Muppet lip balm/Mack the Knife (from The Muppet Show)

Cast

 * Kermit's Green Keen Apple as Dr. Teeth
 * Janice's Fer Sher Fruit Punch as Sam the Eagle

Lyrics
( Kermit's Green Keen Apple plays "Mack the Knife.")

Kermit's Green Keen Apple: Oh, the shark has pretty teeth, dear And he shows them pearly white Just a jackknife has MacHeath, dear And he keeps it outta sight

( Janice's Fer Sher Fruit Punch enters, reads some of the sheet music and stops the song.)

Janice's Fer Sher Fruit Punch: Stop, stop! Stop, stop, stop! This is an appalling song of gore and violence.

Kermit's Green Keen Apple: Well, uh, maybe you just don't understand it, Janice's Fer Sher Fruit Punch. It contains a lotta slang.

Janice's Fer Sher Fruit Punch: Hm. "A shark has pearly teeth dear" is slang?

Kermit's Green Keen Apple: Eh, sure. Uh, "shark" is a term for man. Everybody knows that "teeth" is slang for money. (laughs)

Janice's Fer Sher Fruit Punch: Wh-uh...wh-wh-wh...what about that "jackknife" here, hmm, hmm?

Kermit's Green Keen Apple: Uh, uh...Cockney rhyming slang!

Janice's Fer Sher Fruit Punch: ...what?

Kermit's Green Keen Apple: Jackknife, wife.

Janice's Fer Sher Fruit Punch: W-wh, all right, all right. But, "when the shark bites with his teeth, dear, scarlet billows start to spread?" Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? Hmm?

Kermit's Green Keen Apple: Let's see, uh..."biting" obviously means buying something. Scarlet billows...sofa pillows!

Janice's Fer Sher Fruit Punch: ...so, the song, then, is about a man who has a wife for whom he buys...pillows.

Kermit's Green Keen Apple: Exactly.

( Kermit's Green Keen Apple resumes the song, as Janice's Fer Sher Fruit Punch attempts to grove along.)

Kermit's Green Keen Apple: On the sidewalk, Sunday morning Lies a body oozin' life Someone's sneakin' 'round the corner Is that someone Mack the Knife?!

Janice's Fer Sher Fruit Punch: I don't fully grasp it, but, I'm sure it's a lovely sentiment.

( Kermit's Green Keen Apple finishes playing and laughs as Janice's Fer Sher Fruit Punch exits.)