Lala Loud House: Heavy Meddle/Transcript

Transcript
[At Ace's School; Ace opens up his locker, but someone pantses him.]

Ace: [to someone off-screen] "Really?"

[The other kids laugh at and take photos of his expense; after class; Ace gets out of his desk, but the same kid tied his shoelaces together and he trips and falls.]

Ace: [sarcastically] "Oh, real original!"

[The other kids laugh and photograph this, too; at lunch, Ace sits down in his favorite lunch seat only to make a fart noise and find that he sat on a whoopee cushion.]

Ace: [sarcastically] "That's real mature!"

[The other kids laugh and photograph again; the bell rings and he checks his locker only for a pile of garbage to fall onto him; the kids do what they did before again.]

Ace: [opens up a door from the trash; not taking it anymore.] "All right! That's it!"

[Ace and Forest are walking home from school.]

Forest: "So, you really confronted that bully?"

Ace: "That's right. I said to meet me at 3:30 in front of my house, and we're gonna settle this."

Forest: [worried for his friend] "Whoa! You're gonna fight?!"

Ace: "I'm not an animal, Forest. I'm going to deliver a strongly worded speech...as soon as I write it."

Forest: [noticing something] "Looks like that bully left you a note of their own."

Ace: "Huh?" [sees a sticky note on his head, pulls it off, and reads it.] "Lame-O."

[There's also a piece of gum in Ace's hair.]

Forest: [sniffs the gum] "Ooh! Watermelon lime!"

Ace: "Better not let my sisters see this, 'cause then they'll want to get involved and make things worse, the way they always do."

Forest: "I don't know. Maybe they'd be helpful. Your sister Jewel gives great advice. She told me to never be myself. I love that woman." [looks lovesick]

Ace: "Aw, Forest. Sweet, innocent Forest.[to the viewers] He has no idea what it's like to have ten meddling sisters."

[Flashback to what looks like Ace being sick; Jewel puts a thermometer in his mouth and checks his temperature; Specs comes in with an X-Ray machine and takes his X-rays, leaving him with glowing radiation; Peanut dressed as a doctor with a clown nose and Storm E. bandaged him up real tight; Ace muffles and Peanut removes the bandages covering his mouth so he can breathe.]

Ace: "Phew."

Alice: [carrying a bowl of piping hot soup] "Here comes the airplane!" [spills it all over Ace's crotch] "Oopsie."

Ace: [agonized] "Aahh! It burns!" [as Alice walks off screen embarrassed.]

[Storm E. and Peanut bandage up his crotch; end flashback.]

Ace: [holding up a finger with a bandage wrapped around it.] "And that was just a paper cut!"

Forest: "Well, then, you'd better get that gum out. You wanna look intimidating for that bully."

Ace: "I was born intimidating." [tries to pull it out, but it's too grody to touch for him.] "Ew, ew! Gross!"

Forest: "You know, peanut butter will get that gum out."

Ace: "Should I use chunky or smooth?"

Forest: "Well, if you use chunky, you're gonna have to use smooth to get the chunks out."

Ace: "Good point. Thanks, pal."

[Ace goes into his house and looks around to see if any of his sisters are lurking; the coast is clear and he steps in and puts his backpack on the floor; just then, a news broadcast weather board appears next to him with his face in the sun.]

LHN 6 LIVE

WEATHER REPORT: CLEAR SKIES

LINGERING BUTT-INS

KEEP UMBRELLA HANDY

Ace: "The National Weather Service reports clear skies with only a 20% chance of meddling sisters. But we advise keeping your umbrella handy."

[Blanket is playing with some of her toys and notices Ace coming in.]

Ace: "Shh..." [steps on a squeaky toy and lifts his foot up with some squeaking aftershocks from said toy.]

Blanket: "Shh..."

Ace: "Shh..." [sneaks off]

Jewel: [from the other room] "Hold it right there!"

[Ace thinks Jewel has spotted him, but she's really talking to a friend of hers on her phone.]

Jewel: "He wore cargo shorts on your date? That is literally the worst thing I have ever heard."

Ace: "Phew." [sneaks into the kitchen and gets to the fridge and looks for the peanut butter.] "Peanut butter, peanut butter...where's the peanut butter?"

[Storm E. comes in humming a tune and Ace hides the gum by sticking his head in one of the crisper drawers.]

Storm E.: "Hey, bro."

Ace: "Oh, hey, Storm E. What's the haps?"

Storm E.: [seeing Ace's position] "Rad way to chill out, bro."

Ace: "Right. Totally rad."

Storm E.: "Hey, hook me up with some pudding."

Ace: [feels around for a pudding cup and touches a piece of broccoli.] "Gross!" [shakes the broccoli texture off his hand, finds a pudding cup and hands it to Storm E.]

Storm E.: "Thanks. Stay cool." [leaves]

[Ace gets his head out of the crisper drawer with a head of cabbage on the gum and shakes it off; he finds the peanut butter jar.]

Ace: "Peanut butter!" [opens the jar and discovers that it's empty; frustrated.] "Ah! Why do people put empty jars back in the fridge?!" [puts it back in despite what he just ranted about] "I need a Plan B."

Jewel: [still on the phone] "Socks and sandals? Cut it out!"

Ace: ""Cut it out." That's it!" [sneaks past Lori]

Jewel: "Now that is literally the worst thing I have ever heard."

[Ace sneaks into his parents' room and grabs a pair of scissors to cut the gum out with; as he makes his way to the staircase, Peanut is coming down and Ace sticks the gum to the wall to hide it.]

Ace: "Hey, Peanut."

Peanut: "Hey, Ace. What do you think of this joke? "If I were you, I'd go for the baboon!""

Ace: [puzzled] "I don't get it."

Peanut: "Oh. Well, that's just the punchline. I still gotta think of the setup." [walks away]

[Lincoln heads up the stairs and makes it to the door to his room, but his mother calls him.]

Cinder: [off-screen] "Ace, honey! I need you to take out the trash!"

Ace: "Okay, Mom! Five minutes!"

Cinder: "Not five minutes! Now!"

Ace: "I will! Just give me three minutes!"

Prince: "Ace, listen to your mother!"

[Ace groans, sneaks around to avoid his sisters, and takes the trash out; Alice is coming and he puts the trash lid on the gum to hide it.]

Alice: "Hey, Ace. Is my desk lamp in there? I can't find it anywhere."

Ace: "Nope. Have you tried looking on your desk?"

Alice: "So smart!" [sees the lid on Ace's head] "What's up with that hat?"

Ace: "Oh, this?" [striking a few poses] "These are all the rage right now. I'm surprised you didn't know."

Alice: [inspired] "Hmm..."

[Ace sneaks back to the door to his room.]

Ace: "Phew." [gets ready to open the door, but Specs catches him.]

Specs: "Greetings, human. There's Liquidambar Styraciflua in your follicular area."

Ace: "A what in my who now?"

Specs: "You've got gum in your hair."

Ace: "Oh, yes. I'm sure it's just-"

Specs: "I assume that being of average intelligence, you didn't place it there yourself. Therefore, I can only deduce that someone has been picking on you."

Ace: [begging his genius sister] "Specs, please! You can't tell! I don't want everyone getting involved."

Specs: "Don't worry. I do not have enough room in my brain for this kind of tomfoolery." [walks away]

Ace: "Phew." [enters his room]

[Ace takes out the scissors and snips the gum out, but just as he's about to dispose of it, Whistle kicks the door open with every sister there.]

Whistle: "You're being picked on!"

Ace: [irritated] "Specs, I thought you weren't going to say anything."

Specs: "No. What I said was I did not have room in my brain for your secret. Hence, I removed it and transferred it to Whistle, whose brain apparently has ample room."

Whistle: "Thanks." [beat] "Hey!"

Storm E.: "So, you are being picked on!"

Ace: [nervous] "Of course not!"

Peanut: [points to the gum] "Then what's that?"

Ace: "That's just my gum." [chews it trying to cover it up but obviously disgusted by it.] "Mmm...watermelon lime. And hair!"

[Ace coughs it out and the girls start demanding him to let them help him.]

Ace: [begging them] "Guys! Guys! Please stay out of this! You'll only make it worse!"

Jewel: "If by worse you mean better, I agree."

Trinket: "You should go straight to the school principal!"

Jewel: "Forget that. You should literally text an embarrassing picture of him to all his friends."

Peanut: "I'm gonna write an insult comedy routine that will leave him in tears!"

Whistle: [flips at Ace] "Hoo-wah!" [kicks him] "Basic stealth ninja kick. That's how you're gonna take him down."

[Ace groans and gives us an update on the weather of his life with storm clouds coming in over his face.]

SISTERNADO WARNING: CATEGORY 1 BUTTING IN

PRIMARY RISK: Making things worse for me

Damaging childhood

Bad advice

BREAKING NEWS: FIRST ALERT SEVERE SISTWISTER THREAT

Ace: "Well, folks, the National Weather Service has just released a Category 1 Sisternado Watch. We advise boarding up your windows and preparing your emergency supplies."

[Whistle suddenly grabs him and has him in a hold.]

Whistle: "That's the camel clutch. Another good option for ya." [gets off him]

Ace: "Look, I don't need any-"

Peanut: "We'll start with some basic dumb jokes. Like, "You're so dumb you locked yourself inside your car." That kind of thing."

Trinket: "Ooh I know! I'll invite him to a tea party and make him use the chipped cup!" [has a sinister smile with a sinister sting to accompany it] "I'm so evil, sometimes I scare even me."

[Ace notices Whistle standing in a strange pose.]

Ace: "What are you doing?"

Whistle: [pulls Ace's shirt over his face] "Surprise mime attack! I invented that one myself."

Ace: [pulls his shirt back down] "Whistle, I'm not going to fight. I-"

Whistle: "Ugh! Fine! I'll take care of this myself." [walks off]

Storm E.: "You should do this!" [slams a pair of cymbals right in Ace's ears] "His ears'll be ringing for days!"

Peanut: "Ugly jokes are always good, too. Like, "You're so ugly, you have to trick-or-treat over the phone!""

Ace: [his ears still ringing] "What?!"

[Whistle returns with a boy and is carrying him by the seat of his pants.]

Whistle: "Look! I found him!"

[The girls surround him and are not very happy with him.]

Jewel: "How dare you bully our brother! Only we get to do that."

Scribbles: [spits the gum right into Lincoln's hand] "Smoosh your watermelon lime gum in his hair, Ace!" [sees Ace is too hesitant to do it] "Fine. I'll do it."

Ace: "Wait! Stop! This guy isn't my enemy! Although, thanks to you, he probably will be now."

[The boy growls at him for what he's been put through.]

Whistle: "Oh." [kicks the boy out] "Why are you still here?"

Scribbles: "I can't believe I almost wasted perfectly good gum on him." [takes gum back and chews it]

Whistle: "I'll go get another boy." [proceeds to do so]

Ace: "No! Whistle, stop! It's not even a boy!"

[Whistle suddenly stops surprised at that fact and the others are perplexed.]

Alice: "Is it a dog?"

Ace: [sighs] "It's a girl..."

[The girls are flabbergasted and gasp to hear the news, but then, all of them except Specs start squealing with delight.]

Ace: [perplexed] "What?"

[All the girls except Specs give him a big group hug and suffocate him.]

Specs: "Normally, I don't care for inane human emotions, but..." [squeals just as delighted as they did and joins the hug.]

Storm E.: "Ace! Why didn't you tell us you had a girlfriend?"

Trinket: "She sounds so pretty."

Ace: [suffocating] "What is happening?"

[They all release Ace from their hug.]

Jewel: "When a girl picks on you, that only ever means one thing: she likes you~."

[The girls all squeal again and Ace is just completely dumbfounded at this explanation.]

Ace: [Disbelieving] "That's ridiculous! She shoved a sandwich down my pants! I was picking sesame seeds out of my butt for days!"

[The girls swoon over such a non flirty prank.]

Alice: "So romantic..."

Jewel: "That's a classic."

Ace: [getting mad] "You guys are nuts! She hates me! I'm gonna meet her today and give her a piece of my mind!"

Jewel: "You need to give her a piece of your heart instead."

Ace: [scared] "What?!"

Alice: "I think he needs to kiss her."

[Blanket makes kissy faces in agreement.]

Ace: [petrified] "What?!"

Sisters: "Kiss her! Kiss her! Kiss her!"

[At that moment, as the girls continue chanting Ace to kiss his bully, they all start forming miniature tornadoes around them and merge together to create the Sisternado; a weather warning pops up with the tornadoes taking over Lincoln's space.]

SISTERNADO RED ALERT

BREAKING NEWS

S.O.S./TAKE COVER/AAAHH!

Ace: "This just in from the National Weather Service! The Sisternado watch has been upgraded to a Sisternado warning. Take cover immediately!"

Sisternado: "Kiss her! Kiss her!" [traps Ace inside] "Kiss her! Kiss her!"

[Ace escapes and runs into the bathroom to seek shelter and picks up his radio.]

Ace: "Mayday! Mayday! Forest, do you copy?"

Forest: "Roger. I mean, this is Forest, not Roger. But yeah. Roger, it's Forest."

Ace: [panicking] "My sisters have lost their minds! They think the bully likes me! They want me to kiss her!"

Forest: "I don't know. Maybe they're right, Ace."

Ace: "My sisters are never right! All they do is meddle."

Forest: "They're girls, Ace. They know more about these things than we do. It's a scientific fact."

Ace: "Yeah, but there's no way that-" [suddenly starts considering the possibility] "Wow. Me? You really think she might like me? How would I know?"

Forest: "There's only one way to find out."

[Ace goes out to confront the Sisternado.]

Sisternado: "Kiss her! Kiss her! Kiss her!"

Ace: "Hold it!"

[The Sisternado comes to a stop and the sisters turn back to normal.]

Ace: "So am I going to kiss this girl or what?" [smirks]

[The girls sans Specs squeal again.]

Specs: "Again..." [squeals again]

3:30

Ace: "It's 3:30. Trinket, lip balm." [Trinket applies it] "Scribbles, breath mint."

[Scribbles puts it in his mouth] "Let's do this." [heads on out to meet the girl of his dreams.]

Whistle: "Go get her, Romeo."

Jewel: "You so got this, little bro."

Trinket: "Aw, our little Ace."

Scribbles: "All grown up."

[Trinket hands Scribbles a tissue for her to blow her nose.]

Alice: [wearing the trash lid on her head having believed Ace's lie.] "All the bridesmaids should wear these hats at Aces wedding. These are all the rage right now."

[Ace steps outside, marches up to his bully, and gives her a kiss.]

Sisters: [sweetly] "Aww..."

[The bully, however, responds to this romantic gesture by punching Ace in the face.]

Sisters: [concerned] "Ooh!"

[Ace steps back inside with a black eye and now incredibly furious at his sisters.]

Storm E.: "Sorry, buddy. Our bad."

Peanut: "Well, at least, you gave it a shot."

Whistle: "I'll get some ice for that shiner."

Specs: "X-ray machine, stat."

Alice: "I'm really sorry, Ace."

[The girls all try to apologize to Ace for their meddling, which he is through hearing.]

Ace: [infuriated] "Quiet! Every time you guys butt into my life, you make things worse! Well, guess what? Never again! No! More! Meddling!" [walks to his room and slams the door in rage as his sisters stand there feeling guilty.]

Ace: "I knew it all along. I should never have listened to them. My sisters are always wrong."

[Someone whistles from outside to get Ace's attention.]

Ace: "Huh?" [looks out his window on one end as a rock comes flying in through the other end and sees there's a note attached to it and reads it.] "Sorry, Lame-O. Here's my number. 555-0121 Text me."

Ace: "Sorry, Lame-O. Here's my number. Text me?" [confused; smiles and looks out the window and gets a steak thrown at his eye; notices it has a note too and reads it.] "For your eye. XOXO, Peppy Pom Poms." [smiles hopefully, places steak over his shiner and turns to the viewers.] "Okay, maybe just this one time my sisters were right. But don't tell them that!"

Credits

 * Ace Fender Bender as Lincoln Loud
 * Forest Evergreen as Clyde
 * Blanket Featerbed as Lily Loud
 * Jewel Sparkles as Lori Loud
 * Storm E. Sky as Luna Loud
 * Peanut Big Top as Luan Loud
 * Cinder Slippers as Rita Loud
 * Prince Handsome as Lynn Sr.
 * Alice in Lalaloopsyland as Leni Loud
 * Specs Reads-a-Lot as Lisa Loud
 * Whistle Kick 'N' Score as Lynn Loud
 * Trinket Sparkles as Lola Loud
 * Scribbles Splash as Lana Loud
 * Scraps Stitched 'N' Sewn as Lucy Loud