Random Grouches/I Never Harmed an Onion (from The Muppet Show)

Cast

 * Mordicus as Rowlf the Dog

Lyrics
( Mordicus starts playing the piano.)

Mordicus: You may not know this, but I'm really a very sentimental dog. I cry easily. Onions, for instance, always make me cry.

(He sings "I Never Harmed an Onion", and is a sobbing wreck by the end of the song.)

Mordicus: I'll admit I split bananas Take Easter eggs and make them dye But I never harmed an onion So why should they make me cry? Once I saw a salad dressing My face got radish - my, oh, my But I never harmed an onion So why should they make me cry? Potatoes I've mashed and berries I've crushed I've made an artichoke and that's not all I've also whipped cream and beaten an egg Yes, I've even made a melon ball Of all the things above I'm guilty If punished, I would know just why But I never harmed an onion So why should they make me cry? Oh, why should they make me cry?