GJO Eccentric's WWE to do List

Created by the user named GJO_Eccentric on the PWB.

1: Wake up

2: Really wake up

3: Okay, now wake up

4: Khali, you're fired

5: MVP, you're the new World Heavyweight Champion

6: Edge, you're the new co-owner of the World Heavyweight Championship

7: Stephanie, if you want to stay in this business, you have to have sex with me

8: Have sex with Stephanie

9: MVP and Edge turn on each other

10: MVP and Edge have an epic battle

11: Wow, that bump went badly...

12: Visit MVP in the hospital

13: Oh and by the way, Cena you're fired

14: Orton, you're the new WWE champion

15: No wait, make that Trips.

16: No, Orton.

17: Trips, definatly trips.

18: Y'know what? Jericho, get your ass back here

19: Appoint Jericho new WWE champion

20: ****, MVP died...

21: Go to MVPs funeral

22: Stephanie, if you want to stay in this business, you have to have sex with me

23: Have sex with Stephanie

24: Wait, I need a new US champ now. Well, ****

25: How about Matt Hardy?

26: Geez, all I said was I have an idea and he runs off to TNA

27: Call Brother Hardy von Matthews

28: Leave a message to Brother Hardy von Matthews

29: What do you mean, Mastes failed the drug test?!

30: Steroids? Orton?! Nah, get the **** out.

31: .... well I'll be damned, steroids and Orton....

32: Release Eugene for being on steroids so I can keep Orton

33: Release Cryme Tyme... just for the hell of it

34: Cade, your fired

35: Murdoch, your fired

36: Hmmm... yeah, and Striker too.

37: Fire the whole writing staff

38: Hire TNAs writing staff

39: Fire the whole writing staff

40: Be my own writer

41: Stephanie, if you want to stay in this business, you have to have sex with me

42: Huh... it worked the last two times

43: Fire Stephanie

44: Fire Triple H

45: Wait, keep Triple H

46: Call Hulk Hogan

47: Have Trips job to Hogan

48: SWERVE! Trips pins Hogan cleanly

49: Fire Hogan

50: Ah damn, forgot about the IC title...

51: Oh, still need a US champion...

52: This is harder than I thought it'd be...

53: Okay, Jeff, you go to Smackdown! and be the new US champion

54: Shelton, you're the new IC champion

55: HOW THE **** DO YOU BOTCH WINNING THE TITLE ON A FAKE SHOW?!?

56: Goddamnit, Hass, you're the new IC champion

57: Whaddya mean Jeff is injured?!

58: ooOOHHhh.... "injured". I got ya.

59: Send Jeff to the "injury" clinic

60: Wait, now Khali is injured?!

61: Wait, didn't I fire him?

62: No, I don't want to send him a get well soon card! I fired him!

63: Stephanie is suing me? ****!

64: I quit....

65: Sell WWE to TNA.

66: Hmm... TNA offered me 300 dollars

67: Is that a lot of money?

68: Ask JBL if that's a lot of money

69: JBL offered me 400 dollars

70: Wait a minute, that's a ripoff!

71: Fire JBL

72: Fire TNA

73: My lawyers told me I can't fire TNA. Why the **** not?

74: Fire my lawyers

75: Oh, time for RAW again. Jericho needs to defend the title.

76: Rematch with Cena!

77: Right.... I fired Cena....

78: Cena, you're rehired.

79: Title rematch! Cena/Jericho!

80: PSYCH! Hahaha Cena, you're fired.

81: What the ****? How do you mix up "Lawyer" with "Lawler?"

82: Well now I need a new commentator...

83: Tazz, go to RAW

84: In fact, Punk should go to RAW too

85: Except he's fired.

86: As of now.

87: Fire CM Punk

88: Hell, move the whole ECW roster to RAW

89: Oh! And move the whole RAW roster to Smackdown!

90: Fire Mark Henry

91: And while I'm at it, the whole Smackdown! roster should go to ECW!

92: And now that ECW isn't around any- ****!

93: Okay, here's an idea! Morrison, you're the new US champion

94: Morrison is the new US champion

95: Now....

96: Fire Morrison

97: Wait.... hang on, I was going somewhere with that...

98: Oh, right. RAW.

99: Jericho defends against..... Triple H!

100: Triple H tears his quad

101: Buy Triple H a new quad

102: Find out you can't buy quads

103: Stephanie, if you want to- right, restraining order.

104: Candice, if you want to keep your job, you have to have sex with me

105: Have sex with Mickie

106: Read the newspaper

107: Go back to school and learn how to read

108: Flunk school

109: Drop out of school

110: Read the newspaper

111: Jeff Hardy broke out of rehab? How do you break out of rehab? It isn't ****ing prison!

112: I need asprin...

113: Got a call back from Brother Hadrson von Matthews.

114: Call back Brother Hardson von Matthews

115: Why the hell is RVD answering the phone?

116: Who the hell is RVD?

117: Go to google

118: Google "RVD"

119: "Did you mean 'DVR'?"

120: No, I did not ****ing mean DVR!

121: Oh, right. He's still on the phone

122: Well ****, now's he's hung up on me.

123: Fire google.

124: Buy google.

125: Fire google.

126: Hire RVD, just for the hell of it.

127: What do you mean I don't have enough money?

128: We're the WW ****ing E! We have like, billions!

129: Huh? Well, I mean, who doesn't enjoy the daily hooker?

130: Wait a second.... I don't enjoy the daily hooker....

131: GODDAMNIT FLAIR! YOU'RE TOO OLD TO SATISFY HOOKERS!

132: Fire my accountant

133: Suspend Ric Flair

134: Fire Big Daddy V

135: Go to court

136: Counter-sue Stephanie to get back some money

137: ???

138: Profit!

139: Ah, time for ECW...

140: We need a new ECW champion...

141: Well, I fired Morrison... fired CM Punk..... what to do....

142: I know!

143: Fire Tommy Dreamer

144: Now that that's out of my system

145: Give the ECW title to Elijah Burke

146: Have sex with Kelly

147: Have sex with the other Kelly

148: Find out that there's only one Kelly, but she named herself twice

149: Kinda like I "named" her twice

150: DAMN!

151: Fire Ron Simmons for writing on my to do list.

152: Book the Boogeyman vs. Hulk Hogan

153: Book the Miz vs. Hulk Hogan

154: Book Funaki vs. Hulk Hogan

155: Job Hulk Hogan to the Boogeyman

156: Job Hulk Hogan to the Miz

157: Job Hulk Hogan to Funaki

158: WHERE'S YOUR EGO NOW, *****?!

159: Compose myself

160: Win lawsuit, pleading insanity

161: Fire the judge

162: Find out the judge is a hot 26 year old former playboy bunny

163: Have sex with Britney Spears

164: Wow, I must have been hammered.

165: Get another call from Brother Hardson von Matthews

166: Answer the phone

167: Talk on the phone

168: Yell into the phone

169: Scream into the phone

170: Calm down a little

171: Find out what the stinging pain in my leg is

172: Son of a- JEFF HARDY STABBED ME WITH A PENCIL WRAPPED IN A CONDOM!!!

173: Call the police

174: Grab the phonebook

175: Look up the number for 9-1-1

176: Get mobbed by people for using an old overused joke

177: Uh yeah, police?

178: This guy broke out of rehab and now he's stabbed me in the leg with a pencil wrapped in a condom...

179: STOP LAUGHING!

180: Just send over an ambulance!

181: I don't know, lead poisening?!

182: Well, yes, I suppose the condom would stop the lead from getting in my system...

183: But condoms don't always work

184: Just ask Stephanie

185: ?!

186: I GOT HUNG UP ON BY 9-1-1!

187: Fire 9-1-1

188: Answer the door

189: Find note nailed onto door

190: Read note nailed onto door

191: "I a..a-ahm way-ching yuh-ooh-ohh."

192: Either this guy can't spell, or I can't read.

193: Which I can't.

194: Bring note to Cole

195: Ask Cole to read the note to me.

196: Deny Cole's offer to carry my babies.

197: Cole says the note says "I am watching you."

198: Oh, okay.

199: Fire Cole.

200: Hmmm... lookin' a little low on commentators now...

201: Smackdown! has no commentators at all...

202: Where the hell did they go?

203: I didn't fire them!

204: Fire whoever reminded me that I fired them without my permission.

205: Write new storyline

206: Come up with storyline title

207: Batista's Title Shot

208: Take 23

209: "I want a rematch"

210: Hmmm... no, need something more original...

211: "I want you to give me a rematch."

212: Much better!

213: ...is.... is someone watching me?

214: Look over shoulder

215: Look over other shoulder

216: Shrug, back to writing

217: Now, Batista will walk to the ring

218: And ask for a rematch

219: Again

220: Repeat parts 218 and 219

221: Repeat parts 218 and 219

222: Repeat parts 218 and 219

223: Repeat parts 218 and 219

224: Repeat parts 218 and 219 and 220 and 221 and 222 and 223

225: Okay, I swear to ****ing God that bush just moved

226: No, it is not the wind

227: Oh.... it was the wind

228: Find Edge

229: Ask Edge to say "Shut up Cole!"

230: SHUT UP COLE!

231: Alright, I've booked six months worth of Smackdown! main events...

232: Still need a US title fix

233: Forgot about the cruiserweights

234: Well, everyone forgets about the cruiserweights

235: Hmmm... I must think! ...what would Vince do? (God rest his soul may he rest in peace)

236: That's it!

237: Give massive push to Orton

238: Oh, right. Working on the cruiserweights here.

239: Hmm... well, Jimmy Wang Yang is entertaining AND a good worker!

240: Give the cruiserweight title to Jimmy Wang Yang

241: Put my good ol' Wang in a title match with Moore

242: Rephrase the above sentence

243: Make that a Tables match!

244: Except with chairs too!

245: And... and ladders!

246: No, even better! Laddles!

247: The first ever Laddles, Tables and Chairs match!

248: No, no Orton! Don't poop in the laddle!

249: Damnit Orton! You ruined my big main event!

250: Give Orton a massive push

251: Hear weird noise

252: What is this weird noise I hear?

253: Open cloest door, slowly, to add suspense to an otherwise boring situation...

254: Watch Hass come out of the closet

255: Look inside the closet.....

256: Inside the closet is...

257: Nothing!

258: Then what was all that noise I heard?

259: And what's all this sticky white- nevermind... I don't wanna know.

260: Hear knock on door

261: Answer door

262: Greet Funaki

263: Try to understand just what the **** he's saying

264: As far as I make out, he says Burning Eagle bring running pain into house of fighting...

265: What the **** man, YOU'RE ASIAN, NOT INDIAN!

266: Change Funaki's gimmick to that of a Wise Indian

267: Fire Funaki

268: Run downstairs and ask someone normal to tell me what's going on

269: Have sex with Melina

270: Ask Melina what's going on

271: Yes, I know what sex is! WE JUST HAD IT!

272: I mean, what the hell was Funaki talking about?

273: No, Funaki is not my nickname for my junk! I mean the chinese guy who acts Indian!

274: Goddamnit, nevermind!

275: Fire Melina

276: Ask Batista what's going on

277: Rematch? What the **** for?

278: Well no **** basketball's don't hold grudges, what the hell are you even talking about?

279: Dude, screw you.

280: Send Batista to OVW and job him out to Paul Burchill

281: Ask HBK what's going on

282: What's that? Jimmy fell down the old well?!

283: Did he have the title on him?

284: He didn't? Oh thank God...

285: Fire Jimmy Wang Yang

286: Woulda cost a thousand bucks to replace that thing...

287: But human life is more expendable!

288: What? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, JEFF IS HERE WITH A GUN?!?

289: Get off the pot, man!

290: What? Now you're saying he has a bomb strapped to him?

291: And he's throwing Condoms at people?

292: ....see if you can get me a couple of those condoms...

293: Quick, everyone, hide under Triple H's nose! It'll be our bomb shelter!

294: Hass! I said Triple H! And I said nose!

295: I'll call 9-1-1!

296: Try to remember the number for 9-1-1

297: Look in recent calls on my cell phone

298: Call 9-1-1

299: A GUY ON BOMB IS THREATING US WITH A POT!

300: I MEAN A GUY ON POT IS THREATING US WITH A BOMB!

301: What? NO I DON'T WANT TO SWITCH MY LONG DISTANCE CARRIER!

302: Fire Jamie Noble

303: Stupid 9-1-1. I am never calling their 800 number again!

304: Try to find Jeff Hardy and take him down.

305: Start by looking inside Mickie James ass.... >.>

306: Quiet ma'am! This is a matter of national security!

307: Search for Jeff Hardy inside the bathroom

308: Find Jeff Hardy inside the Women's bathroom

309: Have sex with Layla

310: Jeff, put. the gun. down.

311: Jeff, JEFF! That is not a pipe! Get that gun out of your mouth!

312: Dude, don't pull the trigger!

313: Oh my lord, he pulled the trigger...

314: Wellllllllllll **** that, now Jeff is dead...

315: Take Jeff's gun

316: Loot Jeff's corpse

317: Burn Jeff's body

318: Take pictures of his burning body

319: Post pictures on his website for all the horny fangirls to see

320: Send Brother Hardson von Matthews a message about his brother's tragic demise

321: Receive message from Matthews thanking me for complimenting his mothers fantastic eyes

322: Bang head against the wall a few times.

323: Fire Brother Hardson von Matthews by disguising myself as the TNA owner

324: Rehire Matt Hardy

325: Tell Matt Hardy his brother commited suicide while on pot

326: Comfort a crying Matt Hardy

327: Fire Matt Hardy

328: Throw his bawling ass on the curb

329: Get everyone out from under Triple H's nose

330: Get Hass out of Triple H's underwear drawer

331: Push Hass down a cliff

332: oh no! He jumped off the cliff!

333: oh goody! there's a rescue crew down there to save him!

334: oh no! the rescue crew's saftey trampoline isnt unfolding!

335: oh goody! those nice kitties broke his fall to save him!

336: oh no! those are mountain lions!

337: oh goody! they're licking his face!

338: oh no! they're EATING his face!

339: oh goody! he's fighting them off with a spike of rock!

340: oh no! he's using the rock to stab himself in the head!

341: oh goody! he missed his head!

342: oh no! he hit his neck!

343: oh goody! the spike is corking the blood so it doesnt come out!

344: oh no! he fell down again and is heading for those spikes!

345: oh goody! he missed the spikes!

346: oh no! he's falling toward the even bigger spikes!

347: oh goody! that eagle caught him before he hit them!

348: oh no! that's a pterodactyle!

349: oh goody! it brought him to the rescue crew!

350: oh no! vemon arrived and is going to eat him!

351: oh goody! he isnt eating him after all!

352: oh no! he's going to attack him with his tentacle!

353: oh goody! he's-

354: ...

355: Well...... nevermind then...

356: Plan Charlie Hass' funeral

357: Hire team to get what's left of Hass' body. Which, as far as I can tell, are an arm, a small portion of his torso and one massive erection...

358: I mean, I know the tentacle went upwards from a reverse area, but DAMNIT HASS! THAT'S ****ING DISGUSTING!

359: Fire Jeff Hardy..... what? He's technically still on the payroll!

360: Eat lunch

361: Alright, let's start booking the next RAW!

362: Fire Beth Phoenix

363: Jericho has cancer?!

364: And Edge has AIDS?!

365: How the hell did Edge get AIDS?!

366: WELL WHO THE **** HASN'T SLEPT WITH LITA?!?

367: Have sex with Lita

368: Well damnit, now I have AIDS....

369: Well anyways, now I need another new WWE champion...

370: Ugh, I hate that stupid spinner belt.... why the **** do we still have it?

371: Well, I don't want it, and what I say goes!

372: CAUSE I'M THE ****ING OWNER OF WWE! THAT'S ****ING WHY!

373: WHEN I SAY "HAVE SEX WITH ME", YOU SAY "HOW LONG?", GOT IT?!

374: Have sex with Victoria

375: Devise a plan to rid of the WWE spinner belt

376: Disguise myself as a panda

377: Sneak into the World Wildlife Foundation

378: Take vial of Poisen out of pocket

379: Fire Mr. Kennedy

380: Leak poisen into the water supply

381: Sneak out

382: Stop by McDonalds for some great choices on their dollar menu! Double Cheeseburgers, French Fries, and a nice Medium Soda to wash it all down! McDonalds! I'm Lovin' It!

383: Watch the news

384: See a report about the WWF on the news

385: Kennedy!

386: Watch as my poisen kills all the pandas

387: Watch the WWF go out of business

388: Announce that it is with "A heavy heart" that I switch my company name back to the World Wrestling Federation

389: And now that there isn't a WWE, that means no more WWE spinner belt!

390: SUCCESS!

391: Find out I have an illegitamate son

392: Well no ****ing ****, I've slept with half the roster!

393: No, I didn't use protection! Condoms are for morons who want children...

394: Well, actually no, I never did take Sex-ed. How'd you know that?

395: Oh, just a guess, huh?

396: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!

397: Hire The Rock

398: Give The Rock the brand shiney new WWF Title belt

399: Y'know, teh intarwebz must love me now

400: I fired John Cena, I fired Khali, I posted pictures of Jeff Hardy'z burning body on his website for all the fat emo chicks to see, I slept with Stephanie. Twice.

401: They must think I'm God

402: Log onto the PWB

403: ?!? "THE ROCK IS STALE AND BORING AND OVERUSED?!?"

404: I JUST HIRED HIM FIVE SECONDS AGO!!!

405: What do you MEAN "Bring Cena back!" You ****ers hated him!

406: You MISS the Great Khali?!?

407: Oh, goddamnit guys!

408: Call Stephanie

409: Get her voicemail

410: Tell her how much I miss her

411: And how much I need her

412: And... and how I can't stop thinking about her

413: About her... AND her HUGE boobies!!

414: o.O HER ANSWERING MACHINE HUNG UP ON ME!!

415: Fire Altell

416: Book Shelton Benjamin vs. Finlay for the Intercontinental Champion

417: Shelton botched and got on the wrong flight?!

418: And now he's stuck out on a Jet Blue flight?!

419: Okay then, put Finlay in the match!

420: Of course he can fight himself!

421: Oh fine, just give him the damn title...

422: Need filler.....

423: Bring back Mr. Kennedy

424: Have him cut an hour long promo

425: Start RAW

426: Get a 7.9 rating

427: Wow, this job is SO easy! All I do is have sex with people and make **** up, and get PAID for it!

428: Book a date with Michelle McCool

429: Show up at date with Michelle McCool

430: What? Michelle McKwan? How do you mix up McCool and McKwan?!

431: That's not even her name!

432: Fire assistant

433: Fire Booker T

434: Fire Mark Henry

435: Torrie, if you want to keep your job, then you have to give me one.

436: ORTON! We have toilets here for a REASON!

437: Give Orton a massive push

438: Kennedy!

439: Book Edge vs. Triple H for the World Heavy Title in a Hell in a Cell match

440: Prepare sick bum ending

441: ...Wow, that arm popped straight off, didn't it?

442: Oh, that's not pretty...

443: Oh no! Edge is hanging from the top of the cell, caught by his thong!

444: That has GOT to HURT!

445: Send Triple H to the hospital

446: Send Edge to the hospital

447: Send RVD to rehab

448: Check email

449: Oh, look! Email from Jeff Hardy! I wonder what he's up to? Swell guy, that Jeff.

450: Return Jeff's email

451: Lick Mickie

452: What? Orton trashed his hotel room?

453: Okay Orton, you pushed your luck for the last time!

454: Give WWF Title to Orton

455: There, I think you've finally learned your lesson now, haven't you?

456: Hire Christian Cage

457: Give Christian Cage the World Heavyweight Title

458: Have Christian Cage fued with MVP for the World Heavyweight Title

459: What do you mean he's dead? Still?

460: Geez, he's sure taking his time down there...

461: EMAIL FROM JEFF HARDY?!?

462: Freak out

463: Call a psychic

464: Can't find one, so get the next best thing

465: Hire Ariel

466: Ariel, if you want to keep your job, you have to have sex with me

467: Have sex with Ariel

468: Fire Ariel

469: Oh, wait...

470: Hire Ariel

471: Ask Ariel to contact Jeff...... from beyond the grave......

472: And possibly MVP, so I can get him back in the ring for his title match

473: Okay, I lied, I'm sorry. Just do it, will you?

474: No, I don't have a 100$ deposit

475: Hey, Tomko, spot me a hundred bucks.

476: Whaddya mean, "No."?!

477: Dude, do you even work for me?!

478: No? Well, do you want to?

479: Okay

480: Hire Tomko

481: Fire Tomko

482: Yeah, cause that's how I roll, *****.

483: Hey, Batista, spot me a hundred bucks.

484: No, dude, I SWEAR I'll pay ya back.

485: Duuuuuude! I'm cool for it, you know that?

486: I got millions after I banged Stephanie and counter-sued her!

487: What? No!

488: Ugh, okay, fine.... I agree; basketballs do not hold grudges.... geez...

489: Pay Ariel the hundred dollars.

490: Fire Umaga

491: Jeff is alive?! Dude, he SHOT HIMSELF

492: And I BURNT his CORPSE

493: Then I pee'd on his grave and farted in his general direction!

494: Reincarnated? As who?

495: You aren't allowed to tell me, but.............

496: It's one of the superstars standing around the ring right now...

497: DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNN!

498: Dude..... storyline of the year.... cha-CHING!

499: Start marketing new "I'm Jeff Hardy, reincarnated!" T-Shirts

500: Start going around and asking wrestling if they're Jeff Hardy

501: Maybe it's KHALI?!

502: Oh, right.... he's fired.

503: And in the hospital

504: For the last time, no, I do NOT want to send him flowers!

505: Visit RVD in rehab

506: Find out RVD lit a joint which burnt down rehab

507: Put out a warant for the arrest of RVD

508: DEAD OR ALIVE

509: Loot Sabu's corpse

510: Loot Mercury's corpse

511: Loot CM Punk's corpse

512: Slap Finlay

513: Pick Batista's pocket

514: ........ I don't think that was a pocket v.v

515: Go to therapy

516: Well therapist that an evil reincarnated spirit is in the body of one of my workers

517: Oh! And that I may or may not have groped another mans junk

518: Get prescription for tranqualizers

519: ddDDUUUUuuddDDddeeee..... my hands..... there so.... so.... handy.....

520: U C WUT I DID THAR?!

521: I want a brownie...

522: A pink brownie....

523: Oh! OH! I want a pinky!

524: U C WUT I DID THAR?!

525: O YAH U C WUT I DID THAR!!

526: Wake up the next morning in antlantic city with cactus and a barbie doll

527: Send CM Punk back to rehab for abusing tranqualizers...... >.>

528: Go into lockerroom, looking for the body of which Jeff reincarnated into

529: Talk to Kane

530: Chesnuts roasting on a....? Dude, it's September. Christmas is months from now

531: ****ing moron....

532: Talk to Jamie Noble

533: "WWE has come to terms on the release of Jamie Noble. We wish him the best of luck in all future endevours."

534: Rey Rey, if you want to keep your job, you have to have sex with m-...... a cow....

535: HAHA YOU ****ING MORON, YOU JUST ****ED A COW!

536: Suspend Rey Mysterio

537: Put out internet reports saying John Cena will lose the WWE title to Randy Orton

538: Sit back and laaaaaauuuuuggghhhhhh

539: Smoke a joint, and continue to ***** about my workers being on drugs

540: Interview Matt Hardy, to see if Jeff Hardy is in his body

541: CAT ORGY!

542: Get call from CM Punk in Rehab

543: What do you mean, "You spent all your contract on marijuana"?!?

544: Dude, you are without a doubt the worst straight-edge guy I have EVER met!

545: No, you can't have a raise! I'm in deep enough **** as it is!

546: Hold meeting to discuss our funding issues

547: Okay, I know a lot of you are getting pissy cause you haven't been paid

548: So, in order to keep paying the better, cooler, popular superstars, I need to fire the rest of you ****ers

549: So when you here your name called, please kindly get the fudge out of my WWE'z, m'kay?

550: Jesse, your fired

551: Snitsky, your fired

552: Melina's fired

553: Shannon Moore, get out

554: Victoria

555: Torrie

556: Hornswaggle

557: Duece? Yeah, you too

558: And you might as well hit the bricks too Domino

559: Candice, have sex with me

560: Have sex with Candice

561: Okay, I know I asked you all to be here for a meeting, but watching is just plain rude!

562: And Triple H? Give me the camera...

563: Alright, that's all for the firings people. Thanks for coming, see you next week!

564: Except for Balls, Thorn, and Elijah

565: Cause you ****ers are fired

566: Who wants pizza?

567: Nunzio, go make us some pizza.

568: Duh, cause you're Italian?

569: All Italians can make pizza. It's in your blood.

570: Damnit Nunzio, I've fired people for less than this! Make the Goddamn pizza, or lose your job!

571: Fire Nunzio

572: Damn it! Now I have to pay for the pizza... as if we didn't have enough financial issues

573: Call Dominos

574: Yes, I'd like to order four large cheese pizzas please...

575: No? What do you- DAMNIT TOMKO! What the HELL are you doing at DOMINOS?!

576: Dude, you've hit rock bottom... how could things get any worse for you?

577: Sleep with Tomko's wife

578: Yeah, maybe next time you'll give me my ****ing pizza!

579: Oh God, she's pregnant....

580: It's not mine!

581: It was a one night thing!

582: She's a hoe! She just wants my money!

583: I wasn't in town that weekend!

584: No, I won't go on Maury!

585: Wait.... Maury....... maybe he could do DNA tests to find out who my reincarnated killer is!

586: Fly out to New York with everyone

587: Cancel show in Arkansas

588: Book Maury vs. Triple H in a Steel Cage Match at Unforgiven

589: Triple H kills Maury

590: Weeellllllll ****, so much for that idea...

591: God, the media is going to freak out on me...

592: And Triple H is a big star! I can't lose him to prison!

593: Just don't bend over, I suppose....

594: Wait.... that's IT!

595: Suspend 10 random superstars for failing the WWF wellness policy

596: Plant steroids in Batista's locker

597: Put a bomb in the vice presidents soup

598: There, that oughtta be enough news to keep people from noticing Maury is dead!

599: Triple H ran over the President?!

600: Oh, God DAMNIT Triple H! Why are you still around?!

601: Oh, you sleep with the boss' daughter?

602: I got a secret for you. come'ere

603: Closer...

604: A little closer....

605: STEPHANIE ISN'T MY DAUGHTER!!!

606: Even I slept with her, but I don't get out of trouble for free

607: YOU ran over the President, YOU deal with it on your own.

608: And take your nose with you!

609: .....did I just fire Triple H?

610: Fire Triple H

611: Well I'll be damned, I fired Triple H

612: Breaking News: TNA has just signed The Artillary Himself, Three HxH

613: What, is TNA's office in the dumpster alley out back?! He JUST left for Christ's sake!

614: Scratch my ass

615: Look over this months financial statement

616: Scratch my ass

617: WWEshop.com is losing business? Why the hell would it lose business?!

618: Because I keep firing people?

619: And without those people, we don't have merchandise?

620: Scratch my ass

621: Dude, that's ****ing stupid! We are not losing fans! They love us!

622: Why wouldn't they love us? We told them to!

623: Oh, you don't know what you're talking about. We just.... just.... need to change the site layout!

624: Scratch my ass

625: Make it pink! That'll attract a lot of attention!

626: Oh, and- and put a bunch of half naked divas holding up the items!

627: That'll make the hormonious 14 year old teenagers mistake it for pr0n

628: And then - PROFIT!

629: Scratch my ass

630: What? Just make better products and lower prices?

631: Pffft, **** that, you're fired.

632: Moron...

633: Augh, what is up with my ass today?!?

634: Fire ________

635: Make a doctors appointment

636: Ask Sophie how the company is doing

637: Sophie, Betty, whatever the **** your name is

638: Your name is Sophie now

639: No, Belinda

640: No, Gert!

641: Definatly Gert!

642: Scratch my ass

643: Why? Because Gert is sexy, that's why!

644: Sounds like a foreign word for a female sex organ........

645: ............ wanna have sex?

646: Just thought I'd ask

647: Sratch my ass

648: Wait, what do you mean we don't have enough people on the roster?

649: Ha! Shows what you know! They weren't laid off, I fired them!

650: Stupid *****

651: Fine, then we'll end the brand split!

652: End brand split

653: Shut up Gert, it's a great idea. Everyone hates the brand split. Teh intarwebz told me so

654: And when is the internet EVER wrong?

655: Scratch my ass

656: It was the internet that told me to tell the nice penguin my credit card number, and it's only been profitable!

657: They just said my thousands of dollars got lost in the mail...

658 UGH! I'm going to the doctor now. **** an appointment....

659: Yes! My ass itches like crazy! I don't get what's so hard about this!

660: No, I would not like a second opinion! One doctor hovering around my butt is bad enough!

661: What?

662: Ass cancer?!?

663: I have ass cancer?!

664: What is ass cancer?!

665: I swear you're making that up... I probably just forgot to wipe or something....

666: zOmG SaTAn!!!!!!!!!!1111111oneone111oneeleventyone

667: Oh, ass cancer is gotten when having butt sex with someone who has STDs. I see....

668: WHOA!

669: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa!

670: Whoa

671: Whoa whoa whoa!

672: Whoa

673: ..............whoa

674: .........................................................whoa

675: Whoa, dude, I do not swing that way!

676: I like boobies!

677: No, I am not in denial! I swear to God, my ass has never been dude rammed!

678: Rape? What? I don't understand.............wait....

679: THAT'S ****ING DISGUSTING HASS!

680: Fire Charlie Hass

681: What's that doctor?

682: WHAT?!

683: I ONLY HAVE TWO WEEKS TO LIVE?!?

684: Eat dinner

685: Oh no, only two weeks to live?

686: But this company will suffer if I die!

687: Looks like I'll need to find my successor...

688: Oh, right.... still looking for Jeff...

689: Has it been three months?

690: Damn....

691: So I need to find out who Jeff reincarnated in....

692: Who will run the company when I die....

693: Who I'm going to fire next.....

694: And deny being the father of Tomko's wife's baby

695: All in just two weeks....

696: Well hell, considering all this has happened in like, 7 hours, I'll be just fine!

697: Fire Beth Phoenix

698: One down!

699: Now, time to be shifty and stealthy....

700: BATISTA! GET YER ASS O'ER HERE!

701: Are you Jeff?!!

702: Are you sure?!!

703: Are ya LYING?!!

704: You're stories full of holes man! I'll break you!!

705: WHAT THE HELL IS WITH YOU AND BASKETBALLS?!

706: No, no bad Edge! Don't hump the carpet!

707: ...well, that doesn't mean you can go hump Vickie instead!

708: You're both fired!!

709: Except for Edge

710: Cause I play favorites

711: Just like Vinnie Mac did (God rest his soul may he rest in peace)

712: Hey, Jericho! Just the man I wanted to see!

713: You mind if I cut your chest open? I need to see if there's an extra soul floating around in there....

714: No, dude, I swear I know how to do this...

715: Of course I'm a liscensed doctor guy, why would I lie to you?

716: Jeff's soul!!!!

717: Stab Jeff Hardy'z soul

718: .....Oh..... that was his heart......

719: Oh...... oh ****

720: Ummm.....

721: Kick Jericho's body underneath the carpet

722: Walk away slowly and casually....

723: Kill any witnesses

724: Suspend Mr. Kennedy!

725: ...................................Kennedy!

726: ............'s microphone

727: Yeah, you laugh, but that mic makes more money than Hogan and Jericho combined!

728: God rest their souls may they rest in peace

729: Oh, you didn't know Hogan was dead?

730: He was teaching his son how to drive, aparently...

731: Tragic...

732: I want Stephanie back... I miss her....

733: Book a Tag Team Title match on Smackdown!

734: What do you mean I don't have a full roster?

735: Look, I only fired them because they were ********!

736: Oh, what do you know? We'll just have Batista go out and-

737: DAMN IT!

738: We'll just have Cena do a special Smackdown! appearance and-

739: DAMN IT!!

740: What if we brought back Jericho...

747: AUGH!!!

748: Ratings are dropping...

749: But my team of yesman told me the fans love us!

750: I give everyone what they want, but our ratings still go down...

751: Well, it's not like I'm losing money... Vince traded me the WWE for my soul

752: Sucker.... I sold my soul to the devil years ago!

753: Who ever would have guessed that Dennis Kucinich was the devil?

754: Pfft, he's got my vote.

755: So... what can I do to raise the ratings....

756: Hmm...

757: Dude!

758: Celebrity champion!

759: Call K-Fed

760: Yo, Fed, get your nose out of Britney's ass. We've got work to do!

761: Come on! Everyone loves white boy rapper wannabes! Look at Eminem!

762: He's ****ing rich! You'll do great!

763: Oh my God..... you killed Lashley!

764: IT'S STILL REAL TO YOU?!? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT?!?!?

765: Well YEAH!! Didja just think people survive random sledgehammer attacks in real life?!

766: God damnit, you are SO fired!

767: Fire Kevin Federline

768: Damn damn damn damn damn! Lashley was the closest thing to a main eventer I had left!

769: Wait, did I fire Nitro?

770: Oh right, he's Morrison now...

771: What? You're saying now he's Johnny Hendrix?

772: Dude, fire him!

773: I already did? Then my work here is done....

774: Y'know, I was thinking...

775: They say gay people have a sort of "gaydar"

776: So I thought... theoretically then, dead people must have a "deadar"!

777: ZOMG I WON THE LOTTERY!!!!!11111oneeleven6pie

778: So if I find a dead guy, he can lead me to Jeff's reincarnated body!

779: And then........ profit!

780: Prepare to sell the Jeff Hardy merchandise

781: So.... who's dead?

782: ...................

783: Y6J

784: Y5J

785: Y4J

786: Y3J

787: Y2J

788: Break the walls down!

789: ZOMG! It's Chris Jericho! *marks out*

790: Right, I killed him! He can help me!

791: Oh ****.... how do I ask him if he's dead?

792: .....

793: I got it!

794: Gay guys get boners for other guys, right?

795: So theoretically; dead guys get boners for other dead people!

796: Kelly! Kelly! Kelly Kelly!

797: Have you seen Jericho's dick?

798: I AM NOT A PERVERT! GET BACK HERE!!

799: YOU'RE FIRED!!

800: Fire Kelly Kelly

801: Stephanie! She'll know where it is! She's seen everyone's!

802: But she's still mad at me....

803: How can I make her not mad at me?

804: Hmm..... What would Jesus do?

805: I got it!

806: Meet with Stephanie McMahon

807: Stephanie! You see right here a a glass of ordinary water!

808: Now, now turn around.

809: Go, just turn around.

810: Okay, now turn back.

811: Look! I have turned it into wine!

812: Get sued.

813: Hmmm... so Jericho's dick is in his pants, eh?

814: Wait... I knew that!

815: Ugh, you are SO not any help!

816: Have sex with Stephanie

817: Didn't I push Jericho's body underneath the carpet?

818: Wow, considering it happened only an hour ago, you'd think I'd have remember that sooner, eh?

819: Find Jericho's dead body

820: Hmm... this is too much to carry..... I got it!

821: Cut off Jericho's penis.

822: Now I just have to carry it around and point it at people till to grows a little! Then that person must be Jeff Hardy!

823: Wow, this is so smart!

824: .... and a little gay...

825: Ste-Steph, Steph! Get that out of your mouth! It is not a toy!

826: Ugh... filthy, dirty, disgusting, brutal bottom feeding trash bag hoe...

827: Go into the lockerroom

828: Okay everyone, I'm holding Jericho's dick and- STOP LAUGHING!

829: This is serious! One of you guys is harboring Jeff Hardy'z reincarnated soul, and I'm gonna find out who!

830: Charlie, stop pulling it! It'll grow too soon!

831: I thought you ****ing died!

832: No? Well in that case you're fired.

833: Rene, get over here now.

834: Let's see...

835: Well, right boner, wrong dick... next!

836: Saxon? Shouldn't you be on gameFAQs?

837: Well, you're clear... next!

838: Gasp! So, it was Rey Mysterio all along!

839: You think you know me...

840: *guitar riff*

841: Wait, hold up everyone! Edge is cashing it in! He's cashing it in! He's cashing it the **** in!

842: Take Edge's MitB briefcase

843: Watch Edge spear Mysterio

844: Here is your winner, and new vessel of Jeff Hardy'z soul; EDGE!

845: Watch Edge hump the mat

846: Gasp! So, it was Edge all along!

847: Well, congratulations on your victory Edge, but now I- Edge, stop humping my leg!

848: But now I'm afraid I have to kill you

849: Kill Edge

850: Watch Edge hump the floor...

851: Watch the humps slow down...

852: Watch Edge do one final hump, then never hump again. Permanatly.

853: Watch Edge's body rise up.

854: So, Jeff Hardy. We meet again...

855: What? You're not Jeff Hardy? Then... who....

856: Oh... My.... God!

857: You.... you're....

858: Perry Saturn!

859: No? Ummm... then... who?

860: Who? o.O

861: Chris.... Benwho?

862: Ben-oit?

863: B-Benpit?

864: ooOOHHhh, Benwah!

865: ...who the hell is Chris Benoit?

866: In the triple threat match for the title at WM XX? Pfft, you're lying you liar.

867: It's common fact that that match was between Triple H and HBK.

868: Though.... though for the life of me, I can't remember who won it...

869: Hmmm........

870: So, "Chris Benoit", if that even is your true name, what do you want from me?

871: You look like you'd make a good wrestler... maybe a technician? Want a job?

872: You're dead? What the **** man, then how are you......

873: Oh...

874: My...

875: God...

876: AM I DEAD?!?

877: No?! Jesus' ****, don't scare me like that!!!

878: Then you're obviously lying. Why should I believe you?

879: Cause you're 4REAL? PFFFFFT.

880: Why must you keep lying? You are in NO WAY 4REAL.

881: I've seen a lot of 4REAL people in my day, but you sir are NOT 4REAL.

882: ....but then again, those tights are pretty REAL..... maybe... at least... 3REAL...

883: Okay, so you're dead. What do you want?

884: What? My company is dying?

885: My workers are getting fired?

886: It's all being run into the ground?!

887: Whatever shall I do?!?

888: There's only one hope left that can save the WWE? Who man, WHO?!!

889: J-J-John.... Cena...?

890: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

891: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

892: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

893: Try to catch breath

894: Heh....hehe....hehehaha....hahahahahaha....ahhhhhhhhhh......

895: Okay, I'll go rehire Cena.

896: What, there's more?

897: He'll need to learn... more moves? Him? Cena? John Cena?

898: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

899: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

900: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

901: Try to catch breath

902: Heh....hehe....hehehaha....hahahahahaha....ahhhhhhhhhh......

903: Okay, now that is ****ing impossible. Haven't you seen the little pokemon thing?

904: Cena just can't learn more than four moves!

905: Are you ****ing stupid?

906: Seek out the wise one? Who the **** is that?

907: Wait, no! Don't go! I have one last question!

908: Do you know where Jeff is? It's killing me inside....

909: The answer will come in time? A lot of ****ing good THAT is Mr. Dead Guy!

910: God I hate guiding spirits.... all so full of themselves....

911: Hey, he left his tights behind... hey, Benpit, or whatever the hell your name was!

912: You forgot your tights! Hey, hey! Oh Goddamnit....what am I supposed to do with these?

913: >.>

914: <.<

915: Put on Chris Benoits tights.

916: Huh........ kinda comfy....

917: Hmm... well, if I were a suck ass WWE superstar who got fired in disgrace, where would I go?

918: Hmmm....

919: Go to the TNA World Headquarters, Tire Change and Hair Care Center

920: Angle! Angle! Is John Cena here?

921: It's true? It's damn true?? Tell me man, where is he?! The fate of the WWE rest on it!!

922: What? Oh yes, nice olympic gold medal, but where's Cena?!

923: R- Of course it's bloody real! It's damn real! You're ****ing wearing it right now!

924: I COULDN'T CARE ANY LESS IF YOU WON IT WITH A BROKEN FREAKING NECK!!!

925: **** YOU!!

926: Jeff! Jeff Jarret! Where's Cena?

927: You're pissed off?

928: You're about to be pissed on if I don't find John Cena and a bathroom within the next five seconds!!

929: Use the bathroom

930: Have sex with Christy Hemme

931: Christian! Chumpstain! Tell me where Cena is right now!

932: He's at the deli?

933: GASP!

934: He must be having a ham sammich!!

935: Curses, where is the deli?!

936: Down the hall next to the Hair Care Hall? Thanks!

937: Oh, hey, want a job?

938: Tsk, it was worth a shot.

939: Go into the deli

940: Cena! Get over here! You're re-hired!

941: ... Yes, I can see you. You're hiding behind the plate.

942: Damnit Cena, stop being such a child and get in the car! We have a company to save!

943: Run back to the parking lot

944: Get in Cena!

945: .... Ugh, yes I can still see you! That's a bush! Hurry the **** up!

946: We have to find the wrestling sage to teach you more than five moves....

947: STOP LAUGHING CENA! This is serious!

948: Now, according to this sheet of paper that Benoit didn't give me that I pulled out of my ass at just this moment, he lives right around the corner.

949: Ain't that convenient?

950: Oh ****, I think we just ran over CM Punk.

951: It's okay, he's smokin' a joint. He probably can't feel a thing.

952: Okay this is it, where's the damn sage?

953: Go inside the sage's house.

954: HULK HOGAN?!?

955: Oh, you better be ****ing kidding me, wait wait wait;

956: Cena needs a bigger moveset and to learn how to job and be more entertaining in the ring

957: So, to teach him how to learn more moves, how to job, and stop being hated, we're having him taught by Hulk Hogan...

958: Am I the only one who sees the irony in this??!!!

959: Okay Hogan, let's get this straight right now:

960: I don't like you, and you don't like me

961: ....no, you don't.

962: ..you don't.

963: YOU DON'T LIKE ME, GOT THAT?!!

964: Ugh, egotistical son of a....

965: Sniff the air

966: Do.... do I smell... pie?

967: I swear to God I smell-

IF YA SMELLLLALALALALALLALALALAL...... WHAT THE ROCK.... IS COOKIN'!

968: OMFG, The Rock is here too?!

969: You're Hulk Hogan's roomate? Dude, you could do SO much better

970: Why not bunk with-


 * glass shatters*

971: Oh Jesus Christ, you too?!

972: Shouldn't you be in heaven with your dad? Oh, hi Austin.

973: So, Cena is going to be trained by Hulk Hogan, The Rock, Jesus Christ and Stone Cold Steve Austin?

974: Wait, there's one more? Who could it-

The best there is...

The best there was...

And the best there ever will be!

975: Bret Hart?!!

976: Huh? ....... DAMNIT HBK! We're not in ****ing Montreal!

977: Yes, I know, "You screwed Bret" we ALL- 978: Last night? No, it was in nineteen ninety...... oh....

979: ......ooOOHHhh.......

980: Wait approx. 18.9 seconds for akward pause and silence before speaking again

981: So Cena needs to learn 5 new moves to replace his old 5MoD...

982: Hulk is going to teach him the Atomic Leg Drop...

983: The Rock is going to teach him the People's Elbow and the Sharpshooter...

984: Stone Cold is going to teach him the Stunner....

985: And HBK is going to teach him the Heart Break Elbow Drop?

986: Wait, so why is Jesus here?

987: Oh, and nice haircut Jesus...

988: Wait.... one.... second....

989: Look at Jesus

990: Look at wall

991: Look at Jesus

992: Look at wall

993: Look at Jesus' hair

994: Go to WWE.com and look at Jeff Hardy'z hair

995: Look at Jesus' hair

996: Look at Jeff'z hair

997: Ponder for a moment

998: Oh my God! Jesus Christ!

999: You're Jeff Hardy!