RS Mr. Conductor Breaks the Rules and Other Stories

RS Mr. Conductor Breaks the Rules and Other Stories is a TV/Thomas parody of the Thomas and Friends US video, Thomas Breaks the Rules and Other Stories. It features two first season episodes, and five second season episodes of RS Mr. Conductor the Conductor and Friends narrated by Ringo Starr.

Cast

 * RS Mr. Conductor (from Shining Time Station) as Thomas
 * Edd (from Ed, Edd n Eddy) as Edward
 * Homer (from The Simpsons) as Henry
 * Garfield (from Garfield and Friends) as Gordon
 * Schemer (from Shining Time Station) as James
 * Bart (from The Simpsons) as Percy
 * Grandpa Dave (from Arthur) as Toby
 * Spike (from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic) as Duck
 * Budgie (from Budgie the Little Helicopter) as Harold
 * Mayor Adam West (from Family Guy) as Sir Topham Hatt
 * Bluenose (from TUGS) as The Angry Policeman
 * Bailey (from Arthur) as Sir Topham Hatt's Butler
 * Goombas (from Mario) as The Troublesome Trucks
 * Flowers (from Alice in Wonderland) as The Coaches
 * Patty (from The Simpsons) as Annie
 * Selma (from The Simpsons) as Clarabel (does not speak)
 * Lanolin (from Garfield/US Acres) as Henrietta (does not speak)
 * Carol Pewterschmidt (from Family Guy) as Lady Hatt (does not speak)
 * Phil (from Rugrats) as Stephen Hatt (cameo)
 * Mrs. Twombly (from Littlest Pet Shop (2012)) as Mrs. Kyndley (cameo)
 * Everyone else as Themselves

Episodes

 * 1) RS Mr. Conductor Breaks the Rules
 * 2) A Cow on the Line
 * 3) Old Iron
 * 4) Double Trouble
 * 5) Schemer in a Mess
 * 6) Spike Takes Charge
 * 7) Bart Proves a Point

RS Mr. Conductor Breaks the Rules
Narrator: "There's a path to a quarry at the end of RS Mr. Conductor's route. It goes for some distance along the road. RS Mr. Conductor was very careful to whistle here in case anyone was coming.

Early one morning, a large naval tug named Bluenose was sitting close to the path. RS Mr. Conductor liked naval tugs. He had been a great friend of the naval tug who had just retired."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Peep, peep!"

Narrator: "He whistled."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Good morning!"

Narrator: "RS Mr. Conductor expected that Bluenose would be friendly too, but was sorry to see that he didn't looked friendly at all. He was red in the face and very cross."

Bluenose: "Disgraceful!"

Narrator: "He spluttered."

Bluenose: "I didn't sleep a wink last night. It was so quietly, and now conductors come whistling suddenly behind me."

RS Mr. Conductor: "I'm sorry, sir."

Narrator: "Said RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "I only said good morning."

Narrator: "Bluenose pointed to RS Mr. Conductor."

Bluenose: "Where's your cowcatcher?"

Narrator: "He asked."

RS Mr. Conductor: "But I don't catch cows, sir."

Bluenose: "Don't be funny!"

Narrator: "Snapped Bluenose. He looked at RS Mr. Conductor's body."

Bluenose: "No overalls either!"

Narrator: "And he wrote in his notebook."

Bluenose: "TV Characters going on public roads must wear overalls and have a cowcatcher in front to protect people and animals from being dragged underneath if they should stray onto the path.

You haven't so you are dangerous!"

RS Mr. Conductor's Driver: "Rubbish!"

Narrator: "Said RS Mr. Conductor's driver."

RS Mr. Conductor's Driver: "We've been along here hundreds of times and never had an accident."

Bluenose: "That makes it worst!"

Narrator: "Bluenose answered. He wrote 'Regular Law Breaker' in his book. RS Mr. Conductor puffed sadly away.

Mayor Adam West was having breakfast. He was eating toast and marmalade. Bailey came in."

Bailey: "Excuse me, sir. You are wanted on the telephone."

Mayor Adam West: "Bother that telephone!"

Narrator: "Said Mayor West."

(Phone chattering)

Mayor Adam West: "I'm sorry, my dear."

Narrator: "He said to Carol."

Mayor Adam West: "RS Mr. Conductor is in trouble with Bluenose and I must go at once."

Narrator: "As the station, RS Mr. Conductor's driver told Mayor West what had happened."

Mayor Adam West: "Dangerous to the public indeed? We'll see about that."

Narrator: "Mayor West spoke to Bluenose, but however much he argued with him, it was no good."

Bluenose: "The law is the law!"

Narrator: "He said."

Bluenose: "And we can't change it!"

Narrator: "Mayor West felt exhausted."

Mayor Adam West: "I'm sorry, driver."

Narrator: "He said."

Mayor Adam West: "It's no use arguing with Bluenose. We will have to make those overall things for RS Mr. Conductor I suppose."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Everyone will laugh, sir."

Narrator: "Said RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "They'll say I look like an old man."

Narrator: "Mayor West stared, then he laughed."

Mayor Adam West: "Well done, RS Mr. Conductor! Why didn't I think of it before? We want an old man. When I was on my holiday, I met a nice old man called Grandpa Dave. He takes goombas from the farms, but the trucks are taking over most of his work and he needs a change. He has a cowcatcher and overalls. I'll write to his superintendent at once."

Narrator: "A few days later, Grandpa Dave arrived."

Mayor Adam West: "That's a good old man."

Narrator: "Said Mayor West."

Mayor Adam West: "I see you brought your sheep, Lanolin."

Grandpa Dave: "You don't mind, do you, sir?"

Narrator: "Asked Grandpa Dave."

Grandpa Dave: "The stationmaster wanted to use her as a hen house, and that would never do."

Mayor Adam West: "No, indeed."

Narrator: "Said Mayor West."

Mayor Adam West: "We couldn't allow that."

Narrator: "Grandpa Dave made the silly goombas behave even better than RS Mr. Conductor did."

(Grandpa Dave rings his bell)

Bluenose: "Oy you!"

Narrator: "At first, RS Mr. Conductor was jealous. But he was so pleased when Grandpa Dave ranged his bell and frightened Bluenose, they've been firmed friends ever since."

A Cow on the Line
Narrator: "Edd was getting old. His body was worn and he clanked as he walked along. He was taking empty goombas to a market town. The sun shone, birds sang, but Edd was heading for trouble."

Edd: "Come on, come on."

Narrator: "He puffed."

Goombas: "Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!"

Narrator: "Screamed the goombas."

Narrator: "Edd puffed and clanked. The goombas rattled and screamed.

Some cows were grazing nearby. They were not used to TV Characters. The noise disturbed them.

As Edd clanked by, they broke through the fence and ran across the road. A goomba let go and some were left behind.

Edd felt a jerk but didn't take much notice. He was used to goombas."

Edd: "Bother those goombas!"

Narrator: "He thought."

Edd: "Why can't they come quietly?"

Narrator: "He was at the next station before either he or his driver realized what had happened.

When Garfield and Homer heard about the accident, they laughed and boasted.

Garfield and Homer: "Fancy allowing cows to break his load. They wouldn't dare do that to us. We'd show them."

Narrator: "Old Grandpa Dave was cross."

Grandpa Dave: "You couldn't help it, Edd. They've never met cows. I have, and I know the trouble they are."

Narrator: "Some days later, Garfield rushed through Edd's station."

Garfield: "Mind the cows! Hurry, hurry, hurry!"

Narrator: "Puffed Garfield."

Flowers: "Don't make such a fuss. Don't make such a fuss."

Narrator: "Grumbled his flowers. A long path was ahead. In the distance was a bridge. It seemed to Garfield that there was something on the bridge. His driver thought so too."

Garfield's Driver: "Whoa, Garfield."

Narrator: "He said."

Garfield: "Pooh!"

Narrator: "Said Garfield."

Garfield: "It's only a cow. Shoo! Shoo!"

Narrator: "He moved slowly onto the bridge, but the cow would shoo. She had lost her calf and felt lonely."

Bluebell: "Moo!"

Narrator: "She said sadly. Everyone tried to send her away, but she wouldn't go. Homer arrived."

Homer: "What's this? A cow. I'll soon settle her. Be off! Be off!"

Bluebell: "Moo!"

Narrator: "Said the cow. Homer backed away nervously."

Homer: "I don't want to hurt her."

Narrator: "At the next station, Homer's conductor told them about the cow and warned the signalman that the line was blocked."

The Porter: "That must be Bluebell."

Narrator: "Said the porter."

The Porter: "Her calf is here, looking for her mother. Bart will take her along."

Narrator: "At the bridge, Bluebell was very pleased to see her calf again, and the porter led them away."

Homer and Garfield: "Not a word. Keep it dark."

Narrator: "Whispered Garfield and Homer to each other. They felt rather silly. But the story soon spread."

Edd: "Well, well, well."

Narrator: "Chuckled Edd."

Edd: "Two big TV Characters afraid of a cow."

Garfield: "Afraid? Rubbish!"

Narrator: "Said Garfield."

Garfield: "We didn't want to poor thing to hurt herself by running up against us. We stopped so as not to excite her. You see what I mean, my dear Edd."

Edd: "Yes, Garfield."

Narrator: "Said Edd. Garfield felt somehow that Edd saw only too well."

Old Iron
Narrator: "One day, Schemer had to wait at the station till Edd and his flowers came in. This made him cross."

Schemer: "Late again!"

Narrator: "Edd laughed, and Schemer fumed away.

After Schemer had finished his work, he went back to the yard and puffed onto the turntable. He was still feeling very bad tempered."

Schemer: "Edd is impossible."

Narrator: "He grumbled to the others."

Schemer: "He clanks about like a lot of old iron, and he is so slow he makes us wait!"

Narrator: "RS Mr. Conductor and Bart were indignant."

Bart: "Old iron? Slow?"

RS Mr. Conductor: "Why, Edd could beat you in a race any day!"

Schemer: "Really?"

Narrator: "Said Schemer."

Schemer: "I should like to see him do it!"

Narrator: "Next morning, Schemer's driver was suddenly taken ill. He could hardly stand, so the fireman unhooked Schemer ready for shunting. Schemer was impatient."

Suddenly, the signalman shouted. There was Schemer running away down the road."

Signalman: "All traffic halted!"

Narrator: "He announced at last. Then he told the fireman what had happened."

Signalman: "Two boys were standing nearby Schemer fiddling with him."

Schemer's Fireman: "Phew!"

Signalman: "They ran off when Schemer started."

(Phone rings)

Narrator: "The signalman answered the telephone."

Signalman: "Yes. He's here. Right. I'll tell him.

The inspector's coming at once. He wants a shunter's pole and a coil of wire rope."

Schemer's Fireman: "What for?"

Narrator: "Wondered the fireman."

Signalman: "Search me! But you'd better get them quickly."

Narrator: "The fireman was ready when Edd arrived. The inspector saw the pole and the rope."

Inspector: "Good man. Jump on."

Edd: "We'll catch him, we'll catch him."

Narrator: "Said Edd. Schemer was laughing."

Schemer: "What a lark! What a lark!"

Narrator: "He chuckled to himself.

Suddenly he was going faster and faster. He realized that he had no driver."

Schemer: "What shall I do? I can't stop! Help! Help!"

Edd: "We're coming! We're coming!"

Narrator: "Called Edd.

Edd was panting up behind with every once of strength he had. At last he caught up with Schemer."

Edd's Driver: "Steady, Edd!"

Narrator: "Called his driver. The inspector stood in front of Edd, holding a noose of rope in the crook of the shunter's pole. He was trying to slip it over Schemer. The TV Characters swayed and lurched.

At last!"

Inspector: "Got him!"

Narrator: "He shouted. He pulled the noose tight. Gently braking, Edd's driver checked the kid's speed, and Schemer's fireman scrambled across and took control."

Edd: "So the old iron caught you after all."

Narrator: "Chuckled Edd."

Schemer: "I'm sorry."

Narrator: "Whispered Schemer."

Schemer: "Thank you for saving me. You were splendid, Edd."

Edd: "That's all right."

Narrator: "Replied Edd. The TV Characters arrived at the station side by side. Mayor Adam West was waiting."

Mayor Adam West: "A fine piece of work."

Narrator: "He said."

Mayor Adam West: "Schemer, you can rest and then take your load. I'm proud of you, Edd. You shall go to the hospital and have your worn parts healed."

Edd: "Oh, thank you, sir."

Narrator: "Said Edd."

Edd: "It'll be lovely not to clank."

Double Trouble
Narrator: "It was a beautiful morning in TV Land. RS Mr. Conductor's blue conductor outfit sparkled in the sunshine as he walked happily along his route with Patty and Selma.

He was feeling very pleased with himself."

Bart: "Hello, RS Mr. Conductor."

Narrator: "Whistled Bart."

Bart: "You look splendid."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Yes, indeed."

Narrator: "Boasted RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Blue is the only proper color for a TV Character."

Grandpa Dave: "Oh, I don't know. I like my white shirt."

Narrator: "Said Grandpa Dave."

Bart: "I've always worn red. I wouldn't want to wear any other color either."

Narrator: "Added Bart."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Well, well, anyway,"

Narrator: "Huffed RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Blue is the only color for a - for a really useful TV character. Everyone knows that!"

Narrator: "Bart said no more. He just grinned at Grandpa Dave.

Later, RS Mr. Conductor was resting when Bart arrived. A large hopper was giving his goombas coal. RS Mr. Conductor was still being cheeky."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Careful."

Narrator: "He warned."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Watch out with those silly goombas."

Goombas: "Go on, go on!"

Narrator: "Muttered the goombas."

RS Mr. Conductor: "And by the way,"

Narrator: "Went on RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Those buffers don't look very safe to me."

Narrator: "The last load poured down."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Help! Help!"

Narrator: "Cried RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Get me out!"

Narrator: "Bart was worried, but he couldn't help laughing. RS Mr. Conductor's smart new conductor outfit was covered in coal dust from head to toe."

Bart: "Ha, ha!"

Narrator: "Chuckled Bart."

Bart: "You don't look really useful now, RS Mr. Conductor. You look very disgraceful."

RS Mr. Conductor: "I'm not disgraceful!"

Narrator: "Choked RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "You did that on purpose. Get me out!"

Narrator: "It took so long to clean RS Mr. Conductor that he wasn't ready in time for his next walk. Grandpa Dave had to take Patty and Selma."

Patty: "Poor RS Mr. Conductor."

Narrator: "Whispered Patty to Selma. They were most upset.

RS Mr. Conductor was grumpy in the house that night. Grandpa Dave thought it a great joke, but Bart was cross with RS Mr. Conductor for thinking he had made his conductor outfit dirty on purpose."

Bart: "Fancy a really useful blue TV character like RS Mr. Conductor becoming a disgrace to Mayor Adam West's land."

Narrator: "Next day RS Mr. Conductor was feeling more cheerful as he watched Bart bring his goombas from the junction. The goombas were heavy and Bart was tired."

Bart's Driver: "Have a drink."

Narrator: "Said his driver."

Bart's Driver: "Then you'll feel better."

Narrator: "The water fountain stood at the end of the siding with the unsafe buffers.

Suddenly, Bart found he couldn't stop. The buffers didn't stop him either."

Bart: "Ooh!"

Narrator: "Wailed Bart."

Bart: "Help!"

Narrator: "The buffers were broken and Bart was leg deep in coal. It was time for RS Mr. Conductor to leave. He had seen everything."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Now Bart has learned his lesson too."

Narrator: "He chuckled to himself.

That night, the two TV Characters made up their quarrel."

Bart: "I didn't cause your accident on purpose, RS Mr. Conductor."

Narrator: "Whispered Bart."

Bart: "You do know that, don't you?"

RS Mr. Conductor: "Of course."

Narrator: "Replied RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "And I'm sorry I teased you. Your red shirt looks splendid again too. In future, we'll both be more careful of coal."

Schemer in a Mess
Narrator: "Grandpa Dave and Lanolin are enjoying their new job in TV Land, but they do look old fashioned and need new coats.

Schemer was very rude whenever he saw them."

Schemer: "Ugh. What dirty objects."

Narrator: "He would say.

At last, Grandpa Dave lost patience."

Grandpa Dave: "Schemer,"

Narrator: "He asked."

Grandpa Dave: "Why do you wear gray?"

Schemer: "I am a splendid man."

Narrator: "Answered Schemer."

Schemer: "Ready for anything. You never see me dirty."

Grandpa Dave: "Oh,"

Narrator: "Said Grandpa Dave innocently."

Grandpa Dave: "That's why you once needed bootlaces to be ready, I suppose."

Narrator: "Schemer went redder than ever and snorted off. It was such an insult to be reminded of the time a bootlace had been used to mend a hole in his flowers.

At the end of the path, Schemer left his flowers and got ready for his next load. It was a slow freight, stopping at every station to pick up and set down goombas. Schemer hated slow fright runs."

Schemer: "Dirty goombas from dirty sidings.

Yecch!"

Narrator: "Starting with only a few, he pickled up more and more goombas at each station, till he had a long line.

At first, the goombas behaved well, but Schemer bumped them so crossly, that they were determined to get back at him.

Presently, they approached the top of Garfield's hill. Heavy freight TV Characters halt here to set their brakes. Schemer had had an accident with goombas before, and should have remembered this."

Schemer's Driver: "Wait, Schemer, wait!"

Narrator: "Said the driver, but Schemer wouldn't wait. He was too busy thinking what he'd say to Grandpa Dave when they next met.

The goombas' chance had come."

Goombas: "Hurrah! Hurrah!"

Narrator: "They laughed, and banging each other, they pushed him down the hill."

Goombas: "On! On!"

Narrator: "Laughed the goombas."

Schemer: "I've got to stop! I've got to stop!"

Narrator: "Groaned Schemer.

Through the station they thundered, disaster lay ahead."

(CRASH!)

"Something sticky splashed all over Schemer. He had run into two tar barrels, and was black from head to toe. He was more dirty than hurt, but the tar barrels and some goombas were all to pieces.

Grandpa Dave and Bart were sent to help, and came as quickly as they could."

Grandpa Dave: "Look here, Bart,"

Narrator: "Exclaimed Grandpa Dave."

Grandpa Dave: "Whatever is that dirty object?"

Bart: "That's Schemer, didn't you know?"

Grandpa Dave: "It's Schemer's shape,"

Narrator: "Said Grandpa Dave."

Grandpa Dave: "But Schemer is a splendid man, and you never see him dirty."

Narrator: "Schemer pretended he hadn't heard.

Grandpa Dave and Piglet cleared away the unhurt goombas, and helped Schemer home.

Mayor Adam West met them."

Mayor Adam West: "Well done, Bart and Grandpa Dave!"

Narrator: "He turned to Schemer."

Mayor Adam West: "Fancy letting your goombas run away, I am surprised. You're not fit to be seen, you must be cleaned at once!

Grandpa Dave shall have a new coat."

Grandpa Dave: "Please, sir, can Lanolin have one, too?"

Narrator: "Said Grandpa Dave."

Mayor Adam West: "Certainly, Grandpa Dave."

Grandpa Dave: "Oh, thank you, sir. She will be pleased!"

Narrator: "All Schemer could do was watch Grandpa Dave as he ran off happily with the news."

Spike Takes Charge
Bart: "Do you know what?"

Narrator: "Asked Bart."

Garfield: "What?"

Narrator: "Grunted Garfield."

Bart: "Do you know what?"

Garfield: "Silly!"

Narrator: "Said Garfield."

Garfield: "Of course I don't know what if you don't tell me what what is!"

Bart: "Mayor Adam West says that the work in the yard is too heavy for me. He's getting stronger TV Character to help me."

Schemer: "Rubbish!"

Narrator: "Said Schemer."

Schemer: "Any TV Character can do it! If you work more and chatter less, this yard would be a sweeter, a better and a happier place!"

Narrator: "Bart went off to fetch some flowers."

Bart: "That stupid old signal!"

Narrator: "He thought. He was remembering the time he missed understood a signal and gone backwards instead of forwards."

Bart: "No one listens to me now. They think I'm a silly little boy and order me about. I'll show them, I'll show them."

Narrator: "But he didn't know how.

But the end of the afternoon, he felt tired and unhappy. He brought some flowers to the station."

Mayor Adam West: "Hello, Bart."

Narrator: "Said Mayor West."

Mayor Adam West: "You look tired."

Bart: "Yes, sir. I am sir. I don't know if I'm standing on my head or my feet."

Mayor Adam West: "You look the right way up to me."

Narrator: "Laughed Mayor West."

Mayor Adam West: "Cheer up. The new TV Character is stronger than you and can properly do the work alone. Would you like to help build my new harbor? RS Mr. Conductor and Grandpa Dave will help too."

Bart: "Oh yes, sir. Thank you, sir."

Narrator: "The new TV Character arrived."

Mayor Adam West: "What's your name?"

Narrator: "Asked Mayor West."

Spike: "Montague, sir, but I'm usually called Spike. They say I waddle. I don't really, sir, but I like Spike better than Montague."

Mayor Adam West: "Good. Spike it shall be.

Here, Bart, show Spike around."

Narrator: "The two TV Characters went off together. Soon, they were very busy.

Schemer, Garfield and Homer watched Spike quietly doing his work."

Homer: "He seems a simple sort of dragon."

Schemer: "We'll have some fun and order him about."

Homer, Garfield and Schemer: (Quacking noises) "Wheesh!"

Narrator: "Smoke billowed everywhere.

Bart was cross, but Spike took no notice."

Spike: "They'll get tired of it soon. Do they tell you to do things, Bart?"

Bart: "Yes, they do!"

Narrator: "Answered Bart."

Spike: "Right!"

Narrator: "Said Spike."

Spike: "We'll soon stop that nonsense."

Narrator: "He whispered something."

Spike: "We'll do it later."

Narrator: "Mayor West was look forward to hot buttered toast for tea at home. Suddenly, he heard an extraordinary noise."

Homer, Garfield and Schemer: "Wheesh!" (Snorting noises)

Mayor Adam West: "Bother!"

Narrator: "He said, and hurried to the yard.

Spike and Bart sat outside the house refusing to let the TV Characters in, Garfield, Schemer and Homer were furious."

(Garfield, Schemer and Homer shout and call out loudly)

Mayor Adam West: "Stop that noise!"

Narrator: "Bellowed Mayor West."

Garfield: "They won't let us in!"

Narrator: "Hissed Garfield."

Mayor Adam West: "Spike, explain this behavior."

Spike: "Beg pardon, sir, but I'm a baby dragon. We do our work without fuss, but begging your pardon, sir. Bart and I would be glad if you would inform these, um, TV Characters that we only take orders from you."

(Schemer and Garfield call out loudly)

Mayor Adam West: "Quiet!"

Narrator: "Called Mayor West."

Mayor Adam West: "Bart and Spike, I am please with your work today, but not with your behavior tonight. You have caused a disturbance!"

Narrator: "Garfield, Homer and Schemer sniggered."

Mayor Adam West: "As for you!"

Narrator: "Thundered Mayor West."

Mayor Adam West: "You've been worse! You made the disturbance! Spike is quite right. This is my town, and I give the orders."

Narrator: "After Bart went away, Spike was left to manage alone. He did so, easily."

Bart Proves a Point
Narrator: "Bart worked hard at the new harbor. The workmen needed stone for their building. Grandpa Dave helped, but sometimes the loads of stone were too heavy, and Bart had to fetch them for himself. Sometimes he'd see RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Well done Bart. Mayor Adam West is very pleased with us."

Narrator: "A airfield was close by. Bart heard the airplanes zooming overhead all day. The noisiest of all was a helicopter."

Bart: "Stupid thing!"

Narrator: "Said Bart."

Bart: "Why can't it go and buzz somewhere else?"

Narrator: "One day, Bart stopped at the airfield."

Bart: "Hello."

Narrator: "Said Bart."

Bart: "Who are you?"

Budgie: "I'm Budgie."

Narrator: "Said the helicopter."

Budgie: "Who are you?"

Bart: "I'm Bart. What whirly great arms you've got."

Budgie: "They're nice arms."

Narrator: "Said Budgie."

Budgie: "I can hover like a bird. Don't you wish you could hover?"

Bart: "Certainly not. I like my road, thank you."

Budgie: "I think roads are slow."

Narrator: "Said Budgie."

Budgie: "They're not much use and quite out-of-date."

Narrator: "He whirled his arms and buzzed away.

Bart found Grandpa Dave at the quarry."

Bart: "I say, Grandpa Dave. That Budgie, that stuck-up whirlybird thing, says I'm slow and out-of-date. Just let him wait. I'll show him."

Narrator: "He collected his goombas and started off, still fuming.

Soon they heard a familiar sound."

Bart's Driver: "Bart,"

Narrator: "Whispered his driver."

Bart's Driver: "There's Budgie. He not far ahead. Let's race him."

Bart: "Yes, let's!"

Narrator: "Said Bart.

Bart pounded along. The goombas screamed and swayed."

Bart's Driver: "Well, I'll be a ding-dong-danged!"

Narrator: "Said the driver. There was Budgie. The race was on!"

Bart's Driver: "Go it, Bart!"

Narrator: "He yelled."

Bart's Driver: "You're gaining!"

Narrator: "Bart had never been allowed to run fast before. He was having the time of his life."

Bart: "Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!"

Narrator: "He panted to the goombas."

Goombas: "We don't want to, we don't want to."

Narrator: "They grumbled. It was not use. Bart was bucketing along with flying feet. And Budgie was high and alongside.

The fireman shoveled for dear life."

Bart's Driver: "Well done, Bart!"

Narrator: "Shouted the driver."

Bart's Driver: "We're gaining! We're going ahead! Oh, good boy, good boy!"

Narrator: "A distant signal warned them that the harbor wharf was near."

Bart: "Peep, peep, peep! Brakes, conductor, please."

Narrator: "The driver carefully checked Bart's speed.

They rolled under the main road and halted on the wharf."

Bart: "Oh dear!"

Narrator: "Groaned Bart."

Bart: "I'm sure we've lost."

Narrator: "The fireman scrambled to the roof."

Bart's Fireman: "We've won! We've won!"

Narrator: "He shouted."

Bart's Fireman: "Budgie's still hovering. He's looking for a place to land.

Listen, boys."

Narrator: "The fireman called."

Bart's Fireman: "Here's a song for Bart:

''Said Budgie Helicopter to our Bart, "You are slow! Your road is out of date, and not much use you know!" But Bart and his goombas did the trip in record time, And we beat the helicopter on our old branch line!''"

Narrator: "Bart loved it."

Bart: "Oh, thank you!"

Narrator: "He said. He liked the last line best of all and was a very happy boy."