Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events (Touchstone print)

If Nickelodeon Productions have even been part of The Walt Disney Company, Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events would've been distributed by Touchstone Pictures in the U.S. instead of Paramount Pictures and would've looked like this:

VHS Opening

 * 1) Touchstone Home Entertainment Logo (2004)
 * 2) "Coming Soon to Theaters" (2000)
 * 3) The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Teaser Trailer
 * 4) "Coming Soon to Own on DVD & Video" (2004)
 * 5) National Treasure Preview
 * 6) "Coming Soon to Own on DVD" (2001)
 * 7) Scrubs: The Complete 1st Season Preview
 * 8) "Feature Presentation" (1999)
 * 9) Navy Blue Warning (2004)
 * 10) FBI Anti-Piracy Warning Screen (2005)
 * 11) "This film has been modified..." (2000)
 * 12) Touchstone Pictures Logo (2004-Present)
 * 13) DreamWorks Pictures Logo (1997-Present)
 * 14) Nickelodeon Movies Logo (2004-2006)

DVD Opening

 * 1) Touchstone Home Entertainment Logo (2004)
 * 2) "Coming Soon to Theaters" (2000)
 * 3) The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Teaser Trailer
 * 4) "Coming Soon to Own on DVD & Video" (2004)
 * 5) National Treasure Preview
 * 6) Scrubs: The Complete 1st Season Preview
 * 7) DVD Menu
 * 8) THX Logo
 * 9) Navy Blue Warning (2004)
 * 10) FBI Anti-Piracy Warning Screen (2005)
 * 11) Touchstone Pictures Logo (2004-Present)
 * 12) DreamWorks Pictures Logo (1997-Present)
 * 13) Nickelodeon Movies Logo (2004-2006)

Single-Disc Edition (Either Framing Version)/2-Disc Collector's Edition (Disc 1): Main Menu

 * [PLEASE DON'T] Play
 * [AVOID THOSE] Sorrowful Scenes (Scene Selection)
 * [DON'T BELIEVE THESE] Bonus Features
 * [FORGET THOSE] Dreadful Peeks (Sneak Peeks)
 * [A TRAP! Otherwise Known as a...] Set Up

Single-Disc Edition (Either Framing Version)/2-Disc Collector's Edition (Disc 1): Sorrowful Scenes (Scene Selection)

 * 1) The Bad Beginning
 * 2) Your New Guardian
 * 3) Chores
 * 4) Custody Granted
 * 5) The Reptile Room
 * 6) Stephano Arrives
 * 7) The Incredibly Deadly Viper
 * 8) Aunt Josephine
 * 9) Captain Sham
 * 10) Hurricane Herman
 * 11) Lachrymose Leeches
 * 12) The Marvelous Marriage
 * 13) Let the Wedding Begin
 * 14) No One Listens to Children
 * 15) The Letter That Never Came
 * 16) End Credits

Single-Disc Edition (Either Framing Version)/2-Disc Collector's Edition (Disc 1): Bonus Features

 * Bad Beginnings
 * Alarming Audio Commentaries
 * Obnoxious Blooper Reel
 * Orphaned Scenes
 * Escape the Incredibly Deadly Viper!
 * The Reptile Room Animatic
 * The Sad Story Behind Lemony Snicket
 * Register Your DVD

Single-Disc Edition (Either Framing Version)/2-Disc Collector's Edition (Disc 1): Bad Beginnings

 * Building a Bad Actor
 * Making the Baudelaire Children Miserable

Single-Disc Edition (Either Framing Version)/2-Disc Collector's Edition (Disc 1): Alarming Audio Commentaries

 * Director Brad Silberling Commentary
 * Brad Silberling and the Real Lemony Snicket Commentary

Single-Disc Edition (Either Framing Version)/2-Disc Collector's Edition (Disc 1): Orphaned Scenes

 * Extended Puttanesca
 * Monty's Montage

Single-Disc Edition (Either Framing Version)/2-Disc Collector's Edition (Disc 1): Dreadful Peeks (Sneak Peeks)

 * The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
 * National Treasure
 * Scrubs: The Complete 1st Season
 * The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie
 * Chicken Little
 * The Pacifier
 * Lemony Snicket's Books

Single-Disc Edition (Either Framing Version)/2-Disc Collector's Edition (Disc 1): Set Up

 * Audio Options
 * Captions
 * THX Optimizer

Single-Disc Edition (Either Framing Version)/2-Disc Collector's Edition (Disc 1): Audio Options

 * English (Dolby Digital 5.1)
 * French (Dolby Digital 2.0)
 * Spanish (Dolby Digital 2.0)

Single-Disc Edition (Either Framing Version)/2-Disc Collector's Edition (Disc 1): Captions

 * English for the Hearing Impaired
 * None

Single-Disc Edition (Either Framing Version)/2-Disc Collector's Edition (Disc 1)

 * 1) Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events
 * 2) Redirect to menu
 * 3) 2004 Touchstone Home Entertainment Logo
 * 4) THX Logo
 * 5) Warning Screens (Blue and FBI Anti-Piracy)
 * 6) Sneak Peeks (before the main menu)
 * 7) Building a Bad Actor
 * 8) Making the Baudelaire Children Miserable
 * 9) Obnoxious Blooper Reel
 * 10) Extended Puttanesca
 * 11) Monty's Montage
 * 12) Escape the Incredibly Deadly Viper! Set-Top Game
 * 13) The Reptile Room Animatic
 * 14) The Sad Story Behind Lemony Snicket
 * 15) The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Teaser Trailer
 * 16) National Treasure Preview
 * 17) Scrubs: The Complete 1st Season Preview
 * 18) The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie Preview
 * 19) Chicken Little Teaser Trailer (Version #2)
 * 20) The Pacifier Preview
 * 21) Lemony Snicket's Books Promo
 * 22) THX Optimizer
 * 23) THX Optimizer: Audio Tests
 * 24) THX Optimizer: Video Tests
 * 25) THX Optimizer: Hidden Color Test
 * 26) THX Optimizer: (unreachable)
 * 27) THX Optimizer: 16:9 Aspect Ratio Set-Up
 * 28) THX Optimizer: Final Test