CartoonTales: The Tale of an Empress (transcript) (VF2000's version)

Cast

 * E.B. (Hop), SpongeBob SquarePants, Dexter (Dexter's Labratory) and Timmy Turner (The Fairly OddParents) as The Friendz in the Sink
 * Flint Lockwood (Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs) as Larry the Cucumber as Huckleberry
 * King Candy (Wreck-it Ralph) as Mr. Lunt as Professor Hamlin
 * Jimmy Neutron as Bob the Tomato as Tomato Sawyer (Voice-only)
 * Woody (Toy Story) and Kermit the Frog (Muppets) as Pa Grape and Archibald Asparagus as Police Officers
 * Sven (Frozen) as Zippy
 * Olaf (Frozen) as Khalil (cameo)
 * King Dedede (Kirby) as Mr. Nezzer as Mayor Asiris
 * Libby Folfax (Jimmy Neutron) as Annie as Workgirl 1
 * Margo Gru (Despicable Me) as Ellen as Workgirl 2
 * Smurfette (Smurfs) as Emma Stewart
 * Sam Sparks (Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs) as Petunia Rhubarb as the Empress
 * Patrick Star (SpongeBob SquarePants) as Jerry Gourd
 * Eugene H. Krabs (SpongeBob SquarePants) as Scooter
 * Fozzie Bear (Muppets) as Oscar the Polish Caterer

Chapter 1: CartoonTales Theme Song

 * (JimmyandFriends's Entertainment presents logo shows up)
 * (CartoonTales logo shows up)
 * (Created by JimmyandFriends title shows up)
 * Jimmy: If you like to talk to genius...
 * Jimmy, SpongeBob and Patrick: If a squash can make you smile...
 * All:If you like to waltz with animals Up and down the produce aisle...
 * Jimmy: Ahem, excuse me. Have we got a show for you!
 * All: CartoonTales, CartoonTales, CartoonTales, CartoonTales! CartoonTales, CartoonTales, CartoonTales, CartoonTales!
 * Jimmy: 'Elephant, penguin, gotta be...
 * All: CartoonTales There's never ever ever ever ever been a show like CartoonTales! There's never ever ever ever ever been a show like CartoonTales! It's time for CartoonTa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ales!
 * (Crash)
 * Cars: Ya!
 * (Cartoons laughing)

Chapter 2: Countertop Intro with the F.I.T.S.

 * E.B.: Hi kids. Welcome to CartoonTales. I'm E.B.
 * Timmy Turner: I'm Timmy Turner.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm SpongeBob SquarePants.
 * Dexter: And I'm Dexter.
 * E.B.: And together, we're...
 * Friendz: The Friendz in the Sink!
 * E.B.: Today, we have a text message from Alex Greenman from New York, New York. They named it twice! It could be the name for a hit song we should sing. This says "Dear, Friendz; I'm depressed. All I wanted to be was to be like my friends, but I have been out of it lately. What should I do? Your friend, Alex."
 * Dexter: I know what he should do.
 * E.B.: Since you're a fan of ours, we have a special story for you.
 * SpongeBob: Is it a short one?
 * Timmy Turner: No, it's regular sized.
 * Dexter: Just like some previous full-length episodes that have no segments except with "Silly Songs" like "E.B. and the Big Wall!" and "The Penniless Princess".
 * SpongeBob: Oh great.
 * Timmy Turner: If this were a regular show, we tell a story, and then we do a Silly Song; and then continue the story.
 * Dexter: I couldn't help but notice that in "Gobo: Tuba Warrior", Jimmy Neutron had let Alvin and the Chipmunks put on a show. And that went very well and the success of that was to make a movie starring them.
 * E.B.: Okay, we hope you enjoy "The Tale Of An Empress!" Roll film.

Chapter 3: King Candy

 * Flint Lockwood: Dear journal, it's me, Flint. I was a little nervous about defeating the Midianites with horns and flashlights but I trusted God anyway. Well, Buzz Lightyear who helped me didn't tell me that. Or maybe he did. It had all started when the victory parade ended and I moved to Babylon. This is where King Candy, my long-time rival met me since college. He got kicked out of summer camp. He never made his bed. His hair fell off his head. He picks fights with other people - for fun. Every time he wants you to take a bath.. You'll know what he'll do. He will call in one of his guards and the guard will turn you purple. Once you get in the bath with your new coating, have him put in a video of King Candy's life in a VCR. He treats many people because he is a crook.
 * King Candy: Guards, I'm ready. Bring in my plan to kill Flint. Word has come from Persia. I'm leading this.
 * Guard 1: If that inventing clown leaves the safety, we'll be vulnerable.
 * King Candy: If we follow the usual patrol route, we'll reach the world's fair by Friday. Once we get the clearing, we'll kill Flint and Sam Sparks.
 * Guard 2: Here's your suspect.
 * King Candy: Great. Spread the word.
 * Flint: I was real nervous about King Candy. If he follows the usual patrol route, he'll reach there by Friday. Once he gets the clearing, I'll defeat King Candy. When the smoke clears, Persia will be free.
 * Thunk Crood: Hello, world.
 * King Candy: Huh? A stranger in here?
 * Thunk Crood: I'm gonna help Flint save Persia. Just ask Brent McHale.
 * Brent McHale: You got it right. When you and I were young in school, we watched some superhero films.
 * Thunk Crood: My nephew's gonna help Flint save Persia, too.
 * King Candy: Are you standing?
 * Thunk Crood: I'm not standing. Ha! I'm Persian!
 * King Candy: What are you doing? Send him out!

Chapter 4: Flint's Escape

 * James P. Sullivan: Well, hey there Mr. Lockwood.
 * (Thunk Crood and Brent McHale hop in canvas wagon)
 * King Candy: We move out as soon as he leaves Babylon! Ready, men? Good. Let's roll!
 * Eeyore: Where are you taking him?
 * James P. Sullivan: To Persia. Step on it!
 * (Sirens and alarms)
 * (The canvas wagon drops Flint off at the palace. Flint knocks on a door.)
 * Queen Elinor: Who is it?
 * Flint Lockwood: Ahh, your highness; I was wondering if you could help work for King Dedede.
 * Queen Elinor: It's 2:30 in the morning!
 * Flint Lockwood: He says that whatever he says goes.
 * Queen Elinor: Well, Dedede can help himself!
 * Flint Lockwood: Okay. Go to his palace.
 * Queen Elinor: (Angry) THAT'S IT!!!
 * Flint Lockwood: Didn't hafta do this but...
 * (Flint holds a torch walking through the hallway of the palace, dragging the woman)
 * Queen Elinor: Get your filthy hands off of me! Didn't I tell you that it's 2:30 in the morning and King Dedede helps himself!
 * (Flint throws woman out)
 * Queen Elinor: YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!!!
 * Flint: Want to bet? (throws a suitcase at her) I can do whatever I want. And don't come back. (Cellphone chiming) Jimmy Neutron. You'd never get to see that.
 * Jimmy Neutron: (voiceover) Don't ya think that was a little harsh?
 * Flint: Oh-ho-ho. No way. If she got away with that, no one could listen to neither me or you.
 * Jimmy Neutron: (voiceover) Well, what'cha gonna do now?
 * Flint: Looks like my friends are gonna hafta find me a new girlfriend.
 * Jimmy Neutron: (voiceover) Hmmm. Not bad. (Flint closes cellphone)

Chapter 5: "King Candy's Song"

 * Libby Folfax: What a great time to work overnight.
 * (Car screech)
 * King Candy: Hello, people of Persia. That guy, sent out his contact sights, to me. I've bullied Huck since college.
 * Libby, Margo Gru and Smurfette: Why?
 * (Everything turns dark)
 * King Candy: (Mysteriously) It had all started - when I switched the gummy fish in his lunches with real fish. But for what is worth, I've planned to kill him forever.
 * Libby: Do you know why you are really stupid? Have you ever been bullied?
 * King Candy: Was there something like that guy wanting to free you all? Now, you're skin is getting clammy. I've done a hundred many plans to get him outta here.
 * Flint: I'm working with Plan A.
 * Jimmy Neutron: (Voice-only) Yes, Plan A.
 * (SFX of chainsaw spatting out with "flap, flap, flap" of paper)
 * (Dark music transitions to ragtime)
 * Flint: I think I'll try Plan B.
 * Jimmy Neutron: (Voice-only) Trying Plan B. Carry on.
 * King Candy: What are you gonna do?
 * Libby: I'm going to call the police.
 * King Candy: No... you don't need to do anything.
 * Margo and Smurfette: What? Why?
 * King Candy: Because... I've been wanting to... fight him now. I had it like it was. I knew it'd make me happy, I knew it'd be the way, and it was.
 * Libby, Margo and Smurfette: What do you mean that you want to fight him?
 * King Candy: Because I am really mean.
 * Libby, Margo and Smurfette: Yes, it's true.
 * King Candy: Before I think about that, I had to think about this.
 * Libby, Margo and Smurfette: Ooh-ooh-ooh.
 * King Candy: So send my plots out to every person on Earth, that there's no better way to make a really yucky world.
 * Flint: I'm working with Plan B.
 * Jimmy Neutron: (Voice-only) Yes, Plan B.
 * (Tries out hedge trimmers)
 * (Bah-dum-dum-dum)
 * Flint: Girls, I think there is a problem.
 * Libby: Yes, what's that?
 * Flint: I don't know how to stop him.
 * Margo: Oh, dear. Give him a little pep talk.
 * Flint: What? Why?
 * Smurfette: There isn't a way to get a cuba in here. I made this tuba locket.
 * Flint: Hello, Hamlin.
 * King Candy: You can call me "sir". Compared to me, you are a guh-nat.
 * Flint: It's "gnat". Silent "g".
 * King Candy: Are you calling me a guh-nat?
 * Flint: What? No! Just trying to correct your pronounciation!
 * King Candy: Are you calling me stupid?!
 * Flint: Ahh.... no?
 * King Candy: You three, get in the wagon. You, bow to me.
 * Flint: No.
 * King Candy: Bow.
 * Flint: No.
 * King Candy: Bow.
 * Flint: I bow to no one except their God and their King.
 * King Candy: Hrrrgh. Get in the wagon.
 * Flint: Don't ease your controlness. I'll be heading back to the palace. Go on.
 * King Candy: I know that it's true.
 * Libby, Margo and Smurfette: (Hopping in wagon) Trueness, ooooh.
 * King Candy: It clearly does, I had it.
 * Margo, Smurfette and Libby: He had it like it was.
 * King Candy: Aw-huh! I knew it'd make me happy.
 * All: He (I) thought it was the way.
 * King Candy: And it was.
 * All: Was, was, was.
 * Libby: Wait a minute.
 * All: Yeah, it was.
 * Libby: It is.
 * All: Was, was, was, was, Yeah it was.
 * King Candy: Why, a tiny little story is all I need to make a big mess! I'm an evil man!

Chapter 6: Flint Meets Sam

 * (The next morning, Flint zooms by the gates. He is in a chipper mood.)
 * Flint Lockwood: Well, hello there.
 * (The guards say nothing)
 * Flint: I guess there's not much to say, eh guys? Seeing how in 2 days you'll be waking up in the Bif from Bumblyburg's stomach. Ha!
 * (The guards scowl, but remain silent)
 * Flint: I'm real influental. I might need to work something out for Hamlin and the recruits.
 * Guard 1: Seems you've moved away from selling turkey jerky  and became a vicious, bloodthirsty man.
 * Guard 2: It's quite disappointing, for us; but not for you.
 * Flint: Oh yeah. Well, anyways, about Hamlin. He is mean to me.
 * Guard 1; We should make him recite an epic poem. A ballad? A sonnet. Or maybe a limerick.
 * (Several people bow down to stautes of King Dedede)
 * Dedede: Why should a person kill Huck?
 * Flint: (storms in) Howdy, strangers.
 * Dedede: Hello. Why did you leave America?
 * Flint: Buzz Lightyear didn't tell me that.
 * Prospector and Men: We're gonna help repaint your palace.
 * Flint: So they got to work.
 * Dedede: What are you doing? You forgot to buy a new backbone with your skateboard, my boy?
 * Flint: (Rushes over to Sam Sparks and hugs her) I like you a lot. I know that my sidekick, Jimmy Neutron once had a wife who was intelligent and they had a daughter who was slightly less intelligent. When she married me, our families all went to live with you and Jimmy Neutron's wife. One night, while her parents were sleeping, the slighty-less intelligent daughter made a tuba locket. But before we all left, Jimmy Neutron's wife provided for her sister to give her half of the money. A battle started and then she and that daughter were killed. As you know, they were neither intelligent nor slightly less intelligent. My family welcomed me, but not Jimmy Neutron. But I was so compassionate that he sacrified in being my friend and sidekick.
 * Dedede: Ahem. There's a law that says she will marry a suitor!
 * Flint: But... but... (He nearly faints) I didn't keep up with that promise. I was still selfish. I desperately wanted her. But God has a plan for me. He wants me to do what's right. He'll never let me down.
 * (Flint rushes out back into town square)

Chapter 7: "Obscure Christmas Party with Scottish E.B."

 * (Same picture of Sheen as a clown)
 * Narrator: And now it's time for Silly Songs with Sheen, the part of the show--
 * Dexter: Check it, V.O. Dude. Yo! Me and the F.I.T.S. had an idea about throwing a Christmas party. Right?
 * E.B., SpongeBob and Timmy: Yo!
 * E.B.: I dance on quilts, while he knits stilts. He plays his haggis melts, eats bagpipes.
 * SpongeBob: I am so hungry I could eat CartoonTales.
 * Mr. Krabs: Give me that crumpet!
 * E.B. and Sam Sparks: Oh, where have all the showtunes gone? What happened to our weed?
 * E.B.: A great big squash just sat upon my ants.
 * (Various dumb music plays)
 * Kermit: You'll be taking Silent Night off the list.

Chapter 11: What Have We Learned?

 * Timmy Turner: I loved that.
 * Dexter: Personally, I found this story riveting, full of flawed characters and classic action.
 * E.B.: Thanks, guys. We're over here by Qwerty to talk about what we have learned today.
 * Singers: And so what we--
 * (Record scratch)
 * (King Candy's guards take record away)
 * E.B.: They took the "What Have We Learned?" song.
 * Dexter: I know you loved that song.
 * E.B.: In our story, Flint Lockwood has learned about having faith and how it's certain of things we couldn't see. Let's see if Qwerty has a verse for us, today.
 * Qwerty: (beeps, puts up verse)
 * E.B.: Ah, Hebrews 11:1 - "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see." That's cool about how the Bible talks about having hope and faith. And if you have that, you will be faithful.
 * Dexter: Speaking of which, now that we've got one story under our heads, we were thinking we should do a compilation of all our songs!
 * Timmy Turner: That looks hard to do.
 * Dexter: Don't we want to be on the big screen? Performing songs?
 * E.B.: Always remember, God made you special... And he made me tasty!
 * Dexter: And he loves you very much!
 * E.B. and Dexter: G'bye!
 * Dexter: I'm going jogging!
 * E.B.: Mother of mercy, I need a bathroom!
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: (faints) Lettuce get out of this suit.
 * Timmy Turner: (smirks at the camera)
 * (fade to black)

Chapter 12: End Credits

 * Directed by JimmyandFriends