The Cat House Pilot

Here is the Pilot for my Loud House Spoof The Cat House!

Transcript:

(open up to a photo of a male orange Kitten and ten female Cats who are his sisters around him; all except one of them are smiling)

Oliver: (to the viewers) Ever wonder what it's like to grow up in a big family of Cats? Well, don't let the picture fool you! It's not all sugar and spice. Don't believe me? (opens door. Outside his room, there is much chaos going on caused by his sisters; such as a tiny baby black Kitten playing with pots and pans, a dark gloomy Cat reading a poem, a striped grey Kitten dressed up like a mummy in some white cloth substance chasing a white Kitten wearing bows who is screaming in terror, a Calico Cat playing Football in the house, a greenish white Cat angrily chasing a pinkish white Cat through the halls, a blueish white Cat playing on a guitar, and a white Pig with grey spots chasing after a Raccoon) Welcome to...the Cat House. (The Title that says The Cat House pops up, then he closes door and stretches a little) Surviving in a big Cat family can be challenging. Even the little things. Like getting a turn in the bathroom. Which is why I give you...'Oliver's Three P's to go Poo and Pee'. You're gonna need Patience, Perseverance, and most importantly, Problem Solving. With these three steps, you'll get into the bathroom every time. (starts straining) Which is important. Especially if you wait until the very last second to go! (busts out comic book) Into the breach! (Heads out the door) Susu? A little traveling music?

Susu: You got it, bro. ONE, TWO, THREE!

(starts jamming on her guitar and fulfills her brother's request. Oliver begins his journey down the hallway to the bathroom. In the background the Pig and a Raccoon who are Oliver and his sisters' pets named Pua and Meeko are still chasing each other)

Doom Kitty: Hey, Oliver, you wanna hear my poem?

Oliver: I do, but I have a pressing engagement.

(His funny sister Lulu stops him in his tracks)

Lulu: Oliver! Smell my new flower! (squirts water from flower, but Oliver ducks just in the nick of time)

Oliver: Ha! Did you really think I'd fall for-

Lulu: (suddenly squirts water from a flower on her shoe right into Oliver's mouth) It's not easy being this good.

Mela: Clear the track! (Oliver does a spit take and gets out of the way for Mela) Comin' through! (plays a bizarre sport involving wearing a football helmet, riding a motorbike, and hitting a tennis ball with a hockey stick; crashes into wall) SCORE!!!

(Pua and Meeko were seen again chasing each other in the background making their animal noises. Oliver tries to continue but is stopped by his little sister Marie)

Marie: Hold it, Oliver. Play 'Fashion Photographer' with me!

Oliver: I would Marie, but I really have to-

Marie: YOU PLAY, OR I'LL TELL MOM YOU WERE READING COMICS ON THE ROOF IN YOUR UNDERWEAR AGAIN!

Oliver: (makes a side glance to the viewers and then starts taking photos of Marie as she poses for the camera) Work the camera! Uh-huh! That's it! Show me what you got!

Pussyfoot: (walking in the background) Mew!

Oliver: Who's a beauty queen?

(enter Marie's twin Chi carrying a pile of mud in her paws)

Chi: Oliver!

Marie: Hey! I'm working here!

Chi: Check out my mud pie! It's nice and squishy! (squishes it and smears it all over Marie's face)

Oliver: (with too much pressure) GOTTA GO! (continues)

Doom Kitty: (out of nowhere) Now?

Oliver: Still pressing! (leaps over his little sister Sagwa who is writing a mathematical formula on the wall) Don't forget to carry the 1! (she stares at him)

(Pua and Meeko were seen again chasing each other in the background but with another pet of the Cat family which is a rooster named Hei Hei)

Mimi: (trying to use the vacuum cleaner) Does anyone know how to turn on this sucky thingy? (turns it on but also vacuums up Oliver's fur which makes him hairless) Got it!

(Oliver is almost in the bathroom, but his oldest sister Penelope cuts in front of him and refuses to let him in)

Penelope: Beat it, twerp.

Oliver: Come on, Penelope! No fair! I was here first!

(Pua, Meeko, and Hei Hei pass by with yet another pet of the Cat family which is a chameleon named Pascal)

Penelope: Well, I was born first! (shuts herself in the bathroom)

(As Oliver has to endure the pressure even longer, Doom Kitty walks over)

Doom Kitty: It looks like you have time now. (commences poem) My love is like water. Bursting forth. Like a dam breaking. All control lost. Water rushing, churning, turning landscape to mud. Time runs out. Water. I feel the impending doom. My love. (While she recites her poem, every word from it causes Oliver to feel even more pressure and have to go even worse than before; suddenly, Pussyfoot walks by with a full diaper and the stink nauseates Oliver)

Oliver: Ugh! COULD CLEAR A ROOM! (gets an idea) Could clear a room! Time to put the third P: Problem Solving into action.

(In the bathroom, Penelope is applying makeup until she hears Oliver opening the door)

Penelope: (irked) I said I was- (suddenly sees something horrifying and gasps) What are you doing with that? (The door closes and whatever is occurring cannot be seen, but it only causes Penelope to panic)

Penelope: (terrified) Oliver, I'm warning you! Keep that thing away from me! Oliver! OLIVER! (opens the door and runs out in horror) AAAAHHHH!!!

(Oliver comes out wearing the vacuum's nozzle like a gas mask and Mela's football helmet for protection; his other sisters look on in bewilderment and Oliver reveals that he held Pussyfoot's dirty diaper by Mela's hockey stick as a way to chase Lori out of the bathroom)

Mimi, Susu, Lulu, Mela, Marie, Chi, and Sagwa: (elated) YAY!!!

Doom Kitty: (nonchalantly) Yay...

(Pussyfoot scurries across the hall without her diaper; Oliver then tosses his literal baby Kitten sister's soiled padding into the trash)

Oliver: (wrapping up) Like I said, surviving in a big family can be challenge. But it's not impossible. Now, if you'll excuse me...PRESSING ENGAGEMENT! (closes door to finally use the toilet) OH, YEAH! OH, SWEET RELIEF! WOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!!! (notices something) Hey! We're out of toilet paper! Guys! There's no toilet paper! Someone! Can someone bring me a new roll?!

(Unfortunately for him, his sisters are causing too much of a ruckus in the hall to hear his please) CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?! ANYONE! PLEASE!!! HELP!!!