li] Who spit in her bean curd?

Matchmaker: Huh. Hmm. Mmm. Too skinny. Hmph! Not good for bearing sons.

[Crickee hops out of his cage, Mulan frantically tries to put him back in.]

Matchmaker: Recite the Final Admonition.

Mulan: Mmm-hmm-hmm. [muffled chirping] [pulls out a paper fan and spits Crickee out]

Matchmaker: Well?

Mulan: Fulfill your duties, calmly and... [glances down at the crib notes written on her arm, which are smeared slightly] respectfully. Um, reflect before you snack... Act! This shall bring you honor and glory. [''She fans herself, the matchmaker grabs the fan and searches it for cheat notes. Finding none, she grabs Mulan by the arm (where the notes are!) and pulls her toward a table. The writing comes off in her hand.'']

Matchmaker: Hmm. This way. Now, pour the tea. To please your future in-laws, you must demonstrate a sense of dignity... [she rubs her hand over her mouth, and the ink rubs off with a squeak] ...and refinement. You must also be poised. [Mulan, staring at the Matchmaker, pours the tea but misses the cup, then regains her composure and quickly fills the teacup.]

[''Mulan notices Crickee relaxing happily in the tea. The Matchmaker takes the teacup.'']

Mulan: Um, pardon me.

Matchmaker: And silent! [sniffs] Ahhh.

Mulan: Could I just take that back? One moment. [She grabs for the cup]

[''The Matchmaker fights for the teacup, and they both fall back, the tea spilling all over the Matchmaker. Crickee hops down her dress.'']

Matchmaker: Why, you clumsy... Whoo Whoo! Aaah! Whoo! Aaah! [fire sizzling] [''She trips over the fire-pot, spilling the coals and then sitting on them, the bottom of her dress smoking. Mulan desperately fans the burned spot, and it bursts into flames. The matchmaker runs around shrieking.'']

[Outside]

SFX: loud crash

Granny Fa: [To Fa Li] I think it's going well, don't you?

[The matchmaker runs outside, shrieking.]

Matchmaker: Put it out! Put it out! Put it out! [''Mulan throws tea over her, putting out the fire. Embarrassed, she hands the teapot to the Matchmaker and quickly walks toward Fa Li and Granny Fa.'']

Matchmaker: [panting furiously] You are a disgrace! You may look like a bride, but you will never bring your family honor!

[People start to walk away, whispering.]

At the Fa farm

[Mulan is greeted with a warm smile by her father, but, humiliated, she turns away and takes Khan to the stable.]

Beginning of "Reflection"

Mulan: [singing] Look at me ... I will never pass for a perfect bride Or a perfect daughter Can it be? I'm not meant to play this part? Now I see That if I were truly to be myself I would break my family's heart. Who is that girl I see Staring straight back at me Why is my reflection someone I don't know Somehow I cannot hide Who I am, though I've tried When will my reflection show Who I am inside? When will my reflection show Who I am, inside?

Fa Zhou: My, my, what beautiful blossoms we have this year. But look, this one's late. I bet when it blooms, it will be the most beautiful of all.

Drums sound

Mulan: What is it?

[Imperial soldiers and Chi Fu come riding over a hill.]

Fa Li: Mulan, stay inside.

Cast
Chloe as Mulan

Max as Shang

Gidget as Mushu

Buddy as Yao

Norman as Cri-Kee

Duke as Ling

Scarface (All Dogs Go to Heaven) as Shan Yu

Tiberius as Chien Po

Pops as Emperor

Ms. Crawley (Sing) as Chi Fu

Granny Fa: Ahem. [points toward a low roof. Mulan runs over to it and peers over the roof]

Chi Fu: Citizens! I bring a proclamation from the Imperial City! The Huns have invaded China! By order of the Emperor, one man from every family must serve in the Imperial Army. [Reading from list] The Hsiao Family! The Yi Family!

Son: I will serve the Emperor in my father's place.

Chi Fu: The Fa Family!

Mulan: No!

[Her father walks over to Chi Fu.]

Fa Zhou: I am ready to serve the Emperor.

Mulan: Father, you can't go!

Fa Zhou: Mulan!

Mulan: [To Chi Fu] Please, sir, my father has already fought for--

Chi Fu: Silence! You will do well to teach your daughter to hold her tongue in a man's presence.

Fa Zhou: Mulan. You dishonor me.

Chi Fu: Report tomorrow at the Wu Zhong Camp. [He hands Fa Zhou a scroll.]

Fa Zhou: Yes, sir.

Chi Fu: [Continues to read] The Chu Family! The Chang Family! The Yong Family!

In Fa Zhou's bedroom

''[Fa Zhou yanks open his closet, revealing a suit of Chinese armor, and unsheaths a sword. Mulan watches. He practices techniques, but his leg gives out and he falls against a pillar, panting.'']

[At dinner]

Mulan pours the tea, then sets her cup down with a bang.

Mulan: You shouldn't have to go!

Fa Li: Mulan!

Mulan: There are plenty of young men to fight for China!

Fa Zhou: It is an honor to protect my country and my family.

Mulan: So you'll die for honor.

Fa Zhou: I will die doing what's right.

Mulan: But if you ...

Fa Zhou: I know my place. It is time you learned yours.

[''Mulan stares at her father for a moment, then runs outside crying. Mulan is sitting in a statue of a dragon, crying. It is raining. Through the window of her house, she can see her mother and father talking. Fa Zhou picks up the candle and blows it out. Mulan thinks for a minute, then makes her decision.'']

[''Mulan walks into the Family Temple and lights a stick, placing it in a hanging statue of a small dragon. She runs into her parent's room, taking the scroll and leaving her hair comb. Taking her father's sword, she cuts her hair short and puts on her father's armor. Going out to the stable, she mounts Khan and sets off for the army.'']

[The eyes of a statue in the temple flash, and Granny Fa wakes up.]

Granny Fa: Mulan is gone!

Fa Zhou: What? It can't be ... [He runs outside] Mulan! No ...

Fa Li: You must go after her. She could be killed.

Fa Zhou: If I reveal her, she will be.

Granny Fa: Ancestors, hear our prayer. Watch over Mulan.

[In the Family Temple, the characters on a tombstone light up, and they turn into the Great Ancestor.]

Great Ancestor: [To the small hanging dragon statue] Mushu, awaken.

[The statue shakes and smokes.]

Mushu: I live! So, tell me, what mortal needs my protection, Great Ancestor. You just say the word, and I'm there.

Great Ancestor: Mushu ...

Mushu: And lemme say something, anyone who's foolish enough to threaten our family, vengeance will be mine! Grr ... arrgh ...

Great Ancestor: Mushu! These are the family guardians. They ...

Mushu: Protect the family.

Great Ancestor: And you, O Demoted One ...

Mushu: I ring the gong.

Great Ancestor: That's right. Now, wake up the Ancestors ...

Mushu: One family reunion coming right up. Okay, people, people, look alive! Let's go, c'mon, get up! Let's move it! Rise and shine! Y'all way past the beauty sleep thing.

Ancestor #1: I knew it, I knew it. That Mulan was a troublemaker from the start.

Ancestor #2: Don't look at me, she gets it from your side of the family!

Ancestor #3: She's just trying to help her father!

Ancestor #4: But if she's discovered, Fa Zhou will be forever shamed. Dishonor will come to the family. Traditional values will disintegrate!

Ancestor #5: Not to mention they'll lose the farm!

Ancestor #1: My children never caused such trouble; they all became acupuncturists!

Ancestor #2: Well, we can't all be acupuncturists!

Ancestor #6: No! Your great-granddaughter had to be a cross-dresser!

[The Ancestors start to argue]

Ancestor #7: Let a guardian bring her back!

Ancestor #2: Yes! Awaken the most cunning!

Ancestor #4: No! The swiftest!

Ancestor #8: No, send the wisest!

Great Ancestor: Silence! We will send the most powerful of all.

Mushu: [laughs] Okay, okay, I get the Jif. I'll go. [The ancestors laugh at him] Well, y'all don't think I can do it! Watch this here! [Blows a tiny flame] Ah-hah! Jump back, I'm pretty hot. But I don't have to singe nobody to prove no point.

Great Ancestor: You had your chance to protect the Fa Family.

Ancestor #6: Your misguidance led Fa Thang to disaster!

Fa Thang: Yeah, thanks a lot.

Mushu: And your point is?

Great Ancestor: The point is, we will be sending a real dragon to retrieve Mulan.

Mushu: What? What? I'm a real dragon!

Great Ancestor: You're not even worthy of this thought! Now, awaken the Great Stone Dragon!

Mushu: So you'll get back to me on the job thing. [He is hit in the face with his gong.]

Mushu: Just one chance. Is that too much to ask? I mean, it's not like it'll kill you. [To the dragon statue] Yo, Rocky, wake up! You gotta go fetch Mulan! C'mon, boy! Go get her! Go on! C'mon! [He climbs up on the statue, dragging the gong.] Grr ... arrgh. Grr. Hello? Helloooo? Hello! [''He hits the ear of the dragon with the gong, and it falls off. Suddenly, the entire statue falls apart.''] Uh-oh ...

Mushu: Uh ... Stoney? Stoney ... Oh, man, they're gonna kill me!

Great Ancestor: Great Stone Dragon! Have you awakened?

Mushu: [Holding up the head of the Great Stone Dragon] Uh, yes, I just woke up! Um, I am the Great Stone Dragon! Good morning! I will go forth and fetch Mulan! Did- did I mention that I am the Great Stone Dragon?

Great Ancestor: Go! The fate of the Fa family rests in your claws.

Mushu: Don't even worry about it. I will not lose face. [He loses his balance and tumbles down the hill, the dragon head landing on top of him.] Ow, ah, my elbow. Oh, oh, I know I twisted something. [He lifts the head off.] That's just great, now what? I'm doomed, and all because Ms. Man decided to take a little drag show on the road.

Crickee: Chirp.

Mushu: Go get her! What's the matter with you? After this Great Stone Humptey Dumptey mess, I'd have to bring her home with a medal to get back in the Temple! Waitaminute! That's it! I make Mulan a war hero, and they'll be begging me to come back to work! That's the master plan! Oh, you've done it now, man.

Crickee: Chirp.

Mushu: [running] And what makes you think you're coming?

Crickee: Chirp.

Mushu: You're lucky? Do I look like a sucker to you?

Crickee: Chirp.

Mushu: What do you mean, a loser? What if I pop one of your antennae of and throw it across the yard, then who's the loser, you or me?

Crickee: Chirp.

[Mushu chases him out of the yard and down the road.]

''The Hun army comes to a stop by a marsh. Two Chinese soldiers are dragged out of a tree and thrown before Shan Yu.''

Hun: Imperial Scouts.

Soldier #1: Shan Yu!

Shan Yu: Nice work, gentlemen. You've found the Hun army.

[Laughter]

Soldier #2: The Emperor will stop you.

Shan Yu: Stop me! He invited me. By building his wall, he challenged my strength. Well, I'm here to play his game. Go! Tell your Emperor to send his strongest armies. I'm ready.

[The two soldiers scurry off, one after the other.]

Shan Yu: How many men does it take to deliver a message?

Sheshou: One.

Fade to black.

Mulan: Okay. Okay, how about this: [in a deep voice] Excuse me, where do I sign in? Ah, I see you have a sword. I have one, too. They're very manly, and tough. [She fumbles with the sword, dropping it on the ground.]

Khan rolls with laughter, and is hit by a shoe.

Mulan: I'm working on it! Oh, who am I fooling. It'd take a miracle to get me into the army.

Mushu: [covered in smoke, and surrounded by fire, all Mulan can see is his giant shadow.] Did I hear someone ask for a miracle! Lemme hear ya say, "Aaah!"

Mulan: Aughhh!

Mushu: That's close enough!

Mulan: A ghost!

Mushu: Get ready, Mulan, your seventeen halation is at hand, for I have been sent by your ancestors to guide you through your masquerade! [He glances down at Crickee, who is making finger-shadows of a dragon's head, and kicks him.] C'mon, you're gonna stay, you're gonna work with me. [To Mulan] So heed my words, cause if the army finds out you're a girl, the penalty is death.

Mulan: Who are you?

Mushu: Who am I? Who am I? I am the guardian of lost souls! I am the powerful, the pleasurable, the indestructible Mushu.

Mulan stares at the tiny dragon for a moment.

Mushu: Ah, I'm pretty hot, huh? [Immediately Khan steps all over him, but Mulan stops Khan.]

Mulan: My ancestors sent a little lizard to help me?

Mushu: Hey, dragon, dragon, not lizard. I don't do that tongue-thing.

Mulan: You're ... um ...

Mushu: Intimidating? All inspiring?

Mulan: Tiny!

Mushu: Of course! I am travel-sized, for your convenience. If I was my real size, your cow here would die of fright. [Khan tries to chomp him.] Down, Bessy. My powers are beyond your mortal imagination. For instance, my eyes can see straight through your armor. [Mulan slaps him] Alright! That's it! Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family! Make a note of this. Dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow, dis-

Mulan: [covers Mushu's mouth] Stop! I'm sorry! I'm sorry. I'm just nervous. I've never done this before.

Mushu: Then you're gonna have to trust me. And don't you slap me no more. You clear on that? [Mulan nods]. Alright. Okey-dokey! Let's get this show on the road! Crickee, get the bags! [To Khan] Let's move it heifer!

At the Moo-Shung Camp

Mushu: Okay, this is it! Time to show them your man-walk. Shoulders back, chest high, feet apart, head up, and strut! Two three, break that bone, two, three, and work it!

Mushu: [They pass men trimming their toenails and picking their noses] Beautiful, isn't it.

Mulan: They're disgusting.

Mushu: No, they're men. And you're gonna have to act just like them, so pay attention.

Recruit: Look! This tattoo will protect me from harm!

Yao: Hmmm ... [punches the recruit]

Ling: [laughing] I hope you can get your money back!

Mulan: I don't think I can do this ...

Mushu: It's all attitude! Be tough, like this guy here!

Yao: [spits] What are you looking at?

Mushu: Punch him. It's how men say hello. [Mulan punches Yao; he slams into Chien Po.]

Chien Po: Oh, Yao! You've made a friend!

Mushu: Good. Now slap him on the behind. They like that. [Mulan slaps Yao.]

Yao: Woo hoo ... I'm gonna hit you so hard, it'll make your ancestors dizzy.

Chien Po: [picks up Yao] Yao, relax and chant with me.

Yao: Eerrrrrgh ....

Chien Po: nanuami tofu dah ...

Yao: nonuamitofudah.

Chien Po: Feel better?

Yao: Yeah. Ah, you ain't worth my time. Chicken boy.

Mushu: Chicken boy!? Say that to my face, you limp noodle!

Yao: Rrraaaaghhh! [Grabs Mulan and punches; she ducks and he punches Ling three times.] Oh, sorry Ling. Hey! [reaches down to catch Mulan from crawling away]

Ling: You're dead! [''kicks him into Chien Po, then attacks with a flying side kick. They start fighting, with Chien Po swiping to get them off. Mulan scrambles away.'']

Ling: Hey! There he goes! [''They chase Mulan through a tent, and the Gang of Three stop abruptly at the end of the food line. Chien Po knocks everyone over, like dominoes, and finally the pot overturns. Everyone gets up and advances on Mulan.'']

Mulan: Hey, guys ...

Inside the Captain's Tent

General: The Huns have struck here, here, and here. I will take the main troops up to the Tung Chow Pass and stop Shan Yu before he destroys this village.

Chi Fu: Excellent strategy, sir! I do love surprises.

General: [To Li Shang] You will stay and train the new recruits. When Chi Fu believes you're ready, you will join us ... Captain.

Shang: Captain?

Cast
Chloe as Mulan

Max as Shang

Snowball as Mushu

Sweet Pea as Cri-Kee

Mel as Yao

Buddy as Ling

Duke as Chien Po

Tiberius as Chi Fu

Ozone as Shan Yu

Gru (Despicable Me) as Emperor

Chi Fu: Oh! This is an enormous responsibility, General! Perhaps a soldier with more experience?

General: Number one in his class, extensive knowledge of training techniques ... an impressive military linuage ... I believe Lee Shang will do an excellent job.

Shang: Oh I will! I won't let you down! This is... I mean... Yes sir.

General: Very good, then. We'll toast China's victory at the Imperial City. I'll expect a full report in three weeks.

Chi Fu: And believe me, I won't leave anything out.

Shang: Captain Lee Shang. Leader of China's finest troops. No, the greatest troops of all time. [They step outside.]

Chi Fu: Most impressive.

General: Good luck, Captain! Yah! [He rides off, followed by two lines of soldiers on horses.]

Shang: Good luck ... Father.

Chi Fu: Day one.

Shang: Soldiers!

Soldiers separate, revealing a cowering Mulan

Soldiers: He started it!

Shang: [to Mulan] I don't need anyone causing trouble in my camp.

Mulan: Sorry ... [in a deep voice] I mean, sorry you had to say that. But you know what it is when you get those manly urges ... just gotta kill something. Fix things ... a cook outdoors ...

Shang: What's your name?

Mulan: Uh...um...uh...

Chi Fu: Your commanding officer just asked you a question!

Mulan: I've got a name ... and it's a boy's name, too.

Mushu: Ling! How 'bout Ling?

Mulan: [To Mushu] HIS name is Ling.

Shang: I didn't ask for HIS name, I asked for yours!

Mushu: Uh ... Ah-chu!

Mulan: Ah-chu!

Shang: Ah-chu?

Mushu: Gesundheit! Hee hee ... I kill myself.

Mulan: Mushu ...

Shang: Mushu?

Mulan: No.

Shang: Then what is it?!

Mushu: Ping! Ping was my best friend growing up.

Mulan: It's Ping.

Shang: Ping.

Mushu: 'Course, Ping did steal my girl--

Mulan: Yes. My name is Ping.

Shang: Let me see your conscription notice. [Mulan hands the scroll to him.] Fa Zhou? THE Fa Zhou?

Chi Fu: I didn't know Fa Zhou had a son.

Mulan: Er, he ... doesn't talk about me much. [She attempts to spit, but fails miserably.]

Chi Fu: I can see why. The boy's an absolute lunatic! [Laughter]

Shang: Okay, gentlemen, thanks to your new friend Ping, you'll spend tonight picking up every single grain of rice. Tomorrow, the real work begins.

Grumbling

Mushu: You know, we have to work on your people skills.

Inside Mulan's tent

Mushu picks up Crickee and uses him for an alarm clock.

Mushu: All right, rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty! C'mon, hup, hup, hup!

Mulan pulls the blanket over her, and Mushu pulls it off.

Mushu: Get your clothes on, get ready! Got breakfast ready. Look, you get porridge! And it's happy to see you!

Crickee is resting happily in the bowl of porridge, Mushu uses chopsticks to fish him out.

Mushu: Hey, get out of there! You're gonna make people sick!

Mulan: Am I late?

Mushu: [stuffs porridge in her mouth] No time to talk. Now, remember, it's your first day of training, so listen to your teacher and no fighting, play nice with the other kids, unless, of course, the other kids want to fight, then you gotta kick the other kid's butt.

Mulan: But I don't want to kick the other kids' butts.

Mushu: Don't talk with your mouth full. Now let's see your war face.

Mulan looks at Mushu, her mouth full of porridge.

Mushu: Oh, I think my bunny slippers just ran for cover. C'mon, scare me, girl!

Mulan: Rrrrraaaaarrrgggghhhhh!

Mushu: That's my tough looking warrior! That's what I'm talking about! Now, get out there and make me proud!

Khan neighs frantically

Mushu: What do you mean, the troops just left?

Mulan: They what? [She rushes out of the tent]

Mushu: Wait, you forgot your sword! [sniffs] My little baby, off to destroy people ...

Chi Fu: Order! People, order!

Soldier: I'd like a pan-fried noodle!

Chien Po: Sweet and pungent shrimp.

Chi Fu: That's not funny.

Ling: Looks like our new friend slept in this morning. Why, hello, Ping, Are ya hungry?

Yao: Yeah, cause I owe you a knuckle sandwich.

Shang: Soldiers! You will assemble swiftly and silently, every morning. Anyone who does otherwise, will answer to me.

He takes off his shirt, and Mulan stares in awe.

Yao: Ooh, tough guy.

Shang: [pulls out a bow and arrow and aims it at Yao, then at the top of a high pole in the middle of the camp.] Yao. Thank you for volunteering. Retrieve the arrow.

Yao: I'll get that arrow, pretty boy, and I'll do it with my shirt on. [He walks over to the pole and prepares to climb up it.]

Shang: One moment, you seem to be missing something. [He pulls two giant medals out of a box.] This represents disipline. And this represents strength. You need both to reach the arrow. [He ties them around Yao's wrists, and all the soldiers after him, and none of them can make it to the arrow.]

Shang: We've got a long way to go.

Beginning of "I'll Make a Man Out of You"

Shang: Let's get down to business To defeat the Huns Did they send me daughters When I asked for sons You're the saddest bunch I ever met, but you can bet Before we're through Mister, I'll make a man Out of you. Tranquil as a forest But on fire within Once you find your center You are sure to win You're a spineless, pale, pathetic lot And you haven't got a clue Somehow, I'll make a man out of you.

Chien Po: I'm never gonna catch my breath

Yao: Say good-bye to those who knew me

Ling: Boy I was a fool in school for cutting gym

Mushu: This guy's got 'em scared to death

Mulan: I hope he doesn't see right through me

Chien Po: Now I really wish that I knew how to swim

Chorus: (Be a man)

Shang: We must be swift as a coursing river

Chorus: (Be a man)

Shang: With all the force of a great typhoon

Chorus: (Be a man)

Shang: With all the strength of a raging fire Mysterious as the dark side of the moon Time is racing t'ward us Till the Huns arrive Heed my every order And you might survive You're unsuited for the rage of war So pack up, go home, you're through How could I make a man out of you

Chorus: (Be a man)

Shang: We must be swift as a coursing river

Chorus: (Be a man)

Shang: With all the force of a great typhoon

Chorus: (Be a man)

Shang: With all the strength of a raging fire Mysterious as the dark side of the moon

Chorus: (Be a man)

Shang: We must be swift as a coursing river

Chorus: (Be a man)

Shang: With all the force of a great typhoon

Chorus: (Be a man)

Shang: With all the strength of a raging fire Mysterious as the dark side of the moon!

''Shan Yu cuts the top off a tree. The hawk flies overhead and drops a small doll. Shan Yu jumps down from the tree and throws the doll to one of the Huns.''

Shan Yu: What do you see?

Lieren: Black pine ... from the high mountains!

Bai: White horse hair ... Imperial stallions.

Zhencha: Sulfur ... from cannons.

Shan Yu: This doll came from a village in the Tung Show Pass, where the Imperial Army is waiting for us.

Sheshou: We can avoid them easily.

Shan Yu: No. The quickest way to the emperor is through that pass. Besides, the little girl will be missing her doll. We should return it to her.

Moo Shung Camp, at night

Mushu: Hey, this is not a good idea. What if somebody sees you?

Mulan: Just because I look like a man doesn't mean I have to smell like one.

Mushu: So a couple guys don't rinse out their socks. Picky, picky, picky. Myself, I kinda like that corn-chip smell.

Mulan: [Jumps in the water] Ah.

Mushu: Okay, all right, alright, that's enough, now c'mon, get out before you get all pruney and stuff.

Mulan: Mushu, if you're so worried, go stand watch!

Mushu: Yeah, yeah. [As Mulan] Stand watch, Mushu, while I blow our secret with my stupid girly habits! [In normal voice] Hygiene.

''Three (naked) men zoom by, laughing. Underwear is blown onto his face.''

Mushu: We're doomed! There're a couple of things I know they're bound to notice!

''Mulan ducks into the water as Ling, Yao and Chien-Po jump into the water. She tries to hide herself with a lilypad.''

Yao: Hey, Ping!

Mulan: Oh, hi, guys, I didn't know you were here. I was just washing so now I'm clean and I'm gonna go. Bye-bye.

Ling: Come back here! I know we were jerks to you before, so let's start over. Hi, I'm Ling.

Chien Po: And I'm Chien-Po.

Mulan: Hello, Chien-Po.

Yao: And I am Yao, King of the Rock! And there's nothing you girls can do about it.

Ling: Oh yeah? Well, I think Ping and I can take you!

Mulan: I really don't want to take him anywhere.

Ling: But, Ping! We have to fight!

Mulan: No, we don't. We could just close our eyes, and ... swim around!

Ling: C'mon! Don't be such a girl... ow! Something bit me!

Mushu: What a nasty flavor.

Ling: [sees Mushu] Snake!

While Yao, Chien Po and Ling are shrieking, Mulan whistles for Khan and sneaks away.

Ling: [huddled on the rock with Chien Po and Yao] Some King of the Rock.

Mulan: Boy, that was close.

Mushu: No, that was vile. You owe me big!

Mulan: I never want to see a naked man again.

A herd of naked men then flash by.

Mushu: Don't look at me, I ain't bitin' no more butts.

In Chi Fu's tent...

Chi Fu: You think your troops are ready to fight? Hah! They wouldn't last a minute against the Huns!

Shang: They completed their training.

Chi Fu: Those boys are no more fit to be soldiers than you are to be captain. Once the general reads my report, your troops will never see battle.

Mushu: Oh, no, you don't! I've worked too hard to get Mulan into this war! This guy's messing with my plans!

Shang: We're not finished!

Chi Fu: Be careful, Captain. The general may be your father, but I am the Emperor's Council. And, oh, by the way, I got that job on my own. You're dismissed.

Mulan: [to Shang] Hey, I'll hold him, and you punch! ... Or not. For what it's worth, I think you're a great captain!

Mushu: I saw that.

Mulan: What?

Mushu: You like him, don't you?

Mulan: No! I ...

Mushu: Yeah, right, sure. Go to your tent!

Smiling, Mulan walks away.

Mushu: [to Crickee] I think it's time we took this war into our own hands.

They rush into the tent as Chi Fu strolls out, dressed in a towel, a hat, and slippers.

Crickee types out a letter, like a typewriter.

Mushu: Okay, lemme see what you've got. [reads] From General Lee. 'Dear Son, we're waiting for the Huns at the pass. It would mean a lot of you'd come and back us up.' Hmm. That's great, except that you forgot, 'and since we're out of popourri, perhaps you wouldn't mind bringing up some!' Hello! This is the army! Make it sound a little urgent, please. You know what I'm talking about?

Crickee hops around typing out another letter.

Mushu: That's better, much better! Let's go!

Mushu: Khaney, baby. We need a ride. [Khan squirts him off, and Crickee slowly backs off.]

At the lake.

Laughter

Chi Fu: [Chi Fu is storming from the lake with a towel wrapped around him and one slipper missing] Insubordinate ruffians. You men owe me a new pair of slippers! [More laughter] And I do not squeal like a girl! [He turns to see a straw soldier (Mushu and Crickee) riding a panda bear.] Eeeeeeek!!!

Mushu: [In a deep voice] Urgent new from the general! [He holds out a scroll] What's the matter, you've never seen a black and white before?

Chi Fu: Who are you?

Mushu: Excuse me? I think the question should be, who are you! We're in a war, man! There's no time for stupid questions! I should have your hat for that! Snatch it right off your head! I'm feeling gracious today, so ... carry on before I report you. [Chi Fu turns, and the panda climbs up a nearby tree.]

In the captain's tent

Chi Fu: Captain! Urgent news from the general! We're needed at the front!

Mushu: Pack your bags, Crickee, we're moving out!

Beginning of "A Girl Worth Fighting For"

For a long time we've been marching off to battle. In our thundering herd, we feel a lot like cattle. Like the pounding beat, our aching feet aren't easy to ignore. Hey! Think of instead, a girl worth fighting for! Huh? That's what I said! A girl worth fighting for! I want her paler than the moon, with eyes that shine like stars. My girl will marvel at my strength, adore my battle scars! I couldn't care less what she'll wear, or what she looks like! It all depends on what she cooks like! Beef, pork, chicken, mmm ... Bet the local girls thought you were quite the charmer! And I bet the ladies love a man in armor! You can guess what we have missed the most Since we went off to war! What do we want? A girl worth fighting for! My girl will think I have no flaws That I'm a major find How 'bout a girl who's got a brain, who always speaks her mind? Nah! My manly ways and turn of phrase and sure to thrill her! He thinks he's such a lady-killer!

A clip from THX Optimizer.

I've a girl back home who's unlike any other! Yeah, the only girl who'd love him is his mother! But when we come home, in victory They'll line up at the door! What do we want? A girl worth fighting for! Wish that I had A girl worth fighting for! A girl worth fighting...

''The clip ends from THX Optimizer, then the Chinese army stares in horror at the charred and burning remnants of a small village. They walk through it.''

Shang: Search for survivors!

Mulan picks up a small doll

Shang: I don't understand. My father should've been here.

Chi Fu: Captain! [''They turn to see a bloody battlefield full of dead Chinese soldiers. Chien-Po hands the general's helmet to Shang.'']

Chien-Po: The ... general.

Shang takes his sword and sticks it in the snow, then places the helmet on the hilt and says a prayer.

Mulan: I'm sorry.

Shang: [mounts his horse] The Huns are moving quickly. We'll make better time to the Imperial City through the Tung Show pass. We're the only hope for the Emperor now. Move out!

''The army slowly walks away. Mulan places the doll by Shang's sword and joins the others.''

''As the Chinese Soldiers slowly walk through the mountain pass, a rocket in the wagon attached to Khan suddenly goes off, shooting into the sky. Mulan looks at Mushu accusingly.''

Shang: What happened?

Mulan: Um...

Shang: You just gave away out position! Now we're-- [''an arrow hits his shoulder, throwing him off the horse. Huns appear on a cliff, and arrows shower down on the soldiers.''] Get out of range!

The pitiful Chinese army struggles to get away from the Huns, but are intercepted by another group of Huns up on another cliff.

Shang: Save the cannons! [''The soldiers pass the cannons from the wagon to each other. The wagon gets hit by a flaming arrow, and Mulan cuts Khan's reins and mounts him. The wagon explodes, sending Mushu and Crickee flying. Mulan falls off the horse.'']

Mushu: Oh, sure, save the horse. [Mulan grabs Mushu and her sword and runs over to the other soldiers.]

Shang: Fire! [''The soldier lights the cannon, and it explodes on the mountain. More follow.] Fire! [There is no sound from the Huns, who are no longer on the cliffs.''] Hold the last cannon.

''Suddenly, a horse appears on the hill. Shan Yu is soon joined by hundreds of Hun soldiers.''

Shang: Prepare to fight. If we die, we die with honor.

The Huns charge the Chinese Army.

Yao. Aim the cannon at Shan Yu. [Yao aims the cannon.]

''While glancing at her sword, Mulan notices a glacial overhang. She grabs the cannon and runs toward the Huns, aiming at the overhang.''

Shang: Ping! Ping, come back!

Frantically, as Shan Yu draws nearer, his sword raised, Mulan fumbles with the match.

Mushu: Okay, you might want to light that right about now, Quickly, quickly! [Mulan is attacked by Shan Yu's hawk, and loses the match.]

Yao: C'mon, we gotta help! [The Gang of Three run toward Mulan, swinging their swords.]

Mulan uses Mushu to light the cannon fuse, and it shoots off toward the overhang.

Mushu: You missed! How could you miss?! He was three feet in front of you! [''The cannon hits the overhang with a bang, and causes an avalanche that rains down on the Hun Army, burying in them. In fury, Shan Yu roars and hits Mulan in the side with his sword blade. She quickly runs away from the avalanche, pulling Shang with her. Khan runs toward them, and Mulan gets on and tries to give Shang a hand, but he loses his grip and is dragged into the snow.'']

Mushu: [riding down the snow in a shield] Mulan!! Mulan! Mulan? [He pulls a Hun's head out of the snow.] Nope. Mulan! [He reaches down and pulls out Crickee.] Man, you are one lucky bug.

Mulan and Khan break out of the snow and race toward Shang, who, unconscious, is sliding on the snow toward a cliff.

Mulan: Shang! [She pulls him up onto the saddle.]

Chien-Po: [holding up Yao] Do you see them?

Yao: Yes! [He fits an arrow, which is tied to a length of rope, and shoots it toward Mulan.] Perfect! Now I'll pull them to safe...ty! [The rope slips through his hands.]

Mushu: [sliding near Mulan and Shang] Mulan! I found a lucky cricket!

Mulan: We need help! [The arrow flies near them, Mulan grabs it and ties it around Khan.]

Mushu: [to Crickee] Ooh, nice. Very nice! You can sit by me! [They climb up onto Khan, and notice the cliff.] Aaaugh!!! We're gonna die! We're gonna die! We're definitely gonna die! No way we survive this! Death is coming! [Mulan shoots the arrow up as they fall off the cliff.]

Yao: [crying] I let them slip through my fingers ... [''looks surprised as the arrow, complete with rope, lands in his hands. He is dragged toward the cliff edge, soldiers jumping on top of him. Finally Chien-Po walks over, picks all the soldiers up, and walks backward, pulling Mulan, Khan, and Shang up onto the ground.'']

Mushu: I knew we could do it! You the man! Well, sort of.

Ling: Step back, guys. Give him some air!

Shang: [breathing heavily] Ping, you are the craziest man I ever met. And for that, I owe you my life. From now on, you have my trust.

Ling: Let's hear it for Ping, the bravest of us all!

Yao: You're King of the Mountain!

Cheering

Mulan tries to stand up, but collapses to the ground, gasping.

Shang: Ping! What's wrong? [''Mulan moves her hands to reveal blood.] He's wounded! Get help! [Mulan sinks into unconsciousness.''] Ping, hold on. Hold on.

''The doctor emerges from his tent and says something to Shang, who looks disturbed and rushes inside. He looks at Mulan, who sits up in bed, her side bandaged. Shang stares at her, recognizing her as a girl. Mulan realizes her mistake and pulls the blanket back on.''

Mulan: I can explain!

Chi Fu: So it's true!

Mulan: Shang!

Chi Fu: [yanking Mulan out of the tent and pulling her hair out of a bun] I knew there was something wrong with you! A woman! Treacherous snake!

Mulan: My name is Mulan. I did it to save my father!

Chi Fu: High treason!

Mulan: I didn't mean for it to go this far!

Chi Fu: Ultimate dishonor!

Mulan: It was the only way! Please, believe me!

Chi Fu: [scoffs] Captain?

''Shang walks over to Khan and takes out Mulan's sword. The Gang of Three start to rush over to her, but Chi Fu stops them.''

Chi Fu: [to the soldiers holding Khan] Restrain him. [to the Gang of Three] You know the law.

Shang walks over to Mulan and throws the sword in the snow in front of her.

Shang: A life for a life. My debt is repaid. [to the soldiers] Move out!

Chi Fu: But you can't just ...

Shang: [to Chi Fu] I said, Move out.

The Chinese Army sadly walks away, leaving Mulan, Mushu, and Khan in the snow.

Mushu: I was this close. This close! To impressing the ancestors, getting the top shelf, in entourage ... man. All my fine work. [He uses the tip of an arrow to roast a piece of food over a tiny fire.]

Mulan: I should never have left home.

Mushu: Hey C'mon. You wanted to save your father's life. Who knew you'd end up shaming him, disgracing your ancestors and losing all your friends. Y'know, you just gotta ... just gotta learn to let these things go.

Mulan: Maybe I didn't go for my father. Maybe what I really wanted was to prove that I could do things right. So that when I looked in the mirror, [she picks up her helmet] I'd see someone worthwhile. But I was wrong. I see nothing. [she throws the helmet aside]

Mushu: Hey, that's just cause this needs a little spit, that's all. [He spits on the helmet.] Let me shine this up for you. I can see you, look at you, you look so pretty! [He turns sad] The truth is, we're both frauds. Your ancestors didn't send me; they don't even like me. I mean, you risked your life to help people you love. I risked your life to help myself. At least you had good intentions.

Mulan smiles

Crickee starts to cry

Mushu: What? What do you mean, you're not lucky?! You ... lied to me? [''Crickee nods. Mushu turns to Khan.''] And what are you, a sheep? [''Khan snorts. Mushu graons and throws Crickee on the back.'']

Mulan: I'll have to face my father sooner or later. Let's go home

Mushu: Yeah. This ain't gonna be pretty. But don't you worry, okay? Things will work out. We started this thing together and that's how we'll finish it. I promise.

''The shadow of a hawk flies overheard, and around a bend. Shan Yu climb out of the snow and looks around. He lets out a roar. Soon he is joined by five of his soldiers. They start down the path toward the Imperial City. Mulan watches them, grabs her sword, mounts Khan and turns after the Huns.''

Mushu: Uh, home is that way.

Mulan: I have to do something.

Mushu: Did you see those Huns? They popped out of the snow! Like daisies!

Mulan: Are we in this together, or not?

Mushu: [looks guilty] Let's go kick some Hunny Buns! [He and Crickee jump on Khan, and they ride down the mountain, whooping.]

In the Imperial City

The Chinese citizens watch happily as the Imperial City celebrates the Chinese victory with a parade.

Parade Leader: Make way for the heroes of China!

Shang, the Gang of Three and the other soldiers follow glumly behind, and behind them is a large Chinese dragon with the Huns inside.

Mulan comes riding up beside Shang

Mulan: Shang!

Shang: Mulan?

Mulan: The Huns are alive! They're in the city!

Shang: You don't belong here, Mulan. Go home.

Mulan: Shang, I saw them in the mountains! You have to believe me!

Shang: Why should I?

Mulan: Why else would I come back? You said you'd trust Ping. Why is Mulan any different? [Shang rides around her.] [To the Gang of Three] Keep your eyes open. I know they're here. Yah!

Mushu: [as Mulan dismounts Khan] Now where are you going?

Mulan: To find someone who will believe me! [she hurries off into the crowd.]

''The Chinese Army climbs the steps to the Great Palace, followed by the Chinese Dragon with the Huns inside. The Emperor meets them.''

Emperor: My children, heaven smiles down upon the Middle Kingdom. China will sleep safely tonight. Thanks to our brave warriors.

Mulan: [to a citizen] Sir, the Emperor's in danger!

Man #1: Huh!

Mulan: But the Huns are here! [to another man] Please, you have to help!

Man #2: Eh!

Mulan: [to Mushu] No one will listen!

Mushu: Huh? Oh, I'm sorry, did you say something?

Mulan: Mushu ...

Mushu: Hey, you're a girl again, remember?

Shang: Your Majesty, I present to you the sword of Shan Yu.

Emperor: I know what this means to you, Captain Li. Your father would have been very proud.

''Shan Yu's hawk swoops down and grabs the sword. It flaps up to the roof, where a line of stone gargoyles are resting. One of the gargoyles moves and takes the sword. Huns jump out of the Chinese Dragon. Two of them grab the Emperor and take him into the palace.''

Shang: No!

Yao: Come on! [''They run up to the palace, but the Huns continue closing the great doors. On the roof, Shan Yu laughs.'']

The Chinese Army tries to break into the palace using a statue.

Mulan: They'll never reach the Emperor in time. [''She looks around, then at the tall pillars by the side of the palace. She whistles to them.''] Hey guys! I've got an idea! [The Gang of Three looks at each other and then follows Mulan, dropping the statue.]

''They all take off their equipment, and put on dresses and makeup, and they use the silk belts around their waists to climb up the pillars. Next to them, Shang takes off his cape and climbs up.''

''Inside the palace, on a balcony, the Huns hold the Emperor. Shan Yu sticks his head in their faces.''

Shan Yu: [to the Emperor] Boo. [to his soldiers] Guard the door! [to the Emperor] Your walls and armies have fallen. And now it's your turn. Bow to me.

Outside, Mulan and the Gang of Three prepare to get past the guards.

Mulan: Okay. Any questions?

Cast
Chloe as Mulan

Duke as Shang

Max as Chien Po

Gidget as Cri-Kee

Tiberius as Yao

Vincent (Over the Hedge) as Shan Yu

Jaq (Cinderella) as Ling

Buddy as Emperor

Mel as Chi Fu

Yao: Does this dress make me look fat? [he is slapped] Ow!

The four "girls" walk near the guards, giggling.

Guard: Who's there?

Guard #2: Concubines.

Guard: Ugly concubines.

''An apple rolls out of Ling's dress. One of the guards picks it up. The hawk notices Shang hiding, and tries to call out, but Mushu breaths fire and torches him.''

Mushu: Now that's what I call Mongolian barbeque.

The guard hands the apple to Ling, but the Gang of Three all pull fruit out of their dresses and attack the guards.

Mulan: Shang! Go!

Shang runs up the stairs and into the room where Shan Yu and the Emperor are.

Shan Yu: I tire of your arrogance, old man. Bow to me!

Emperor: No matter how the wind howls, the mountain cannot bow to it.

Shan Yu: [raising his sword] Then you will kneel ... in pieces! [''He swings the sword; Shang rushes in and blocks it. He is swung around a pillar, and then kicks Shan Yu in the face.'']

Mulan: Chien-Po, get the Emperor!

Chien-Po: Sorry, your Majesty. [He picks up the Emperor, and, using his silk belt, slides down the cord paper lanterns are strung on.]

Shun Yu: No! [He picks up Shang and smashes his head against Shang's. Mulan winces, then looks down at the ground, where Yao and Ling are waiting.]

Yao: Come on!

''Mulan looks back at the unconscious Shang, and at Shan Yu who is approaching him. She pulls Shan Yu's sword out of the pillar and cuts the cord. People below cheer.''

Shan Yu: No! [He turns to Shang, who is now conscious.] You! You took away my victory! [He is hit by a shoe.]

Mulan: No! I did. [She pulls back her hair.]

Shan Yu: The soldier from the mountains! [''Abandoning Shang, he chases after Mulan, who is putting on her shoe. She slams the door shut, and he rams his fist through the wood. Mulan is joined by Mushu and Crickee, riding the feather-less hawk.'']

Mushu: So what's the plan?

Mulan: Ummmmm ...

Mushu: You don't have a plan?

Mulan: Hey, I'm making this up as I ... go ... [as they pass a window she notices a pile of fireworks and two men.] Mushu--

Mushu: Way ahead of you, sister! C'mon, Crickee! [''They jump onto a paper kite decoration and float across to the tower. Shan Yu attacks Mulan, and she shinnies up a pole. Shan Yu cuts down the pole, and Mulan and the pole go through the wall. Mulan jumps up and grabs onto the roof and pulls herself up. She looks across to where Mushu and Crickee are gathering ammunition.'']

Mushu: Citizens. I need firepower!

Citizen: Who are you?

Mushu: [looking fierce] Your worst nightmare. [The two men jump off the tower.]

Man: Look! On the roof!

''Mulan backs along the roof, mesuring the distance with her hands. Shan Yu crashes through the roof and raises his sword. Mulan pulls out a paper fan.''

Shan Yu: Guess you're out of ideas. [He stabs the sword through the fan; Mulan turns it around and readies the sword.]

Mulan: Not quite. Ready, Mushu?

Mushu: [with a rocket strapped to his back] I am ready, baby! [He breaths fire on a stick and hands it to Crickee.] Light me!

''Mulan kicks Shan Yu in the face, then trips him and pins his shirt to the ground with the sword. Crickee lights the fuse, and the rocket slams Shan Yu straight into the firework tower.''

Mulan: [picking up Mushu] Get off the roof, get off the roof, get off the roof! [As the fireworks explode, she jumps, catches a lantern and swings down the cord, then drops onto Shang, who is running down the stairs. Shan Yu's sword and Mushu land nearby.]

Mushu: Ahahahahahaha! [He catches Crickee] You are a lucky bug!

Chi Fu: That was a deliberate attempt on my life! Where is she? Now she's done it! What a mess! Stand aside, that creature's not worth protecting.

Shang: She's a hero!

Chi Fu: 'Tis a woman. She'll never be worth anything!

Shang: Listen, you pompous ...

Emperor: That is enough!

Shang: Your Majesty, I can explain! [The Emperor raises a hand and the Gang of Three move to the side, revealing Mulan.]

Emperor: I've heard a great deal about you, Fa Mulan. You stole your father's armor, ran away from home, impersonated a soldier, deceived your commanding officer, dishonored the Chinese Army, destroyed my palace! And you have saved us all. [He bows to her, and row by row, every person in the Imperial City bows to her.]

Mushu: Our little baby is all grown up and saving China! [To Crickee] Do you have a tissue?

Emperor: Chi Fu!

Chi Fu: Your Excellency?

Emperor: See that this woman is made a member of my council.

Chi Fu: What? There are no council positions open, your Majesty!

Emperor: Very well. You can have his job.

Chi Fu: Wha? ... My? ... [He faints.]

Mulan: With all due respect, your Excellency, I think I've been away from home long enough.

Emperor: Then take this [he hands her a pendant], so your family will know what you have done for me. And this [he hands her the sword of Shan Yu] so the world will know what you have done for China.

Mulan takes the gifts, then hugs the Emperor

Yao: Is she allowed to do that? [Ling, Chien-Po and Shang shrug.] Mulan steps away and hugs the Gang of Three, then walks over to Shang.

Shang: Um ... you ... You fight good.

Mulan: [disappointed] Oh. Thank you. [She mounts Khan.] Khan, let's go home. [As she rides away, everyone cheers.]

Emperor: [To Shang] The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all.

Shang: ... Sir? ...

Emperor: You don't meet a girl like that every dynasty! [He puts on his hat and walks away.]

At Mulan's house

''Mulan approaches her father, who is sitting under the cherry trees. She kneels in front of him.''

Fa Zhou: Mulan!

Mulan: Father! I've brought you the sword of Shan-Yu. And the Crest of the Emperor! They're gifts to honor the Fa Family. [Her father drops the gifts and hugs her.]

Fa Zhou: The greatest gift in honor is having you for a daughter. I've missed you so.

Mulan: I've missed you too, Baba.

Granny Fa: [watching them] Huh. She brings home a sword. If you ask me, she should've brought home a man!

Shang: Excuse me, does Fa Mulan live here? Granny Fa and Fa Li point, dumbstruck. Shang: Thank you.

Granny Fa: Woo! Sign me up for the next four!

Shang: Honorable Fa Zhou, I-- Mulan! Uhhhh ... you forgot your helmet. Well, actually it's your helmet, isn't it, I mean ...

Mulan: Would you like to stay for dinner?

Granny Fa: Would you like to stay forever?

Shang: Dinner would be great.

Mushu: [to Great Ancestor] Come on! Who did a good job? C'mon, tell me who did a good job.

Great Ancestor: Oh, all right. You can be a guardian again.

Mushu: Aaaaahhh-haaaaaaa! Whoohoohoohoohoooo!

Crickee rings the gong; all the ancestors come out.

Mushu: Take it, Crickee! [Crickee plays a set of drums, and all the ancestors dance.]

Ancestor #2: You know, she gets it from my side of the family! [''Mushu swings on a chain, yelling. He falls off and goes sliding out the Temple door.'']

Great Ancestor: Guardians.

Mulan: Thanks, Mushu. [''She kisses him on the forehead. Suddenly, Little Brother, followed by a herd of chickens, bursts into the Temple.'']

Great Ancestor: [last line] Mushu!

THE END