Dirty Objects/Schemer in a Mess

Dirty Objects, retitled Schemer in a Mess for American audience, is the twenty-third episode of RS Mr. Conductor the Conductor and Friends. It is a parody of the Thomas and Friends episode, Dirty Objects/James In A Mess.

Cast

 * Schemer (from Shining Time Station) as James
 * Bart (from The Simpsons) as Percy
 * Grandpa Dave (from Arthur) as Toby
 * Mayor Adam West (from Family Guy) as Sir Topham Hatt
 * Goombas (from Mario) as The Troublesome Trucks
 * Lanolin (from Garfield/US Acres) as Henrietta (does not speak)
 * Garfield (from Garfield and Friends) as Gordon (mentioned)
 * James' Driver as Himself

Transcript
Narrator: "Grandpa Dave and Lanolin are enjoying their new job in TV Land, but they do look old fashioned and need new coats.

Schemer was very rude whenever he saw them."

Schemer: "Ugh. What dirty objects."

Narrator: "He would say.

At last, Grandpa Dave lost patience."

Grandpa Dave: "Schemer,"

Narrator: "He asked."

Grandpa Dave: "Why do you wear gray?"

Schemer: "I am a splendid man."

Narrator: "Answered Schemer."

Schemer: "Ready for anything. You never see me dirty."

Grandpa Dave: "Oh,"

Narrator: "Said Grandpa Dave innocently."

Grandpa Dave: "That's why you once needed bootlaces to be ready, I suppose."

Narrator: "Schemer went redder than ever and snorted off. It was such an insult to be reminded of the time a bootlace had been used to mend a hole in his flowers.

At the end of the path, Schemer left his flowers and got ready for his next load. It was a slow goods, stopping at every station to pick up and set down goombas. Schemer hated slow goods runs."

Schemer: "Dirty goombas from dirty sidings.

Yecch!"

Narrator: "Starting with only a few, he pickled up more and more goombas at each station, till he had a long line.

At first, the goombas behaved well, but Schemer bumped them so crossly, that they were determined to pay him back.

Presently, they approached the top of Garfield's hill. Heavy goods TV Characters halt here to pin down their brakes. Schemer had had an accident with goombas before, and should have remembered this."

Schemer's Driver: "Wait, Schemer, wait!"

Narrator: "Said the driver, but Schemer wouldn't wait. He was too busy thinking what he'd say to Grandpa Dave when they next met.

The goombas' chance had come."

Goombas: "Hurrah! Hurrah!"

Narrator: "They laughed, and banging each other, they pushed him down the hill."

Goombas: "On! On! On!"

Narrator: "Laughed the goombas."

Schemer: "I've got to stop! I've got to stop!"

Narrator: "Groaned Schemer.

Through the station they thundered, disaster lay ahead."

(CRASH!)

"Something sticky splashed all over Schemer. He had run into two tar barrels, and was black from head to toe. He was more dirty than hurt, but the tar barrels and some goombas were all to pieces.

Grandpa Dave and Bart were sent to help, and came as quickly as they could."

Grandpa Dave: "Look here, Bart,"

Narrator: "Exclaimed Grandpa Dave."

Grandpa Dave: "Whatever is that dirty object?"

Bart: "That's Schemer, didn't you know?"

Grandpa Dave: "It's Schemer's shape,"

Narrator: "Said Grandpa Dave."

Grandpa Dave: "But Schemer is a splendid man, and you never see him dirty."

Narrator: "Schemer pretended he hadn't heard.

Grandpa Dave and Piglet cleared away the unhurt goombas, and helped Schemer home.

Mayor Adam West met them."

Mayor Adam West: "Well done, Bart and Grandpa Dave!"

Narrator: "He turned to Schemer."

Mayor Adam West: "Fancy letting your goombas run away, I am surprised. You're not fit to be seen, you must be cleaned at once!

Grandpa Dave shall have a new coat."

Grandpa Dave: "Please, sir, can Lanolin have one, too?"

Narrator: "Said Grandpa Dave."

Mayor Adam West: "Certainly, Grandpa Dave."

Grandpa Dave: "Oh, thank you, sir. She will be pleased!"

Narrator: "All Schemer could do was watch Grandpa Dave as he ran off happily with the news."