Asexuality

We describe ourselves as asexual, and we call our condition normal, not the result of confused sexual orientation, a fear of intimacy or a temporary lapse of desire. WE would like the world to understand that we can live their entire lives happily without ever having sex.

People think they need to convert you. They can understand if you don't like country music or onion rings or if you aren't interested in learning how to whistle, but they can't accept someone not wanting sex. What they don't understand is that a lot of asexuals don't wish to be fixed.

Asexuality is seen by most asexuals as an orientation in its own right. After all, there is sexual attraction to the opposite gender, the same gender, and both genders, so why not also neither gender?

On first hearing about asexuality many sexual people fail to comprehend what asexuality is. So here are common misconceptions about asexuality:

Celibacy - Celibacy is a choice not to have sex. Asexuality is not a choice but an orientation, and whilst some asexuals do not have a sex drive, others do.

A disorder - Asexuality is just another orientation. Whilst some people still have a problem with the existence of more than one orientation, it is widely accepted that there are more. Asexuals are just like any other people, and come from all walks of life, all countries, and all religions. Asexuals are just as mentally balanced as the rest of the human race.

Homosexuals in hiding - Asexuals are not claiming to be asexuals because they are homosexual and don't want to admit it. Homosexuals who don't want to admit it, like asexuals who don't want to admit to it, tend to claim that they are heterosexual. To claim to be asexual would draw close scrutiny of their sexuality and sex life, which is the last thing someone who wants to stay in the closet wants. I personally have never experienced any feelings of desire toward the same sex.

When an asexual 'comes out' to a sexual person, there are many responses widely reported by asexuals that shows that the sexual person just doesn't understand or wasn't listening. These are some of those responses and some asexual replies:

Asexuality doesn't exist. Why not? How can you know someone better than they do? What makes you the authority on other people's feelings? I am a complex human being & nobody known my mind better then me.

Are you gay? I personally am not but there are possibly, but not necessarily, some asexuals that are gay. You need to see a doctor. Asexuality is not a medical problem, nor is it a disorder, as confirmed by most doctors.

Were you abused? Asexuality does not seem to have any obvious causes. Abuse can obviously lead to repulsion, hatred or fear of sex, but not to asexuality. I have never been abused, badly treated etc ever in my life, in fact totally the oppsite.

You don't know what you're missing. Some asexuals do have sex, some do masturbate. Some asexuals with no sex drive have tried sex. They do know what they're missing and are quite content that they're not having it. Those asexuals who have not tried sex realise that they don't know what it's like, but they have no desire to find out. I have been previously married for 14 years and for the first 7 of them agreed to have sex with my now ex-husband. I know realise I was wrong on this issue, you should never deny your own feelings.

You just haven't met the right person yet, or you're just a late bloomer. Asexuality is for life, not just for childhood. Most sexuals are aware from their early teens that they are sexual, and most know what their orientation is. Surely an asexual person, just the same as heterosexual person, is allowed to state that they are asexual when they are. Just because they might not always be doesn't stop them being asexual at that point in time. I have never enjoyed sex but it was only a few years ago, when I stumbled on the AVEN website, that I could finally put a name to what I am.

No, really, everyone's sexual. You just haven't met the right person. Everyone isn't sexual, asexuals are not sexual. For many asexuals, the right person wouldn't want sex either.

You've obviously never had me, f'naar f'naar. Anyone who does not find you sexually attractive is not likely to date you just to find out if you can make them find you sexually attractive. I can look at both females and males and find them beautiful or attractive, I have no desire to jump into bed with them though and have sex.

I hope that clarifies for some of you what being asexual is. If you want to find out more, go to www.asexuality.org