Who's Killing the Muppets?/Family Guy

Cast

 * Gonzo as Stewie Griffin
 * Fozzie Bear as Brian Griffin
 * Kermit the Frog as Jesus
 * Miss Piggy as Jillian
 * Scooter as Glenn Quagmire
 * Hooded Killer as Peter Griffin
 * Dr. Bunsen Honeydew as Mayor Adam West
 * Beaker as Bertram
 * Rowlf the Dog as Death
 * Dr. Teeth as Vinny Griffin
 * Lew Zealand as Tom Tucker
 * Swedish Chef as Ollie Williams
 * Animal as Chris Griffin
 * Steve Martin as Jasper
 * Camilla the Chicken as Lois Griffin
 * Statler as Randy Newman
 * Waldorf as Seamus
 * Penguins as Vern and Johnny
 * Skeeter as Cleveland Brown (different)

Transcript
Stewie's Funeral and Burial Ceremony Later Family Guy Babies Flashback (Present)
 * Stewie Griffin: For my next feat, I will walk across hot coals while explaining what the hell I am.
 * Peter Griffin: No! For your next feat, you die! (Peter Griffin fires a cannon, decapitating Stewie, and Stewie's corpse falls on the hot coals. Then the Hooded Killer places a water sack on the scene)
 * Jesus: Stewie died as he lived, and our family will never be whole again. And now, ladies and gentlemen, JASPER THE DOG, YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!
 * Jasper: (With a prank arrow hat on his head) "The Lord is my Shepard, I shall not want. He makes me like.."
 * Jillian (interrupting): Oh, are we burying him in the city? (Lois talks and jumps on Stewie's casket as it gets lowered into the ground)
 * Brian Griffin: You know, the last time a Griffin died was...
 * Jasper (interrupting): Excuse me?
 * Brian Griffin: Don’t you mean, "Excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me"?
 * Jasper: No, this is a funeral. I’m working. Do I come to where you work and knock the thing outta your mouth?!
 * Jesus: Wow, Jasper’s working blue, but he’s right. We vowed never to talk about...that night. (People turn to look at Glenn Quagmire) (Glenn Quagmire waves at them)
 * Brian Griffin: And then the dad says, "The Aristocrats"! Wocka-wocka!
 * Peter Griffin: (Right up at the door) Hey, Stewie? Why did the kid turn red?
 * Brian Griffin: I don’t know, stranger.
 * Peter Griffin: Because he was em-bar-rassed!
 * Brian Griffin: (Sarcastically claps) Wocka-wocka...
 * Peter Griffin: Then how about this? Because I total STAB YOU! (Peter stabs Brian in the neck and then the back with a knife)
 * Brian Griffin: What a showstopper. Ooohh! (Falls on stage)
 * Randy Newman: See? I told you the kid was gonna die on stage tonight. (Randy Newman and Seamus laugh)
 * Brian Griffin: Hey, guys, can you stop laughing and call me an ambulance?
 * Seamus: You're an ambulance. (Randy Newman and Seamus laugh again, and Brian is dragged offscreen by Peter Griffin and murdered. Then a red wagon is rolled out on stage)
 * Jesus: (Vern and Johnny roll Fozzie's dead body away) First Stewie, now Brian. Could we be paying the price for what we did to...?
 * Jillian: Don’t say that name, jeezie.
 * Jesus: OOOH, Jillians’s telling me what to do. Wow, hey, everybody! Come here! You gotta come see this. Jillians’s telling me what to do! Wow, must be a day that ends in N! (Glenn Quagmire walks by carrying a boxful of props) Hey, uh, Quagmire?
 * Glenn Quagmire: Oh! Hey there, boss.
 * Jesus: We need to talk about Cleveland’s death.
 * Glenn Quagmire: Why, sure. I love talking about my twin brother, if not for that tragic accident...
 * Jesus: You know, I’m gonna stop you right there. I got something I gotta tell you.
 * Baby Jesus: Let’s play The Little Mermaid!
 * Baby Peter Griffin: Let’s question Jesus’s sensability. Wocka-wocka!
 * Baby Chris Griffin: Hold on! Let me grab my floaties. (Leaves)
 * Baby Lois Griffin: What a nerd.
 * Baby Bonnie Swanson: Ahem. Moi will play "La Petite Mermaid".
 * Baby Lois Griffin: Mermaids aren't fat! (Pushes Baby Piggy)
 * Baby Jesus Yikes! Lois, if you only take my advice once in your natural life, take it now. Walk away. (Lois smacks Jesus)
 * Baby Peter Griffin: NANNY! LOIS'S HITTING US AGAIN!
 * Baby Jesus: Yeah, who's the homo now? (Lois beats up Peter, and Lois gets hit in the back by Jesus with a red wagon and knocked headfirst into the pool) If we do this thing, it’s our secret forever. (All Family Guy Babies agree and drown Lois in the pool)
 * All Family Guy Babies: NANNY!
 * Glenn Quagmire: You killed my brother?!?
 * Jesus: Yeah, well, It was 60% self-defense. But we're kind of burying the lead here. We think Cleveland’s come back from the grave for revenge!
 * Glenn Quagmire: Oh, Cleveland will have her revenge… (Glenn reveals himself to be Cleveland, the Killer, in disguise)
 * Jesus and Jillian: AAAAHHH!!!
 * Cleveland Brown: (Takes out knife, and attacks Jesus) Fifteen seconds till your death!
 * Jillian: HIIII-YAH! (Jumps to kick her, but misses) Wuh!
 * Cleveland Brown: Here it comes! Showtime! (Lois talks in Germany, holding a bow and arrow. Subtitle: "Get away from him, you guy!")
 * Cleveland Brown: You can’t shoot me! Mothers don’t even have fingers! (Lois fires an arrow, which runs through Cleveland's head) OOHH!! (Falls to the floor with Jasper behind her)
 * Jasper (chuckling): That bit never gets old. (Dances as funny music starts)