Come Sale Away

Marge Simpson : [to the viewers] "You've been with us a while and it doesn't need to be said, but in a family as big as mine, everything turns into a competition."

[A series of flashbacks take place; the first one takes place at night in the living room; marge Simpson is reading comics, moe syzslack is on her cellphone, homer Simpson is painting his face , otto Mann is strumming his electric guitar, krusty the clown  is playing a handheld video game, artie ziff is reading his book, waylon smithers is playing with his toy racecar, Mr burns is fixing his hair, and professor John frink is looking over his notes.]

BART : "Okay dudes, time for bed!"

Waylon smithers : "I can make it up the stairs first!"

[They all look at each other competitively. As the simpsons humans  run upstairs, krusty the clown and waylon smithers get knocked off and mcbain shoves marge Simpson aside and makes it to the top first.]

Mcbain : [victory dance] "Uh-huh! Work it! Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh."

[The second flashback starts with Lisa Simpson coming home from the grocery store.]

Lisa simpson : "guys, come bring in the groceries!"

[The humans look at all the bags.]

Moe syzlack "I bet I can simply carry the most bags."

[They all grab bags and rush for the front door. Otto Mann lets out a cry, charges through and beats them to the door.]

Otto mann : "Yeah!" [tosses the bags aside and does his victory dance.] "Go, otto Dwight mann ! Most bags! What? Bags! What?"

[In the third flashback, the boys watching marge simpsons is drink FIZZ BOY and burps; Mr burns does a bigger burp on his friends and does his own victory dance.]

Lola: "Go, Mr burns! Biggest burp! Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh!"

[end flashbacks]

Marge Simpson : [hammering the sign] "I haven't had a win in forever but that changes today. It's our annual garage sale and at 5 PM today, when the markets close, the victory dance shall be mine!" [twerks the sign, picks up her box and notices Gerald samson crying on the ground.] "Oh, what's the matter baby Gerald, you need your blankie?" [gets the blankie and gives it to her brother) "It's okay, Gerald . Your blankie's right here."

Baby Gerald samson : [stops crying and sucks his lthumb.]

Marge Simpson : [puts items on her stand] "Hate to break it to you, ladies and gentlemen but I'm outselling all of you."

Professor John frink : "That's amusing from someone who couldn't sell a negative charge to an electron."

Waylon smithers : "Yeah? Well, you couldn't sell a rattle to a snake!"

Homer Simpson : "Well, you couldn't sell a cardigan if it was 50% off! Not even if it was half off."

BART simpson.: "Build up those appetites, salespeople, we're having squishees tonight!"

Lisa Simpson : "Which will be served on our refinished dining table. Have fun out there, boys and one girl ."

Marge Simpson : "Yeah, have fun. Watching this rump do the bump." [twerks the stand causing it to fall apart] Dang it."

[Several people arrive]

Marge Simpson : "Check it out folks! Low prices, high quality!" [As two people pasts marge Simpson 's stand, she busts out her walkie-talkie.] "maude, time to put Operation Pretend You've Never Met Me and Are Really Interested in My Stuff So Other People Will Buy It and Also Think of A Shorter Name For This Operation into action."

Maude flanders : [over walkie-talkie] "Sorry, my walkie cut out. Can you repeat that?"

Marge Simpson : [groans] "Just get over here." [notices a customer picking up her helmet.] "Excellent choice, sir. Not only is that some state-of-the-art head protection..." [flips the helmet upside down] "...it also doubles as a soup bowl."

[The customer puts the helmet back and turns to leave but gets startled when maude flanders shows up.]

Maude flanders : [acting] "Whoa. Is this a genuine bowl-met? I've searched every garage sale in the state for one of these. How much do you want for it?"

Marge Simpson : "Hmm...five bucks."

Maude flanders : "I'll give you ten."

Carl carlson : [takes back the helmet] "Actually, I was about to buy that." [pays marge simpson and walks off with the helmet.]

Marge Simpson : "Nice."

[marge Simpson rings a bell and writes something on the chalkboard.]

Marge Simpson : "Excellent work, maude flanders ."

Maude flanders : "Thanks, maude flanders, for your next customer, I thought I'd break out the old English accent." [in a British accent] "Hullo, luv."

Marge Simpson : "Sweet. No way my mens are gonna be able to compete with me."

Maude flanders : "I wouldn't be so sure. Looks like they've got some game too."

Waylon smithers : [At his stand] "Exotic reptiles for sale!"

[A snake bites the groundskeeper willie's nose, causing him to flee.]

Waylon smithers : "Snake bite kits for sale!"

Groundskeeper Willie : [comes back holding his nose in pain] "Sold!"

Artie ziff : "Candles. Cobwebs. Cauldrons."

Patty bouvier : [walks past] "Rubbish."

Artie ziff : [takes out his crystal ball] "Free psychic reading with every purchase."

Patty bouvier : "Free? Well, now you're speaking my language, little Psychic man . What's your cheapest item?"

[artie ziff holds out a tiny skull with a candle in it and Flip takes it.]

Artie ziff : "And now, look into your future." [gazes into his crystal ball] "Hmm. Business will be booming."

Patty bouvier : [chortles]

Professor John frink : "Expired chemicals! Buy one get one free!"

Patty bouvier : [appears] "Oh, did I hear free?"

Baby Gerald samson : [speaks babble to Maggie Simpson as he sells Maggie Simpson an acorn.]

[homer Simpson is seen trying to sell the garage to a young couple.]

Homer Simpson : "New paint job, space galore and it comes with its own clicky-thingy." [he presses a button, which brings the garage door down.]

Apu nahaspetillon #1: "You're really selling this?"

Homer Simpson : "Hello! It's a garage sale."

Marge Simpson : [shrugs] "Eh. So, they've made some sales." [shakes her butt] "My victory dance and I aren't worried."

Maude flanders : "Wow! You're handling being in last place better than I thought."

Marge Simpson : [shocked] "Last place?" [Looks at the chalkboard] "How has baby Gerald samson sold "$20 worth of stuff? What am I doing wrong?"

[scratchy is trying out marge Simpson 's old talking teddy bear.]

Teddy bear voice: "Please be my friend." [As scratchy the black feline cat  hold the teddy bear, its voice becomes distorted and the bear's head fells off, making scratchy tired .]

Marge Simpson : "Err...maybe, I need to upgrade the merchandise."

[margesSimpson and maude flanders start going around the house, picking up various household items such as the coffee maker and the music player.]

Poochie the coolest dog on TV: "And 1, and 2, and 3. Come on now, boys."

[marge Simpson and maude flanders continue their raid when marge Simpson looks in her simpsons siblings ' wardrobe and grabs Lisa Simpson 's  sweater and specs and cigarette and a cap .]

Maude flanders : "Your Lisa simpson's tomboy clothing?"

Marge Simpson : "Eh, she never wears it. Let's make some sales."

[Cut back to outside where the simpsons friends angrily watch marge Simpson as she attracted a huge crowd while maude flanders is holding various items.]

Marge Simpson : "Can I see 60? I see 60! Sold to the mustachioed man in the bandana!" [Said lenny Leonard takes the clock and maude flanders holds up the coffee maker.] "Starting the bid at 300! We've got 300! 400! We've got 500! Sold to the man in the blue jean tuxedo!"

[marge Simpson 's friends s appear angry about his lack of sale.]

Moe syzlack : [Angry] "marge Simpson ! What are you doing? This stuff isn't even yours!"

Marge Simpson : "So?"

[The simpsons friends look at each other and soon, all of the simpsons friends are taking stuff from the house to sell. A much larger crowd appears and the stock gets smaller by each passing sale.]

Maude flanders : [notices the chalkboard] "marge Simpson ! You only have one minute until 5 P.M. and you're four dollars out of first place!"

[marge Simpson looks around, panicking until she sees something. Scene cuts to marge Simpson selling the garage sale sign to T-Bone for $5.]

BART Simpson .: "That's a wrap, my friends ! Squishees is served in teeeen~!"

Marge Simpson : "Yes! My losing streak is over! Now, feast your eyes on my caboose because it's leaving the station."

[Suddenly baby Gerald samson starts crying.]

Moe syzlack : "Someone give baby Gerald samson his blankie."

Marge Simpson : "I don't know where it is."

Mcbain : "Oh no! Where could it be?"

[The simpsons friends murmur that they don't know where it is.]

Mcbain : [realizes in horror] "Oh no! We must have sold it!"

Marge Simpson : [unsympathetic] "Yeah, yeah. Very sad. Now, if you don't mind, I'm about to do my victory dance."

Baby Gerald samson : [continues crying]

Marge Simpson : [sighs depressed] "Oh, never mind. I'm sorry, baby Gerald samson, I guess we all got a little too caught up in our competition."

[Everyone else apologizes]

Marge Simpson : "So, your big brother is going to put the competition aside and go find your blanket."

Mr burns : "Oh no! You're not gonna be the hero! I'm gonna find that blankie!"

Waylon smithers : "Not if I find it first!"

[The other simpsons friends state they'll find it first and rush off.]

Marge Simpson : [puts baby Gerald samson down] "The victory dance shall be mine!"

[baby Gerald samson looks at the audience with a blank expression.]

Otto mann : [knocks on the door] "Hello, ma'am!"

Mr burns : [shoves otto mann aside] "Did you buy a blanket?"

Otto mann : [shoves mr burns aside] "From a garage sale today?"

Barney gumble : [angrily] "I didn't buy a blanket, but I did buy this hunk of junk!" [holds up a vacuum cleaner which explodes in his face.] "I want my money back!"

Otto mann and mr burns : "Uh..." [point at each other] "She sold it to you!" [They runs off]

[moe syzlack and krusty the clown races each other.]

Moe syzlack : "I'm getting that blankie first!"

[krusty the clown notices some trash cans and MOE SYZLACK runs up to a RALPH WIGGUM  watering his lawn.]

MOE SYZLACK : "Sir, sir! Weren't you at a garage today?" [suddenly gets shoved by a trash can.] "OOF!" [gets rolled off]

[KRUSTY THE CLOWN runs up to the RALPH WIGGUM, revealing to have thrown the trash can at MOE SYZLACK. ]

KRUSTY THE CLOWN : "If you want to win, you need a can-do attitude." [laughs]

[MARGE SIMPSON and MCBAIN race each other to another house.]

MARGE SIMPSON : "Beat it, MCBAIN ! This is my house."

MCBAIN : "No way! That blanket is mine!"

[When there's no answer, MARGE SIMPSON tries to get in through the dog flap, only to meet a very angry dog.]

MARGE SIMPSON : "Whoops! Wrong house."

(MARGE SIMPSON and MCBAIN SCREAMS as the dog chases them.]

[Cut to ARTIE ZIFF and PROFFESSOR JOHN FRINK at an old CAT woman's house.]

Old CAT Woman: "Hmm, I think I did buy a blanket. Why don't you come in?"

PROFESSOR JOHN FRINK : [to ARTIE ZIFF ] "First to spot the blanket gets the blanket."

[Inside]

Old CAT Woman: "It's so nice to have visitors." [gets out a book] "Would you like to see my collection of bingo ribbons?"

[MARGE SIMPSON has managed to escape the dog.]

HOMER SIMPSON i: [excitedly] "I win! I found the blanket in that house right there!"

MARGE SIMPSON : "That's not a house. That's a restaurant."

SELMA BOUVIER : "Order Number 6!"

MARGE SIMPSON : "And you're holding a napkin."

HOMER SIMPSON : [Holds up a purple napkin] "Dang it."

[Cut back to the OLD CAT woman's house where she's playing bingo with ARTIE ZIFF and PROFFESSOR JOHN FRINK .]

Old CAT Woman: [reading out the number] "B14! Anybody..."

ARTIE ZIFF : [whispers to PROFESSOR JOHN FRINK ] "This woman does not have the blanket. Let's get out of here."

PROFFESSOR JOHN FRINK : [whispers to ARTIE ZIFF ] "Are you kidding? One more number and I've got a bingo!" [to the old CAT woman] "Spin it, BOYS! "

[MARGE SIMPSON is now putting various missing posters of BABY GERALD SAMSON Is blanket across the park.]

MARGE SIMPSON : [comes up to a woman] "Excuse me, ma'am, have you seen this blanket?" [MARGE SIMPSON runs up to a family with a baby.] "How about you?" [spots the baby's blanket and snatches it.] "Ah-ha! Where did you get this?"

[The baby starts crying and MARGE SIMPSON screams as he is kicked into the air by the baby's mother and lands in a trash can near PATTY BOUVIER 's. He gets up and spots PATTY BOUVIER cleaning a car with a purple cloth.]

MARGE SIMPSON : "BABY GERALD SAMSON 's blankie! Hey, PATTY BOUVIER, you were at our garage sale today, weren't you?"

PATTY BOUVIER : "I don't know, chief. Maybe. I go to a lotta garage sales."

MARGE SIMPSON : "I need to buy that blanket back from you."

PATTY BOUVIER : "No can do! This blanket's working for me. Really gets the bird poop off."

MARGE SIMPSON : "Please! It's important!"

PATTY BOUVIER : "Maybe we can do business but it's gonna cost ya!"

[Back at the simpsons family House in the living room baby Gerald samson is still crying.]

Lisa Simpson : [off-screen] "Be right there, sweetie pie ."

Marge Simpson : [enters the house] "Good news, baby Gerald samson . I've found your blanket."

Mr burns : "No, you didn't. Because I have it."

Moe syzlack : [pushes mr burns ] "Please, I've got it right here."

Krusty the clown : "I've got it."

PROFFESSOR John frink : "No, I do."

Mcbain : "This is baby Gerald samson s blanket."

Marge Simpson : "You guys, I'm pretty sure this is the right one." [points to the blanket she's holding.] "I had to give patty bouvier all my garage sale money for it."

Mcbain : "I gave Flip all my money for this one."

Otto mann : "Me too."

Krusty the clown : "So did I."

Moe syzlack : "And me."

PROFFESSOR John frink : "I even gave him my bingo ribbon."

Homer Simpson : "I bought a blanket from patty bouvier too."

Otto mann : "Uh, that's a welcome mat, dude."

Homer Simpson : [looks at the "blanket" and realizes that otto mann is right.] "Dang it."

Marge Simpson : [realizing in shock] "I can't believe this! Patty bouvier fooled us all!"

PROFFESSOR John frink : [angrily] "That gasoline-selling swindler!"

Lisa Simpson : [enters with a basket of clean laundry.] "Here you go, sweetie pie ." [Hands baby Gerald samson his real blanket.] "Still hot from the dryer."

Baby Gerald samson : [stops bawling upon seeing his blanket and coos happily.]

Moe syzlack : [addled] "Are you literally joking right now? It's been here all along?"

Lisa Simpson : [notices the empty living room] "What happened to our furniture?"

Marge Simpson : "Uh...see, we kinda got caught up in a competition."

Moe syzlack : "Yeah, and we kinda sold everything."

Lisa Simpson : "Well, you're all kinda grounded."

Marge Simpson : "We deserve it. And believe me, we've learned our lesson. No more competing."

[Her simpsons friends murmur in agreement.]

Marge Simpson : "It's too bad 'cause I had a victory dance that would put all of you to shame."

Mr burns : [scoffs] "I doubt that."

PROFFESSOR John frink : "The chances are slim."

Marge Simpson : "Oh yeah? All aboard! Woot-woot! This caboose is leaving the station!" [does her victory dance] "Go marge Simpson ! Best butt shake! Toot-toot! Hmm-hmm! Oh yeah! Best butt shake!"

Waylon smithers : "You call that a victory dance?" [does his own victory dance as well.] "Go waylon smithers ! Go go waylon smithers !"

Mr burns : "Mine's better!" [does his own victory dance also.]

Moe syzlack : "Why do you even have a butt if that's all you gonna to do with it?"

[The simpsons friends all do their own victory dances.]

The simpsons friends : "Oh yeah! Uh-huh!" (etc.)

Lisa Simpson : "guys! Please!" [The simpsons friends stop their victory dances.] "This is how you do a saxophone and a victory dance!" [does her own victory dance.] "Uh-huh! Go Lisa Simpson ! Do the saxophone academy! Shake that booty!"

BART Simpson .: "Hah! Gimme a break! Get a load of the squishies slurpees shakedown!"

[Bart and Lisa Simpson. do their victory dances.]

BART Simpson : "Go, Bartholomew jojo Simpson Shake it down now!"

Rita: "Go, Lisa Marie Simpson ! Mm-hmm, oh yeah!"

Marge Simpson : [to the viewers] "Well, now you know where we get it from. As they say, the nuts don't fall too far from the tree." [resumes her victory dance] "Ooh! Uh-hmm! Hmm-hmm! Go marge Simpson ! Go marge Simpson !"

[Soon, the simpsons friends and parents are doing their victory dances.]

[At patty bouvier 's Food and Fuel]

Patty bouvier : [pours some chemicals into a washer fluid bottle.] "I'm loving these 2-for-1 chemicals. I'm gonna make a fortune selling them as windshield wiper fluid." [laughs] "Suckers!" [Pour another chemical into the bottle but an explosion occurs, damaging the entire gas station and leaving patty bouvier dazed.] "Well, the little Psychic man was right. Business is booming.