The Gallant Old Toy and Other Spike Stories

The Gallant Old Toy and Other Stories, later retitled Big Macintosh and the Elephant and Other Stories, is a My Little Pony/Thomas parody of the Thomas and Friends US VHS/DVD, The Gallant Old Engine and Other Thomas Stories/Henry and the Elephant. It contains six fourth season episodes of Spike the Dragon and Friends narrated by George Carlin, and one song.

Cast

 * Spike as Thomas
 * Big Macintosh as Henry
 * Chief Thunderhooves as Gordon
 * Cranky Doodle Donkey as James
 * Pipsqueak as Percy
 * Braeburn as Toby
 * Soarin as Duck
 * Randolph as Duke
 * Woody (from Toy Story) as Skarloey
 * Buzz Lightyear (from Toy Story) as Rheneas
 * Hamm (from Toy Story) as Sir Handel/Falcon
 * Rex (from Toy Story) as Peter Sam/Stuart
 * Mr. Potato Head (from Toy Story) as Duncan
 * Ahuizotl as Bulstrode
 * Apple Bloom as Annie
 * Sweetie Belle as Clarabel
 * The Changelings as the Troublesome Trucks
 * Hoity Toity as Sir Topham Hatt
 * Twist as Nancy
 * Shining Armor as Edward (does not speak)
 * Cheery Jubilee as The Refreshment Lady (does not speak)
 * Angel as Bertie (cameo)
 * Gummy as Trevor (cameo)
 * Goldie Delicious as Mrs. Kyndley (cameo)

Episodes

 * 1) Big Macintosh and the Elephant
 * 2) You Can't Win
 * 3) Special Attraction
 * 4) Passengers and Polish
 * 5) The Gallant Old Toy
 * 6) Fish

Song

 * 1) Really Useful Dragon

Big Macintosh and the Elephant
Narrator: "Spike the Dragon puffed happily along his line with Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle.

Hoity Toity was waiting on the platform. He looked at his watch."

Hoity Toity: "Well done, Spike! You are right on time and really reliable."

Spike: "Thank you, sir."

Narrator: "Whistled Spike."

Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle: "Oh, right on time and really reliable."

Narrator: "Hummed the cutie mark crusaders.

But the big animals were not feeling cheerful at all."

Big Macintosh: "Where's Pipsqueak?"

Narrator: "Mumbled Big Macintosh."

Big Macintosh: "He's suppose to fetch our buffaloes."

Cranky Doodle Donkey: "We get no rest."

Narrator: "Complained Cranky.

He edged angrily onto the turntable and spoke rudely to Big Mac."

Cranky Doodle Donkey: "What's the matter, Big Mac? There's no rain today. Stop worrying and do some work instead."

Big Macintosh: "I'm not afraid of getting wet anymore."

Narrator: "Huffed Big Mac."

Big Macintosh: "Anyway, you look silly enough to be a clown. You should join the circus."

Pipsqueak: "Oh!"

Narrator: "Whistled Pipsqueak."

Pipsqueak: "So you've heard the news."

Chief Thunderhooves: "What news?"

Pipsqueak: "About the circus."

Cranky Doodle Donkey: "Pipsqueak, what are you talking about?"

Pipsqueak: "The circus has arrived."

Narrator: "Explained Pipsqueak."

Pipsqueak: "I've been shunting special carts. Hoity Toity needs your help too."

Narrator: "The animals soon forgot to be tired and cross. Until it was time for the circus to leave. Then Chief Thunderhooves and Big Mac were cross all over again when Cranky got to pull the carts away.

A little later Hoity Toity returned."

Hoity Toity: "Come along, Big Macintosh. A tunnel is blocked down the line. You must take some workmen to investigate."

Big Macintosh: "Pushing changelings, pushing changelings."

Narrator: "Grumbled Big Mac.

They stopped outside the tunnel. The workmen went inside.

It was very dark and quiet. But not for long."

Workmen: "Help!"

Narrator: "Shouted the workmen. And they ran out."

Workmen: "We started to dig at the block, but it grunted and moved."

Narrator: "One said."

Foreman: "Rubbish!"

Narrator: "Said the foreman."

Workmen: "It's not rubbish. It's big and alive. We're not going in there again."

Foreman: "Right."

Narrator: "Said the foreman."

Foreman: "I'll go with the changelings and Big Mac shall push it out."

Big Macintosh: "Weesh!"

Narrator: "Said Big Mac unhappily. He had been shut in the tunnel for being afraid of the rain. But this was worse. Something big and alive was inside."

Big Macintosh: "Peep! Peep! I don't want to go in."

Big Macintosh's Driver: "Neither do I."

Narrator: "Said his driver."

Big Macintosh's Driver: "But we must clear the path."

Big Macintosh: "Oh dear, oh dear."

Narrator: "Huffed Big Mac.

Then there was trouble. The block was indeed alive and very strong. It began to push them backwards. Out of the tunnel came Big Mac, then the changelings and last of all a large, cross elephant."

Foreman: "Well I never."

Narrator: "Cried the foreman."

The workmen gave him some cake. He drank three buckets of water. And was just about to drink another, when Big Mac kicked dirt."

The Elephant: "(Trumpeting)"

Narrator: "Cried the elephant. Water went all over Big Mac. Poor Big Mac.

The elephant and his keeper were soon reunited, but Big Mac was most upset."

Big Macintosh: "An elephant pushed me! An elephant hooshed me!"

Narrator: "That night, he told the other animals all about it. Chief Thunderhooves and Cranky felt sorry for Big Mac, but still teased him."

Chief Thunderhooves: "First the rain, then an elephant. Whatever will you be afraid of next?"

Spike: "Never mind, Big Macintosh."

Narrator: "Murmured Spike."

Spike: "I think you are brave today, and really reliable too."

You Can't Win
Narrator: "Randolph is the hero of all the ponies. This is a story about him.

It happened long ago when Rex and Hamm used to work with Randolph on his old land. Many people came year after year to see the mountains and the lakes and most of all, Randolph.

He always pulled his wagon, even on days when he didn't feel well."

Randolph: "I mustn't disappoint my friends."

Narrator: "He would say.

Every morning he took his passengers up the road and stopped anywhere they wanted."

Randolph: "Peep, peep!"

Narrator: "He whistled."

Randolph: "Please be ready when I come back to you. Otherwise we might miss your boat to the mainland and that would never do."

Narrator: "One day, Randolph didn't feel well. He was short of strength and needed to rest. His driver and fireman had just finished clearing his body when Rex bustled up."

Rex: "Hello, Granpony."

Narrator: "He teased."

Rex: "Are you short of strength."

Randolph: "Nothing of the sort. This is routine maintenance."

Rex: "Tell you what."

Narrator: "Went on Rex."

Rex: "You getting old. We must take care of you in case you get hurt."

Randolph: "Hmmph!"

Narrator: "Hooshed Randolph."

Randolph: "That'll be the day!"

Narrator: "Randolph couldn't stay cross for long. It was a lovely evening."

Randolph: "Couldn't be better. Couldn't be better."

Narrator: "He guntered happily.

They began to climb, but Randolph didn't mind."

Randolph: "I've plenty of strength."

Narrator: "He puffed."

Randolph: "We'll be up in a couple of puffs."

Narrator: "But soon, Randolph's puffs changed to wheezes. His body was leaking strengh."

Randolph: "It's not so easy. It's not so easy."

Narrator: "He croaked."

Randolph: "But I'll manage."

Narrator: "At last, they reached the station.

Randolph's driver examined him carefully. Anxious passengers waited for new."

Conductor: "Randolph is going to take you to the harbor, but he might be late."

Narrator: "Said the conductor."

Conductor: "So two toys are coming to help. You'll still catch your boat."

Narrator: "Hamm went up in front."

Hamm: "Poor old Granpony. What a shame you've broken down."

Rex: "Peep, peep, peep!"

Narrator: "Teased Rex."

Rex: "This is the day."

Narrator: "He was coupled up behind."

Hamm: "Are you ready?"

Narrator: "Whistled Hamm."

Rex: "Yes, I am."

Narrator: "Replied Rex and away they went.

When they reached the next station, the cavalcade split up.

Hamm took Randolph's passengers to the boat.

Rex headed Hamm's line, with Randolph coupled behind."

Rex: "Fancy me rescuing Granpony! This is the day! This is the day!"

Narrator: "He boasted."

Rex: "Poor old pony! Poor old pony!"

Narrator: "But Randolph still had plenty of strength left in him. His body sounded worse then it was. He and his driver had their own little joke ready.

They waited until they reached the hill."

Randolph's Driver: "Now!"

Narrator: "Said his driver. Randolph puffed and roared as though he was pushing the whole line's weight before him. The noise echoed everywhere.

When they reached the last station, everyone cheered."

Boy: "What happened?"

Narrator: "Asked a boy."

Boy: "They don't usually need two characters."

Father: "Well,"

Narrator: "Replied his father."

Father: "Rex hurt himself. Randolph had to help him. It sounds as if he had a hard job too."

Narrator: "Randolph and his driver's joke had worked."

Rex: "Fiddlesticks!"

Narrator: "Exclaimed Rex, and he vanished in a cloud of steam. Randolph wheezed alongside."

Randolph: "Poor old toy!"

Narrator: "He teased."

Randolph: "It's no good, Rex. You can't win!"

Special Attraction
Narrator: "Braeburn the Earth Pony was very excited. He was holding a brand-new bell that shone like gold. He was off to the seaside. His driver was explaining everything as they travelled along Acme Acres."

Braeburn's Driver: "There's a seaside village near here. And every year, they have a big parade, with a special attraction for all the visitors.

This year, Braeburn, you're the special attraction."

Braeburn: "Thank you, sir,"

Narrator: "Said Braeburn."

Braeburn: "But what does a special attraction do?"

Braeburn's Driver: "Oh, just smiles and whistles at everyone."

Narrator: "Replied his driver."

Braeburn's Driver: "We're almost there. Listen, you can hear the seagulls."

Narrator: "Soon, they reached the little station by the village, but instead of a big welcome, there was just one man.

He whispered to Braeburn's driver and turned sadly away."

Braeburn's Driver: "Well, if that doesn't take the biscuit!"

Narrator: "Said Braeburn's driver."

Braeburn's Driver: "They've run out of room in the parade and don't need a special attraction after all. We've got to go home, Braeburn. I'm sorry, old boy."

Braeburn: "Eh, so am I."

Narrator: "Sighed Braeburn.

Pispqueak was arranging things in the yard. He didn't expect to see Braeburn."

Pipsqueak: "What are you doing back so soon?"

Narrator: "Before Braeburn could reply, Hoity Toity arrived."

Hoity Toity: "Leave these changelings here, Pipsqueak. There's an emergency at the harbor."

Pipsqueak's Driver: "Come on, Pipsqueak,"

Narrator: "Said his driver."

Pipsqueak's Driver: "This will be trouble with Ahuizotl!"

Pipsqueak: "Who's Ahuizotl?"

Narrator: "Wondered Pipsqueak.

He was still surprised about Braeburn, and now he had two puzzles to sort out. His driver explained."

Pipsqueak's Driver: "Ahuizotl is a disagreeable creature. He never stops complaining."

Narrator: "His driver was right about Ahuizotl. Today, the creature was more bad-tempered than ever."

Ahuizotl: "Come on, come on, (hiccup) why aren't you changelings where you should be?"

Changelings: "There's no animal, and we can only go where we're put!"

Narrator: "Shouted the changelings."

Changelings: "You're in the wrong place, not us!"

Narrator: "When Pipsqueak arrived, Ahuizotl was sulking, and the changelings were crosser still."

Changelings: "Our stone is for Ahuizotl. Please put us in a siding, so that we can load him up and be rid of him!"

Narrator: "But the changelings were being careless. As Pipsqueak was lining them up, they burst through a barrier."

Changelings: "Help! Help!"

Narrator: "They wailed.

But it was too late!"

(CRASH!)

Ahuizotl: "Oh!"

Narrator: "Cried Ahuizotl."

Ahuizotl: "I'm sinking!"

Changelings: "Serves you right!"

Narrator: "Giggled the changelings."

Changelings: "You were always barging in and moaning!"

Narrator: "It took a very long time to clear the mess.

Pipsqueak watched as Ahuizotl was dragged to the beach."

Workmen: "There you are!"

Narrator: "Said the workmen."

Workmen: "Now you can just stay here. Children can play with you all day, and at long last, you'll be useful."

Ahuizotl: (Groans)

Narrator: "When Pipsqueak got home, he and Braeburn exchanged all their news."

Braeburn: "Well, we both had some seaside surprises today."

Narrator: "Laughed Braeburn."

Braeburn: "But driver says that I'm a special attraction anyway, and so are you. Every time we go on our own line."

Pipsqueak: "What do you mean?"

Narrator: "Asked Pipsqueak."

Braeburn: "Well, all we have to do is smile and whistle at everyone!"

Passengers and Polish
Narrator: "Twist is a conductor's daughter.

One day, she was working on Woody with some polish and a rag. Woody was snoozing happily, but Twist wanted to talk."

Twist: "Wake up, lazybones! Your boots are filthy. Aren't you ashamed?"

Woody: "No."

Narrator: "Yawned Woody."

Woody: "You're just an old fusspot."

Narrator: "And then Woody closed his eyes. He was thinking of his friend, Buzz Lightyear, and the all the times they shared together before Buzz went away to be mended.

Twist interrupted again."

Twist: "Don't you want to look nice for when Buzz comes home?"

Narrator: "Woody wasn't sleepy anymore."

Woody: "What? When?!"

Twist: "Soon. Daddy told me. I'm going now."

Narrator: "She said."

Woody: "Twist, stop. Do I really look nice? Please polish me again."

Twist: "Now who's an old fusspot?"

Narrator: "Laughed Twist, and set to work once more.

Mr. Potato Head was jealous."

Mr. Potato Head: "Aren't you gonna polish me too?"

Twist: "Sorry. Not today. I'm going now. I'm helping Cherry Jubilee this afternoon. We must get the ice cream ready for the passengers. Never mind, Mr. Potato Head."

Narrator: "But Mr. Potato Head did mind."

Mr. Potato Head: "It isn't fair!"

Narrator: "He complained."

Mr. Potato Head: "Rex gets a special head, Hamm gets special feet, passengers get ice cream, but I'm not even polished!"

Narrator: "Of course, this wasn't true. But Mr. Potato Head enjoyed complaining. He became sulkier still.

That afternoon, there was bad news from up the road."

Mr. Potato Head's Driver: "One of Woody's fillies has come off the road."

Narrator: "Called Mr. Potato Head's driver."

Mr. Potato Head's Driver: "We'll have to take workmen there right away."

Mr. Potato Head: "All this extra work!"

Narrator: "Grumbled Mr. Potato Head."

Mr. Potato Head: "It wears a toy out!"

Mr. Potato Head's Driver: "Rubbish! Come on!"

Narrator: "The hurt filly was in the middle of Woody's line. So he had gone on to the top station with his front fillies.

Mr. Potato Head left the workmen to sort out the mess, then he brought the passengers with the rear fillies home.

He sulked all the way."

Mr. Potato Head: "I get no rest, I get no rest!"

Narrator: "He muttered.

Mr. Potato Head made the journey very difficult. He was short of strength, so his driver waited a while and hope of raising more. But Mr. Potato Head wouldn't try."

Mr. Potato Head's Driver: "We'll keep our passengers waiting."

Narrator: "Said his driver. Mr. Potato Head was cross."

Mr. Potato Head: "You always think about the passengers and never about me!"

Narrator: "It wasn't long before Mr. Potato Head finally build up enough strength and set off again.

But he was still very grumpy and cross."

Mr. Potato Head: "I'm overworked, and I won't stand it!"

Narrator: "At last, they reached the viaduct near the station."

Mr. Potato Head's Driver: "Come on, Potato Head!"

Narrator: "Called his driver."

Mr. Potato Head's Driver: "One more effort, and you'll have a rest and a drink at the station."

Narrator: "Then, Mr. Potato Head was very rude."

Mr. Potato Head: "Keep your own station! I'm staying here!"

Narrator: "And he did too.

Woody had to pull Mr. Potato Head and his fillies all the way to the platform.

The passengers were furious. They told everyone what a bad town it was.

That night, Hoity Toity spoke to Mr. Potato Head."

Hoity Toity: "No passengers means no polish!"

Mr. Potato Head: "And no polish means no passengers."

Narrator: "Mr. Potato Head muttered to himself.

He still has a lot to learn, doesn't he?"

The Gallant Old Toy
Narrator: "Mr. Potato Head would not stop grumbling. He grumbled that he wasn't polished enough, he grumbled that he was overworked. Most of all, he grumbled about the passengers."

Woody: "I'm ashamed of you, Mr. Potato Head."

Narrator: "Said Woody."

Woody: "Thank goodness Buzz Lightyear is coming home soon. Perhaps he'll teach you some sense before it's too late.

Mr. Potato Head: "What has Buzz Lightyear to do with me?"

Woody: "Buzz saved our land."

Narrator: "Replied Woody."

Rex: "Please, tell us about it!"

Narrator: "Said Rex."

Woody: "Well,"

Narrator: "Began Woody,"

Woody: "It was before you came here. Things were bad. Buzz and I had to keep the business running, or our land would have to close."

Rex: "How awful."

Narrator: "Murmured Rex."

Woody: "I tried hard,"

Narrator: "Continued Woody,"

Woody: "But my old feet ached. Buzz understood."

Buzz Lightyear: "It's my turn now!"

Woody: "He'd tell me. He was often short of stregth, but he always struggled to a station, and then rested there.

Buzz Lightyear: "I mustn't stop between stations."

Woody: "He'd say."

Buzz Lightyear: "The passengers wouldn't like it."

Mr. Potato Head: "Hmph!"

Narrator: "Huffed Mr. Potato Head. He had stopped on a viaduct and hadn't cared at all."

Woody: "Passengers,"

Narrator: "Continued Woody,"

Woody: "Get cross if you stop at the wrong places. Buzz stopped in a wrong place once, and this is what happened.

One wet and windy afternoon, when the ground was damp, Buzz Lightyear was traveling home with a full line; there were even passengers at the end.

It wasn't a comfortable ride at all.

Buzz's feet kept slipping, and it was a steep climb.

At last his feet gripped the ground again."

Buzz Lightyear: "The worst is over,"

Woody: "He thought,"

Buzz Lightyear: "Now we're away."

Woody: "But they weren't."

Buzz Lightyear: "Aaah! I've got a cramp!"

Woody: "He groaned.

And Buzz stopped on the loneliest part of the road.

His driver examined him carefully."

Buzz Lightyear's Driver: "Your leg gear has jammed. We need to reach the next station. Do you think you can still get us there?"

Buzz Lightyear: "I'll try."

Woody: "Replied Buzz.

Buzz did his best."

Buzz Lightyear: "If I fail,"

Woody: "He thought to himself,"

Buzz Lightyear: "The passengers will be cross and the land will close."

Woody: "Everything blurred. He was really too tired to make another limp of his legs, but he did, and another, and another, and another.

Finally, tired, but triumphant, Buzz reached the station."

Buzz Lightyear: "I'm here at last!"

Woody: "He wheezed."

Passengers: "Thank you for getting us home."

Woody: "Said the passengers."

Passengers: "We'll tell all our friends what a fine land this is."

Woody: "His driver was delighted."

Buzz Lightyear's Driver: "You're a gallant little toy."

Woody: "He said to Buzz."

Buzz Lightyear's Driver: "When you're rested, we'll mend you, so you'll be ready for tomorrow."

Woody: "And,"

Narrator: "Smiled Woody,"

Woody: "Buzz always was ready for tomorrow."

Mr. Potato Head: "Thanks for telling us about him."

Narrator: "Whispered Mr. Potato Head."

Mr. Potato Head: "I was wrong. Passengers are important after all."

Narrator: "The next day, Buzz Lightyear came home. All the characters were there to greet him. Shining Armor pushed his crane to the siding, where he was lifted onto the ground.

This was the signal for a chorus of whistles from characters large and small. Everyone was happy, and Buzz was the happiest of them all."

Buzz Lightyear: "You know,"

Narrator: "He whispered to Woody,"

Buzz Lightyear: "This helps a toy to feel that at last, he has really come home."

Fish
Narrator: "On starry nights when the moon is full and the air still, you can hear the sounds of faraway ships and distant laughter. They echoed over the hills and through the valleys, down calm canals and sleepy inlits. Every animal knows that these are the sounds that say the harbour is hard at work at the big station by the sea.

One night, a special load of fish was ordered. Hoity Toity decided that extra changelings must be added to the line that the men called The Flying Kipper. The only changleings available were old ones. They had not been used for a long time. Big Macintosh waited impatiently by the keyside as Soarin arranged them into position.

Spike walked by with the mail."

Spike: "Hello Soarin. Going fishing? I'd take care if I were you."

Soarin: "Why?"

Narrator: "Huffed Soarin."

Spike: "Well for one thing,"

Narrator: "Puffed Spike, remembering his own experience."

Spike: "If fish get into a pony's body, they always cause trouble. And for another, fish can be awfully smelly. And I know what I'm talking about. Good night."

Narrator: "Big Mac grunted dreadfully."

Big Macintosh's Driver: "You'll just have to put up with it, Big Mac."

Narrator: "Said his driver."

Big Macintosh's Driver: "At least the extra load will mean you can have another animal help us up Chief Thunderhooves' hill."

Narrator: "Meanwhile, Soarin was waiting at Shining Armor's station. So that he could help the heavy line by pushing from behind.

Big Mac made good progress.

When they reach Shining Armor's station, his driver stopped the line beyond the platform. Then Big Mac gave a special signal."

Big Macintosh: "Peep, peep, peep, peep! I need help please?"

Soarin: "Peep, peep!"

Narrator: "Replied Soarin."

Soarin: "I won't be long."

Narrator: "Soarin walked gently up to Big Mac's line. He was not hooked on. Big Mac would then be able to run on without stopping when they reached the top of the hill."

Soarin: "Ready!"

Narrator: "Whistled Soarin. And off they went.

Soon they reached Chief Thunderhooves' hill."

Big Macintosh: "Push hard, push hard!"

Narrator: "Puffed Big Mac."

Soarin: "We're doing it, we're doing it!"

Narrator: "Replied Soarin. Big Mac was pulling harder than he realized."

(Lamp falls off)

Narrator: "Soarin felt the weight on the front of him slacking. Then Soaring noticed something else."

Soarin: "There's no sign of a tail lamp."

Narrator: "He thought. He whistled, but there was no reply. Meanwhile Big Mac had noticed something too."

Big Macintosh: "My line's getting heavier."

Narrator: "He thought to himself."

Big Macintosh: "I'm slowing down!"

Narrator: "Then there was trouble."

(CRASH!)

Narrator: "No one was hurt, but a strong smell of fish hung in the air.

Next day, workmen found the broken tail lamp at the bottom of the hill. Hoity Toity spoke kindly to Soarin."

Hoity Toity: "The accident wasn't your fault. We should've checked that this tail lamp was fixed on properly. We'll soon have you in working order again."

Soarin: "Thank you sir."

Narrator: "Said Soarin sadly."

Soarin: "Spike told me to be careful about fish. They got me in a right pickle, didn't they?"

Really Useful Dragon

 * He's a really useful dragon, you know
 * All the other animals they'll tell you so
 * He blows fire and whistles
 * Rushing to and fro
 * He's the really useful dragon we adore!


 * He's the one, he's the one
 * He's the really useful dragon that we adore
 * He's the one, he's the number one
 * Spike the Dragon


 * He's a really useful dragon, you know
 * 'Cause Hoity Toity, he told him so
 * Now he's got a branch line
 * To call his very own
 * He's the really useful dragon we adore


 * He's the one, he's the one
 * He's the really useful dragon that we adore
 * He's the one, he's the number one
 * Spike the Dragon


 * Little dragon, he's always there
 * Whenever you need a hand
 * If you need help with a situation
 * Who comes into mind


 * He's the one, he's the one
 * He's the really useful dragon that we adore
 * He's the one, he's the number one
 * Spike the Dragon


 * He's a really useful dragon, you know
 * Maybe little, but he's never slow
 * Stand back in amazement
 * Just you watch him go
 * He's the really useful dragon we adore


 * He's the one, he's the one
 * He's the really useful dragon that we adore
 * He's the one, he's the number one
 * Spike the Dragon


 * He's the really useful dragon we adore!