RS Mr. Conductor and Garfield and Other Stories

RS Mr. Conductor and Garfield and Other Stories, originally titled RS Mr. Conductor the Conductor and Friends and later retitled RS Mr. Conductor and the Goombas and Other Stories is a TV/Thomas parody of the Thomas and Friends UK video, Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends/Thomas and Gordon and Other Stories/Thomas and the Trucks and Other Stories. It features eight first season episodes from RS Mr. Conductor the Conductor and Friends narrated by Ringo Starr.

Cast

 * RS Mr. Conductor (from Shining Time Station) as Thomas
 * Edd (from Ed, Edd n Eddy) as Edward
 * Homer (from The Simpsons) as Henry
 * Garfield (from Garfield and Friends) as Gordon
 * Schemer (from Shining Time Station) as James
 * Mayor Adam West (from Family Guy) as Sir Topham Hatt
 * Eustace (from Courage the Cowardly Dog) as Jeremiah Jobling
 * Flowers (from Alice in Wonderland) as The Coaches
 * Goombas (from Mario) as The Troublesome Trucks
 * Patty (from The Simpsons) as Annie (does not speak)
 * Selma (from The Simpsons) as Clarabel (does not speak)
 * Carol Pewterschimdt (from Family Guy) as Lady Hatt (cameo)
 * Phil (from Rugrats) as Stephen Hatt (cameo)
 * Sally Acorn (from Sonic the Hedgehog) as The Storyteller (cameo)
 * Everyone else as Themselves

Episodes

 * 1) RS Mr. Conductor and Garfield
 * 2) Edd and Garfield
 * 3) The Sad Story of Homer
 * Edd, Garfield and Homer
 * 1) RS Mr. Conductor's Flowers
 * 2) RS Mr. Conductor and the Goombas
 * 3) RS Mr. Conductor and the Breakdown Crane
 * 4) Schemer and the Flowers

RS Mr. Conductor and Garfield
Narrator: "RS Mr. Conductor is a conductor who lives in a big station in TV Land. He's a cheeky little conductor with two small legs, a small blue hat, a small conductor outfit and a whistle.

He's a fussy little conductor, too, always taking flowers about ready for the big TV Characters to take on long journeys.

And when TV characters come in, he takes the flowers away so that the big TV characters can go and rest.

RS Mr. Conductor thinks no TV character works as hard as he does. He loves playing tricks on them, including Garfield, the biggest and proudest character of all.

RS Mr. Conductor likes whistling rudely at him."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Wake up, lazybones, why don't you work hard, like me?"

Narrator: "One day, after taking some flowers on a journey, Garfield arrived back at the sidings, very tired. He was just going to sleep when RS Mr. Conductor came up in his cheeky way."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Wake up, lazybones, do some hard work for a change! You can't catch me!"

Narrator: "And off he ran, laughing.

Instead of going to sleep again, Garfield thought how he could get back at RS Mr. Conductor.

One morning, RS Mr. Conductor wouldn't wake up. His driver and fireman couldn't make him start. His gold dust was low and there was not enough strength. It was nearly time for the express. People were waiting, but the flowers weren't ready.

At last, RS Mr. Conductor started."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Oh dear, oh dear!"

Narrator: "He yawned.

He fussed into the station where Garfield was waiting."

Garfield: "Hurry up, you!"

Narrator: "Said Garfield."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Hurry yourself!"

Narrator: "Replied RS Mr. Conductor.

Garfield began making his plan."

Garfield: "Yes."

Narrator: "Said Garfield."

Garfield: "I will."

Narrator: "And almost before the flowers stopped moving, Garfield reversed quickly and held the first flower's petal."

Garfield: "Get in quickly, please."

Narrator: "He whistled.

RS Mr. Conductor usually pushed behind the flowers to help them start, but he was always let go off first. This time, Garfield started so quickly, they forgot to let go off RS Mr. Conductor. Garfield's chance had come.

Garfield: "Come on, come on!"

Narrator: "Puffed Garfield to the flowers.

The line went faster and faster, too fast for RS Mr. Conductor. He wanted to stop, but he couldn't!"

RS Mr. Conductor: "Peep, peep, stop, stop!"

Garfield: "Hurry, hurry, hurry!"

Narrator: "Laughed Garfield."

Flowers: "You can't get away, you can't get away!"

Narrator: "Laughed the flowers.

Poor RS Mr. Conductor was going faster than he had ever gone before. He was out of breath, and his feet hurt him, but he had to go on."

RS Mr. Conductor: "I shall never be the same again."

Narrator: "He thought sadly."

RS Mr. Conductor: "My feet will be quite worn out."

Narrator: "At last, they stopped at a station.

RS Mr. Conductor let go, and he felt very silly and exhausted.

Next, he sat on a turntable, thinking of everyone laughing at him.

And then he ran onto a siding, out of the way."

Garfield: "Well, little RS Mr. Conductor."

Narrator: "Chuckled Garfield."

Garfield: "Now you know what hard work means, don't you?"

Narrator: "Poor RS Mr. Conductor couldn't answer. He had no breath. He just puffed slowly away to rest, and had a long, long drink.

He went home very slowly, and was careful afterwards never to be cheeky to Garfield again."

Edd and Garfield
Narrator: "One day, Edd was in the house where he lived with the other TV Characters. They were all bigger than Edd and boasted about it."

Garfield: "The driver won't choose you again."

Narrator: "Said Garfield."

Garfield: "He wants strong TV Characters like us."

Narrator: "But the driver and fireman felt sorry for Edd."

Driver and Fireman: "Would you like to come out today?"

Edd: "Oh, yes, please!"

Narrator: "Said Edd. So he had his breakfast, gained lots of stamina, and Edd puffed away.

The other TV Characters were very cross at being left behind.

Edd worked hard all day. The flowers thought he was very kind and the driver was very pleased."

Edd: "I'm going out again tomorrow."

Narrator: "Edd told the other TV Characters that night."

Edd: "What do you think of that?"

Narrator: "But he didn't hear what they thought, for he was so tired and happy, that he fell asleep at once.

Next morning, Edd woke up to find nothing had changed. Garfield was still boasting."

Garfield: "You watch me, little Edd, as I rush through with the express. That will be a splendid sight for you.

Good-bye, little Edd. Look out for me this afternoon."

Narrator: "Edd went off to do some arranging.

Edd liked arranging. It was fun playing with goombas. He would come up quietly and give them a push. Then he would stop and the silly goombas would go bump into each other.

Goombas: "Oh!"

Narrator: "They cried."

Goombas: "Whatever is happening?"

Narrator: "Edd played until there were no more goombas. Then he stopped to rest.

Presently, he heard some grumbling.

Garfield was very cross. Instead of nice, shining flowers, he was taking some dirty goombas."

Garfield: "Goombas, goombas, goombas!"

Narrator: "He grumbled."

Garfield: "The shame of it, the shame of it, oh, the shame of it!"

Narrator: "Edd laughed, and went to find some more goombas.

Then there was trouble."

Porter: "Garfield can't get up the hill."

Narrator: "The porter called to Edd's driver."

Porter: "Will you take Edd and push him, please?"

Narrator: "They found Garfield halfway up, and very cross. His driver and fireman were talking to him severely."

Garfield's Driver and Fireman: "You're not trying!"

Garfield: "I can't do it!"

Narrator: "Said Garfield."

Garfield: "The noisy goombas hold a cat back so."

Narrator: "Edd's driver came up."

Edd's Driver: "We've come to push."

Garfield: "No use at all!"

Narrator: "Said Garfield."

Edd's Driver: "You wait and see."

Narrator: "Replied Edd's driver.

They brought the goombas back to the bottom of the hill."

Edd: "I'm ready!"

Narrator: "Said Edd."

Garfield: "No good."

Narrator: "Grumbled Garfield. They pulled and pushed as hard as they could."

Garfield: "I can't do it! I can't do it! I can't do it!"

Narrator: "Puffed Garfield."

Edd: "I will do it, I will do it, I will do it!"

Narrator: "Puffed Edd. Edd pushed and puffed, and puffed and pushed as hard as ever he could. And almost before he realized it, Garfield found himself at the top of the hill."

Garfield: "I've done it, I've done it, I've done it!"

Narrator: "He said proudly. He forgot all about Edd and didn't wait to say 'Thank you'.

Edd was left out of breath and far behind. He ran onto the next station, and there he found that the driver and fireman were very pleased with him. The fireman gave him a nice long drink, and the driver said,"

Edd's Driver: "I'll get out my clothes tomorrow, and give you a beautiful red shirt and purple shorts. Then you'll be the smartest TV Character in the house."

The Sad Story of Homer
Narrator: "Once a man taking some flowers was afraid of a few drops of rain. It went into a tunnel and squeaked through its head and wouldn't come out again.

The man's name is Homer. His driver and fireman argued with him, but he would not move."

Homer: "The rain will spoil my lovely white shirt and blue pants."

Narrator: "He said. The guard blew his whistle till he had no more breath and waved his flag till his arms ached. But Homer still stayed in the tunnel and kicked dirt at him."

Homer: "I'm not going to spoil my lovely white shirt and blue pants for you."

Narrator: "Then, along came Mayor Adam West, the man in charged of all the TV Characters in TV Land."

Mayor Adam West: "We will pull you out."

Narrator: "Said Mayor West. But Homer only kicked dirt at him."

Narrator: "Everyone pull except Mayor West."

Mayor Adam West: "Because, (cough)"

Narrator: "He said."

Mayor Adam West: "My doctor had forbidden me to pull."

Narrator: "But still Homer stayed in the tunnel.

Then they tried pushing from the other end. Mayor West said,"

Mayor Adam West: "One, two, three, push!"

Narrator: "But he didn't help."

Mayor Adam West: "(cough) My doctor has forbidden me to push."

Narrator: "He said. They pushed and pushed and pushed. But still Homer stayed in the tunnel.

At last, RS Mr. Conductor came along. The guard waved his red flag and stopped him. Everyone argued with Homer."

Passengers: "Look, it has stopped raining."

Narrator: "They said."

Homer: "Yes, but it will begin again soon."

Narrator: "Said Homer."

Homer: "And what would become of my white shirt and blue pants then?"

Narrator: "RS Mr. Conductor pushed and puffed, and pushed as hard as ever he could. But still Homer stayed in the tunnel.

Eventually, even Mayor West gave up."

Mayor Adam West: "We shall take away your road."

Narrator: "He said."

Mayor Adam West: "And leave you here for always and always and always."

Narrator: "They took up the old road and built a wall in front of him so Homer couldn't get out of the tunnel anymore.

All he could do was to watch the TV Characters rushing through the other tunnel. He was very sad because he thought no one would ever see his lovely white shirt and blue pants again. As time went on, Edd and Garfield would often pass by. Edd would say,"

Edd: "Hello."

Narrator: "And Garfield would say,"

Garfield: "Serves you right!"

Narrator: "Poor Homer had no strength to answer. His stamina had gone low. Soot and dirt from the tunnel spoiled his lovely white shirt and blue pants anyway. He wondered if he would ever be allowed to take flowers again. But I think he deserved his punishment, don't you?"

Edd, Garfield and Homer
Narrator: "Garfield always took the express flowers. He was proud of being the only TV Character strong enough to do so. It was full of important people, like Mayor Adam West, and Garfield was seeing how fast he could go."

Garfield: "Hurry, hurry, hurry!"

Narrator: "He said."

Flowers: "Trickety-trock, trickety-trock, trickety-trock."

Narrator: "Said the flowers. In a minute, Garfield would see the tunnel where Homer stood bricked up and lonely."

Homer: "Oh dear."

Narrator: "Thought Homer."

Homer: "Why did I worry about rain spoiling my lovely clothes? Will Mayor West ever forgive me and let me out again?"

Garfield: "I'm going to whistle at Homer."

Narrator: "Said Garfield. He was almost there when... (Wheeshing sound), and there was Garfield going slower and slower in a cloud of dust. His driver stopped him."

Garfield: "What has happened to me?"

Narrator: "Asked Garfield."

Garfield: "I feel so weak."

Garfield's Driver: "You've pulled a muscle."

Narrator: "Said his driver."

Garfield's Driver: "You can't take the flowers anymore."

Garfield: "Oh dear."

Narrator: "Said Garfield."

Garfield: "We were going so nicely too. And look, there's Homer laughing at me."

Narrator: "Everyone came to see Garfield."

Mayor Adam West: "Humph!"

Narrator: "Said Mayor West."

Mayor Adam West: "I never liked these big TV Characters, always going wrong. Send for another TV Character at once."

Narrator: "While the guard went to find one, they brought Garfield in a siding out of the way.

Edd was the only TV Character left."

Edd: "I'll come and try."

Narrator: "He said."

Garfield: "Pooh!"

Narrator: "Said Garfield."

Garfield: "That's no use. Edd can't push the flowers."

Narrator: "Edd puffed and pushed and pushed and puffed, but he couldn't move the heavy flowers."

Garfield: "I told you so."

Narrator: "Said Garfield."

Garfield: "Why not let Homer try?"

Mayor Adam West: "Yes."

Narrator: "Said Mayor Adam West."

Mayor Adam West: "I will.

Will you help take the flowers, Homer?"

Narrator: "He asked."

Homer: "Oh yes."

Narrator: "Said Homer.

When Homer had got up strength, he puffed out. He was dirty and covered with cobwebs."

Homer: "Ooh! I'm stiff, I'm stiff."

Narrator: "He groaned."

Mayor Adam West: "Have a run to ease your legs, and find a turntable."

Narrator: "Said Mayor West.

When Homer came back, he felt much better. Then they hooked him up."

Edd: "Peep, peep."

Narrator: "Said Edd."

Edd: "I'm ready."

Homer: "Peep, peep, peep."

Narrator: "Said Homer."

Homer: "So am I."

Edd and Homer: "Pull hard. We'll do it. Pull hard. We'll do it."

Narrator: "They puffed together."

Edd and Homer: "We've done it together. We've done it together."

Narrator: "Said Edd and Homer."

Flowers: "You've done it, hurray! You've done it, hurray!"

Narrator: "Sang the flowers. Everyone was excited. Mayor West leaned out to wave at Edd and Homer, but they were going so fast that his hat blew off into a field where a goat ate it for tea.

They never stopped till they came to the station at the end of the path. The passengers all said "Thank you". And Mayor West promised Homer some new clothes.

On their way home, Edd and Homer helped Garfield back to the house. All three TV Characters are now great friends. Homer doesn't mind the rain now. He knows that the best way to keep his clothes nice is not to run into tunnels but to ask his driver to wash him when the day's work is over."

RS Mr. Conductor's Flowers
Narrator: "RS Mr. Conductor was grumbling to the other TV Characters."

RS Mr. Conductor: "I spend my time pulling flowers about, ready for you to take out on journeys."

Narrator: "The other TV characters laughed."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Why can't I take passengers, too?"

Garfield: "You're too impatient."

Narrator: "They said."

Garfield: "You'd be sure to leave something behind."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Rubbish!"

Narrator: "Said RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "I'll show you."

Narrator: "One night, he and Homer were alone. Homer was ill. The men worked hard, but he didn't get better.

He felt just as bad next morning. Homer usually took the first passengers, and RS Mr. Conductor had to get his flowers ready."

RS Mr. Conductor: "If Homer is ill,"

Narrator: "He thought."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Perhaps I shall take his flowers."

Narrator: "RS Mr. Conductor ran to find the flowers."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Come along, come along!"

Narrator: "He fussed."

Flowers: "There's plenty of time, there's plenty of time."

Narrator: "They grumbled.

RS Mr. Conductor took them to the platform, and wanted to run around in front at once.

But his driver wouldn't let him."

RS Mr. Conductor's Driver: "Don't be impatient, RS Mr. Conductor!"

Narrator: "RS Mr. Conductor waited and waited.

People got on board, the guard and stationmaster walked up and down, the porter secured the plants, and still, Homer didn't come. RS Mr. Conductor got more and more excited.

Mayor Adam West came to see what was the matter, and the guard and the stationmaster told him about Homer."

Mayor Adam West: "Find another TV Character."

Narrator: "He ordered."

Guard and Stationmaster: "There's only RS Mr. Conductor."

Narrator: "They said."

Mayor Adam West: "You'll have to do it then, RS Mr. Conductor. Be quick now."

Narrator: "So RS Mr. Conductor ran round in front and backed down onto the flowers ready to start."

RS Mr. Conductor's Driver: "Don't be impatient, RS Mr. Conductor."

Narrator: "Said his driver."

RS Mr. Conductor's Driver: "Wait till everything is ready."

Narrator: "But RS Mr. Conductor was too excited to listen.

What happened then, nobody knows. Perhaps the first flower forgot to grab RS Mr. Conductor, or perhaps RS Mr. Conductor was given the signal by mistake. Anyhow, RS Mr. Conductor started. As they passed the first signal tower, men waved and shouted, but he didn't stop."

RS Mr. Conductor: "They're waving because I'm such a splendid conductor."

Narrator: "He thought importantly."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Homer says it's hard to pull flowers, but I think it's easy.

Hurry, hurry, hurry!"

Narrator: "He puffed, pretending to be like Garfield."

RS Mr. Conductor: "People have never seen me taking passengers before. It's nice of them to wave."

Narrator: "And he whistled."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Thank you."

Narrator: "Then he came to a signal at 'Danger'."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Bother!"

Narrator: "He said."

RS Mr. Conductor: "I must stop, and I was going so nicely, too! What a nuisance signals are."

Narrator: "He blew an angry whistle.

The signalman ran up."

Signalman: "Hello, RS Mr. Conductor."

Narrator: "He said."

Signalman: "What are you doing here?"

RS Mr. Conductor: "I'm pulling flowers."

Narrator: "Said RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Can't you see?"

Signalman: "Where are your flowers, then?"

Narrator: "RS Mr. Conductor looked back."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Why, bless me!"

Narrator: "He said."

RS Mr. Conductor: "If we haven't left them behind!"

Signalman: "Yes."

Narrator: "Said the signalman."

Signalman: "You'd better go back quickly and fetch them."

Narrator: "Poor RS Mr. Conductor was so sad, he nearly cried.

RS Mr. Conductor's Driver: "Cheer up."

Narrator: "Said his driver."

RS Mr. Conductor's Driver: "Let's go back quickly and try again."

Narrator: "At the station, all the passengers were talking at once. They were telling Mayor West what a bad place TV Land was. But when RS Mr. Conductor came back, they saw how sad he was, and couldn't be cross.

He held on to the flowers, and this time he really pulled them.

But for a long time afterwards, the other TV Characters laughed at RS Mr. Conductor and said,"

Homer and Schemer: "Look, there's RS Mr. Conductor, who wanted to take some passengers, but forgot about the flowers!"

RS Mr. Conductor and the Goombas
Narrator: "RS Mr. Conductor wouldn't stop being a nuisance. Night after night, he kept the other TV Characters awake."

RS Mr. Conductor: "I'm tired of pushing flowers. I want to see the world."

Narrator: "The other TV Characters didn't take much notice, for RS Mr. Conductor was a little conductor with a long tongue.

But one night, Edd came to the house. He was a kind kid and felt sorry for RS Mr. Conductor."

Edd: "I've got some goombas to take home tomorrow. If you take them instead of me, I'll push flowers in the yard."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Thank you."

Narrator: "Said RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "That will be nice."

Narrator: "Next morning, Edd and RS Mr. Conductor asked their drivers, and when they said "Yes", RS Mr. Conductor ran off happily to find goombas.

Now, goombas are silly and noisy. They talk a lot and don't attend to what they are doing. And I'm sorry to say, they play tricks on a TV Character who is not used to them. Edd knew all about goombas. He warned RS Mr. Conductor to be careful, but RS Mr. Conductor was too excited to listen.

The shunter fastened the goombas, and when the signal dropped, RS Mr. Conductor was ready. The guard blew his whistle."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Peep! Peep!"

Narrator: "Answered RS Mr. Conductor, and started off. But the goombas weren't ready."

Goombas: "Oh, oh, oh!"

Narrator: "They screamed."

Goombas: "Wait, RS Mr. Conductor, wait."

Narrator: "But RS Mr. Conductor wouldn't wait."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Come on, come on."

Narrator: "He puffed."

Goombas: "All right, all right, don't fuss, all right, don't fuss."

Narrator: "Grumbled the goombas.

RS Mr. Conductor began going faster and faster."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Wheeeee!"

Narrator: "He whistled as he rushed through Homer's tunnel."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Hurry, hurry!"

Narrator: "Called RS Mr. Conductor. He was feeling very proud of himself. But the goombas grew crosser and crosser. At last RS Mr. Conductor slowed down as he came to Garfield's hill."

RS Mr. Conductor's Driver: "Steady now, steady."

Narrator: "Warned the driver, as they reached the top. He began to put on the brakes."

RS Mr. Conductor: "We're stopping, we're stopping."

Narrator: "Called RS Mr. Conductor."

Goombas: "No, no, no, no!"

Narrator: "Answered the goombas, bumping into each other."

Goombas: "Go on, go on!"

Narrator: "Before the driver could stop them, they had pushed RS Mr. Conductor down the hill and were rattling and laughing behind him.

Poor RS Mr. Conductor tried hard to stop them from making him go too fast."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Stop pushing, stop pushing!"

Narrator: "He hissed. But the goombas took no notice."

Goombas: "Go on, go on!"

Narrator: "They giggled in their silly way."

RS Mr. Conductor: "There's the station. Oh dear, what shall I do?"

Narrator: "He cried. They rattled straight through and swerved into the goods yard. RS Mr. Conductor shut his eyes."

RS Mr. Conductor: "I must stop!"

Narrator: "When he opened his eyes, he saw he had stopped just in front of the buffers. There watching him was Mayor Adam West."

Mayor Adam West: "What are you doing here, RS Mr. Conductor?"

Narrator: "He asked."

RS Mr. Conductor: "I've brought Edd's goombas."

Narrator: "RS Mr. Conductor answered."

Mayor Adam West: "Why did you come so fast?"

RS Mr. Conductor: "I didn't mean to. I was pushed."

Narrator: "Said RS Mr. Conductor."

Mayor Adam West: "You've got a lot to learn about goombas then, little RS Mr. Conductor. After pushing them about here for a few weeks, you'll know almost as much about them as Edd. Then you'll be a Really Useful Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor and the Breakdown Crane
Narrator: "Every day, Mayor Adam West came to the station to see the TV Characters."

Mayor Adam West: "Hello."

Narrator: "He always said to RS Mr. Conductor."

Mayor Adam West: "Remember, don't be impatient, RS Mr. Conductor. You can never be as strong and fast as Garfield, but you can be a really useful conductor. Don't let the silly goombas tease you."

Narrator: "There were lots of goombas, and RS Mr. Conductor worked very hard pushing and pulling them into place. There was also a small trailer and two strange things his driver called cranes."

RS Mr. Conductor's Driver: "That's the breakdown crane."

Narrator: "He told RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor's Driver: "The cranes are for lifting heavy things, like TV Characters, and flowers, and goombas."

Narrator: "One day, RS Mr. Conductor was in the yard. Suddenly, he heard a man screaming."

Schemer: "Help! Help!"

Narrator: "A Man came rushing through, much too fast. The man was Schemer, and he was frightened. His shoes were on fire."

Schemer: "They're pushing me, they're pushing me!"

Narrator: "He panted."

Goombas: "On, on, on!"

Narrator: "Laughed the goombas.

Still screaming,"

Schemer: "Help! Help!"

Narrator: "Poor Schemer disappeared."

RS Mr. Conductor: "I'd like to teach those goombas a lesson."

Narrator: "Said RS Mr. Conductor.

Soon came the alarm."

Signalman: "Schemer's off the path, the breakdown crane, quickly!"

Narrator: "RS Mr. Conductor grabbed the crane, and off they went.

RS Mr. Conductor worked his hardest."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Hurry, hurry, hurry!"

Narrator: "He puffed. He wasn't pretending to be like Garfield; he really meant it."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Bother those goombas and their tricks. I hope poor Schemer isn't hurt."

Narrator: "Schemer's driver and fireman were feeling him all over, to see if he was hurt."

Schemer's Driver and Fireman: "Never mind, Schemer."

Narrator: "They said."

Schemer's Driver and Fireman: "It wasn't your fault. It was those shoes they gave you. We always said they were no good."

Narrator: "RS Mr. Conductor pushed the breakdown crane alongside. Then he pulled the unhurt goombas out of the way."

Goombas: "Oh, dear, oh, dear!"

Narrator: "They groaned."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Serves you right, serves you right!"

Narrator: "Puffed RS Mr. Conductor.

He was hard at work, puffing backwards and forwards all day."

RS Mr. Conductor: "This will teach you a lesson. This will teach you a lesson."

Narrator: "He told the goombas.

And they answered,"

Goombas: "Yes it will, yes it will."

Narrator: "They left the broken goombas, then with two cranes, they put Schemer back on the path.

He tried to move, but he couldn't, so RS Mr. Conductor helped him back home.

Mayor West was waiting anxiously for them."

Mayor Adam West: "Well, RS Mr. Conductor,"

Narrator: "He said,"

Mayor Adam West: "I've heard all about it, and I'm very pleased with you. You're a really useful conductor.

Schemer shall have some proper shoes and some new clothes, and you shall have a route all to yourself."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Oh, thank you, sir!"

Narrator: "Said RS Mr. Conductor.

Now RS Mr. Conductor is as happy as can be. He has a route, and two sisters called Patty and Selma. He puffs proudly backwards and forwards with them all day.

He is never lonely. Edd and Homer stop quite often and tell him the news.

Garfield is always in a hurry, but never forgets to whistle to RS Mr. Conductor, and RS Mr. Conductor always whistles in return."

Schemer and the Flowers
Narrator: "Schemer was enjoying his life in TV Land, but he still had a lot to learn."

Mayor Adam West: "You're a special mixed-traffic man."

Narrator: "Said Mayor Adam West."

Mayor Adam West: "You can take flowers and goombas quite easily, but you must learn by your mistakes."

Narrator: "Schemer knew what Mayor West meant. He could well remember that dreadful accident on his first day."

Edd: "Be careful with the flowers, Schemer."

Narrator: "Said Edd."

Edd: "They don't like being bumped."

Narrator: "Everyone came to admire Schemer."

Schemer: "I'm a really splendid man"

Narrator: "He thought, and suddenly danced up a sweat. A shower of sweat fell on Mayor West's nice new top hat.

Just then, the guard blew his whistle, and Schemer thought they had better go."

Schemer: "Go on! Go on!"

Narrator: "He puffed to Edd."

Edd: "Don't push! Don't push!"

Narrator: "Replied Edd. The flowers were grumbling too."

Flowers: "Don't go so fast! Don't go so fast!"

Narrator: "But Schemer didn't listen.

When at last, they stopped at the next station, two flowers were beyond the platform. They had to go back to drop off their passengers. But no one seemed to know about Mayor West's new hat, so Schemer felt happier.

Presently, they came to the station where RS Mr. Conductor was waiting with his two sisters-in-law."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Hello, Schemer."

Narrator: "Said RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Feeling better? That's right.

Oh, that's my guard's whistle. I must go. I don't know what Mayor West would do without me to run this path."

Narrator: "And he puffed off importantly.

Edd and Schemer passed the field where Schemer had had his accident. The fence was mended and the cows were back again.

They ended their journey, and rested before setting off for home. Schemer was still wondering what Mayor West would have to say about his new hat.

Next morning, Mayor West spoke severely to him."

Mayor Adam West: "If you can't behave, I shall take away your favorite clothes, and have you wear stripes."

Narrator: "Schemer didn't like that at all.

He was very rough with the grumbling flowers as he brought them to the platform."

Schemer: "Don't talk! Come on!"

Narrator: "He called to them."

Schemer: "Garfield never has to fetch his own flowers,"

Narrator: "He huffed to himself."

Schemer: "And he only wears orange."

Narrator: "To make Schemer even more cross, this time no one came near him."

Schemer: "I'll show them!"

Narrator: "He thought.

Schemer: "They think Garfield is the only TV Character who can take flowers.

Hurry, hurry, hurry!"

Narrator: "Puffed Schemer."

Flowers: "You're going too fast! You're going too fast!"

Narrator: "Replied the flowers. Schemer laughed and tried to go faster, but the flowers wouldn't let him."

Flowers: "We're going to stop."

Narrator: "They said."

Flowers: "We're going to stop!"

Schemer: "What's the matter?"

Narrator: "Schemer asked his driver."

Schemer's Driver: "The flowers are hard on. Leak in the pot most likely. You've banged the flowers enough to make a leak in anything."

Guard: "How should we mend it?"

Narrator: "Said the Guard."

Schemer's Driver: "We'll do it with newspaper and a leather bootlace."

Narrator: "Replied the driver."

Guard: "Well, where is the bootlace coming from?"

Narrator: "Asked the guard."

Schemer's Driver: "Ask the passengers."

Narrator: "Said the driver."

Guard: "You have leather bootlace there, I see, sir."

Narrator: "Said the guard to Eustace Bagge, a smarty dressed man."

Guard: "Please give it to me."

Eustace Bagge: "I won't!"

Narrator: "Said Eustace."

Guard: "Then,"

Narrator: "Said the guard,"

Guard: "I'm afraid we'll all have to stay where we are."

Narrator: "The passengers all said what a bad land it was. Then they told Eustace how bad he was instead. Everyone was very cross.

At last, he handed his laces over.

The driver tied a pad of newspaper tightly around the hole in the pot, and Schemer was able to take the flowers.

But he was a sadder and wiser Schemer, and took care never to bump flowers again."