Muppet lip balm/Knock Three Times (from Numbers!)

Cast

 * Kermit's Green Keen Apple as Oscar the Grouch

Lyrics
Kermit's Green Keen Apple: (spoken) Hi. It's me, Kermit's Green Keen Apple and I'm here in my trash can. And just before you came along, I was thinking about the number three. Now usually I don't like any numbers. I think numbers are silly. But I thought of a great way to use the number three as a special secret signal just for you.

(singing) If you want to see me, I'll tell you what to do, Knock three times on my trashcan lid, and then I'll know it's you. Knock three times (knock, knock, knock sound) Knock three times (knock, knock, knock sound) Knock three times (knock, knock, knock sound while he sings:) And here's what I'll do: I'll yell, "GO AWAY!" 'Cause I don't wanna see you.

(spoken) Now I got another way to use the number three for a signal.

(singing) If you want to take me driving, Out riding in your car, Drive on up and honk three times, and I'll know who you are. Honk three times (honk, honk, honk sound) Honk three times (honk, honk, honk sound) Honk three times (honk, honk, honk sound while he sings:) I'll just stay in my trash can, 'Cause I don't wanna ride with you.

(spoken) Now I want you to understand something real clear.

(singing) Now I don't care it you're big or small, And I don't care if you're sho-hort or tall, 'Cause every spring and summer, winter and fall, I don't wanna see anybody at all!

BUT! If you want to call me, When I am all alone, Dial my number and ring three times, and I'll know it's you on the phone. Ring three times (bring, bring, bring sound) Ring three times (bring, bring, bring sound) Ring three times (bring, bring, bring sound while he sings:) And here's what I'll do: I won't pick up the phone, 'Cause I don't wanna talk to you. (And I don't wanna ride with you. And I don't wanna SEE you.)

(spoken) But still, if I don't see you, there won't be anybody around here to bother me, so maybe you could knock three times. Heh, heh. Or honk three times. Or maybe ring three times. Whatever. Heh, heh, heh.