Lala Loud House: Undie Pressure/Transcript

Transcript
[The episode opens on an exterior view of the Loud House on a rainy day; Scribbles runs down the walkway, opens the front door, and enters the living room carrying mud.]

Scribbles: "In a couple more hours, this mud will be perfect to play in!"

[splashes the mud all over her face.]

[Blanket is sitting on the floor, crying, and Peanut is folding laundry on the coffee table, while Trinket, Specs, Jewel and Alice are on the couch; Trinket is admiring herself in her pocket mirror, Specs is looking back and forth at a clipboard and a set of test tubes, Jewel is talking to Wacky, and Alice is doing Jewel's nails.]

Peanut: "Hey, guys, why can't a comedian tell a dirty laundry joke? 'Cause it always comes out clean!" [laughs]

[Whistle bounces a basketball off the wall in the background.]

Whistle: "She shoots! She scores!"

[Storm E. enters the scene, holding a radio toward her ear.]

Storm E.: [in a British accent] "I bloody love this song! Sing it like you mean it, Mick!" [Scraps pokes her head out of the fireplace, making her jump in terror.] "BLIMEY!"

Scraps: "I'm trying to write here."

Jewel: [on the phone, to Wacky] "No, I love you more, silly." [to Alice] It's our six-week-iversary.

Alice: "You two are like, gonna be together for, like, ever."

Specs: "Speaking of forever, Jewel, my study indicates you haven't used the bathroom in quite some time."

Jewel: "EWW! There is no way I'm being in your grody poop study!"

[Ace appears in the doorframe between the living room and dining room.]

Ace: [to the audience] "Ah, rainy days. Perfect for hanging out with the family and reading comics."

[Trinket, while looking in her mirror, sees Ace throwing off his shirt and pants in its reflection.]

Trinket: "Groooooss!"

Ace: "What?"

Trinket: "Why do you always have to read your comics in your underpants?!"

Ace: "'Cause reading my comics with my clothes on is uncomfortable and distracting." [shakes his booty at Trinket] "And you know how I like to be comfortable while reading comics. Now, scootch!"

[Ace sits between Trinket and Specs; Trinket, repulsed, jumps onto the armrest.]

Trinket: "ACK! It's an annoying habit and you get butt germs everywhere!"

Ace: "Me annoying? You can't look away from the mirror for five seconds!"

[holds up all four of his fingers.]

Trinket: "LIES!"

[it turns out Trinket is looking in her mirror rather than at Ace; she looks back, closes the mirror, and smiles sheepishly.]

Ace: "And Jewel, would it kill you not to talk to Wacky all the time?!"

Jewel: "I do not talk to Wacky all the time!" [to Wacky, over the phone] "Do I, Wacky?"

Ace: "And Specs, you always do your weird poop studies!"

Specs: "It's quite fascinating work."

Ace: "See? You guys couldn't last ten minutes without doing your annoying things!"

Jewel: "We could last longer than you!"

Ace: "I bet you couldn't!"

Trinket: "Oh, really? Care to make it a little more interesting?" [hops onto the couch crest, and walks back and forth.] If we can stop doing our things longer than you can stop doing yours, then you have to give up reading in your underwear...FOREVER!" [raises her fist]

Jewel, Alice, Storm E., Peanut, Whistle, Scraps, Scribbles and Specs: "YEAH!"

Ace: "Hold it! What's in it for me?"

Trinket: "If you win, we'll never complain about your butt cooties again."

Ace: "Okay. But if I beat you, you also have to buy me these beauties."

[opens up an underwear catalog and points to a circled picture of red briefs.] "Pure cotton, 2,000 thread count, non-binding elastic. I'll just call them my victory undies."

[the girls go into a huddle and discuss the deal, whispering unintelligibly; Trinket looks back once as they do.]

Trinket: "Deal."

Ace: "Great! So, if I have to read comics with my clothes on, Lola can't look in the mirror..."

[Trinket closes her mirror, shocked.]

Storm E.: [British accent] "Rock and roll!"

Ace: "...Storm E. can't speak in a British accent..."

[Storm E. puts her hand over her mouth, also shocked.]

Scribbles: [running for the front door.] "MUUUUUD!"

Ace: "...Scribbles can't play in the mud..."

Scribbles: [turns back and walks slowly, dejected.] "Dang it."

Jewel: "No, I love you more, silly."

Ace: "...Jewel can't talk to Wacky..."

Jewel: [hangs up] Wacky who?"

Ace: "...Alice can't say 'like'..."

Alice: "Like, okay." [grins sheepishly]

Ace: "...Scraps can't pop up and scare people..." [Scraps backs her head into the fireplace.] "...Specs has to give up her weird studies..."

Specs: [apologetically] "Forgive me, science."

Ace: "...Peanut can't tell bad jokes..." [Peanut literally zips her mouth shut.] "...Whistle can't turn everything into a sport..." [Whistle, holding a broom like a hockey stick, dejectedly starts sweeping normally.] "...and Blanket can't cry."

[Blanket puts her pacifier in her mouth.]

Jewel, Alice, Storm E., Peanut, Whistle, Scribbles, Trinket and Specs: "DEAL!"

Trinket: "Pants up, buddy boy!"

Ace: "Okay, competition...[puts on his pants] ...starts... [puts on his shirt] ...now!"

Alice: "Wait, like, I wasn't clear on the rules."

Jewel: "Alice, you can't...say...'like'!"

Alice: "Oh, got it."

Ace: "Okay, competition starts now."

Alice: "I'm, like, totally gonna win this." [a red "X" appears over her face, and a buzzer sounds.]

[The girls groan]

Scrpas: [appears next to her siblings] "Nice going."

[they jump in terror; a red "X" appears over Scraps' face, and a buzzer sounds.]

Scraps: "Dang it."

Trinket: "Come on, ladies, stay focused!"

Ace: "Two down. I can practically smell those victory undies. Wait, let me rephrase that!"

[the girls are lying down, bored.]

Trinket: [putting her makeup on unevenly] "See? I don't even need a mirror to put my makeup on. Comfy over there, Ace?"

Ace: [shifting around, uncomfortable] "Yep. Just about...to dive...ugh...into my...comics. Agh.

Trinket: [smiles sinisterly]

[Jewel's ringtone plays an electronic version of "Here Comes the Bride"; Wacky is calling.]

Jewel: [whimpers as she tries to press the hang-up button.]

Trinket: [presses the button] "Control yourself, woman!"

Jewel: [sighs, exasperated]

[Peanut and Whistle are folding laundry.]

Whistle: "Well, nothing sporty about folding laundry."

Peanut: "Or funny."

[Scribbles looks big-eyed through the window, watching Ember's Dalmatian and Jewel's Cat play happily in the mud out in the rain; she gets down on all-fours and runs toward the door like a dog, but Lola steps in front of her.]

Trinket: "Scribbles, HEEL!"

[Scribbles paws on the door, whimpering, but Trinket sharply points the other way; Scribbles runs toward Charles' doggy bed and curls down in it, sad.]

Storm E.: [Swedish accent] "Herdie, verdie, verdie. Easy peasy, I just svitched to Svedish, ja?"

Specs: "You poor, fragile Homo sapiens."

[Jewel's ringtone plays again; Storm E. grabs the phone.]

Storm E.: "I vill take dat, ja?"

Jewel: [grabs the phone for a tug-o-war] "No you von't! Dah, I mean won't!" [wrestles with Luna for the phone in a tug-o-war.] "GIMMIE!"

[while both girls fight, grunting all the while, they bump into the laundry basket, causing a folded pair of socks to bounce out; Lynn watches the bundle bounce in slow motion and imagines it as a basketball.]

Whistle: [images of basketballs appear in her eyes.] "Basket...ball..."

Jewel, Alice, Storm E., Peanut, Scraps, Scribbles, Trinket and Specs: "DON'T DO IT! DON'T DO IT!"

Whistle: [hits the bundle into the basket.] "TWO POINTS!" [throws the remaining sock bundles in rapid succession.] "TWO POINTS! TWO POINTS! TWO POINTS! TWO POINTS! TWO POINTS! TWO POINTS! YAAAAAAY-AH!" [jumps into the air for a victory pose; a red "X" appears over her face, and a buzzer sounds.]

Ace: "Buh-bye." [Acen continues to struggle in his clothes; he loudly groans.] "Maybe the pants are the problem." [goes toward the laundry basket and looks at some of the pants.] "Too scratchy...too tight...too far after Labor Day...Oh, these are perfect!"

[Wacky suddenly appears pressed outside the window.]

Wacky: [desperate] "Babe! Why aren't you answering my calls?!"

[Jewel looks forlornly at Wacky, puts her hand on the window, then looks away.]

Jewel: "Forgive me, my love." [draws the curtains over the window; she then notices something.] "Lincoln, why are you wearing my leggings?!"

Ace: [wearing Jewel's leggings] "Hey, you never said I had to wear my pants. Plus, these are so comfy!"

Jewel: "Good luck. Those are the ones that really...ride up on ya."

Ace: [walks away] "Sure, Lori, you're just trying to mess with my--HELLO! Yep, those are ridin'!" [walks while pulling the seat area of the leggings down.]

[Storm E. is holding the radio toward her ear, and she listens to an announcement.]

Strings: [over the radio] "Hey, cats and kittens, this is Strings Pick 'N' Strum here! I'm giving away Candle Slice O'Cake tickets to the caller with... the best British accent!"

[Storm E.'s eyes widen, looks back and forth, and slinks away to behind the curtains; she signals for Bobby to shoo, and she calls the radio station on her cellphone.]

Strings: Hello, you're on the air! Let's hear your best British accent.

Storm E.: [whispering, in the accent] "Come on, love, hand over those tickets."

Strings: "Yeah, sorry, caller, I can't hear you!"

Storm E.: [whispering, slightly louder] "Come...on love, hand over those tickets!"

Strings: "If you don't speak up, you can't win!"

Storm E.: [Shouting] "HAND OVER THE BLEEDING TICKETS, MATE!"

[Ace draws back the curtains to reveal Storm E. to the others.]

Storm E.: [sheepishly, back to Swedish] Herdie verdie? [a red "X" appears over her face, and a buzzer sounds.]

[Ace is struggling to read his comic, and he pulls back the seat of the leggings.]

Ace: "Ugh, I've read the same panel twenty times!"

[there's a "knock-knock" at the door.]

Ace: "Who's there?"

Wacky: [from outside] "Wacky!"

Ace: [gets an idea, and slyly addresses Peanut.] "Wacky who?"

[Peanut prepares to give a punchline, but Trinket silences her.]

Trinket: "Don't you DARE answer that joke, Peanut!"

Jewel: "I gotta let him in!"

[Jewel rushes to the door, and she fights with Trinket to open it.]

Wacky: [from outside] "Geez, how many Loud sisters does it take to open a door?!"

Trinket: "Peanut, do NOT answer that!"

[Peanut is holding her cheeks, struggling to resist her urge to tell jokes.]

Jewel: [points the other direction to distract Trinket.] "Hey, look, free makeup samples!"

Trinket: "Huh?"

Jewel: [puts Trinket down] "HA!" [she opens the door to reveal Wacky on the other side; she stares adoringly at him.] "Wacky!"

Scribbles: [stares at the mud Wacky is tracking; she stares adoringly at it.] "MUD!" [she rushes outside and jumps into a mud puddle, giggling maniacally; a red "X" appears over her face, and a buzzer sounds.]

Jewel: [In midhug with Wacky]"Happy six-week-iversary, Wacky-Booboo-Bear!" [a red "X" appears over her face, and a buzzer sounds.]

Wacky: [After hug, arms at each other's shoulders.] "Thanks, babe! I would have been here sooner, but I had to wait for a chicken to cross the road."

Ace: "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

Peanut: "TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE! TO RUN AWAY FROM THE COOK! TO PROVE HE'S NO CHICKEN!" [laughs maniacally]

Trinket: "NOOOOOOOO!!!" [tackles Peanut]

Peanut: [breathing deeply] "Sweet comic relief." [a red "X" appears over her face, and a buzzer sounds.]

Trinket: [growls in frustration]

Wacky: "Here, babe, I brought you something special. [hands Jewel a milkshake.]

Jewel: "Awww." [she drinks from it]

Wacky: "It's the milkshake from our first date, six weeks ago."

[Jewel's eyes widen, and her stomach begins to growl; she clenches her stomach and rushes up the stairs for the bathroom.]

Jewel: "Coming through, literally!"

Specs: [gasp] "The missing piece of my gastrointestinal study!"

[Specs runs upstairs for the bathroom; we hear the door opening and Jewel's screams of embarrassment.]

Specs: [offscreen] "Sweet mother of discovery!"

[Specs makes her way back downstairs and into the frame; a red "X" appears over her face, and a buzzer sounds, the "X" moves with her before disappearing.]

Specs: [to the audience] "I'm only human."

Trinket: "YOU PEOPLE ARE USELESS!"

Ace: "And then there were two."

Trinket: [hides her eyes beneath her hair; acts sinister.] "You may have outlasted those amateurs, but now you've gotta deal with a REAL PROFESSIONAL!"

[a dramatic spotlight is cast on Trinket, and she turns her face to reveal her uneven makeup; her eyelid makeup and lipstick are smeared across her face, her hair is messy and shaggy, and her pupils are blank and colorless.]

Ace: "I won't give up, for the sake of all things comfortable!" [snaps the seat of the leggings, causing him pain.] "YIGH...gotta do something about these pants!"

[Ace is now wearing a pair of gray sweatpants.]

Ace: "Now these are pants I can read in!" [hops on the chair and continues reading.] "You girls better start pooling your money, because I'm about to win this thing!"

Trinket: "Then perhaps it's time to turn up the heat." [turns the thermostat up from 70 to 98 degrees.]

Ace: [begins to sweat] "Whew, is it hot in here?" [walks over to the thermostat] 98 degrees?! So that's how she's gonna play it!"

Trinket: [doing her makeup in her mirror] "Ahh, how I've missed this beautiful face."

[Ace groans as he struggles to read his comic fully-clothed; Trinket looks at this display with pity and sympathy, and she closes her mirror.]

[There is a "knock-knock" at the door, and Peanut goes to answer it.]

Peanut: "Who's there?"

Tangerine: [from outside] "Tangerine the Delivery Woman."

Peanut: "'Tangerine the Delivery Woman' who?"

Tangerine: "Come on, kid, it's raining!"

Peanut: "That's your punchline? You really need to work on your delivery." [skips away, laughing]

[Ace answers the door.]

Tangerine: "Package for...Ace Fender Bender." [hands Ace a package.]

[Ace opens the package, and he gasps its contents: a pair of red briefs.]

Ace: "My victory undies! I don't get it!"

Jewel: "We didn't order it for you."

Trinket: "I did."

Jewel, Alice, Storm E., Peanut, Whistle, Scraps, Scribbles and Specs: [all angered] "But he lost the bet!"

Trinket: "Come on, you guys, we clearly can't give up our things. Why should Ace have to give up his? We should all accept each other's habits... (looks away in disgust) even if some of them are really, really gross."

[the girls clamor in agreement; Ace runs for Trinket and gives her a hug.]

Ace: "Thank you!" [gets teary-eyed] "They're almost too nice to wear." [wipes his tears; sniffs] "But not that nice!"

[Ace rushes off and puts his new undies on.]

Ace: [to the audience] Ah, rainy days. There's nothing like doing the thing you love surrounded by the ones you love...and 2,000-thread-count undies."

[Ace snaps his underwear and reads his comic book, surrounded by his sisters, who are happily indulging in their habits.]

[cut to outside where Wacky is chasing a chicken in the rain.]

Wacky: "Chicken, come back! Why did you cross the road?!"

Credits

 * Ace Fender Bender as Lincoln Loud
 * Jewel Sparkles as Lori Loud
 * Alice in Lalaloopsyland as Leni Loud
 * Storm E. Sky as Luna Loud
 * Peanut Big Top as Luan Loud
 * Whistle Kick 'N' Score as Lynn Loud
 * Scraps Stitched 'N' Sewn as Lucy Loud
 * Scribbles Splash as Lana Loud
 * Trinket Sparkles as Lola Loud
 * Specs Reads-a-Lot as Lisa Loud
 * Blanket Featherbed as Lily Loud
 * Wacky Hatter as Bobby
 * Tangerine Citrus Zest as The Delivery Man
 * Strings Pick 'N' Strum as Jay Rock
 * Candle Slice O' Cake as Mick Swagger (mentioned)