Thoughts -Dear Diary

Thoughts of a Little Girl.

Dear diary... sometimes...i really hate my family...they ask all these things of me, accuse me of so much...and then do the same to me that they said i did to them. they tell me  never help them, and they always helping me. they always being nice to me and i always being mean to them. they say i never do good enough, all i can do is eat and sleep. but i think, what they think of helping is not helping...or their idea of it is very diffrent from mine...at least it seems like it. to me helping me by annoying me when im doing my homework and talking to frineds is not really helping. and although cooking, working and look after me is a help, its not really the help i seek. the help i want...is mostly encouragement, and trust. they trust my sisters...why not me? i say i need homework to do homework...they dont believe me...but when they say they need computer to download something or play sims...they would do anything to get anything they want...even strangle somone..mostly me, actually all me... mum says i matter...do i really? she says she cares about me more than the rest...does she really...? if she does or doesnt, i dont want her to care about me more than my sisters...i just want to feel in, like...the feeeling of beng involved of part of smething familylike..? friendly..? something.. i get a report...it has an ok, satisfactory marks...but i was really proud of it...apart from where i got 2 for homework...mum saw only that... its not her i guess, its just some of the things she says goes with what otheres have said about me...hellspawn, bitch, useless good-for-nothing, adopted,...look at how someone someone has turned out, why cant you be like them...always learning everything bad in a person, never learning the good habits... like words overlapping again again...diffrent voices saying the smae things over and over, and i soo want to cry...but somehow when writing out some of m feelings, i dont know most of them..unallows me to cry..but i hate it when im tying something or doing something and somebody knocks on the door...its so very annoying. i love the dark, or the quiet with just the music and me. inside my room, nobody yells at me, or reminds of anyone, none tells me to do this and that, no bossy sister, no yelling mother, no abusive father, no non existent brother, no annoying sister,,,happy at nigh everything is quiet, i hear no-one and see no-one..happy. so happy. and just a tiny bit sleepy.