Sophomore Slump (Mewniverse Falls Style)/Transcript

(Mewniverse Falls Productions logo)

(The logo fades into a view of the blue sky and the sun, with the opening credits, as we pan down to the Pines Household)

(We cut to Dipper Pines watching TV with his cape wrapped around his body and eating a bag of potato chips off of it. His mother, Katie, looks at him)

Katie: Hey, there, Dipper.

Dipper Pines: Hey, mom.

Katie: So, you're ready for the new school year?

Dipper Pines: Yup. Still getting used to Earth life, though. [slurps drink]

Katie: Hmm, I see you're still wearing your cape.

Dipper Pines: Of course. I'm a knight!

(Dipper throws out his arms and legs, causing the chips to fly everywhere. Some get caught in Katie's hair)

Katie: Did I ever tell you about my friend who spent a summer in France? In [snootily] France, everything was better – the arthouse films, the fashion, the crossiants. She said it just like that – "crossiant". Who does that?

Dipper Pines: Wow, your friend sounds annoying.

Katie: It was me, Dipper. Crossiant!

Dipper Pines: Oh! [chuckles] But come on. I'm not annoying. I just wear a cape.

Katie: Look, I'm sure everybody on Mooni wore a cape.

Dipper Pines: Mewni. It's pronounced "Mew-ni".

Katie: Dipper, I'm just trying to help.

Dipper Pines: And I'm just trying to help you properly say "Mewni".

Katie: "Crossiant! Crossiant! It's pronounced crossiant!" [walks away]

Dipper Pines: Hey, hey, hey! No! No, no, no! I'm not the crossiant girl! I earned this cape, and by golly, I'm gonna wear it!

(Dipper's cape flaps in the breeze. His father, the Once-ler, stands near him fixing an electric fan)

The Once-ler: Good for you, Dipper. The cape looks cool.

Dipper Pines: Thanks, dad.

(We cut to the basement in Star Butterfly's house, where she, Dipper, Hiro Hamada and Wreck-It Ralph are playing a Dungeons & Dragons-like tabletop role-playing game)

Star Butterfly: You are chained to the wall of Azgorth's dungeon, surrounded by his feral imps, and only one holds the key to your freedom.

Wreck-It Ralph: What's in our surroundings?

Star Butterfly: Nothing.

Wreck-It Ralph: I try and break the chains.

Star Butterfly: [rolls multi-sided die] The imps eat your hands.

Wreck-It Ralph: Aah!

Hiro Hamada: Uh, I cast a healing spell!

Star Butterfly: [rolls multi-sided die] The imps eat your hands.

Wreck-It Ralph: Dipper!

Dipper Pines: Oh, um... use the butter.

Wreck-It Ralph: What? There's no butter! Didn't you hear what she just said? There's nothing in our surroundings!

Dipper Pines: Put it on the chains, slide your hands out, hide in the vents!

Hiro Hamada: This isn't Mewni, Dipper! It's not going to work.

Star Butterfly: [rolls multi-sided die] It worked. You're free.

Dipper Pines: Oh! Oh! Um, next we go find Ludo, say the Whispering Spell, destroy Toffee!

Wreck-It Ralph: No! This isn't Mewni!

Star Butterfly: [rolls multi-sided die] Yeah, you destroy Toffee, save Mewni. Congratulations! [claps her hands]

Dipper Pines: [claps hands like a seal]

Wreck-It Ralph: Oh, no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no!

Hiro Hamada: It's okay, Ralph! It's just a game!

Dipper Pines: No. On Mewni, this actually happened! They made me a knight!

(A door slams off-screen. Hiro and Ralph are gone)

Dipper Pines: Where... Where did Hiro and Ralph go?

Star Butterfly: They left.

Dipper Pines: What? Why?

Star Butterfly: Oh, they just got annoyed when you talk about my home dimension all the time. It's no big deal.

Dipper Pines: What? Star, come on. They didn't mean it literally. I mean, on Mewni, they made me a knight. See? [turns around and shows Star his cape on the back]

Star Butterfly: Oh, cool. Where did you get that cape?

Dipper Pines: Oh, I bought it from your father's collection. It fits me pretty well.

Star Butterfly: Nice! You are the real knight of Mewni!

Dipper Pines: Thanks, Star Butterfly.

Star Butterfly: You're welcome, Dipper Pines.

Dipper Pines: [leaves, sighs and rubs his forehead]

(We cut to Ford Pines' Tang Soo Do Dojo)

Dipper Pines: All right, Ford. Just be straight with me, man. Am I annoying when I talk about Mewni?

Ford Pines: Of course not, Dipper. You had a life-changing experience on Mewni, and it changed you.

Dipper Pines: Yeah, that's right.

Ford Pines: And it changed me, too.

(Ford ties a towel around his neck, pretending it's a cape, and turns on a nearby fan