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Jews take over

New York City, CW (Capital of World) In a quick strike which stunned much of the world, earlier today, the Jews took over. Most people were taken aback by the sudden sea change in power and the resulting cultural shock, although certain groups said they "Saw it coming all along" and "Tried to stop this shit but you wouldn't fucking listen, so now you can deal with this mess yourself."



The coup, the culmination of centuries of secret plotting by mysterious Jewish elders, started with an economic collapse engineered by the Jews through their stanglehold on the Federal Reserve. By raising interest rates to an unprecedented seventeen quintillion percent on loans made to banks run by non-Jews, the nation's coffers were quickly depeleted and placed into Jewish hands. It was then a simple matter for the Jews to simply buy the world online from its prior owner, J.K. Rowling, with the resulting 700 quindecillion dollars.

"Truly this is a great day for our people" said Cohen Gadol and Big Kosher Cheese Howard Goldbergersteinweissschwartzbraungelbermann. "At last we have assumed our rightful place in the world."

While details so far are sketchy, there have been reports of rioting throughout the southern united states and middle east, as well as in Disneyworld, which has reportedly been seized by the United Nations and is in the process of being resettled as "Fleischerworld".