Myths and Tales

Classics
Many people wonder why watermelons are red on the inside, but green on the outside. (you thought you were the only one?) Well, this explanation has been taken straight from the EJ's mouth.

'''Many years ago there was two watermelons. These watermelons were the parents of every watermelon born today as their genes are passed down continually(and were green all the way through). There they were in a field when a young boy came by playing soccer. He accidentally kicked one of the watermelons. Resulting in the poor melon to bleed profusely internally. This resulted in a gene that caused all watermelons to bleed internally. That is why, if you cut open a young watermelon, it is still green as it is not affected by the gene until plant puberty.'''

There is one ultimate story that has been passed down and not forgotten by those who hear it. It starts innocently enough, but ends up being a compelling story with everything needed in a great story. (told in first person)

'''So, EJ, Batman and a Rabi all walk into a bar. The bartender says, "we don't serve your kind here." So I immediately go on a racist rant and he stops me, "no sir, we don't serve minors here." I look to my Jewish friend and we both nod. He uses his KOSHER POWER to make me physically look twenty-one. So all I need now is an ID. I rush off to the local DMV in New York and take the test three times and fail. The fourth time I cheat of the guy next to me and he passes but I still fail. I take it one more time and finally pass. So I go to the camera operator and it is an attractive woman. So, being the smooth man I am, I try to ask her out. The thing was she...swam the other way. Thusly, she refused to take my picture and I had to take the test again. This time on the stool is a ham sandwich. It makes no sense; a ham sandwich taking pictures for the government! I sit in my chair and smile awkwardly. And to my amazement, the ham sandwich leaps up and presses on the button and got a pretty good picture of me.'''

'''I then continued to the bar where a whole world of new options opened up to me. It's name...alcohol. So he checked my ID and asked, "so, what'll ya have?" like it was his job or something. I was so flabbergasted that I said, "I'll have one of everything, organized by alcohol level. I started at the shots. Three shots later I met the Mind Eraser. Next thing I knew I was in California tied upside-down to a lamp post. Little did I know I was so hammered last night that when Batman and the Rabi were trying to pick up chicks, I kept messing up their style. So, they put me in the Batmobile and drove it to California and tied me up.'''

'''I used my amazing muscles to bust out and walked around in a daze. I followed what every book told me and looked for the nearest person in a uniform. The person I walked to was a zoo official. He took one look at me and yelled, "there is the escaped animal!" I looked around franticly until he electrocuted me and put a collar around me. He dragged me back to the zoo and threw me into the gorilla cage. I continually yelled that I wasn't a gorilla and after a while he looked at me, tilted his head and opened the cage. Only to put another collar on me and drag me off to another cage. The meercat cage.'''

'''After he left one meercat came out and told me, in plain English, "wait for tonight." '''