Ponies Roasting On An Open Fire

Ponies Roasting On An Open Fire is a My Little Pony/The Simpsons episode.

Transcript
Twilight and Rarity drive to Ponyville Elementary, late for the school's Christmas show. A class sings ``O Little Town of Bethlehem as Rarity (carrying Pumpkin, all bundled up) and Twilight try to reach their seats. Next up is the second grade, presenting, ``Santas of many lands. After the German and Japanese versions of Santa Claus comes Fluttershy as Towanga, the Santa Claus of the South Seas. Fluttershy appears, wearing a witch doctor mask and grass skirt, juggling flaming torches.

Chief Thunderhooves: Now the fourth grade will now favor us with a melody... uh... medley of holiday flavorites.

They sing Jingle Bells, but Spike chooses some alternate lyrics. He's yanked off the stage. Time passes...

Chief Thunderhooves: The fifth grade will now favor us with a scene from Charles uh.. Dickens' Christmas Carol. Twilight Sparkle:  Ohhhh.... How many grades does this school have! At home, Rarity writes the family Christmas letter, while Twilight struggles with the Christmas lights, and Spike and Fluttershy make out their Christmas lists. Pumpkin practices walking.

Rarity: [writing] The magic of the season has touched us all. Twilight Sparkle: Rarity, haven't you finished that stupid letter yet? Rarity: [writing] Twilight sends her love.

Twilight asks where the extension cord is, and Rarity tells her it's in the utility drawer. Twilight fishes it out, to find the cord a complete tangle. Rarity asks the kids for their letters to Santa, and Spike scoffs, ``Oh please, there's only one fat guy who brings us presents, and his name ain't Santa.'' Fluttershy's list is, ``A bunny. A bunny. A bunny. A bunny.'' Thank you, the same list as the past three years, and Rarity tries to explain to Fluttershy that a pony won't fit in Santa's sleigh. Spike hands his list.

Rarity: A tattoo? Twilight Sparkle: A what? Spike: Yeah, they're cool, and they last the rest of your life. Rarity: You will be getting a tattoo for Christmas. Twilight Sparkle: Yeah, if you want one, you'll have to pay for it out of your own allowance!

Sapphire calls. While Rarity talks to her sister, Twilight finishes installing the lights atop the house (falling to the lawn from the roof). Twilight tells Rarity to ``turn on the juice, and the lights light up, sort of. Most of the bulbs have burnt out. ``Nice try, Twilight, says Fluttershy. Mr. Cake plugs in his Christmas lights, and his house lights up in electronic opulence, complete with a Santa on the roof that says, ``Ho ho ho.

At the breakfast table, Rarity tells the kids to get their money to go Christmas shopping. Twilight asks Rarity where she's been hiding the Christmas money, and Rarity isn't telling. While Twilight's back is turned, she fishes a huge jar of cash out of her mane.

At the mall, Spike spots ``The Happy Sailor Tattoo Parlor''... He has a dream where Rarity is admiring his tattoo.''

Rarity: Oh, Spike, that's so sweet. It's the best present a friend could get, and it makes you look so dangerous.

Spike heads inside.

Spike: One 'friend' please. Clerk: Wait a minute. How old are you? Spike: Twenty-one, sir. Clerk: Get in the chair.

Meanwhile, Twilight checks the dials on a row of machines. An announcement comes over the P.A. system.

Daring Do: Attention all personnel. Please keep working during the following announcement. And now, our boss and friend, The Great and Powerful Trixie. Trixie:   Hello. I'm proud to announce that we've been able to increase safety here at the plant without increasing the cost to the consumer or affecting management pay raises. However, for you semi-skilled workers, there will be no Christmas bonuses. Oh, and one more thing: Merry Christmas! Rarity finds Spike getting a tattoo and yanks him out of the shop. Spike's incomplete tattoo reads, ``Frie. The doctor says that he can remove the tattoo with lasers, but he insists on a cash payment up front. Rarity notes, ``Thank God for Twilight's Christmas bonus. The laser does its work.

At home, Spike's arm is bandaged.

Fluttershy:  [touches Spike's injured arm] Spike:  Ow! Quit it. Fluttershy:  [touches Spike's injured arm] Spike:  Ow! Quit it. Fluttershy:  [touches Spike's injured arm] Spike:  Ow! Quit it. Pumpkin Cake: [touches Spike's injured arm] Spike:  Ow! Quit it. Twilight Sparkle: [comes in]  Hey, what's with this? [touches Spike's injured arm] Spike:  Ow! Quit it.

Twilight learns that Rarity had to spend the Christmas money on getting the tattoo removed. Twilight cancels Christmas, but Rarity says, ``We'll just have to stretch your Christmas bonus a little further this year. Twilight pretends he still has one then steps outside. He watches Mr. Cake's extravagant Christmas lights and hangs his head.

Rarity: [in bed, reading the shopping list] I get the feeling there's something you haven't told me Twilight. Twilight Sparkle: Huh? Oh, I like you Rarity. Rarity: Twilight, you tell me that all the time. Twilight: Oh good, because I  like you. I don't deserve you as much as a guy with a fat wallet and a credit card that won't set off that horrible beeping. Rarity: Well, I think it does have something to do with your Christmas bonus. I keep asking for it, but...  Twilight Sparkle: Rarity...  Oh... Let me be honest with you...   Rarity: Yes? Twilight Sparkle: Well... I... Rarity: [rubs her [Twilight's] hoof] Twilight Sparkle: I want to do the Christmas shopping this year! Rarity: [hands over the list she was holding] Well, sure. Okay. [flicks bed-side light off. Twilight's forced grin glows in the dark]

Twilight pays a visit to the Circus of Values (nothing over $4.99). He buys a six-pack of panty hose for Rarity, pads of paper for Spike, and a squeak toy pork chop for Pumpkin. (``It says it's for dogs, but she can't read.) On his way out, he bumps into Mr. Cake, laden with gifts. Their respective armfuls of goodies fall into the snow.

Twilight Sparkle: [bumps into Mr. Cake. Their respective backfuls of gifts fall into the snow] Mr. Cake:  Oh ho ho, Sparkle, it's you. Twilight Sparkle: Hello, Mr. Cake. Mr. Cake:  Oh my, what a little mess we've got here. Well, which ones are yours and which ones are mine? Twilight Sparkle: Well, let's see. Mr. Cake:  [picking up gifts] Well, this one's mine, and this one's mine, heh heh, this one's mine, and...  Twilight Sparkle: They're yours!

All except the squeeze toy for Pumpkin. (Squink, squink.)

Twilight is drinking at Applejack's, and Big Mac comes in dressed as Santa.

Big Macintosh: I got me a part-time job working as a Santa down at the mall. Twilight Sparkle: Wow. Can  do that? Big Macintosh: I dunno. They're pretty selective. [belch] 

Twilight applies. 

 Manager: Do you like children? Twilight Sparkle:  What do you mean? All the time? Even when they're nuts?? 

Twilight attends Santa school. They practice saying, ``Ho ho ho. Twilight is asked to name Santa's reindeer... 

 Twilight Sparkle: Dasher...  Dancer...  Prancer...  Nixon... Comet... Cupid... Donadixon? 

Twilight practices talking to a boy on her lap. 

Twilight returns home and greets Sapphire and Photo. They are their usual non-cheery selves. They note that there isn't a Christmas tree, and Twilight says she was on her way out to get one. She drives past signs that read ``All trees $75, ``$60 and up, ``Christmas trees, slightly irregular, $45, heading instead for a sign that says, ``No trespassing. She chainsaws a tree and carries it to the car one step ahead of the guard dogs and gunfire. 

The kids are impressed. Photo inquires after the birdhouse in the tree. ``Do I smell gunpowder? </i>

At the mall, Twilight plays Santa to a young boy and tells the child that he should be happy he has a good home and a loving mother. Twilight steals a bite of the kid's donut. Twist, Spike, and Rainbow watch the pathetic Santa down below. Rainbow dares Spike to yank her beard off. Spike accepts the challenge. </i>

 Spike:  Hey Santa, what's shakin', man? Twilight Sparkle: [as Santa] What's your name, Spike...ner? Uh, I mean little partner? Spike: I'm Spike the Dragon, who the hell are you? -- Homer works as a department store Santa, </i>

Spike yanks off Twilight's beard, and Twilight takes Spike aside. She explains that he didn't get a bonus, but she'd do anything to keep the family from missing out on Christmas. </i>

 Spike: You must really love us to sink so low. </i>

Twilight returns to work. </i>

Twilight reaches the head of the paycheck line, to find that she's earned only $13. </i>

 Twilight Sparkle: Thirteen bucks? Hey, wait a minute. Clerk: That's right. $120 gross, less Social Security...  Twilight Sparkle: Yeah. Clerk: ... less unemployment insurance ...  Twilight Sparkle: But...   Clerk: ... less Santa training...   Twilight Sparkle: Santa training? Clerk: ... less costume purchase...  Twilight Sparkle: Wait a minute...   Clerk: ... less beard rental...   Twilight Sparkle: But...   Clerk: ... less Christmas Club. Twilight Sparkle: But...  Clerk: See you next year. [closes the window] </i>

Big Mac is on his way to Ponyville Downs. He's got a hot tip on a dog in the fourth race. Whirlwind, a 12--1 shot. Twilight isn't so sure. </i>

 Spike:  Aw come on, Twi. This could be the miracle that saves the ponies' Christmas. If TV has taught me anything, it's that miracles always happen to poor kids at Christmas. It happened to Tiny Tim, it happened to Charlie Brown, it happened to the Smurfs, and it's going to happen to us! Twilight Sparkle: Well, okay, let's go. Who's Tiny Tim? </i>

Fluttershy watches `The Happy Little Elves'. </i>

Twilight, Spike, and Big Mac arrive at Ponyville Downs. In the fourth race, there's been a scratch. The replacement is a dog named Winona. Twilight figures, with a name like that, it can't lose. The odds are 99--1. Spike isn't so sure that this is a great idea, but he reluctantly lends her support. </i>

Back at home, the Happy Little Elves are happy again, and Fluttershy is pleased. Sapphire bad-mouths Twilight. </i>

 Fluttershy:  What, Sapphire? Sapphire Shores: Oh, nothing, dear. I'm just trashing your friend. Fluttershy: Well, I wish you wouldn't because, aside from the fact that she has the same frailties as all human beings, she's the only best friend I have. Therefore, she is my model of womanhood, and my estimation of her will govern the prospects of my adult relationships. So I hope you bear in mind that any knock at her is a knock at me, and I am far too young to defend myself against such onslaughts. Sapphire Shores: Mm hm. Go watch your cartoon show, dear. </i>

The race is run, and Winona is dead last. Way, way behind the rest of the pack. </i>

 Spike: Don't worry, Twi. Maybe this is just for suspense before the miracle happens. </i>

Whirlwind wins. Winona doesn't even make it to the finish line. </i>

<i> Spike: It doesn't seem possible, but I guess TV has betrayed me. </i>

<i>Outside, Twilight and Spike go through the discarded tickets in search of a winner. Big Mac skids past, brandishing his winnings (and his girlfriend). Winona's owner tells the dog to scram, and Winona leaps into Twilight's hooves. </i>

<i> Spike:  Oh, Twi, can we keep her? Twilight Sparkle: But she's a loser! She's pathetic! She's... Winona:  [licks Twilight's face] Twilight Sparkle: ... a friend. </i>

<i>Twilight finally arrives home, and admits that she didn't get a bonus at all. Spike shows the group Winona, and Fluttershy is ecstatic. ``So love at first sight <is> possible! Adds Spike, ``And if she runs away, she'll be easy to catch! Rarity says it's the best gift of all, something to share their love, and frighten prowlers. The tender moment is captured forever in a snapshot. </i>

Over the closing credits, the group sings a Christmas carol.