Thomas/Oddly Specific Shirt Adverts

Version 1 (by Dynasti the Radicles Fangirl)

 * Thomas as Harry Potter hates Ohio
 * Edward as Forever is a long time but I wouldn't mind spending it with my weasel
 * Henry as Oh, you're a soldier? That's cute. My cousin is a tax attorney born in September and he'll murder your family
 * Gordon as Never underestimate an old man who is also an air force veteran and was born in November
 * Percy as Relationship Status: Taken by a Badass Hearing Specialist
 * James as It cannot be inherited nor can it ever be purchased. I have earned it with my blood, sweat, and tears. I own it forever. The title: Mushroom Hunter
 * Toby as I am a Jewish bisexual disabled American woman with a trans parent, an Ashkenazi momma & a black immigrant God mom and, NO... to the Alt-Right's dismay, I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE
 * Duck as Real Garfield girls are born in March
 * Emily as Sweat dries blood clots, bones heal. Suck it up, buttercup. Only strong woman become mail carriers
 * Mavis as These t*tties are protected by a skinny white guy in his mid-thirties who wears DC shoes, yells at me in public and is addicted to percs
 * Rosie as The devil whispered in my ear "You're not strong enough to withstand the storm." Today, I whispered in the devil's ear "I am a child of God, a man of faith, a warrior of Christ. I am an autism dad."
 * Lady as Breathe deep because no one will ever understand your love for that goat smell or the peace it brings the soul
 * Skarloey as 5 things you should know about my smart*ss son
 * Rusty as 5 things you should know about my grandma
 * Peter Sam as I'd rather be listening to the Grammy award-winning 1999 hit Smooth by Santana efat. Rob Thomas of Matchbox Twenty off the multi platnium album Supernatural
 * Rheneas as This is what a gay clarinet player looks like
 * Sir Handel as Never underestimate a man with a karate
 * Oliver as I'm not just a father to an amazing daughter, I'm also a veteran who did four tours in Iraq and I have chronic diarrhea
 * Harold as I love anime but Jesus always comes first so turn down the Hentai, ya turkey
 * Hiro as By day, I work at Chipotle, by night, I am Mister Halo
 * Diesel as It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head, I'm playing the pan flute