Lala Loud House: A Tale of Two Tables/Transcript

Transcript
[Ace is quietly eating dinner when Scribbles suddenly pokes him in the face with a wiener.]

Ace: "Would you cut it out?"[as he resumes eating, Trinket also pokes and smacks him with a wiener.] "Come on, man! Stop!" [the twins continue hitting him with their wieners.] "I said cut it out!"

[It is revealed that Ace is having dinner at the kiddie table with his five younger sisters; he gets up to go to the fridge.]

Ace: [to the viewers] "In most families, the 'kiddie table' is something you only see at holidays. But in a family as big as mine, it's part of everyday life." [pours a glass of milk]

Scribbles: "Hey, Ace. You like seafood?" [sticks her tongue out showing mushed up pieces of food on it.] "See? Food! Bleeeeegh!"

Trinket: "Hey, Scraps!" [sticks two french fries between her teeth as "fangs" and acts like a vampire in a Transylvanian accent] "I VANT TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD!" [squirts ketchup]

[the ketchup splatters all over Ace's face and his younger sisters smear their fries on it to get some ketchup.]

Ace: "For gosh sakes, you guys! Cut it out! [rubs ketchup off face and groans.] [to the viewers] "It's not right. My five older sisters get to sit at the grownup table with Mom and Dad, while I'm stuck here with my five younger sisters."

[Scraps smacks a piece of broccoli off Ace's fork.]

Scraps: "How can you eat that broccoli when you know how much it suffered to get here?"

Ace: "Uh, Scraps...broccoli doesn't feel pain."

Scraps: "Oh, no?" [shoves a piece of broccoli in Ace's face.] "Listen to the broccoli screaming, Ace! LISTEN TO IT!"

[Ace screams in frustration and agony, much to the shock of his younger sisters.]

Ace: "CAN'T I JUST EAT MY DINNER IN PEACE?!"

Scribbles: "Did you say peas?" [jokingly flings peas at Lincoln.]

[Ace blocks Scribbles' peas with his plate, causing them to bounce off and onto Specs, which Trinket laughs at her.]

Specs: "Oh, you wanna play? Let's play..." [brings out a tiny catapult and launches mashed potatoes only to hit Ace instead of Scribbles, much to Scribbles' surprise.] "My calibration seems to have been off by about sixteen degrees."

[Scribbles hits Specs with her wiener.]

Scribbles: "Mine wasn't."

[as his sisters have a food fight, Ace imagines himself at the grownup table, where everyone is dressed in fancy attire and the decor is exquisite.]

Ace: "So, I said to the Prime Minister, "Two breads are better than one!"

[everyone laughs at his joke.]

Peanut: "Your comedy is so mature. Just like you."

[everyone raises their glasses to propose a toast to Ace.]

Jewel: "To Ace! He puts the 'grownup' in 'grownup table'!"

EVERYBODY: "To Ace!"

[Ace blows kisses to them all only for the food fight to come and ruin his fantasy.]

Ace: "That's it! I don't belong here! I'm gonna go ask to join the grownup table!"

Trinket: "Ha!"

Scribbles: "Good luck."

Scraps: "You really think they're gonna let you?"

Blanket, Specs, Trinket, and Scribbles: "Oooooooh!"

[Ace suddenly imagines everyone at the grownup table laughing at his request to join them which causes his younger sisters to laugh as well.]

Ace: "You'll see. I'm gonna make it to the grownup table and leave all you children behind." [gets hit by mashed potatoes again.]

[cut to Ace's room where he has called Forest over to help him.]

Forest: "Well, Ace, you've come to the right place. As an only child, I've been at the grownup table my whole life."

Ace: "So, you think you can help me?"

Forest: "Did Napoleon have a Napoleon complex?" [Ace responds with a dumbfounded look on his face.] "That's a grownup table joke. You don't get it now, but you will soon. Now, don't worry. I have a sure-fire program that'll get your family to stop seeing you as a kid." [lays right on top of Bun-Bun.]

Ace: "And start seeing me as a grownup!" [notices Forest's position] "Careful! You're giving Bun-Bun an ouchie!" [grabs Bun-Bun and protectively holds him; Forest stares at the camera in confusion.]

Training By Forest: Phase One: Act Like A Grownup

[Jewel, Storm E., Peanut, and Whistle are still in their pajamas and groggy, trying to enjoy their coffee; enter Ace.]

Ace: "Good morning, everybody! Ah, nothing like that first cup of morning joe." (smells it) "Ah, mountain grown." [takes a sip but then spits it out disliking the taste.]

[The coffee was spat all over his sisters who aren't too happy about that, making him nervous, he turns to Forest; Forest gives a thumbs-up.]

[Jewel and Alice are on the couch; Jewel is texting on her phone and Alice is filing her nails; enter Ace reading a newspaper.]

Ace: "Hey, guys. There's a really interesting article in here about how kids are maturing faster these days. They say 11 is the new 15."

[Jewel and Alice take a quick glance at Ace and go back to what they were doing; Ace then turns on the TV to a White House press conference.]

Ace: "Ooh, the House is debating the new highways bill. This should be fascinating."

Jewel: [she and Alice feeling a little worried about their brother.] "Are you feeling okay?"

Ace: "Me? Never felt better. Though the back's a little stiff. Getting older ain't easy. Am I right, ladies?"

[Jewel and Alice look at each other, shrug, and return to their tasks; Ace turns to Forest who approves of his actions.]

[Trinket and Scribbles are fighting over a jump rope.]

Trinket: "I was using it first!"

Scribbles: "Nuh-uh! I was!"

Trinket: "Give it to me!"

Scribbles: "You clearly took it away from me!"

Prince: [from downstairs] "Trinket! Scribbles! What's going on?"

Ace: "Don't worry, Dad. I got this. Now, children, if you can't share the jump rope, then neither of you gets to use it." [pulls out a pair of scissors and cuts the jump rope in two.] "Heh, kids. They just don't get it, huh, Dad?"

[Prince scratches his head in confusion and walks away; the twins beat Ace up for ruining their jump rope.]

[Ace is getting ready to shave.]

Ace: "Ah, nothing like a nice, smooth face to start the day."

[Peanut walks by and has no idea what he's talking about.]

Ace: "Yup!" [prepares to shave; cut to him having cut himself a lot in his attempt and placed shreds of toilet paper on the cuts.] "Maybe I shouldn't have used the razor Mom shaves her legs with."

Forest: "Never mind that. Our plan is working. You're showing your family that you belong at the grownup table. Now comes phase two: how to act once you get there."

Training By Forest: Phase Two: Advanced Table Manners

[Forest has set up cardboard dummies of Ace's older sisters and parents to practice with.]

Forest: "This is the grownup table simulator. Now, show me your salad fork."

[Ace grabs a fork as a wild guess.]

Ace: "This one?"

[Forest blasts an air horn.]

Forest: "Wrong. That's your dinner fork. Now, have some bread." [Ace accidentally grabs the piece of bread on the Jewel dummy's plate.] "Wrong! You just ate Jewel's bread!" [flirting with the Jewel dummy] "Don't worry, beautiful. I'll share my buns with you."

[Ace blows the horn at him.]

Ace: "Forest!"

Forest: "Sorry. Where were we?"

[training resumes]

Ace: [to the Whistle dummy] "So, Whistle...how about those Republicans?"

[Forest blows the horn.]

Forest: "Wrong! Never talk politics! Again."

Ace: "Um...we can really use some rain?"

[a bell chimes; now they're using flash cards.]

Ace: "Soup spoon. Salad fork. Butter knife. Dessert plate. A...candid picture of Jewel?"

Forest: [realizing] "Oh! How'd that get in there?"

[Ace is preparing himself with Forest dressed as a boxing trainer.]

Forest: "You're making great strides, Ace. You feel it? Keep it up! You got heart, kid!"

Ace: "Yeah, yeah! I'm all grown up!"

Forest: "Not yet. You have one last step."

[Dinnertime, Ace approaches the grownup table.]

Ace: "Good evening. I have something I'd like to say! [gets everyone's attention; reading a speech] "There comes a time in every kid's life when he's ready to put away childish things and make that big leap into the adult world."

Jewel: [impatient and not caring] "Get to the point, Ace."

Ace: "Okay." [takes a deep breath] "I don't think I should sit at the kiddie table anymore. I want to sit at the grownup table with you." [grins]

[everyone stares at him]

Prince: "Well...I think he's ready."

Cinder: "So do I."

Ace: "Yes! WOO HOO!" [tears up part of his suit from cheering.]

Prince: "Is that my suit?!"

[Ace is now sitting at the grownup table and handed tonight's dish.]

Ace: [slightly disgusted] "Liver? I thought we were having chicken nuggets."

Cinder: "That's just for the younger kids, honey. At the grownup table, we eat grownup food."

Ace: "And thank goodness for that!" [hands the liver over to Storm E. and picks up a fork.] "Liver fork!"

[everyone stares at him and he just starts eating; eventually, the conversation gets a little boring for him.]

Cinder: "So, Whistle, how did you do on your math test today?"

Whistle: "Good, Mom. I think I really nailed those integers."

Prince: "So, Jewel, I heard Wacky's dad had a hernia operation. How'd that go?"

Jewel: "Um...okay, I guess."

Ace: [trying to beat the boredom] "Hey! I heard a funny joke today."

Peanut: "We don't tell jokes at the grownup table."

Storm E.: "Or sing, brah."

[Ace now feels even more bored after what he was just told and hears his younger sisters over by the kiddie table having fun]

Specs, Trinket, Scribbles, and Scraps: "Beans, beans, the musical fruit! The more you eat, the more you-"

[Scribbles then makes fart noises with her armpit and they all have a good laugh; Ace slightly chuckles at their antics.]

Prince.: "Something funny, Ace?"

Ace: "Not at this table."

[later]

Prince: "So, it turns out we didn't need the service call in the first place. The darn copier was just unplugged."

Cinder: [laughs] "How about that?"

[Later, Ace's younger sisters are all having sundaes for dessert, giving Ace hope that there is one thing to look forward to at the grownup table.]

Cinder: "Okay...you're all excused."

Ace: [calmly] "Uh, Mother...I believe you forgot something. Dessert?"

Cinder: "Oh, that's just for the younger kids."

Ace: [exasperated] "Ugh. Seriously?!" [his older sisters stare at him] "I mean, uh, seriously, who needs the extra calories?"

Prince: "That's right, son. Say, how does it feel sitting at the ol' grownup table, huh?"

Ace: [disappointed] "It's everything I dreamed it would be."

[later at bedtime; Ace calls Forest on his walkie talkie.]

Ace: "Forest! The grownup table is a nightmare! I didn't realize how good I had it at the kiddie table! I gotta get back."

Forest: "Negative, Ace. You can't ask to leave now. Next time you ask your family for something, they won't take you seriously. Is that what you want?"

Ace: "No, but-"

Forest: "Now I gotta run. My parents and I are doing our taxes!" [leaves]

Ace: "I gotta do something."

[It appears to be dinnertime the next night.]

Ace: "Look, you guys. I thought about it, and I really don't belong here. I think I should go back to the kiddie table."

Storm E.: [in a trance] "You can't go back. You can never go back, bro!"

[the room suddenly gets darker, and Ace is shackled to his chair.]

Alice: "You're one of us now...a grownup..." [reveals tonight's dish which appears to be Forest's head.]

Forest: "Better start working on those taxes, Ace!"

[Ace reviles in horror, breaks free, and runs for the kiddie table only to be stopped by his parents.]

Prince.: "Where do you think you're going?!"

[pan up to reveal that his parents' heads are now cooked turkeys, scaring Ace.]

Ace: [panicking] "PLEASE! I HAVE TO GET BACK TO THE KIDDIE TABLE! I'M NOT A GROWNUP YET! I'M STILL A KID!"

[suddenly, he is chained and bound to the grownup table, doomed to be a grownup like his older sisters.]

Whistle, Peanut, Storm E., Alice, and Jewel: [chanting] "One of us. One of us. One of us."

Ace: "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

[He falls into a void of despair as his sisters continue chanting his fate.]

[Ace wakes up in his room, revealing it all to have been a nightmare.]

Ace: [gasps] "It's all my fault. I worked so hard to prove I'm a grownup." [looks at Bun-Bun and then gets an idea.] "Hmm...maybe it's time to act my age."

[the next night at dinner.]

Ace: "Ace Fender Bender in the house! Where my grownups at?" [plays with his silverware] "Are you ready to chow?"

[his sisters stare at his behavior confused.]

Ace: [puts pieces of asparagus between his teeth; Transylvanian accent] "I vant to suck your blood!"

Cinder: "Ace! Please don't do that!"

[Ace wipes the asparagus from his mouth and takes Storm E.'s piece of bread.]

Storm E.: "Yo! That's mine!"

Ace: "Was it? Hey, Alice. You like seafood? See? Food! BLEEEEEGH!" [sticks his tongue out with mushed up bread on it.]

Alice: [disgusted] "Ace! Gross!"

Ace: [talking with his mouth full as pieces of food gush out.] "Hey! How about those republicans?"

Whistle: [She and Storm E. block their faces; disgusted] "Ugh! Ace! Say it, don't spray it!"

Ace: "I didn't hear the magic word...PEAS!" [flings peas at Whistle.]

Whistle: [starting to give in] "Oh, it is on!" [but holds back] "I mean...grow up, Ace."

Ace: "Good grub, Dad. It reminds me of a song. Beans, beans, the musical fruit! The more you eat, the more you-" [farts on cue] "Everybody now!"

[keeps farting]

Prince: [fed up with his son's immature behavior.] "Ace Fender Bender, that is enough!"

Cinder: [also fed up] "I thought you were ready for the grownup table, but clearly, you are not."

Ace: "You're a tough lady, Mom, but fair. Laters! [he leaves]

Ace: [back at the kiddie table] "Hey, guys! I'm back!" [hit by mashed potatoes and rubs it off] "Ah, it's good to be home. [sits down] "What did I miss? Let's...ketchup!" [squirts ketchup at his younger sisters; laughs and gets hit by potatoes three times.]

[they all begin a food fight to celebrate Ace's return and Whistle pops in on them.]

Whistle: "Hey...can I join you guys?"

Ace: "Sure. The more, the merrier."

Whistle: [sitting down next to her younger brother.] "Oh. I never knew it was possible to make it out of the grownup table." [Both of them stare to their left to see Jewel, Alice, Storm E., and Peanut.]

Jewel: "Psst! Can we join, too?"

[Much to the joy of the younger siblings, they too are happy to be at the kiddie table as they pull in chairs and sit down altogether.]

Peanut: [in between Ace and Scribbles] "Wow! Chicken nuggets! I haven't seen these in years!" [gets hit by mashed potatoes.]

[Excited, all the Loud kids engage in a big food fight, altogether at the kiddie table laughing with joy.]

Ace: [to the viewers] "There really is no rush to get to the grownup table. It's gonna happen eventually. So in the meantime, might as well enjoy being a kid."

Prince: "Finally, a little peace and quiet."

Cinder: "Did you say peas?" [flings peas at her husband]

[they both laugh as they too enjoy these kinds of shenanigans.]

Credits

 * Ace Fender Bender as Lincoln Loud
 * Scribbles Splash as Lana Loud
 * Trinket Sparkles as Lola Loud
 * Specs Reads-a-Lot as Lisa Loud
 * Scraps Stitched 'N' Sewn as Lucy Loud
 * Blanket Featherbed as Lily Loud
 * Jewel Sparkles as Lori Loud
 * Alice in Lalaloopsyland as Leni Loud
 * Storm E. Sky as Luna Loud
 * Peanut Big Top as Luan Loud
 * Whistle Kick 'N' Score as Lynn Loud
 * Forest Evergreen as Clyde
 * Prince Handsome as Lynn Loud Sr.
 * Cinder Slippers as Rita Loud