Muppets/The R Machine (from The Muppet Alphabet Album)

Cast

 * Dr. Teeth as Ernie
 * Floyd Pepper as Bert

Lyrics
Floyd Pepper (fixing the machine): "Ha! Well, this machine knows what letter comes next. I put this here..."

Dr. Teeth: "Hi there, Floyd. What's that machine you're working on?"

Floyd Pepper: "Oh hi, Dr. Teeth. This is my latest invention, my automatic "R" detector."

Dr. Teeth: "No kidding."

Floyd Pepper: "Yeah. Anytime this machine hears an "R" or an "R" word, it rings a bell. I'll start it up for you now...."

(sound of machine starting)

Dr. Teeth: "Wow! Look at that machine go."

Floyd Pepper: "Now if you'll just say something that begins with "R"..." (bell rings)

Dr. Teeth: "What was that?"

Floyd Pepper: "Oh, I just said "R". (bell rings) And when you say "R" (bell rings), the bell rings." (bell rings)

Dr. Teeth: "Hey! You said "rings" (bell rings) which begins with "R"." (bell rings)

Floyd Pepper: "Right." (bell rings)

Dr. Teeth: "Why, that's remarkable! (bell rings) Hey! (Dr. Teeth laughs) Keeheehee! That's fun. Let me tell it an "R" riddle." (bell rings twice)

Floyd Pepper: "O.K. Just don't go too fast. I don't know what'll happen if the machine gets going too fast."

Dr. Teeth: "O.K. Listen to this, machine: Roscoe really raised rabbits while Ruth rode the red reindeer. If Roscoe's rabbits raised a racket, why did Ruth's reindeer run the rabbits ragged?"

(bell rings 17 times)

Floyd Pepper: "Hey, hey! Don't talk so fast. The machine is beginning to smoke."

Dr. Teeth: "Well, I only have one last poem here."

Floyd Pepper: "Yeah, yeah, but listen.."

Dr. Teeth: "Robert rolled reddish radishes around the ring of rubber rubbish..." (The bell rings seven times and the machine makes a "Moooooooo!" sound)

(The machine explodes and makes a whistling sound)

Floyd Pepper: "Hey, hey, wait! Hold it!....Wait!....Now look what you did!"

Dr. Teeth: "Oh my! The machine looks ruined."

(The bell rings and the machine makes another whistling sound)

Floyd Pepper: "Rats!"

(The machine pops out a spring)